Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox. The story is a product of my own demented head, and well, lots and lots of free time. I hope you all enjoy it, it's the first story I've ever posted, so please be kind.
Notes: For this story, the order of the Season 3 episodes needs to be changed slightly. In my story, The Zeppo happened before the events of Helpless, in order for things to work out; I needed to do this. I didn't want anyone to think I don't know the order of the episodes, so I'm putting in this note...sorry for any inconvenience.
Summary: Set After Sunnydale Goes Bang

-Katzoom

What Comes Next?

Chapter One - New Beginnings

POV Faith

I'm standing on the edge of what used to be Sunnydale, and I'm freaking out big time. I'm so nervous I just can't stand still. The big bad is gone and now what? Where do I go from here? Will these people tell me to get lost now that it's all over? Will she? Jesus, I'm freaking. Buffy is standing close to the edge, and the rest of us are just staring at her back; like she has all the answers.

Well, she has my answers, but I wonder about the rest of them. She is still just standing there, not acknowledging us whatsoever. Even my wise ass comments don't pull her back from the edge. Hope she's not planning on jumping...again; but I know she's not. I know she's happy, a little sad, confused and nervous. I know because I can feel her now. All her emotions are right on display inside of me.

Freaking magic. Something unexpected always happens. It was the fucking scythe. Everyone said not to hold it at the same time as any other slayer. Always throw it, don't hand it. So what does Buffy do? She hands it to me, like a freaking idiot, and I'm the one that can't follow rules...please. I know somehow this will wind up being my fault, someway, somehow. Then she'll banish me again and I'll be sent away cause I know too much about her. Shit. Fuck. Shit. I'm so fucking screwed.

POV Buffy

I'm standing on the edge of Sunnydale. It's gone. It's all gone. The Bronze, the Expresso Pump, the new high school, my house, my car, my mom and well, Spike. Of all the things I'm sad about though, I'm not all that sad about him. It's kinda weird. A few days ago I would have been shattered, but now, I don't know, I just feel...free. Maybe it's cause the hellmouth went bye, bye. Maybe cause there are all these new slayers. Maybe it's because I finally convinced him I didn't love him by telling him I love him. I don't know and I sure don't feel like figuring it out now.

There are lots of other things to figure out right now, like where do we go from here? If I turned around right now, I know everyone would be staring at me, waiting for some kind of direction. Which is really funny. They want me to tell them what to do, where to go, and I can't even figure out my own life. And now, there is this feeling inside me. This nervous, sometimes hopeful, but mostly doubtful feelings and I know what it is. Or more to the point, I know who it is. It's her.

She always has a knack of coming around and turning my life upside down. Damn it, even when she's not here she can still do that to me. I can go for months without thinking of her once, and then bam, the next month she's all I can think about. I feel her nervousness and I know why it's there. The big bad is gone and she's afraid I'm going to tell her to leave. And I might have, but now she'll know I don't mean it, cause I'm sure she can feel me just like I can feel her.

She'll know I'm lying when I say I don't want her around. She probably coulda guessed that fact before. She was always good at reading me, but now she'll know for certain. So, I guess honesty will be the word of the day. Ya gotta love the side effects of magic, although we were all warned this time. Don't hold the scythe with another slayer, it would be bad. So what do I do? I get stabbed and she, of course, runs to my side. Then I hand her the scythe, and what does Faith do? She takes it. She takes it like a freaking idiot. I swear that girl cannot follow rules.

All right, I know I have some blame in this. Just like everything else that has ever happened between Faith and me, I have a share in the blame. It was never all her fault, although, I always tried to make it seem that way. It's because she always got to me, because she always had the ability to know exactly what I was up to, and I hated the fact that I could never fool her.

That Christmas my mom made me invite her over, she knew it was my mom's idea. And the whole thing with Angel she understood it so much better than I did, and she wasn't even around then. All this time I've been bitching about how nobody could ever really understand me, convinced that I would always be alone. It's so fucking stupid. I had somebody who understood me, who knew what it was like to be a slayer because she was one too. And I pushed her away when she needed me the most, and not just once, but twice.

I have given lots of people second chances, Angel, Spike, Anya, and even Willow. I gave them all a second chance to prove that they weren't just evil, but I don't think I even gave Faith a first chance. Now she's back. She came back because I needed her. This is new territory for me because people usually leave me and they don't come back. Well Angel did come back to me briefly, but that's another story. Right now she's the one on my mind. Maybe this means we can work things out. I wonder what I should say to her? I don't know, but feel like I hafta do something, and I need to do it now. So even though I have no clue what I am going to say, I call out to her anyway, "Faith?"

POV Faith

Oh shit, I think she just called me. What do I do? Oh right, answer her dumbass.

"Yeah?"

"Come here..." is her reply.

I don't do anything for a moment. Everyone is staring back and forth between Buffy and me. She still has her back turned to everyone. I stumble forward in Buffy's direction, encouraged by a not so gentle shove from Willow and Giles. I really don't want to talk to her right now, I'm scared, and she's nervous. This can't be a good thing. I straighten myself out and walk toward her of my own accord, cause I'm Faith, I'm not afraid of anything. Which is absolutely true, except for all those people who scare me.

There are lots of them, but Buffy is the one person that scares me the most. She scares me cause she has my life in her hands. She has the ability to make me happy or crazy or depressed, and sometimes it's all three at the same time. That scares the shit out of me cause I have never needed anyone the way I need her. Fucking scary shit, huh? So, I'm finally standing next to her, and I put on my best indifferent face.

"You called?"

POV Buffy

Oh fuck, she's right beside me now, and she's scared. Even though her face gives none of that away, I know it's true because I can feel it. I wonder what I'm about to say. Will it be the wrong thing. Just once I would like to say something right.

"You're no longer wanted..."

Ok, shit. That is so not what I wanted to say, and I can feel the devastation those words have caused, I realize I need to make this better and fast.

POV Faith

I stand next to her and I hear her words. It feels like I've just been shot. I look down into the pit that used to be Sunnydale and I wanna jump. I just want it over. I know I won't do it, I can't do it. I couldn't disappoint Angel that way. So I turn to leave. She's speaking to me again. What I hear stops me dead in my tracks.

POV Buffy

"I...uh...I meant you are no longer wanted by the police, I still want you..."

Shit, that really didn't make it any better and it might have made it worse. God I suck at this whole talking thing. I mean of course I want her, have you seen her? She's gorgeous and that's so not the point. She gives me that standard smirk, looking around before pointing to herself.

"Huh, you want me...?"

She knows what I meant, but she also knows what I'm feeling. So I just ignore her and continue.

"I still want you around. Maybe we can work on the whole friendship thing?"

POV Faith

Friendship? Yeah right, I know what I felt, I know what she felt. This could have some interesting possibilities, and I can't keep the stupid grin off my face.

"Yeah, sure...the friendship thing..."

POV Buffy

God she's a pain in the ass. She knows I want more, just like I know she wants more. How long can we keep this pretense going? Will it make us better off or worse off? Still, I continue with the pretense cause I'm a wuss.

"We...uh...should probably get the wounded to a hospital and find somewhere to bed down..."

Fuck...did I just say bed down? Oh my god, who says that? Stop speaking you moron.

POV Faith

Bed down? Who talks like that? Now she's all sorts of embarrassed cause she's busted, and I'm gone, laughing so fucking hard, I can barely speak.

"Sounds like a plan..."

POV Buffy

Great. Now she's laughing at me. I turn around to ignore her and everyone is staring at us as predicted. Although they are looking at us like we are insane; they are probably right. I issue orders, like the general I'm supposed to be. Soon we'll be moving and moving is always good.

Chapter Two - Pismo Beach

POV Buffy

Well, here we are. Finally got the wounded all sorted out at the hospital. Giles is handing out room keys, and there aren't enough rooms for everyone; so we are going to have to share. Of course nobody wants to share with me cause I'm General Buffy and everyone still kinda hates me. Obviously nobody wants to share with Faith cause we...I...told everyone she's a pyscho and this is a motel. So you do the math.

What gets me the most is she's back to being nervous. I wonder. Why? It's not like I'm gonna bite her. Heh...well at least not in a bad way. Ok...bad Buffy thoughts; not a good idea right now. I understand why I'm anxious, but Faith just doesn't do nervous. She's always been cocky and self-assured on the outside, but now I suddenly wonder who this woman really is.

It occurs to me that there are thousands of things I don't know about her and that thought makes me really sad. I don't even know when her birthday is. It could be today and I wouldn't even know it. Is it today? Hmmm; don't know. Does she look any older? I look at her and she doesn't appear to be any older than yesterday. Maybe it was yesterday? Ok, babbling in my head now, so not a good thing. I take the key from Giles with a small, "Thanks." I head to our room and she's right behind me.

POV Faith

Fuck! Not enough rooms? Are you shitting me? I look around at all the girls and wonder whom I'll be stuck with. None of them are looking like they wanna share with me. It kinda reminds me of prison. Nobody wanted to bunk with me there either, although that was actually a good thing.

I didn't notice a line forming to get to share with Buffy either. Pipsqueak doesn't even wanna, which is surprising. Although, not really, cause somebody needs to stay with Xander. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Losing the woman you love can make you do crazy things. We've all been there. I look over at Buffy...fuck does that girl have a whole lot of emotions swirling around. It's kinda giving me a headache.

We keep going happy, sad, nervous, hopeful, horny, yes that's right, horny. Little Ms. Tightly Wound is horny. This should make for a great night. How would I tell her I don't want to when my body is screaming I want to? It's not like I'm opposed to having sex with another woman, but having sex with Buffy would be a whole different ball game. There's too much history between us to just jump right into sex. It's not all I want from her, and nowhere near what I need from her.

It's not like I could pull a get some, get gone scenario with her or any woman for that matter. There's just something about the act with another woman, more intimate I guess. Or maybe it's cause with girls there are always emotions involved. Which would make it impossible, or maybe it's just me. I don't know. I'm sure there are women out there who could do that, just fuck them and leave, but not me. With guys it's easy, cause it's what they want. Perhaps not all guys, but a guy's guy, if ya know what I mean, loves it when the woman just leaves afterward or lets them leave.

Which is fine by me, they really don't have anything I'm all that interested in anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love them to worship at the house of Faith. Ok that's lame, but still; I don't mind them doing me, but reciprocating is kinda tricky when you don't like dick. So fuck me, sure why not, blow job, hell no, not gonna happen. Oh shit; she's walking towards the room...our room; with the key. Damn...guess I should follow.

POV Buffy

I get the door open and stop dead in my tracks. No fucking way, this is just horrible. The worst thing that could possibly be in here, other than a demon or a vampire, is one single solitary bed, and it's mocking me. It mocks Faith too as she comes inside and stands next to me.

POV Faith

Fuck, one bed! I wanna laugh at the absurdity of the situation, Buffy and I sharing a bed. This is either gonna kill me or cure me. Not sure which I prefer at this point. Whatever, I'm tired and I've got hellmouth gunk all over me.

"I'm gonna take a shower..."

I take the shorts and t-shirt that Giles bought for me into the bathroom and shut the door.

POV Buffy

I watch her go into the bathroom. I'm kinda disappointed with her reaction, I expected her to be upset or embarrassed, but all I felt was resignation. I'm sure she's had worse accommodations, but me, never. Well, I suppose a coffin is worse than this, and I'm not sure which one I'd prefer at the moment.

The water starts to run in the shower and I realize there is a naked and now wet Faith in the bathroom. All that horniness just waiting for me to...ok, I really need to stop the bad thoughts. Well, they aren't all bad thoughts, some seem like they would feel pretty damn good. Shit. I really need to stop. I wonder if she's taking care of that itch in the shower.

No, I'm not wondering, no wondering here, I'm a wonder free zone. Damn I am so horned up. It's just because of the battle, yes, because of the battle. I just don't want to admit that most of it is because of her. I can't stand listening to her in the shower. I'm going to get a soda, some ice...oh ice...I wonder....shit, stop wondering.

I can't believe I forgot the key when I left the room; that's just great. Faith better answer the door with some clothes on or I'm gonna...hmmm. What would I do if she answered the door in nothing but a towel? Maybe I could tell her there is an emergency and I need to borrow it, then when she takes it off I could. Damn, she's not wearing a towel. She's wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

I look at her face and that body and I'm stunned. I've never seen her look more beautiful than she looks right now. Her wet hair is pulled back in a pony tail and her breasts look incredible in that shirt. My eyes lock on her well-defined thigh muscles. Thank you Giles for buying her shorts.

She's looking at me weirdly and why is she? Oh, cause I'm standing here like a retard staring at her breasts. Good move Summers. As I walk into the room I say, "I...I thought you might like a soda, so I got some, and some candy. You know, someday you're gonna hafta explain how you can not like candy with nuts, but like peanut M&M's..."

POV Faith

"What can I say Buffy, I'm an enigma...something that cannot be explained easily or at all."

I swear when I opened the door, she was scoping out my breasts. I cannot believe she just checked me out. She looks a little flushed after her visual exploration and I have to push it.

"I'm done in the shower, I think I even left you some hot water. Although, maybe it's the cold water you're looking for."

I follow up my comment with a wicked grin and a wink.

POV Buffy

Oh my God, I can't believe she just said that to me. I can't believe how much she knows me. Well, I'm not gonna let her get away with this. I'm so gonna get her, show her she doesn't know everything about me. I grab my stuff and brush past her.

"You know, cold water really doesn't fix horniness, sometimes it even makes it worse."

Oh shit, what did I just do? I cannot believe I followed up that comment with a slap to her ass. What the fuck is wrong with me? Holy shit, I wish the floor would just open up right now and swallow me whole. The only good part is Faith seems to be stunned into silence, for which I am grateful, although I have no idea how long that will last so I rush into the bathroom and slam the door shut.

POV Faith

What the hell was THAT about? Who took the stick out of her ass? Cause I'd like to buy them a beer. I flop down on the chair and pop open a Mountain Dew. I can't believe she remembered that's my favorite soda. She remembered my anti-peanuts in chocolate speech, with the peanut M&M exemption. I woulda thought she wiped all memories of me from her mind years ago, cause after all I wasn't very nice to her. HA! That's a great one Faith, 'not very nice', you were downright evil to her.

I know we are going to hafta talk about the past if we are ever gonna be able to remain civilized to each other. This status quo between us will not last forever. I'm not stupid enough to believe that it will. The question is: Am I ready for her to know who I really am? Am I ready to be who I really am?

I know I should tell her everything, even the stuff that makes her look bad; which is usually where we stop talking and start punching. The more I think about all this stuff the more daunting the task seems to be, but I remember what Angel told me once, just make it through the next five minutes, the next minute and so on.

Buffy's not pissed at me any more. I know that I'm being a little overly dramatic about this, I mean, I think she's more receptive to listen than she ever has been. I guess listening to kids bitch about shit for a living has helped her there. I wonder if she's ever had to deal with kids that went through the shit I've been through, God I hope not. Nobody should go through what I did.

POV Buffy

I feel her depression, her guilt, her need to tell me everything and it's driving me crazy. I know she's sorry, why we keep dredging up everything is beyond me. I do realize it's something we both need to do, so we can move on, but I'm not looking forward to having to share my things with her.

It's not that I'm angry with her or that I don't like her; cause I do. I probably like her too much, that's the problem. I'm afraid she'll hear what I have to say and then leave me. That's what everything always boils down to with me, I don't want everyone to just abandon me.

I really don't believe my friends would ever do that, but I trusted my friends in LA all those years ago too. With the Hellmouth gone, what more is there to keep us together? Will they all leave? I really don't wanna think about that now, I need a distraction. Wait, I got an idea for the perfect distraction. There was this flyer at the soda machine about a fair to support the Pismo Beach Fire Department.

I bet it wouldn't take much convincing to get Faith to go. So, I come out of the bathroom and ask her.

"Hey Faith, you feel up to seeing some sights?"

Faith is still being her difficult self with her answer.

"What sights did ya have in mind?"

I ignore her obvious meaning and continue.

"There's a fair downtown, wanna check it out?"

Oh my God, does this count as a date?

POV Faith

You know, sometimes I really hate it when my mouth starts working before my brain does. I didn't mean to sound like I wanted her to check me out. C'mon, obviously I do want her to check me out, but not right now. Anyway, I need to focus on the topic at hand. A fair could be kinda fun, along with I've never actually gone to a fair with another person before.

"Sure, sounds like fun, I'll go change." Oh shit, is this a date?

I look around at said fair and I wanna say that it's lame, but Buffy can still feel what I'm feeling, so I can't. I'm actually excited to be here, and with her, cause that's something I never thought would ever happen.

"Pismo Beach and all the fried clams you can eat..."

She looks at me for a moment and then she gets it.

"Bugs Bunny?"

I laugh and then explain.

"Yeah, he and Daffy are traveling to Pismo Beach and they end up in Nottingham Forrest, or ancient Rome, I forget which. And then they argue and hijinks ensue...Hey, ya ever notice we're a lot like Daffy and Bugs? Of course, I'm Daffy you know."

"Actually Daffy, it was ancient Babylon and you got all greedy and tried to keep the treasure all to yourself, and then the genie in the lamp shrunk you."

"Oh yeah, that's right. I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm a wealthy mizer..."

She's smiling at me now, remembering that we weren't always at each other's throats. Suddenly she's dragging me toward the gaming booth, and I wonder what the hell she's doing when I look up and see it. A white stuffed pig with a bow tie. She's pointing at it like a little kid, jumping up and down all excited, ok, the screeching needs to stop.

Guess that's where Dawn got it from. I give her a 'you've gone nuts' look and she's pouting again.

"What's with the pout?"

She just points at the game all disappointed and I get it. It's a target shooting gallery and surprisingly enough for a slayer she can't shoot for shit. I smile at her and wink, cause I can shoot, so I throw the money on the counter like I'm Jesse fucking James.

The skeezy guy working the booth is smirking and it's really not attractive cause of the whole no teeth deal. This pig better be worth it cause he ran his hand across mine when he gave me the rifle...as if ya toothless fuck. Not even if we were the only two people on a deserted island, I'd rather drag myself across the beach hoping to snag a stray stick.

Anyway, I win the pig easily and Buffy jumps up and grabs the pig before the guy can even move, guess she doesn't want his mitts on her pig. I can't help but laugh at how childish she is behaving. And I gotta admit, it's wicked cute.

POV Buffy

OK, I'll admit it, I'm acting really childish right now. I can see it in her eyes, but I don't care. A replacement Gordo was needed stat, so it was an emergency. A pig emergency; if you will. Anyway, we walked around some more just enjoying each other's company, trying to make each other laugh. Now it's Faith's turn to act like a kid, wanting to go on the Ferris Wheel. She's really adorable. I finally give in cause it's Faith and I'm finding it awfully hard to resist her lately.

We waited for what seemed like forever to get on this stupid ride, and then the guy running the machine stopped to talk while we were stuck up there near the top. We were on our way down and off this ride when the stupid guy just stopped it. It's not like I'm afraid of heights...ok; so it is like I'm afraid of heights.

I've only really noticed this since I've come back. I guess taking a dive off a 70 foot tower will do that to you. So, I'm getting really, really nervous and Faith is not helping at all. She's looking everywhere, practically hanging over the side to get a better view, of what I can only imagine.

I couldn't help it, I grabbed her; cause I was scared, and now I'm even more scared. Damn; her face is just inches from mine, lips I've been wanting to taste forever are just inches from mine. The intensity of my need overwhelms me and I feel like I can't breathe. She doesn't move an inch for a moment, like she's stuck there, and then it finally happens.

Her lips are on mine and it's so soft and gentle, she feels like my girl not a slayer. I never knew she could be this way, it has quickly become my all time greatest kiss. Her tongue has wiped away everything else; so softly running itself against mine. Then I hear something I wish I hadn't, or more importantly, someone.

Chapter Three - Old Enemies

POV Buffy

I cannot believe who I'm hearing. I should be used to this by now, something going right and then it goes right back in the toilet.

"Oh, there are so many of them. So many to choose from, how will I ever be able to just take one? Ms. Edith was very important; one child shall never be enough to replace her."

"So take more than one, take as many as you like, there is no one here to stop us."

There's only one name in my head now--Drusilla. I instantly recognize the other voice with the lame accent, but I'm not really worried about him right now. I pull away from the kiss as I try to find them in the crowd and I finally see her standing between the shooting gallery and the fish bowl booth. I turn back to Faith and she's upset, "I...I didn't mean...I thought, I thought you wanted me to..."

Oh, oops. She thinks I wasn't digging the kiss. I realize my hands are still clutched around her jacket and I pull her forward and kiss her briefly.

"Oh, I did want this, I want a lot of this..."

I lean in and kiss her again.

"Mmm...so good. But um...work..."

I point down between the two gaming booths and she says, "Vamp?"

I answer her without looking back, "Not just any. Drusilla..."

POV Faith

Drusilla? Why do I know that name? It sounds really familiar, then it hits me, the other slayer, the one before me, Drusilla killed her.

I say out loud, "Kendra..."

I immediately feel how upset Buffy is getting and I say, "Time for us to get some payback..."

I pull away from her and I'm about halfway out of the car, when she pulls me back in again, "Where are you going?"

I look at her like she's crazy, "I'm going to bag a vamp. What are you doing?"

"But we're up really high and she's not gonna be easy. And there are two of them..."

Ok, I'm confused so I just answer, "Well then, that's bad news for them yeah?"

I start out of the car again and I stop myself this time, cause we're moving again. We finally get off the stupid ride and I start walking toward them and again she's doing the whole stopping thing. It's kinda getting annoying.

"What's with all the stopping?"

"We need a plan..."

"Uh...ok, how about you distract her and I'll sneak up and stake her, sound good?"

"That's not a plan. That's not even an outline..."

I'm starting to get antsy, and then I see it. We can't wait.

"We don't have time, she's got a kid, we need to go now."

Finally she gets it, nods and off we go. We get back toward the darkened beach and we can see her walking away with the little boy, I'm about to go circle around when she grabs me and kisses me and tells me to be careful. Aww, she cares. Ok, focus Faith.

POV Buffy

I take a deep breath and watch Faith walk away, and then I chase after Dru. I tackle her and the kid to the ground, she has to let the kid go and he lands awkwardly, and I'm so hoping he doesn't break his neck. I come out of a roll and land on my feet facing her.

"Where ya running off to, Dru? Not happy to see old friends?"

I watch as the little boy gets up and runs screaming and crying back to the fair. You're welcome ya little shit.

"Buffy...Got tired of my William, did you? Made him get a soul. Poor, poor boy...he never really understood how you used him."

She hits me with a punch I barely saw coming, too busy watching the little boy run away and trying to locate Faith in the darkness. Meanwhile, Dru's dancing around, laughing at me. Every time I try to move she kicks me hard in the ribs. Distract her, sure, I'll just let her kick me a few thousand times...where the fuck is Faith?

"It will be a lot of fun to kill you. Ruining my family. You tore us apart, first my Angelus then my William. Tell me, do you think you'll rise from this death?"

She stops moving and looks at me with those crazy eyes and then she looks down at her chest in surprise as Faith's stake plunges through her heart and Faith says, "Think you will?"

Finally! I was beginning to think Faith forgot about me. She gives me a hand up from the ground, grinning. She really does love dusting the vamps; I need to get that enthusiasm back. It's been way too long since dusting a vamp has made me happy. All duty and no play has left me one, very boring slayer and I'm thinking Faith is the cure for that. We just stand there for a second, neither one of us knowing what we should do, lost in our own thoughts. I have to say I'm a little disappointed how easily Drusilla went down, it hardly seemed like a fair fight.

"Drusilla, the car is...Oh shit..."

I see him and yell, "Stop right there!!!"

Faith and I run after him and he turns around to face us, he looks back and forth between Faith and I and says, "Hello Buffy..."

I see Faith frown out of the corner of my eye as she asks snidely, "Friend of yours?"

"Well, I wouldn't actually call him a friend..."

POV Faith

I swear to God if she banged this vampire I'm leaving and not looking back. I mean come on, I don't even know this guy, but he's a complete tool. I glare at the guy and ask, "Who the fuck are you?"

The guy just looks at me and smirks like he knows something I don't. God I really hate that about vamps. Then he says in this completely lame accent, "I apologize. I assumed you would know. I am Dracula."

I just look at the guy and then at Buffy and I burst out laughing, right in the guy's face and he says, "No, really...I am."

I just look at him still laughing and say, "Get the fuck out of here."

Buffy just looks at me and says, "He's not kidding; he's really Dracula."

And I can't help it, I just point to him. "No way this is Dracula. Dracula's all scary and badass, this, this guy's...well...um..." I take a good look at him and say the first thing that comes to my mind, "fruity."

Now she's looking at me and asks, "Fruity?"

"Yeah, as in gay, as in he likes stick..."

"Uh... I assure you, I'm not..."

"Yeah, sure you're not twinkie--why don't you save that for Oprah, cause she might actually buy it."

"Well, there was this one time with William the Bloody..." He stops himself when he realizes what he's just admitted. I look at Buffy with my eyebrows raised, and all she can do is shrug.

Now the guy looks pissed, guess he didn't want to let that cat out of the bag. Then he summons me to him, "Come here, Slayer..."

I look into his eyes and I take a step forward like I can't help myself and then I laugh at him. "Your, uh, 'thrall' seems to be a little lacking. Like the rest of you. Fuck, I'd be more scared if you were the Count from Sesame Street, hell, even Count Chocula would be scarier."

Ya gotta admire the guy cause he keeps trying, "You cannot resist me..."

"I think ya got the wrong slayer, pal." Buffy shoots me a dirty look, but serves her right for boinking the undead. I mean really, can't handle the heat, stop fucking the dead meat.

"Your power is rooted in darkness..."

"Yeah, we all got the memo on that one, but thanks."

I wave my stake around in front of him, "So you got any more lame ass lines you wanna try out or any more lame ass tricks you wanna pull, cause I'm not impressed."

Suddenly the guy turns into a bat, swoops at me, then takes off flying back toward the parking lot. I turn to Buffy and point at the bat, "Ok, well that was actually kinda cool."

Buffy is just standing there shaking her head, damn, what now? So I ask, "What? What did I do?"

POV Buffy

Leave it to Faith to not be impressed with Dracula. And did he really have sex with Spike? Cause eww. And how did his thrall not work on her, when his thrall worked on everyone else? Well not exactly everyone else...mainly it was Xander and me. "HEY!!!! How come his thrall didn't work on you?"

She just shrugs and says, "Avoiding thrall, Chapter 7 of the slayer handbook."

OK, now I'm just confused. Is she serious? Did she really read it? Is there a chapter for that?

"You read the slayer handbook?"

Now she looks confused and answers.

"Yeah, didn't you?"

"Actually no. When did you read it?"

"Um...I read it..."

And I feel it, she's pulling away and I don't understand why, maybe it brought back memories of her watcher. I wonder if it still bothers her. What am I thinking? Of course it still bothers her; I know it still bothers me. It bothers me that I never told her about it, about my first watcher. Actually, I've never told anyone about him, or anything that happened in LA. Finally she just says, "I'm kinda tired, can we talk about it tomorrow?"

"Oh, um, sure..."

We walked back to the motel in silence. I tried to get her to talk about anything but she was really distracted, just kept her answers short, sometimes they weren't even on topic. I don't know what she's thinking, but whatever it is, it's confusing and sort of depressing. Kinda like she's trying to figure out the answer to a really hard question. Whatever it is, I know she's hurting and I want to help, but I don't want to push her cause I know that won't accomplish anything.

The silence continues after we get back inside the room. So, I just watch her get ready for bed and do the same. I brush my teeth and come out of the bathroom, and she's already in bed, fast asleep. She's curled up with the replacement Gordo clutched tightly in her arms. Normally I'd complain about that, but maybe she needs him more than I do. So I just get into bed and try to get some sleep...which won't be easy with her lying so close to me.

POV Faith

I'm awake, but I don't open my eyes yet. I'm just enjoying being held; I feel safe, warm and loved. And it doesn't feel weird to me; it feels like I've had this before. Of course I know I'm fooling myself, cause I've never. I don't know why my mind insists on playing games with me. I really hate it, cause it feels so real, like there's something there, if only I could reach it. I tried to explain it to the prison shrink once, but she kinda freaked me out.

Started getting all excited; thinking it was some kind of lost memory trying to resurface. She wanted to hypnotize me, but I wasn't having any of that. I don't need anyone else fucking with my head--been there, done that. I know if she starts messing around, next thing you know I'd be talking about how some aliens took me aboard their spaceship and ran experiments on me. But what did I really think she'd say? It's not like she's Freud or something. I mean seriously, she worked at a prison, how good of a shrink could she have been? OK, I admit I've probably watched one too many episodes of the X-Files or read too many horror stories when I was a kid, but you never know. I've seen weirder shit happen. Maybe it's just my head, cause I've always had trouble remembering stuff. Maybe that stuff was just boring so I forgot it; I wish I could remember it now, though.

You know, instead of every detail of what Kakistos did, and what my parents and step-dad did. That's all clear as day, but my fifth grade teacher? Or any teacher for that matter, I just don't remember them. Those memories are just...gone. Erased. But that's just stupid school stuff--who remembers that anyway?

I'm taken from my thoughts by Buffy, "Deep and meaningful thoughts?"

I open my eyes and I'm looking right into light green ones. God, I love her eyes, I could just stare into them for hours, but instead I answer wittily.

"Huh?"

Give me a break, I just woke up.

"I asked if you were having deep and meaningful thoughts cause you got that scrunched forehead thing going on. You do that a lot, did you know that?"

Aww, she knows my facial expressions. And I must be doing it again cause she takes her finger and smoothes it over. I just smile like a dork back at her; cause she's kinda left me speechless. Then she goes and ruins it.

"Well, while you're thinking, how about you think me up some coffee and a jelly donut?"

Hmmm, I guess I'm the one in this that's supposed to go running out cause princess wants something.

So I answer her back. "Sure...light and sweet?"

OK, so I guess I am that chick. I go to move out of bed, but she won't let me go.

"Ah, you kinda hafta let me go if you want coffee."

She looks like she's thinking about it.

"Don't wanna. I'm not sure which I want more now. You or coffee?"

I laugh slightly; "You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted..."

Now she laughs, "I think I want both."

She leans in to kiss me, our lips are just about to touch and then someone pounds on the door, and Kennedy's voice is all loud and shit.

"Giles wants us ready in an hour..."

And that's it, the moment is over and I look at Buffy and sigh, "And I thought I was loud."

POV Buffy

I so wanna beat Kennedy's ass right now, but it's no longer an option, cause she can kick back and it'll hurt. I watch Faith gather her stuff up and head into the bathroom to get ready. God she looks amazing and I just wanna do things to her, things I'm not even sure I know how to do. She's the first girl I ever had feelings for, and that scared the hell out of me. But now I'm a little older and a little more comfortable with girl-liking. Actually, I've only gotten comfortable with the girl-looking at, and the finding them attractive part. It wasn't like I've ever wanted to date a girl. Well, until now.

And lest we forget the whole Spike ordeal, I wonder what Faith's take on the situation will be? I know she knows I had sex with him...I heard him tell her about it. And he enjoyed telling me about her flirting and coming onto him, but I know she wasn't. It looked like it, but I think she just wanted to find out what he was all about. She did that with Scott Hope all those years ago, and I should've listened when she said he gave her his number. She told me that meant he was a creep and not worth my time. Back then I thought she was the creep, that she did it to prove something. But I've realized ever since she came back with Willow, she's looked out for me, she's tried to make my life run smoother, like training the potentials. She wasn't trying to take over, she was trying to lighten my burden.

And thinking back, I realize that was what she always did, but I never really noticed then. I used her when it was convenient, and then I wanted her to disappear when it wasn't; I really didn't treat her very well. And it's not like I'm a mean person, or that I don't care about people, I do. It's just really weird. I think I pinpointed when our relationship really went bad the first time around. It wasn't the accident with Finch, no, it happened a few weeks before that, when she missed my birthday and the Council made me take that stupid test.

It was the day after my birthday when she came back. She looked freaked out over something, but I didn't care. In my mind, she was wrong, she let me down so I didn't listen to anything she was gonna say. I just went off on her. I can't help but wonder what it was she wanted to tell me. Maybe it was something important, maybe that was the day she wanted to ask for my help, and I just turned my back on her. I'm pulled from my thoughts as Faith emerges from the bathroom, all cleaned and dressed, and she looks over at me, concerned.

"Are you ok?"

I just nod not very convincingly, but she doesn't call me on it. Instead she asks, "Coffee, light and sweet and jelly donuts, right?"

I just keep nodding and she turns to leave, opening the door slightly before she turns back in.

"You know, you can talk to me...if you want. I'd understand why you might not, but maybe..."

She sighs in defeat, cause at this point I usually tell her to mind her own business. She turns to go and I call out to her.

"I-I'd really like to...talk with you."

She turns again and smiles softly at me and nods. "OK, when I get back..."

"OK."

I smile slightly at her as she finally leaves the room. See, there she goes again, being there for me. I hope she'll let me do that for her. I sigh and get up and start to get ready; I'm sure Giles will be bugging us soon to get going and I want a few minutes to talk to her without being interrupted.

I barely finish in the bathroom when I hear the knock at the door. Guess Faith forgot the key. I run out and open the door to find Willow standing there. "Oh, hey Will."

She comes in and looks around and asks confused, "Where's Dawnie?"

"Dawn? Um, she's with Xander, right?"

I sure hope she's with Xander, or at least somebody. I start to panic, then I finally see her walking around the bus talking with him. OK, the little sister is fine, check.

Willow comes in and sits in the chair.

"I wouldn't let the others know you had your own room if I were you."

I look at her confused for a moment.

"I didn't have my own room, I..."

I just stop cause I'm not sure what I'll be admitting to if Willow knows who I spent the night with. What will she think? Uh-oh, she's looking at me like she's trying to figure out the 'who.'

She smirks a little and asks, "Who'd ya share with Buffy? And with one bed no less, something you wanna tell me?"

Damn, she knows there is a story here. Sometimes best friends are really annoying, with the wanting to know all the time. Nosy really...

"I, uh, um..."

I don't explain anything cause here comes Faith walking into the room, followed by Kennedy, Xander and Dawn. I know Willow is smirking at me as Faith hands me my coffee and donuts. Faith slyly runs her hand across mine and mouth's 'sorry' to me. I give her one of my cute, half smiles--yes, I know they're cute, cause I spent a lot of time perfecting them.

Then I try to look like I'm happy my friends have come to have breakfast with me, when all I really wanted was a few minutes to talk with Faith. Instead, we all just eat and joke about non-threatening things until Giles tells us it's time to go. Since we aren't on alert anymore he's taken over the leadership role. I'm glad...I really need a break from all that.

I'm about to walk out the door when Willow stops me.

"Oh...we're gonna hafta talk about this later, missy."

I just let out a whimper as I follow her to the bus. Why does everyone always want to know about me?

Chapter Four - LA Story

POV Buffy

Wow, Angel's hotel is really impressive, it's old and it's freaking enormous. And I was hoping there wouldn't be enough rooms so we would have to share again. I walk in with some of the new slayers and Giles, it's kinda awkward since Angel's crew is just staring us down, it's almost funny.

When Willow, Kennedy and Faith walk in, everyone from Angel's crew is so happy to see Faith, and that's a first, because we never were. Another thing to feel sad about. Something disturbing is occurring to me--these people are acting like...like she's THE Slayer. I'm so not used to being second string. Even Wesley seems happy to see her. Then adding to the disturbing weirdness, Faith gives this green guy a great, big hug. I don't think I've ever seen Faith hug someone before, and... hey! Get your mitts off my almost girlfriend, Kermit. Finally she remembers she needs to introduce us all, which she does and everyone's all smiles until she gets to me.

That big guy, I think she said his name is Gunn and the girl, Fred are just staring at me. Then he looks at Faith and asks, "That's Buffy? THE Buffy?" She just nods and says, "The one and only." And then he says, "I don't get it..."

HEY!!! I think he just insulted me and why is she giving him a high five now? This is so not cool. I'm just about to say something when Giles asks about the rooms and then everyone is moving around again. Faith isn't following cause apparently she already has her own room here and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I also can't help but wonder how much do Faith and Angel like each other? Speaking of, where the hell is Angel? He should really...

"Oh, hey, Angel."

"Buffy..."

Why does he always just say my name and trail off? Like he's surprised I'm here, uh...hello, you invited me.

"Nice place..."

Well, what else is there to talk about? I saw and spoke to him a few days ago, so I kinda got nothing left.

"Yeah, it's...ours."

Faith is kinda over by the reception desk, trying not to interrupt us. But I guess the silence is just too much for her cause she's asks, "Where's Cordy and Con..." I don't know what else she was gonna say cause Angel was over to her in a flash and now he has his hand around her mouth. Ok, the 'weird' continues. Even weirder, he just yanked his hand away--guess she pulled the old, 'lick the hand' trick. He says a little angrily, "Faith."

She looks at him, "Damn, man...what the hell have you been doing with that hand? Squishing caterpillars? You know what, on second thought? I really don't wanna know."

He wipes his palm on his pants and sighs, "Office..." He points and she rolls her eyes but she goes. Now it's back to him and me, he says, "I gotta talk to Faith for a minute. I'll be back. We'll, uh...catch up."

I just nod and watch him go into the office after her. He closes the door. What the hell is that about? He's supposed to be making awkward conversation with me, not Faith, and I so wanna know what those two are up to in there.

POV Faith

Damn, note to self; never lick a vampire's hand, cause, gross man. I take a seat and wait for him. Doesn't take him long to come in and shut the door. I can tell from the look on his face, he's got some bullshit to sell me, but he starts by asking, "How did things go in Sunnydale?"

"About as bad as could be expected. Dude, they put me in charge. Does that tell how fucked up things were?"

"I'm sure you did fine, after all you did manage to save me. I guess some of the things Lorne told you came true. Saw the hug."

"He told you?" Ok, I'm panicking now. I asked him not to tell Angel; actually I begged and pleaded. Oh God...what did I do now?

"No, he just told me you were skeptical and about the bet he made with you."

"Oh..." Whew! Damn for a second there I thought...

"Most of the other stuff I already knew and I sorta guessed the rest."

OK, back to panic. "What?"

"It's really ok, Faith. I'm not upset with you, nor will I be. Lorne told me two years ago that I wasn't her soulmate, I'm not the one she belongs with. I told you about it, remember? About how I sang Mandy. It was your birthday. Remember?"

"You knew? And you still came to visit me?"

"Yeah, I did."

I sit there for a moment, just taking everything in, he asks, "What about Spike?"

"Oh, um...he won't be a problem, he kinda helped save the world. The amulet you gave Buffy, caused him and the whole Hellmouth to implode. Took Sunnydale with it...that's why we have nowhere to go. Remember?"

He grins at me for mocking him and says, "Yeah, I just like hearing the part where Spike implodes."

I so wasn't expecting him to say that and I laugh and say, "Yeah, I bet. I'm just glad it wasn't you."

"You'd miss me?"

"Yeah...for about a minute." I just grin at him for a sec, and then I remember to tell him the other news, "Oh, guess who else got dusted?"

"Who?"

"Drusilla."

He looks at me in disbelief, "You dusted Drusilla?"

"Buffy and I tagged teamed her, she didn't stand a chance. She was hanging with this really dorky vamp calling himself Dracula, but I'm not really sure I believe it cause I've met plenty that claimed they were Lestat."

"You didn't happen to dust him did ya?"

"Um, no, he kinda turned into a bat and flew away."

"Yeah, he has a habit of doing that. It's annoying, him and his stupid sleeping in coffins and turning into a bat...I mean, come on..."

OK, I know where this rant is going, it will soon degenerate into a diatribe about hack writers and how Anne Rice is an idiot. I say why blame her; put the blame where it belongs, on Stoker, cause he started it. But either way, I don't really care, just as long as he doesn't rag on Stephen King. So, I must stop him before he really gets going. "How about you tell me what's going on around here?"

He sighs and I know this isn't gonna be good, but I'll let him tell me. "You were right. About Cordelia. That wasn't her."

"What was it?" Cool, I was right. Damn I'm good. OK, probably not the time to gloat about my awesome powers of deduction.

"Some entity who used her to gain access to our dimension. If you hadn't seen it, she might be dead, and not just in a coma."

Shit. I know he's really devastated by this, probably feels like he let her down, like it's his fault. "Well, sometimes people come out of coma's..."

It's all I got; I'm really not good at sympathy. Most people assume it's because I don't care, but it's not, I do care, I just have trouble showing it. The prison shrink seemed to think it's because I didn't have any role models to learn it from. But I try to say something helpful.

"Just...um, make sure you visit a lot. They say visitors help."

And I guess I did ok cause he looks up at me and smiles slightly. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Now what about Connor? Then you can tell me why the cops aren't after me anymore."

"I made a deal."

"A deal? With who?"

"Wolfram and Hart..."

"WHAT!? Are you insane?"

Ok, I'm yelling now, but is the man crazy. That place is pure evil. What the fuck was he thinking?

"Quit yelling and let me explain."

I wave him along and he continues.

"We all made deals with them."

I just raise an eyebrow and he's sighing again, guess I'm annoying him or something.

"They gave us the whole LA operation, I'm the CEO, and it's up to me to run it as I see fit. Anyway, I don't know what the rest of them were given, but I asked that they try to heal Cordelia. And to place Connor in a home, with a real family. Kinda like the monks did with Dawn."

"Why? He's your son..."

"I couldn't reach him Faith. Every day he just sank deeper and deeper until finally I just couldn't reach him anymore. There was nothing else I could do to make it any better."

OK, that makes sense. That I get. I've been there, sinking deeper every day, hoping against hope someone or something could make it better. All the while believing help was impossible.

"They also got you freed. I figured that was only fair since they got you arrested in the first place, and now it's like nobody was ever looking for you; you've got a clean slate."

"You did that for me?" Why? Why would he do that for someone like me? "Why?"

"Because...that's what big brothers are for."

Wow, is he like the greatest man alive? Ok, he's not actually alive, and he ain't really a man, but he kinda is my big goofy older brother.

"And here's some stuff you might need: a brand new Massachusetts Driver's License, a social security card, and ATM card for an account I started for you. The pin is the last four digits of your social security number. I tried to get a copy of your real one but apparently you never had one. We're still trying to track down your birth certificate."

"You're giving me more money?"

"Yeah, consider it your first paycheck..."

"Hmmm, I'm guessing a paycheck means you expect me to do like, chores, right?"

Damn, didn't think I'd be getting chores. I mean; I'm a little tired. Getting beaten up, drugged up, blown up and then fighting in the Hellmouth, I think I deserve a break.

"That's usually how those things work. And I knew you wouldn't just let me give you money, so..."

Who said I wouldn't let him give me money? I definitely never did. Suddenly I get an idea. "Would I get the use of a company car? Something...fancy?"

"I'll have one brought over."

"Cool. Listen...I gotta go. Enough info for one day. Or else my head is going to explode."

I get up to leave, but stop and say, "I still got stuff I wanna say about this whole Wolfram and Hart deal, so I'm reserving my right to talk shit about it. Cause in my experience if something looks too good to be true, it probably is..."

He laughs slightly and nods at me. I guess he knows me well enough by now. "Oh, Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"There're also some other things we need to discuss, but I need a little time to sort it out."

"Other things? They about me?"

He nods. I look at him, trying to gauge the seriousness of whatever he's not telling me. I kinda get the feeling that this is pretty serious so I move back toward the desk and ask, "What other stuff?"

"Try not to worry about it tonight."

"Well, I already am, so tell me now."

He looks like he's thinking about it and then I realize he's not gonna crack when he asks, "Do you trust me?"

God I hate that question. I cannot tell you how many times that question has come back to bite me in the ass and not in a good way. My mind is screaming at me to say, no, fuck no, no fucking way, but my heart says to do it. Finally, after nervously pacing the office for a few seconds I nod, "Yeah."

"Then give me some time."

I was about to say something else, but I felt something...someone. Busted! I whip the door open and a blonde and a redhead fall through to the floor. They look really ridiculous lying on the floor in a big pile; I just shake my head and step over them as I leave the office. As I head upstairs I can hear Buffy and Willow's lame ass excuses for being pressed up against the door.

I walk into my room, and I'm surprised by what I see. Above the bed is a sign that says, "Welcome Home Sis..." That and the other decoration makes me laugh-a framed poster of the Patriot's Superbowl victory. My Tommyboy prominently displayed. I walk around and open the closet, it's full of clothes, all my tastes and styles. There's a radio with some of my favorite CD's sitting on the desk next to a laptop.

I flip up the screen and see a yellow Post-It, 'Don't get too excited, I took it out of your paycheck.' I wonder just how large this paycheck is? I also wonder how shocked everyone would be to see me with a laptop, bet they probably think I wouldn't know what it is. You'd be surprised the amount of stuff you can learn inside. Like how to light a cigarette with just a staple and a microwave. Yeah, prisoners have access to a microwave. And computers and email accounts. Although some of those little perks are only available if you manage to save a guard from getting stabbed to death. But that's another story.

I smile at the door, and begin the countdown. 5..4..3..2..1. Knocking. Bingo. I know who it is. I let her in, and she's trying to glare at me, but it's not working. We end up laughing and I ask, "You didn't hurt yourself did ya?"

"Just my pride, so, thanks for that."

Well, what did she expect me to do, knock before LEAVING the office? "Any time."

She doesn't say anything, she just looks around the room at all the stuff. I can see her mind working, trying to make sense of it. She stares up at the sign for a moment and asks, "You have family here?"

"Um, no family, it's kinda a joke between me and Angel. The first time he came to visit he told them he was my brother, so..."

"Oh..."

Oh? That's it? I was expecting her to flip, be angry or something, but she's not. "What brings you by?"

"Me? I was, uh, just, uh..."

"Trying to hide from Angel and Willow and pretty much everyone else?"

POV Buffy

Aww. She's concerned about me. She's teasing on the outside, but her feelings say different. Normally I'd be offended that she called me on it. I'd think she was trying to point out my faults. But now, I get it. She says these things cause she wants me to know she understands. I sit on the bed with a sigh and say, "Yeah. Everyone is going to ask me a bunch of questions I don't have any answers to, so I'm hiding."

"How do you know I'm not gonna ask you questions you don't wanna answer?"

That's a fair question. I think about it, ponder it; try to explain my reasons for being here. After 'hiding,' the other is cause I was kinda hoping 'hiding' would lead to some serious make out time. But somehow I doubt she'll wanna do that, which is freaky in itself cause she has restraint, and I don't. What bizarro planet is this? "I just know."

She's just staring at me now, and then she says, "I'm not going to be him, Buffy."

Well, I was right, she's not asking questions, although she is bringing up stuff I don't wanna deal with. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"I'm not going to get on that long line of Buffy worshippers, I'm not going to tell you that everything you do is perfect cause that's crap, sometimes you do things that downright suck."

"And you don't do things that suck?" OK, I'm getting a little angry here. Who the hell is she to judge me?

"Didn't say that. I have done lots of things I'm not particularly proud of..."

"Good, so back off." She just sighs at me, like I'm an annoying child. She runs her hand through her hair, she sits next to me and is quiet for a few moments before she speaks again.

She's softer this time, calmer. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that, like I was accusing you. I'm not. It's just...for this to work, for us to work; we have to be on equal ground here. Anything other than that would cheapen what I think we could have, what we can be to each other. We need to deal with the past first, believe me I'd much rather forget it, but it won't go away no matter how much we might want it to now. Not to mention the fact, this is a big lifestyle change for you, Buffy. I don't know if you're ready for everything that comes with it."

Huh? "What about you? This isn't a lifestyle change for you?"

"Not really. Who's gonna give a shit I'm gay? Nobody. But for you, your friends..."

"They won't have a problem with it, believe me. Do you really think Willow is gonna try and talk me out of it?"

"No. It's more the 'who you'd be doing' that will be the problem."

I laugh slightly and she's seems to get a little upset with the laughing so I quickly explain, "Oh please...after Spike, I doubt they will even raise an eyebrow. And Xander, I'm sure he'll be loving it, of course we probably won't see him for a few days, but..."

We just look at each other and say, "Ewww."

We both laugh and she says, "Yeah, Giles will probably be like, 'oh bloody hell'..."

And now I'm rolling with laughter cause that's exactly what he said about Willow when he found out. Plus, Faith's imitation of his accent is dead on.

After a few minutes she says, "I just want you to be sure this is what you want. That you think before you leap.

I move so we are facing each other and reach out to stroke her cheek gently, "I've thought about this...I've thought A LOT about this."

I'm about to kiss her and there's a knock again. "We really need to invest in a 'Do Not Disturb' sign."

She grins and says, "You ain't kidding..."

She answers the door and I can't see who it is or what they want, but she took something from them. Closing the door, she turns and holds up car keys. "Wanna go for a ride? There's something I need to show you."

Chapter Five - Revisiting the Past

POV Buffy

OK, I'm not really sure what I've just gotten myself into. Hopefully she knows how to drive. I can't imagine Angel would give her a car without knowing if she could drive. Right?

The car is awesome, it's red and sporty, and she seems really excited about it, and when I didn't join in her enthusiasm, she yelled at me, "It's a Porsche!" I was like yeah, and? She just rolled her eyes and opened the door for me; she's really cute when she's being all chivalrous. I just shrugged and got in. I smiled to myself cause I knew it was a Porsche, my dad had one just like it, but I liked watching her get all huffy about it.

It seems my worries about her driving were for nothing apparently cause Faith is actually a good driver, I woulda thought she'd be a little reckless behind the wheel, but she's not, she even uses turn signals. And the music she chose to play, I woulda thought heavy metal, but she choose a classic rock station. I even caught her signing along to the radio, it was a song I had never heard before in my life, but she knew it. She seemed a little shocked that I never heard of the guy before, I think his name was Neil Young and the song was about an old man or something. I'm starting to understand that the Faith I think I know, does not exist.

We finally arrive at UCLA of all places, and I'm totally confused, what could she possibly want me to see here? She takes my hand in hers and we walk inside one of the buildings, she stops right before she opens the door to one of the classrooms and says, "We need to be quiet, I think the lecture is still going on."

Lecture? Faith is taking me to a lecture, ok, now I know I must have died in the Hellmouth, pretty soon I'll be waking up in a coffin. Again. I shake those thoughts away and follow her inside. She's right, there is a lecture going on, students are madly taking notes, nobody seems to notice us as we slip into the back row. I look around at everyone, wondering what she wants me to see; perhaps if I had listened to what the Professor was taking about I might have had a clue as to what was coming next. We sit for a long while until the class is dismissed, we wait until they all leave and Faith says, "Come on."

The Professor is erasing the board and he turns around to see Faith and his eyes light up and he says, "You're free?"

"Yeah, I'm free..."

She turns to me and says, "Buffy, I'd like you to meet Professor Lester Wirth."

Holy shit, did she just say Wirth? It can't be, she...she killed him. "But..."

She whispers by my ear, "Say hi Buffy, you don't want him to think you're retarded do you?"

"Hello." OK, Faith has a lot of explaining to do. I glare at her as he says to me, "I'm glad to meet you Buffy."

Faith continues the conversation like I'm not even there, "I just wanted to stop by to let you know I got out. Um, the books you lent me, um...I'm not quite sure what happened to them..."

"Oh, I picked them up from your friend Angel a few nights ago, so no need to worry about that."

"Good, I was worried they were lost. Anyway, I know you have another class soon so I don't wanna hold you up, but maybe if you're free we could get together if you want."

"That would be great. I'd like that. Give me a call and we'll set something up."

They exchange some more pleasantries and he leaves presumably for his next class. OK, what the hell is this all about? I'm still stuck on the fact Faith didn't really kill the volcanologist. And I went and told everybody she did, actually I told Andrew which pretty much guaranteed everyone would hear about it and in a very exaggerated way. I really didn't want the girls to like her.

"Let's go sit outside and I'll tell you all about the good professor."

I just nod along and follow in stunned silence, she doesn't start talking until we get outside and sit under one of the trees on the campus grounds.

"I know you want an explanation, and I really wish I had one to give to you. But the truth of the matter is, I don't know how he's still alive because as far as I know, I killed him. Imagine my surprise when Angel brought him to the prison and introduced us. I guess Angel ran into him by accident here on campus and knew I wouldn't believe it unless I saw him. Wirth has no idea what happened in Sunnydale, he doesn't remember anything. He's a really nice guy; he would come to visit me once or twice a month and every single holiday. I don't know why, I guess he felt bad for me or something, but it didn't matter cause it's not like I had lots of people wanting to see me."

I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to say to all this. "What do you mean 'as far as you know, you killed him?'"

"I mean, I have memories of going to his apartment and killing him, but I guess it didn't happen, cause he's alive and still human. It's really not all that unusual for me, cause ever since I arrived in Sunnydale weird things happened to me. And even before, I don't know...the things I remember are all bad, like nothing good ever happened to me, and that can't be right. I mean...something must have gone my way at one point or another, right?"

"What kind of weird things?"

"Like I mean I would wake up and it would be like days or hours later than I thought. Remember the other night, you asked me about reading the Slayer Handbook. I must have read it because I could tell you damn near everything in it, but I don't remember actually sitting down and reading it. And then other times I would remember things I did, but I couldn't remember why I actually did those things. It was like everything was out of my control, nothing made any sense."

I remember the night on the rooftop at Angel's old office, she was trying to tell me all this then, and again I didn't listen. The only thing I can do now is to ask, "Can you tell me anything specifically?" And as soon as I ask the question, I can feel her tense up, and I sense her emotions, they're all over the place, she's going from angry to sad to scared to ashamed and embarrassed.

She takes a deep breath, and just when I think she's not gonna say anything she finally starts with, "Do you remember your 18th Birthday and the test the Council made you take?"

Uh-oh, I think I'm about to find out something that I'm not gonna like, but I nod and she goes on.

"Well, um...a day or two before your birthday, the uh Council came to see me. I mean, not the whole Council just that old guy..."

"Quentin Travers..." I add helpfully, as I am dreading what she is about to say. Pieces of the puzzle are starting to slide together and I don't like where they are leading me.

"Yeah, him. I don't really remember much of what happened, I'm pretty sure they're responsible, but everything is kinda hazy. I'm pretty sure I let him in to talk and the next thing I know I'm waking up and it's the day after your birthday. Um..."

I can see she's trying hard not to cry as she tells me, "I woke up in the back of this truck, and I had no idea how I got there. Which was disturbing enough, but then I realized that my...um...my pants are around my ankles and I don't know why, although we can assume it wasn't a good thing. I was totally freaked out; I had no idea what went on or what to do. So, I went to your house..."

No, no, no, no, please don't go there. Please don't tell me you came to me for help and I completely turned my back on you, please, Faith, don't tell me that, but it's too late, that's exactly what she's gonna tell me.

"...you were so mad at me..." and now she's crying and I don't know what to do, "...you were mad because I missed your birthday and I stood there and you wouldn't listen to me. I wanted to be there for your birthday, honestly I did. I didn't know about the test until I went to Giles. I was still freaked out and I needed someone and he was supposed to be my watcher too. Instead of telling him what happened, he told me. He told me about the test and how he was fired and that the Council would be sending both of us a new watcher."

I just look at her, she's crying and I'm crying. I never knew. My head was so far up my ass I never even considered the Council might have had something to do with it. I just assumed she was off partying and getting laid. Oh God, what did I do? I'm supposed to help people and the one person who needed me the most I let down. That fucking Quentin Travers is a jackass, but I'm sure he didn't realize what had happened, he wouldn't allow that to happen, right? Just some stupid scumbag they hired decided to...I can't even finish the thought cause it's so...disturbing. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for her, waking up like that, knowing something happened, and then trying to ask for help that neither Giles nor I provided. I know nothing I can do will ever make up for the fact I wasn't there for her, I think I get what Faith meant by some things you just can't take back, no matter how much you might want to. I reach over to her and pull her into a hug and she doesn't resist me, and I just tell her how sorry I am and how it wasn't her fault over and over again.

We stayed like that for a long while, me just holding her, it felt nice. No, that's not correct, it felt right. Of course it all ended quickly when she heard the ding, ding of an ice cream truck. In a flash she was up and out of my arms and yelling over her shoulder she'd bring me back something. I was a little upset at first but then I realized why she left so quickly, it's because she feels uncomfortable having shared something so emotional with me.

I take my time finishing my ice cream because I know after I'm done it will be my turn to share and I don't wanna. I know she wouldn't push me into doing it, but I also know it would hurt her if I shut her out again, especially after what she just told me. So, I finish the ice cream and take a deep breath and proceed to tell her about me.

POV Faith

I know she's just wasting time, pretending to lick every bit of ice cream off the stick, even though it's all been gone for a while now. It would be sexy as hell had we not been in the middle of telling each other things we swore we would never tell anyone. I know she's not gonna stiff me on the dishing dirt, but I also know how hard it is to start talking. So I try to wait patiently and not fidget too much.

"I'm not sure where to start, but I guess starting with how I wound up with Spike is as good a spot as any. I guess it all started when I came back...I was back, but I didn't want to be back. I had wanted to jump; I wanted it to all be over. Death was my gift, so I either kill Dawn or kill myself, and I was just so tired of having to fight all the time, of feeling like I'd never get to be normal, I was tired of losing everybody I loved. And the thing I've never told anyone, not Spike nor my friends, is that I jumped because I wanted to die, not because I wanted to save the world."

She looks at me, her eyes wet with tears, it's like she's expecting me to yell at her or condemn her for wanting to die, but she'll be waiting a long time. I won't ever do that to her because I know what she means, I'd been there myself. And I already knew that stuff, I already knew what she did, what she wanted, and hopefully she won't ever find out how I know all that stuff.

I don't say anything but I take her hand in mine, try to reassure her, to support her, to let her know I understand that I get it. To show her I'm not like all the others, I can understand her in ways nobody else can because I'm a slayer just like her.

"So, I'm back and I just feel empty. It was like I couldn't feel anything and I wanted so desperately to feel something. I was walking around going through the motions of living but not truly feeling alive. And my friends just kinda ignored it; they just wanted things to go back to normal. I tried to act like I cared, but it just got to be too much and I'd spent as much time away from them as I could. I started out small, letting random vamps hit me so I could feel something. Physical pain was better than nothing, but a little led to a little more until one day I just let a vamp beat on me. I had no interest in trying to stop him; it was like I wanted...I needed to be punished. Punished for choosing the wrong thing, for betraying my calling."

"If it wasn't for Spike coming along, the vamp probably would have killed me. I hated Spike for not letting me do it anymore; he followed me everywhere on patrol making sure I was doing what I was supposed to do. Eventually I got sick of it and we fought, it used to be he couldn't hit me back, but what surprised me was that he could hit me now. He could hurt me, so I let him. I let him do whatever he wanted to me and after every time I'd swear it was the last time, but there I was every night going back to him. I was just using him; I didn't really care about him, most of the time I didn't even like him."

"I finally put an end to it, but he wouldn't give up, he finally wound up trying to...um...force me to be with him. Which wasn't really all his fault cause I always resisted at first, cause that made it seem like less my fault and more his fault. And he didn't have a soul at the time, he just had that stupid chip that wouldn't let him hurt anyone...anyone but me. And then everyone found out about it, Willow was confused but didn't really give me shit about it, I guess Tara kinda helped me there. But Xander...he was so angry at me, so disappointed...so disgusted..."

"Well, that's Xander for you. Always sees things others are doing wrong, but never wants to take any responsibility for his actions. And, hello...didn't he like date an ex-vengeance demon and not really mind when she went back to being all demony."

She gives me a look, and I realize I might have said a little too much, maybe I shouldn't be talking shit about him, shouldn't let my own issues with him come into play.

"Well...he was right Faith. What I was doing with Spike was wrong..."

OK, I'm not gonna let this one pass, I have to say something. "OH MY GOD...you had sex...alert the media, call Giles cause there could be an apocalypse. Come on Buffy, it's really not that big a deal..."

"But he didn't have a soul, and I didn't love him...I used him. Xander had every right to be..."

"No, he didn't. He had no right to pass judgement on you; no right to act like he's a better person than you. He had no idea what you were going through, no idea. So, big deal, you had inappropriate sex, it's not the first time that's ever happened in the world. Hell...you're probably not even the first Slayer to do it. And it don't make you a bad person, it just makes you a person..."

We sit there for a long time without saying anything else, just watching life go on around us, lost in our own thoughts. After a while, she laughs slightly and jokes, "Why do I get the feeling you're just saying that so I won't give you shit about Robin?"

Robin...damn. That's a tricky subject isn't it? I'm still wondering why I slept with him, he really isn't my normal type, not to mention that I knew Buffy and I had a future together before I left LA so why did I try to blow it by sleeping with him. Perhaps its one of those self-fulfilling prophecies the shrink was always yapping about, I did it cause I wanted to fuck things up. Maybe that is it, I tried to sabotage myself, and then I continued to do it by telling her about it, so maybe that's just...typical me behavior. Ruin it before it even has a chance, then again, how mad could she be about Robin, her and I weren't together, now if she wanted to be mad about people I slept with...oh...fuck...

"It's not Robin I'm worried about..." It's the whole Riley subject that has me concerned.

She stops for a moment and says, "Riley..."

I just let it hang there, I don't wanna acknowledge it cause I got nothing to say about it. There is nothing that can be said to defend that, to justify it. I won't even try, cause I know I'm a scumbag for doing it, just gotta accept it. Just gotta accept whatever she wants to say about it, about me, so I brace myself for the worst.

"I think sleeping with him was punishment enough..."

Huh? Did she just...? I wasn't expecting to hear anything like that, I whip my head up in surprise and I'm looking right in her eyes, she's smirking at me, I shrug. "Yeah, he was kinda..."

"Horrible? Bad? Unfulfilling? Utterly...vanilla? Am I getting warm here?"

Uh-oh, this could be a trap. "I'm just gonna stick with no comment..."

She gives me a little nudge on my shoulder, her eyes are still twinkling mischievously, "Come on, pick one..."

Fuck it...she asked..."Well horrible is the word that first comes to mind..."

She laughs, "That's my girl..."

I stop for a moment and I think about what she just said. Am I her girl? I think she knows what I'm thinking cause she asks, "Does it bother you?"

I shake my head yes but I say, "No..." I grin a little and continue, "I kinda like it."

She says, "Me too." And she leans in and kisses me, oh God, Buffy kisses, I'm really digging those. Things would have gotten a whole lot more involved had we not heard the gasp from the couple and their children who walked by at that moment. I start to worry about her reaction, especially when the guy says to us, "You know you're going to hell..."

I was about to tell the guy where he could go and how to get there, but instead Buffy turns to the guy and says, "Been there, not that bad actually, a little hot and dusty...lots of demons..."

He just mutters and shakes his head as he ushered his little family away from us and she yells after him, "Yeah...you should really go back to your 'red state', ya fucking moron."

I make a show of looking into her eyes as I half-jokingly say, "WOW! You didn't happen to get some of that black oil on you, did you Scully?"

She blushes a bit at her outburst, then laughs, rolls her eyes at me, "No, Mulder I didn't. I'm fine, no abductions nor black oil, but I think I saw Krycek running around."

"I still say that guy was an alien..." I say as we get up and start walking back toward the car. All relevant conversation is over for the moment, but it's ok, it's kinda nice to slip back into something more comfortable. I know we're not done, there's still much more I need to tell her about me, so many more things which might make her not want to be with me. I try to stay positive, try to lose myself in the pleasantness of a ridiculous conversation.

"No he wasn't..."

"OK, how do you explain him having his arm cut off in one episode and it being back in another. Are we supposed to believe it just grew back? That it was a miracle..."

We argue back and forth about the X-Files all the way back to the hotel. It's not the first time we've argued over that show, nor will it be the last. I'd be rather embarrassed to admit it, but we've also spent lots of time arguing over Dawson's Creek, which I personally believe should have been called Pacey's Creek.

Chapter Six - Puzzle Pieces

POV Rosemarie

I watched out the window as the two girls walked hand in hand toward the building's parking lot. One of them seemed familiar, but it's not unusual when you're a teacher, you always think you recognize students. The dark-haired girl turns to get into the car and I see her face, it's a face I would recognize anywhere. Faith...

In a flash I was gone, out the classroom, pounding down the stairs, I ran out toward the lot and I saw the car pulling toward the exit. I ran as fast as I could toward their car, I yelled out to her and for a moment I thought she saw me, but then the car pulled out into traffic. I stopped, I was too late, she was gone again. Thankfully I got the license plate number, and I slumped onto a nearby bench to catch my breath and to try and process what I had just seen. I swear she saw me, maybe she did and just wanted to stay gone. It makes no sense, she's supposed to be dead.

I'm not really sure if I believe in miracles or things of that nature, but this is truly amazing. I'm only in LA to co-chair a Literature Conference which in and of itself isn't all that amazing. The fact the conference was supposed to be held in Lawrence, Kansas a few months ago, and only through an act of God, or rather a tornado, caused it to be moved here. And I'm here, on campus for all of twenty minutes and I see her, I see her in a place I wasn't supposed to be at all. Perhaps it's time I start praying, or maybe just play the lottery, cause this has to be my lucky day.

A few minutes later, Charles, the conference co-chair, ran out of the building looking for me, for a large man he was moving pretty fast, when he reached me he just slumped on the bench next to me, trying hard to catch his breath. "Jesus Roe...where the hell were you...running off to? Are you ok?"

I look at him amused for a second, him worrying about me is rather funny, he looks like he's about to have a heart attack. I grab the pen out of his pocket and write the plate number on my hand. I hand him back the pen and say, "I'm fine. Sorry if I alarmed you..."

"Are you going to tell me the reason for the sudden calisthenics, is this a pathetic attempt to get me to exercise? Did my wife put you up to this?"

I decide it's best to jump right into it, "I saw my daughter."

That comment stops him cold, he looks at me like the nutcase I probably am and says, "You're daughter?"

"Yes."

"The one that died?"

"Yes. The only daughter I ever had."

"Do I need to point out how crazy you sound?"

"No, I'm well aware how crazy it all seems to be, but I'm telling you I saw my daughter get into a red Porsche with a blonde girl and take off for God knows where."

He just sighs, he's known me for many years, he knows I'm not the hysterical type. If I say I saw her, he might not completely believe me, but I know he'll help me. We sit for a few more minutes, I smile as he finally asks, "Did you get the plate number?"

I just show him my hand and ask, "Is your son working today?"

"No, he's up at Big Bear, although I believe he'll be back to work overtime tomorrow. And even though it's against my better judgement, I'll give him a call and ask him to run the plate. Fair enough?"

I nod because it's going to have to be fair enough, I don't know any other way to track down a license plate number. I'm sure the police won't want to help me, they weren't all that helpful the first time around and I don't want them to call Nick and the kids and get them all worried about me. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the night, knowing she's out there, somewhere in LA but not being able to go to her.

POV Clementia

I had arrived in LA early this morning, and I immediately sought out the target, the Hyperion Hotel. I spent most of the day observing the happenings from my perch in a nearby tree. A couple of times I thought the vampire spotted me, but it seems he's not as adept at sensing the supernatural as I had been told. But just in case I know he won't be around tonight, I have it on good authority he will be leaving the hotel very shortly, going out to rescue people. Funny that...a vampire saving people, I don't think I'll ever get used to that one. But I guess stranger things have happened, I know, I've witnessed a lot in my line of work.

Believe me I'm very happy to be doing this job; usually I just get to clean up other demon's messes, it's not my usual trade to be cleaning up human messes. Human messes aren't quite as bad, believe me, you don't want to be the one cleaning up after vengeance demons, those women are really...well...vengeful, not to mention messy. And I can't help everyone, although I try, some people just don't want to accept their part in the scheme of things. They don't want to admit that it's something they've done which caused this badness to happen to them, which really doesn't put them in the mood for forgiveness. So, it's my job to show them what they've done and hope they accept it and forgive. If they can forgive they will be allowed to move on to whatever comes next, if not, they'll either stay in limbo or they'll find themselves in Hell.

It's really hard work; there are many vengeance demons, but only one of me, as you can imagine my time is scarce. But when the Powers that Be ask...nay... demand you do a job for them, you'd better clear that calendar in a real hurry, cause they are not a patient lot. Who am I you might wonder? I am Clementia, the goddess of mercy and clemency, hence the name. I know, it sucks, believe me I'd much rather be Diana or Venus, even Hecate, but such is life.

A half an hour after sunset, I watch as the vampire leaves; I wave goodbye to him as he drives away. I'm out of the tree and on the roof in a flash, I sneak down through the unlocked roof door, I move down the corridor cautiously because I don't want to be seen before I'm ready. I finally get myself situated in a darkened corner, from my vantagepoint I can watch the meeting going on below as I wait to make contact.

It seems like hours before the anagogic demon finally shows up. I heard he ran a demon sanctuary called Caritas which means mercy in Latin, which also means me in Latin, kinda funny if your me and don't get out much. Anyway, this demon is connected to the mystic, but it's not his psychic abilities I'm interested in tonight. It's his empathy for the dark-haired slayer, which brings me here.

He is seemingly lost in his own thoughts, when he hears the meeting he stops and watches for a few moments, I take my cue and timidly sidle up next to him and ask, "Penny for your thoughts?"

I startle him and he jumps a little, "You scared the beejeezus out of me, we really need to put bells on all you slayers."

I shrug at him sheepishly, "Sorry...I just didn't want them to catch me listening in, they get really upset when us new slayers want to get involved."

"Well, I don't blame you for sneaking, that group doesn't let anyone in apparently..."

I play along and ask, "What do you mean?"

"Well, for instance, Faith. She's a slayer too, and yet all they do is pretend she doesn't exist. If they would just listen they would realize most of her ideas are really good, they could really help you newer slayers. At least Buffy is starting to hear her; I just wonder how long Buffy will keep doing it if her friends don't want to let Faith in. I just wish for once they could all see things from Faith's point of view..."

"Done."

He looks at me hard for a moment and asks, "What did you just say?"

"I said I think they're almost done. I'm gonna get out of here before they notice me."

He eyes me suspiciously for a moment, then looks down at the meeting to see if it's really breaking up and when he looks back, I'm gone. Unfortunately it's not anywhere pleasant, I have to help a man whose girlfriend is wishing that his no good, cheating, lying ass slides under a gas truck and tastes his own blood before he violently gets blown up. Damn...I really need a vacation..."

POV Buffy

I can't believe how badly the meeting went; I never realized how much my friends ignore Faith and her opinions completely. It seems since I've more or less gotten control of my senses, they just wanna go back to treating Faith like her opinions and observations don't matter. This is just so unbelievable; maybe this is why she never came to any of our meetings. Well, that and we never actually invited her. I'm so pissed at them right now; it's like if a suggestion doesn't come from my mouth they don't wanna hear it. I'm most surprised at Giles; even he seemed to blow her off.

I tried everything I could think of to include her, which pretty much backfired. I just merely repeated one of Faith's suggestions and they jumped all over it, saying it was the best idea ever meanwhile when Faith said it they acted like it was a horrible idea. Needless to say, she's pretty upset and took off before I could get a chance to talk with her, so now I'm out here looking for her, hoping to make things right...again. It doesn't take me long to find her, she's only gotten a few blocks away from the hotel, she's busy fighting some vamps, four on one, not really good odds if they've been around for a while so I casually ask, "Want some help?"

"Nah, they're newbies, not really risky."

The vampires seem to be insulted and one of them yells at her, "We are not newbies, we've been vampires for two whole weeks now."

She just looks at me and shrugs, "Did ya hear that? Two whole weeks..."

"Yeah, better be careful..."

"Well you know me, careful is my middle name."

I roll my eyes and just stand there watching her, she is truly a sight to behold. I love watching her slay, she moves so fast and fluidly, and I wonder if I look that good when I'm slaying. A punch here, a kick there, damn she's not even really working up a sweat, so much for hoping they would make her hungry and horny. I watch her as she slowly takes them out one by one. Now there's only one vampire left and he's just completely clueless, he tries to start talking trash, "You will rue the day you ever messed with..."

I wonder what he was gonna say before she staked him, eh, it was probably something lame. "Are you rueing the day?"

"Yep, I'm rueing, whatever was I thinking messing with those bad ass vamps...I sure hope I've learned my lesson..."

"I'm sorry about my friends..."

She looks down and sighs, "Yeah, I'm used to it."

"Well you shouldn't be..."

"Forget it, let's just stake some more vamps and call it a night, yeah?"

At that point I knew it was pretty pointless to try and talk to her about it. So we patrolled around for another hour, unfortunately there were more vampire slayers out than actual vampires, but I guess that's to be expected these days. The girls were all following the suggested rules, no slayer out patrolling alone, so we steered clear of them not wanting them to think we were spying on them.

By the end of the week all the girls will be on their way back to their respective homes at least until we figure out what were gonna do. We've assigned them all email addresses so when we finally decide where the new base of operations will be we can contact them and see if they want to join us. If they don't choose to join us we are going to try to send them some kind of watcher person. Although there isn't much left of the old council, but Giles thinks we can find some people who'd be willing.

Faith and I both demanded we get to interview any potential watcher, I wanna make sure they aren't like the old council, meanwhile Faith said she wants to make sure they aren't dorks. Of course she was only kidding, hmmm...I think she was only kidding, it is quite possible she was serious. Finally Faith has had enough walking around, and calls it a night and we went back to the hotel.

I walk with her towards her room, it's kinda awkward, I don't know if I'm supposed to follow her inside or say goodnight or kiss her goodnight, or wait for her to do it. There isn't a chance to do any of those things as she quickly opens the door and steps inside. I just sigh and keep walking and then she calls out to me, "Buffy?"

"Yeah?" As I turn to look at her I just keep repeating, 'don't say nothing, don't say nothing, don't say nothing'. The moment seems to be dragging on and I'm thinking she's definitely gonna say nothing when she surprises me, "Stay with me?"

I feel her nervousness, I guess she thinks I might say no, but I say, "Sure..."

I feel even more nervousness from her as she looks everywhere but directly at me. "I-I don't wanna do anything, I just..."

I close the distance between us and make her look at me, "I know, it's ok." I give her a quick kiss and a little half smile before I follow her into her room.

Chapter Seven - The Shared Dream Experience

POV General

During the night, while Xander, Willow, Giles and Buffy are fast asleep, safe in their warm little beds, unbeknownst to each other, they all start having the same dream. A dream that will show them the other side of the story, the side they were never supposed to see.

It's the old Sunnydale High School; Faith is pacing back and forth in front of the double library doors. She's muttering to herself, "just ask him, what's the worst he could say?"

After a few more minutes of pacing she finally takes a deep breath and walks into the library. Giles is behind the library counter, stamping in the returned library books, he looks up at Faith and smiles slightly and goes back to his work.

She walks up to the counter, "Giles? I was, uh, wondering, um, if the uh Council would consider...giving me some money?"

Giles stops what he is doing, looks at her, "You need money?"

"Well, um, not right this second, but if they could maybe give me something, I might actually be able to..."

The rest of the gang comes in as Faith finishes, "eat..."

But it's too late, Giles full attention is on Buffy and the gang, "Ah, Buffy, I'm glad you are here..."

Faith looks upset as she watches them all walking over to the tables, she runs her hand through her hair, closes her eyes for a moment. She takes a breath, then another, when she opens her eyes; she no longer looks upset but looks rather bored. She wanders over to the rest of them and takes a seat on one of the tables.

The dream continues. Now it's the inside of a bar, Willy's Alibi Room to be exact. Willy is standing behind the bar and Faith comes walking in, she takes a seat at the far end of the bar. Not one of the demons or vampires in the place moves, they don't seem to view Faith as a serious threat. Willy comes over. "There's a game in the back..."

Faith grins, "High stakes?"

He nods, "For them..."

She smirks as she walks into the back room and grabs the open seat, "I'm in, what are we playing?"

Most of the Scoobies don't recognize any of the demons at the table, except for one big, tall, floppy-eared demon they all know to be Clem. They seem to be playing cards for a long while; Faith must have won most of the hands, which is obvious from the amount of chips piled up in front of her. The others seemingly admit defeat and start getting up and leaving the room.

Clem gets up and walks around the table, he looks totally upset, but he sighs and hands Faith a basket with two kittens in it, one of the kittens is mostly white with a little splash of black on it's tail and the other is completely black. She looks at the kittens, then looks up at him, "What are these?"

Clem smiles helpfully, "They're kittens..."

She laughs slightly and shakes her head. "I KNOW that...why are you giving them to me?"

"These are your winnings..."

"What? Where's the cash?"

"Oh, we don't play for cash, we play for kittens."

"WHY?"

"Oh, well...I guess cause they are delicious when you cook them..."

Faith looks disgusted and yells, "YOU EAT THEM?"

Clem shakes his head yes and Faith sighs angrily. She pushes up from the table and goes to storm out, she gets halfway to the door and comes back over, gives Clem a defiant look and picks up the basket of kittens and walks back out into the bar.

"WILLY?" She screams at him and he is falling down laughing at her, "You shoulda seen your face, that was so fucking priceless..."

"Man...you knew they were playing for kittens, you coulda told me ya fuck."

She puts the basket on the bar and takes a seat. Willy is still laughing at her. She says, "Yeah real fucking funny, I don't need kittens, I need money, rent is due and I'm...really fucking hungry..."

Clem sits down next to her and says, "Well, you could always eat one of the kittens..."

She yells, "CLEM!" She looks at him angrily and sees his smiling, helpful face and she sighs and says more calmly, "You're really not helping..."

Willy comes back and puts a shot glass down in front of her and fills it up with Jack Daniels, "Have a JD and quit your bitching...in a few minutes some Kronos demons will be coming in here looking to play a little 9-ball..."

She looks hopeful, "Really?"

"Yep, I heard they got lots of cash, so you should make out alright. And in the meantime, I got some kegs that need to be changed out, so that should keep you occupied."

She asks sarcastically, "Whose gonna watch the kittens?"

Clem doesn't get it and offers, "I could watch them for you..."

"Fine...but I see one of those kittens anywhere near your mouth, we're fighting." She turns back toward the bar, "Uh...Willy?...Did you not hear me say I was hungry?"

Willy rolls his eyes and grabs a bag of popcorn from behind the bar and throws it to her, "I'm putting it on your tab."

She mumbles under her breath, "Yeah, yeah, yeah...what else is fucking new..."

The dream continues, Faith is standing on a porch with a box, an attractive, young, woman answers the door and asks, "May I help you?"

"Oh, um, hi, you don't really know me, but I heard that your daughter's cat kinda got run over the other day. And I happened to come across these kittens and I was wondering..."

The woman smiles widely, "That is so thoughtful, come in, you can give them to Tiffany yourself...she's gonna love them..."

"Well, I..."

The woman holds open the door, "No, no...come in...You know, it's weird, but I looked all over Sunnydale, can you believe not one kitten in this whole town..."

Faith is now inside the living room, she puts the box on the floor and squats down in front of a little girl playing with her Barbie dolls.

"Hey, you're Tiffany right?"

"Yeah...Who are you?"

"I'm Faith, I, uh, was hoping you could do me a favor."

The little girl eyes her suspiciously, "What kind of favor?"

Faith takes the kittens out of the box "Well, these little guys need someone to look out for them, I was wondering if you could do that for me."

The little girls eyes lit up, big smile on her face, she immediately drops the Barbie and takes the black kitten from Faith and holds it close to her, giving it kisses on the top of it's head. "I could do that...What are they're names?"

"Well, they don't have names..."

"Oh..." She thinks about it for a moment and says, "how about we call this one Faith..."

Faith laughs slightly, "You wanna name the cat after me?"

"Yeah, it's got dark hair like yours...What do you think we should call the other one?"

Faith smiles at the kid, then picks up the white kitten, she looks at her little furry face, laughs slightly, "You could call this one Buffy..."

The little girl nods her consent and they put both kittens on the floor and the black one pounces on the white one and they roll around, biting and pawing at each other, the little girl asks worriedly, "Are they fighting?"

"Nah, they're just playing...See..."

The white one is now on top of the black one and starts licking it's ears. Faith grins at them; "They're just really good friends..."

The scene shifts back to Willy's Alibi Room again, this time there are some Christmas decorations hanging up. Faith is sitting at the bar slouched over with her hand holding up her head. She looks sad and depressed, Willy comes over to her, he's looking a little worse for wear. His arm is in a sling, all around his eyes are the yellowish, black color of fading black eyes, "You know, you should really find yourself a boyfriend, you are too good a catch to be single."

"Yeah...what am I gonna do with a boyfriend?"

A big red demon, with horns growing out of his head, takes a big sip of his beer and interjects, "The same thing women always do, take our money, leave us with nothing and then go and sleep with the first chaos demon you meet."

She sighs, rolls her eyes and says to him, "Ralphie that was over a year ago...get over it already..."

Willy jumps in again, "How about that kid, what's his name...Xander. That kid is going places."

"Why would I want to go out with Xander?"

"Well, first off, you could do worse. Second, you ain't gonna get the princess..."

"Who said I wanted her?"

"You did."

Faith rolls her eyes and answers, "Yeah...well...that was a long time ago..."

"It was like a week ago...on Christmas Eve...you were all happy, begging me to let you have the night off..."

"Whatever...I'm over it. Back to the land of the sane hetero's..."

"Well...I'm glad you're over it, I'm still wearing the evidence that I gave you the wrong night off."

Faith looks down, "I told you I was sorry..."

Willy waves off the apology, but won't be deterred, "So, what about it?"

"I don't know, we'll see how it goes." Willy leaves to serve another customer as she thinks about it, she smiles slightly, "He is kinda funny though...not bad looking...single now that Cordy's done with him. He seems trustworthy, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't hurt me, not that he could make anything happen if I didn't want it to happen. And I really hate being alone all the time." Willy comes back with an expectant look, she says, "Maybe you're right Will, maybe Xander would make a good boyfriend..."

The scene shifts again, this time it's Faith's little crappy apartment. Her and Xander are lying there in post-coital bliss, he is gently running his hand up and down her arm, she's digging it. They smile at each other and he says, "Oh god Cordy..."

Faith stops and stares at him, "Who did you just call me?"

Xander looks confused for a moment and then it seems to dawn on him what he just did, and he answers nervously, "I-I said Faith...I called you Faith...Not Cordy...I never said Cordy..."

They're standing on opposite sides of the bed now, Faith has the sheet wrapped around her and Xander has his underwear on. She argues, "Yes you did, I heard you..."

"I-I don't think you heard me correctly, Cor..."

Xander slaps himself in the head at his stupid mistake yet again. Faith stares at him for a moment and points to the door and screams at him, "GET OUT!"

"What? No...come on. It was an honest mistake I didn't mean it Co...um...Faith? Why the fuck do I keep doing that?"

"I don't know but you can think about it outside..."

She gathers up his stuff and pushes it into his arms and she pushes him out the door. He is standing outside her room now and he looks back in at her and she says sarcastically, "That was great...gotta shower..." Then she slams the door on him, he stares at the door for a long moment, then shrugs and starts getting dressed.

Back inside the room, Faith walks around, she's running her hand through her hair, she finally sits down on the bed. She pulls her knees up to her chest, she wraps her arms around them and puts her head down, it appears as if she's crying.

Now it's the Sunnydale High School Library, there is a big, huge demon stuck in the floor. It has huge tentacles with eyeballs on each of them, all around are the Sisterhood of the Jhe. Angel and Faith are fighting the sisterhood, the demon takes a swing at Angel, but he ducks and swings back at her hitting her dead in the face, breaking her neck, she falls back onto the ground dead, another one takes it's place. Faith is beating one of the them, she stabs it in the chest and it falls to ground, she turns and starts helping Angel with his demon. Giles swings at the Hellmouth demon with an ax, trying to force it back into the Hellmouth as he recites the rest of the binding spell.

"Omnia...vasa...veritatis!" Then he screams at Buffy, "Now, Buffy!"

>From high above him, at the stack level, Buffy swings a battleaxe at it, it tries to retreat from her back into the Hellmouth, it lashes out with it's tentacles in it's attempt to avoid Buffy's blows. One of the tentacles hits Angel hard, throwing him into a wall and knocking him unconscious. Meanwhile, another one lands a solid hit on Faith and she goes flying up and over the reception desk, she hits the wall behind it and you can hear the crack of bones breaking before she falls to the floor.

Buffy is madly cutting into the demon's tentacles as it quickly tries to slip the last of the way back through the Hellmouth into Hell, once inside the gateway seals itself behind it. Buffy runs to Angel's side, it takes a few minutes but he finally wakes up. Giles and Willow come over to them; they help Buffy get him to his feet and out the back library door into the fresh air.

A few minutes later, Faith stands up slowly behind the reception desk holding her arm and wincing a little in pain, her forehead is cut and bleeding. She says, "I, uh, shit...I think I broke my arm, guess I'm gonna need..." She looks around and notices that everyone is gone, her eyes are wide in disbelief. Finally she snorts a little disgusted laugh and starts walking around the reception desk toward the double doors, carefully avoiding the hole in the floor still holding her broken arm. "Don't mind me, I'm just the extra slayer, it's not like I have feelings..."

The dream changes again back to Faith's apartment. There is a knock at the door; she looks towards it frowning. She sighs as the knock comes again; she gets up off the bed and opens the door, "Yeah..."

Quentin Travers is standing there, he offers out his hand, "Hello, Ms. LeHane, I'm Quentin Travers from the Watcher's Council."

She looks at his hand for a moment, unsure what to do, finally she shakes it, "You must be lost, Buffy and Giles are at the high school."

"I assure you, I'm not lost, I'm here to see you. Do you mind if I come in?"

"I don't know...can you?"

He laughs slightly as he walks in, "You do know it's daytime..."

"Yeah...I was making a joke...I'm a funny girl..."

"Quite..."

Faith turns her back to him, headed back towards the bed; suddenly she is shot with two electrical probes from an EMD gun. As soon as the probes hit her she falls to the ground, muscles spasming for a few moments as she just lays there completely paralyzed. She's still conscious, her breathing is rapid and ragged, the look on her face is one of pure terror, tears stream down her face as Quentin calls out to the others waiting outside, "Quickly...get her into the truck so we can finish this before it wears off."

Faith is in the back of an armored car, she slowly regains consciousness and looks around. She looks down her body and her eyes widen in shock, she jumps up and immediately pulls back up her pants. She frantically looks around, she's freaking out. "What the fuck..." She's starting to hyperventilate, she spins around wildly, she doesn't know what to do, where to go. Suddenly she falls down on her hands and knees and throws up. When she's done she backs away into a corner of the truck. She pulls her knees up tight to her chest again and starts rocking back and forth until she finally loses it and starts crying, "Oh God..."

Now Faith is standing on Buffy's porch, she looks like she doesn't know what to do. One of her arms is wrapped around her stomach, the other one she's nervously biting on her thumbnail. She's really nervous, shifting back and forth on each foot, trying to decide what to do, finally she knocks, and after a few minutes Buffy answers the door.

"B...Buffy?"

Buffy looks really pissed, "Oh, you finally decide to show back up, finally decided to come back and do your fucking job."

"I-I...I..."

Buffy starts yelling at her, "God forbid you take any responsibility Faith. Do you have any idea what I've been through the past couple of days..."

Faith stares at the ground, she won't look up at Buffy. Buffy continues her tirade, wildly gesticulating with her arms, she's so into her responsibility speech she doesn't notice how Faith flinches every time Buffy's hands shoot out. Buffy finishes yelling and Faith just turns and slowly walks down the steps without saying anything, Buffy blows out an angry sigh, goes back into the house and slams the door shut.

The scene shifts again, its the outside Giles' apartment building. Faith is standing there, she's looking at the door, and she walks over to it hesitantly and is about to knock when Giles comes down the stairs behind her, "Faith?"

Faith jumps back a little into the shadows and says, "G-Giles..."

"Oh, it is you. I suppose you're here to ask about the Cruciamentum test..."

"Test?"

"Oh...uh...it's a rite of passage...the...uh...Council..." Faith tries to back further into the wall when she hears the word council. Giles looks a little concerned, he takes a step closer to her, "You look really...bad, perhaps you should go home and get some rest."

Faith nods and cautiously moves past him, she gets to the stairs and Giles says, "I, uh, should probably inform you that the Council fired me tonight. They'll be sending another Watcher which means you should probably try to, uh, be a little more...like Buffy...I'm not saying you have to be her, but it wouldn't hurt you to be a little more responsible. You can't just come and go whenever you please, going out partying all the time..."

Faith looks stunned, "Partying? Yeah...that's what I've been doing...partying..."

Faith is standing outside Willy's Alibi Room talking with Willy. He says, "Look, I'm really sorry kid, but I can't let you hang around here no more. If you're smart you'll get your ass on the next bus outta town..."

Faith looks hurt and confused, "What? Why?"

"I'm talking about the fact you killed the main supplier for the entire demon underworld of Sunnydale. Allan Finch was the man to see if you needed to get things in this town, if say you needed an Asian virgin for a spell or ritual, or you needed to get fresh blood delivered to your bar, he could make it happen. Every demon and vampire in Sunnydale wants a piece of you now, as a matter of fact, I'm not all that happy with you right now either. The only person you've made happy is the Mayor."

"Why would he be happy about it? They worked together..."

Willy shook his head, "Obviously you've never met the Mayor, he's kinda...insane and completely unaware of Finch's little side business. The Mayor would probably view it as unsavory or lewd or pornographic, I don't know, apparently he's completely freaked out by germs and anything involving sex and women. Anyway, the word on the street is Finch came looking for you and the Princess to rat the Mayor out cause he's planning something that will most likely destroy all of Sunnydale. And that would have been awfully bad for Finch's business..." Willy laughs and shakes his head, "Apparently you should have talked first and staked later..."

Faith gets pissed, "Fuck you, all right. Believe me I'm already getting enough shit about it. It was a fucking accident, coulda just as easily been Buffy holding that stake. It won't take long for the superfriends to find out about it; no way Buffy will keep quiet. No way will they believe this was an accident. They'll probably call in the Council or something, I'm sure Willow would be the first one to suggest calling them, that girl really fucking hates me. They'll never protect me the way they would Buffy, and why would they, they never gave a shit about me before. And what's the Council gonna do, most likely put a bullet in my head, that way problem solved and they'll get a new slayer to boot. It's a win-win situation for them. Jesus...this...this is just...fucked..."

Willy just shrugs, "Well, I don't know what to tell ya. The best thing you can do is get the hell outta dodge, before it's too late..."

Faith looks at him and sighs, "After what you just told me that's not really an option."

"So what are ya gonna do?"

Faith turns and starts walking away, "I'll think of something..."

Faith is in a small room with lots of furniture piled up, she opens one of the drawers to a desk and looks around nervously. She takes a pencil out of her pocket and drops it in the drawer quickly and slides it shut again. She steps outside the room as a vampire brings in a scared looking Willow and pushes her into the room and shuts the door.

Faith turns to the guy, "You bite her and I swear I'll seriously torture your ass before tying you to a tree so you can watch the sun rise. Don't fucking think I won't..."

The vampire swallows nervously at the threat and nods his head in agreement and Faith turns and walks out. The vamp shoots the finger in the direction Faith just left and turns his attention toward the door.

Faith walks down the corridor inside City Hall, she stops as she sees Willow sitting on the floor looking through the Books of Ascension, she says to herself, "You gotta be fucking kidding me...This coulda all been over by now."

She glances up at the camera, which is pointed directly at Willow, she sighs and mutters, "Fucking idiot..."

She steps into the doorway, "Check out the bookworm."

Willow jumps up and turns toward her, "Faith!"

"Anyone with brains, anyone who knew what was going to happen to her, would try to claw her way out of this place. But you, you just can't stop Nancy Drew-ing, can you? Guess now you know too much and that kinda just naturally leads to killing."

"Faith, wait. I want to talk to you."

Faith glances at the doorway, she sees the Mayor standing there and says "Oh yeah? Give me the speech again, please. Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."

"It's way too late. You know it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy." Faith rolls her eyes at the mention of Buffy being her friend and Willow continues, "Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.

Faith punches Willow in the jaw and she falls to the ground, "You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient.

Willow climbs back to her feet, "Aw, here I just thought you didn't have a come back."

Faith says, "You're begging for some deep pain."

"I'm not afraid of you."

Faith pulls out the fancy knife, Willow's eyes go a little wide, "Let's see what we can do about that."

The Mayor finally interrupts, "Girls, I hope I don't have to separate you two. Faith, you can play with your new toy later. Something's come up."

Faith keeps holding the knife to Willow's neck, staring into her eyes, The Mayor continues from the door, "Faith! You know I don't like repeating myself."

Faith looks Willow up and down and says, "I got someone. I got him."

The Mayor continues speaking, "I just received a heck of an interesting phone call."

The dream finally ends. The four continue to sleep, a little more restlessly than before the dream.

POV Faith

I look into the mirror, and I wonder outloud, "Why am I doing this again?"

I think about it for a moment, "Oh yeah, cause I sold my soul for some money and a shiny red Porsche."

I really don't believe that, but I gotta admit, I don't like the fact Wolfram & Hart is involved. Not that Angel has me doing work for them, but I don't like them this close to me or Angel for that matter. I know this whole thing isn't going to end well, Team Angel working for evil incarnate...I'm gonna hafta do something about this.

I walk out of the bathroom, I look at the girl sleeping in my bed, it makes me smile. Buffy is really beautiful, she looks so peaceful sleeping, I kinda feel bad for having to duck out on her, but I'm sure she'll understand. When I get back, she'll know I did it for a good reason. I lean down and kiss her on her forehead and caress her cheek gently, she shifts slightly and smiles in her sleep.

I watch her sleep for a few more moments. I think about everything I told her last night, about my life before Sunnydale, all the abuse suffered at the hands of the people who should have loved me, who were supposed to protect me. I really wish I didn't have to leave right now, I don't want her to wake up and think I ran away. I left her a note though, letting her know that I'm not running away, I just had something to do. Also letting her know that I love her, I know it would be better to tell her to her face, but I want her to know and I'm just not ready to say it out loud yet.

Chapter Eight - Finding Out

POV Faith

I can hear Xander coming down the hallway, so I take one last look at the girl who has my heart. I hope she understands just how hard it was for me to give it, I hope she knows that it's more fragile than anyone would ever suspect. I turn and open the door before Xander has a chance to knock; I don't want him to wake Buffy up. He seems a little startled to see me. I ask as I quickly shut the door.

"Ready?"

He just nods, he seems too quiet, Xander's mouth is usually running a mile a minute, and it's kinda disturbing to see him so mellow. But he did just lose his chick so I won't call him on it. We step outside into the darkness, damn I really hate that it's still dark out, one thing I really don't like is getting up before the sun. I check my jacket pocket for a stake just in case, I really don't need Xander getting killed by a vamp while he's with me, cause somehow I don't think anybody would believe it was an accident, and well, been there, done that, got the long prison sentence.

Xander and I get into the car and I can't take the silent act any longer.

"So...Angel says you asked for me specifically...why?"

It takes a long while before he finally speaks.

"Because...I know if I ask you, you'll give me an honest opinion."

"Hmm...I guess that really would depend on what you asked me..."

I wonder where he's going with this. I wish he had spoken to somebody about this, if something should go wrong, how much trouble would I be in? I know I should be more worried about Xander, but he already has plenty of people to worry about him.

"I suppose so, it's just...I know you won't tell me what I want to hear. You won't just give me some lame pep talk and expect everything to go back to normal."

"Xander...they just want you to be ok..."

"Well in case you haven't noticed Faith I'm not ok, I'm a very long way away from ok...and apparently I've been fucked up for quite a long while..."

OK, I have no clue what he means or how to handle this situation; I'm the last person he should be with right now. I should probably turn around and take him back...

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea..."

He just sits there and doesn't say a word one way or another. I'm starting to get really worried about him, when he finally says, "I just...I'm sorry, Faith..."

OK, what did he just say? He's sorry? He's apologizing to me? Why?

"Huh? I think you got it backwards there, shouldn't I be apologizing to you?"

"To be honest, I don't think so, I don't think you owe me anything. I should have apologized to you a long time ago, I guess I didn't realize calling you by the wrong name..."

Oh...so that's what this is about. Yeah, you do owe me an apology for that...dickhead. Of course I let him off the hook and I just kinda shrug.

"It happens..."

"It shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I never realized how much we treated you like you didn't matter, and maybe if we had treated you better, maybe if I had tried to make things up to you before everything else happened... I don't know, maybe I wouldn't have seemed like such a jackass when I thought I could be the hero and save the day."

"Look...Xander, stop this, it's not your fault, a lot of things happened back then to contribute, it wasn't just you..."

He interrupts me, "You're right Faith, it wasn't just me. It was all of us, we were complete assholes and you deserved much better."

I wanna argue with him more, want to tell him it's entirely my fault. I'm the one to blame, I was wrong, I deserved exactly what happened, it's my fault cause I'm evil, I'm bad...my father taught me well didn't he? But I'm not that girl anymore.

"Well, for what it's worth, I'm sorry too..."

"I know...I forgive you..."

I just nod at that, I'm not quite sure what else there is to do, I really don't think I'm ever gonna understand these people. When I wanted their forgiveness they couldn't be bothered, and now that I'm not looking for it, they're practically tripping over themselves to say it.

We drive a few more blocks before he looks over at me and smirks, "So, what's going on with you? You, uh, dating anyone?"

Ok, I wasn't expecting that question, actually I wasn't expecting any of this conversation. I'm not really sure what he means. Or how to even begin to answer so I just play it cool, "Why...you interested?"

He laughs slightly, "You know, don't think just because I only have one good eye at the moment I didn't notice the really hot, blonde slayer sleeping in your bed..."

Oh fuck...busted! I glance nervously over at him.

"You saw that?"

He's really laughing at me now, enjoying seeing me squirm, have I mentioned how much I don't like him?

"So? What of it? Come on let me have it...let's get this over with..."

"Nope...I got nothing to say."

I eye him suspiciously; I wonder why he's not saying anything. I can't help but say something sarcastic.

"Well that's a first..."

Fortunately he just laughs; he gets that I wasn't trying to be mean.

"Ouch...Are you always this cheerful in the morning?"

"Yep, especially when I'm really hungry, like right now..."

"You're hungry? Try only having water since 3 p.m. yesterday, then you can talk about hungry..."

"Oh...so these guys are like real doctor's then?"

"Yeah, I guess, it's a mystical/magical/medical kinda thing, or so I was told." A few more blocks go by and he asks, "Hey, is it true? Did you really take out the whole Sunnydale police force?"

I shrug defensively, "They started it..."

He laughs, I grin, I think this is probably the best conversation I've ever had with Xander, it's definitely the longest. "That's what I thought..." After a few minutes he finally asks, "Do you think I'm doing the right thing here?"

Ah, the question that requires the honest opinion. This is just totally weird, Xander wanting my opinion on something, wanting me to take him to the doctor. I seriously don't get it cause just last night the Scoobs were doing their whole 'pretend Faith doesn't matter' thing again. I wonder why they act like that one-minute then act like we're supposed to be friends the next. I know I don't have much experience when it comes to friendship, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. Also, it really doesn't help me get over my trust issues with them, but as always, I try to help out.

"I don't know, Xander. I guess it depends on why you wanna do this...if you're doing it just to make Buffy or Willow feel better then this is definitely a bad idea. If you want this for yourself, then, why not? It's worth a try. But I guess the question you really need to ask yourself is: can you handle it if it doesn't work out?"

He just nods and takes in what I've said. I feel bad for the guy, this is kinda a tough decision. Who knows what could go wrong? I guess he gets it too.

"You think they might mistakenly give me an evil eye?"

"I'm not sure, I suppose it could happen, but this isn't Sunnydale, things might actually work out here. Hey, maybe you can get a cool x-ray vision eye. Check out all the girls, see if the carpet matches the drapes..."

I give him a grin and a nudge with the last comment. He smiles back at me and shakes his head.

"I can't believe you just said that..."

"Or...maybe you could get like a cool laser eye. Like the guy from X-Men, Cyclops. He's a major stud. You could probably dust vamps at like a thousand paces or something. Hmmm...Lasers? I'm gonna write that one down."

"You are one strange girl Faith..."

"Thanks..."

I really meant the last part, calling me strange means he at least has an opinion of me. And hey it's better than what I had imagined he thought of me. Maybe they're finally coming around, maybe Lorne was right. Maybe I will finally get something good going with these people.

We drove the rest of the way not really talking much; Xander kept pointing out all the food places that were open. I kept threatening to stop at one of them. It was good times.

POV Buffy

I woke up slowly and reached out for Faith and I realize she's not there with me. I sit up in a panic, remembering the conversation from last night. Remembering the awful things Faith had to deal with, feeling all that pain from her when she spoke about it. I kinda knew she didn't have a great life before Sunnydale, but I never knew how truly awful it was for her. I met some kids who went through some rough stuff at the high school, but nowhere near as horrifying as this.

The hardest thing about hearing it all was keeping strict control over my emotions, I didn't want her to feel pity, I wanted her to feel loved. I wanted her to feel loved because up to this point, her watcher and Angel were the only people to ever show her that. I wanted her to know that I care about her too. And to let her know I won't be abandoning her that I will always be here for her, like I should have done when she first came to Sunnydale.

Speaking of which, I remember this dream I had last night, seeing the way Faith had to live in Sunnydale. Seeing everything from her point of view for pretty much the very first time. I realize now how very little we knew about the things Faith did, how she survived, how she managed to pay for her living expenses. I never thought how hard it must have been for her, being barely 18 with no family, no money, nobody left who cared about her. The only person to have ever given a shit about her was killed right in front of her all because of a stupid test, a stupid meaningless test.

And me, what did I do? Nothing. I never gave her much thought, well, that's not exactly true. I thought plenty about her, those thoughts mostly centered on Faith having sex with some random guy, enjoying herself, liking who she was, being the number one party girl. And goddamn it if I wasn't completely jealous, which is just ridiculous, I had everything and she had nothing. But I was jealous of her. And Faith just went along with it, she just acted like everything was 5 x 5 when it wasn't even close to resembling good. Or maybe 5 x 5 meant 'everything sucks, I need help.' You know she should really come with a dictionary.

I finally spy a note on her pillow, I'm almost afraid to read it, afraid it's gonna tell me that she left, she needed her space, she couldn't stay with me. Or any one of a thousand variations on that theme, and who would blame her for that. It takes me a few minutes but I finally get my courage together and reach for it.

Buffy,

Sorry I had to leave so early this morning. There's something I need to do this morning. I woulda told you about it, but it's kinda like a secret or something. Don't worry, I promise you I'm not doing anything illegal, it could possibly be immoral though--but this is me we are talking about, so...

You wouldn't believe how much time it took me to write this note, I spent about twenty minutes trying to decide the best way to start it and about another twenty to decide how to sign it. Weird, huh?

I just wanted to say thanks for everything you did for me last night, I appreciate it more than you'll probably ever know.

Love you,

Faith

Aww...she loves me...I knew it, I kinda love her too. I know if would seem to some that us admitting we love each other would seem like we're moving way too fast, but it doesn't feel that way to me. It just feels right to me; it feels like I've finally found someone I can be happy with, somebody I can share my life with. Sure, there's the whole, she's another girl thing, but I have to admit, her and I make a whole lot more sense than Riley and I, or Spike and I, it even makes more sense than Angel and I. Don't get me wrong, I loved Angel, I really did, but Faith and I connect on a level that those guys just can't touch, she understands me like no other person on this planet. And I know it's not just the slayer thing, it's more than that, a whole lot more than that, it always has been, I guess that's why it scared us both so much at first.

I probably would have stayed here in her bed waiting for her to return, but there's a knock at the door. I look around; I'm feeling a little brave surrounded by all of Faith's stuff, and I decide now is as good a time as any to have people find out about us.

I open the door and I'm kinda shocked to see Willow standing there. On second thought, perhaps this really wasn't the best time for people to find out. She sees me and says, "Oh...Buffy? I thought this was Faith's room?"

I smile a little and try to be brave; "It is..."

She looks confused for a moment, she takes in my just got out of bed appearance and then her eyes get really, really big, her mouth drops open as she realizes what I am inferring. She points her finger at me and says a little too loudly, "You slept with her again?"

I pull her inside because I really don't want an audience and I close the door. She's just standing there and all of sudden she says nervously, "Um...maybe you guys wanted to be alone..."

"She's not here, Will." I hand her the note I was still holding, and wait for her to get to the end. I wonder what she's gonna say as I nervously bite my lower lip.

Again with the yelling, "She loves you?

"Ok, can you not scream that so loudly?"

Willow looks totally confused, "Why? You...are you...not..."

"No, it's ok...i-it's good...I'm really happy about it, I kinda love her too. I'm not really ashamed or embarrassed..." I feel the blush creep across my face and frown, "ok that might be slightly inaccurate..."

Willow takes that all in and smiles at me, "Oh Buffy...welcome to my team..."

I laugh and she gives me a hug, I knew she wasn't gonna have a problem with this. We sit down on the bed and I suddenly wonder why Willow was looking for Faith, coming to her room so early in the morning...

She sees my look, "Stop that...I wasn't coming here to get with Faith. Although she is a hottie..."

My mouth drops open, "Willow!"

She grins at me, "What? She's a girl, I'm a girl, we like girls..."

OK, now she's just mocking me and I don't like it, so I just settle for pouting. I can't keep it up though, I haven't been this happy in...well...a really long time. It's quite possible I've never been this happy before.

"I just came here this morning because I had a dream about Faith last night..."

My eyes just widen at that, what kinda dream did she have?

"Oh, stop it Buffy, not that kind of dream. Hello...I have my own slayer, I don't need yours."

I wonder if she's figured out that the whole 'hungry/horny' thing isn't just a myth, but decide to keep my wondering to myself. I just sigh, "I guess I'm being a little stupid and jealous, huh?"

"Just a little bit..."

I suddenly realize something and I ask, "This dream you had...was it kinda like you were seeing things from Faith's point of view."

"You had it too?"

I just nod, damn, that's not good. Hopefully Faith won't freak out too much perhaps we just don't mention it.

Willow asks me, "Did you know about all that stuff?"

"No...not all of it. She told me about the truck thing yesterday. I can't believe I never listened to her...she came to me for help Will..."

Damn...my emotions are all over the place this morning, one minute I'm sad and then I'm happy and then I'm crying, it's almost like I have no control over them. I just put my head on Willow's leg, I can't help but cry at what I did to Faith, at everything that happened to her. All that abuse Faith was forced to deal with, it's just too much. I know Willow is crying too as she gently strokes my hair. She says, "I know...and she tried to help me get away from the Mayor, and I called her a worthless waste. We're bad people Buffy..."

I can't argue with that, "The worst...I can't believe she actually came back to help us. If I was her I woulda gotten as far away from us as possible."

"And Xander...I really need to smack him in the head. Calling her Cordelia, what a complete dope. And then not even apologizing. No wonder she tried to strangle him. I probably woulda done it too if he had called me Cordelia at that moment. I can't believe I was actually jealous she was with him..."

"What about Giles? He wasn't much better. I can't believe he told her to be more like me. Doesn't he understand we're girls, you don't ever compare one girl to another? It's just...wrong."

We sit quietly for a few minutes, thinking about how horribly we treated Faith. I can't believe she broke her arm and I never knew about it. I can't believe she actually tried to help Willow escape. Is it possible she was on our side and never left it? I guess it's possible, I can understand why she couldn't say anything, why she might not have wanted to say anything. Maybe she wanted me to figure things out, she gave me lots of opportunities to see, and maybe I just didn't want to.

That night with the box of Gavrock, she hit Willow, but didn't leave any mark, if she was really our enemy, if she really had hated Willow as much as everybody thought, there would have been a bruise, mostly likely a big one. At the very least there would have been major swelling but there was nothing. I remember the fight we had over Mrs. Post, I remember how bruised up Faith was, and how unmarked I was the next day. It's so fucking stupid, I actually thought my healing was better than hers, thought that I was just stronger than she was, I'm a fucking idiot. I didn't have any bruises because she didn't really want to hurt me, she held back, same thing with the fight before Graduation. Faith had me, she held me at the edge of the building, prepared to toss me off, but she hesitated. If she was so evil, and bad, why'd she hesitate? Why not throw me off the roof, and win? All these thoughts just swirl around my head, all those things I didn't notice then, are clear as d ay to me now. Why? Why didn't I see it then?

Willow's laugh interrupts my dark thoughts, "That kitten thing was really cute..."

I sit up and smile a little, wiping away some of the tears. "Yeah. I can't believe how sweet she was with the little girl."

"I liked how she told her to call the white kitten, Buffy. And then they pounced on each other and the white one licked the black one's ear...it was cute...kinda like you two..."

"I never licked her ear..."

"I'm just gonna be the mature adult and let that one go..." I blush a little at my own stupid comment, as Willow gives me this little sly look, "So, have you guys..."

"No...not yet...we just, um...kissed a few times..."

Willow grins at me, "You and her made with the smoochies?"

I can't stop blushing, and just nod. Willow looks confused and asks, "Faith hasn't...um...cause you know...she..."

"I know...you'd think she'd be pouncing on me, but, um...nope..."

"You want her to pounce?"

I nod, "Oh yeah. A lot..."

She grins at me and I blush some more. I'm not used to discussing this, discussing my feelings for girls...for Faith. I'm not used to somebody knowing that I want to do stuff with girls...with Faith. It is kinda weird.

"How'd this happen? Did you have feelings for her before?"

"Yeah, kinda. Back then those feelings just gave me the wiggins, I didn't know what to do. I never felt that way about another girl before, it really weirded me out, then Angel came back and things really got confusing."

Willow nods her head, of course she understands. She knows exactly what I was going through, she dealt with Oz coming back after she met Tara, after she knew she had feelings for Tara. I know she understands it all now, but I'm not so sure she would have gotten it back then.

"Then, after Finch and the Mayor-thing, those feelings just turned into hate and anger. I felt like she had abandoned me, like she'd rather be on the side with evil than on my side. I never realized that maybe it was me who had done all the abandoning. Oh my god, I didn't tell you what she showed me yesterday."

Willow gives me an evil little grin, "What did she show you?"

I laugh at her and blush a little more, "Nothing like that...God Will, get your mind out of the gutter. You know it's really disturbing how much more Xander-like you've gotten over the years."

She gives me a mock indignant look, but she can't keep it up. I give her a moment to collect herself.

"You know the Professor? The volcanologist?"

"Yeah, the one she killed."

"That's the thing...he's not dead."

Willow looks really confused, "What do you mean he's not dead?"

"I mean, like he's alive and teaching classes over at UCLA, she introduced me to him yesterday. She told me as far as she knew he was dead, she has memories of going to his apartment and killing him. She also told me weird things always happened to her in Sunnydale, like she'd wake up and it would be days or hours later than she thought."

"So you're thinking..."

"Maybe someone, like say...the Council...was messing with her head. I don't know any other reason for those things to have happened. Faith's pretty convinced the Council was behind it, but she doesn't have any proof. She told me she never mentioned it cause who would have believed her. And up until now, she was right; none of us would have believed her. But I know she's not lying Will, I just...I know it. I really need to talk to Giles, I just hope I can convince him."

"Count me in, I wanna help. I owe her my help."

I'm not sure what that comment means, Willow has not been the most understanding person when it comes to Faith, but I really don't have time to worry about it, at least she's on board, and that's good, I'll probably need her help to convince Giles.

POV Rosemarie

I look up at the giant Wolfram & Hart Building the license plate number has led me to, it took a lot of persuading but I finally convinced Charles I needed to do this on my own. I look at the building registry and decide to go straight to the CEO, perhaps he has children and I can convince him to help me, although I'm a little skeptical, the guy's name apparently is just Angel, like Cher or Madonna, I hope he's not as flaky.

I went up to the CEO's floor, I tried to get in to see him but the receptionist told me he wasn't going to be in today. She told me to have a seat and somebody would come to help me. I sat and watched the people walking around, they must have been celebrating Halloween in May or they were having some sort of costume contest. There're were a whole lot of weird looking people walking around, reminds me of the Catina scene in the movie Star Wars, very strange.

After a long while, a tall dark-haired woman finally approaches me. She looks rather bored to be dealing with me, I pull out the picture I had made of Faith this morning, "I'm looking for this girl, I understand she might be working here?"

She sighs and takes the picture, suddenly her eyes light up and she asks, "Did she maim you or hurt you in any way?"

What the hell kind of law firm is this? "...No? Do you know her?"

"Did she kill anyone you know? Whatever she did, do you want to press charges? It would be our pleasure to put her back in prison if you want us to..."

Prison? What did Faith get herself into? "No...I'm just looking for her. Who are you? Do you even work here?"

"I'm Lilah Morgan, I work directly for the senior partners. Who are you and why are you looking for the 'rogue slayer'?

Slayer? What the hell is a rogue slayer? "Look, I'm not in the mood for games, just tell me where I can find her?"

"One question at a time...who are you?"

"I'm her mother..."

"Her mother?" The woman looks me up and down and says, "You don't look like an alcoholic..."

Faith told people I was an alcoholic? That doesn't make any sense. "My daughter told you I was an alcoholic?"

"No...it was in her file. You also don't look dead, although some people can still manage to look good even though they're dead...you'd be surprised."

"Her file? What in bloody hell are you talking about? Is there anyone else I could talk to?"

"No, there is nobody else here that could help you, just me. Let's go to the café downstairs, I'll tell you everything you need to know, and then some."

On the way to the elevators, she asked for my full name and then spoke to the receptionist. I'm a little worried at how delighted this woman seems to be to tell me about Faith. I doubt she and my daughter were friends, so I wonder what she's going to tell me, but what do I have to lose? Maybe she can at least tell me where my daughter is; I really don't care about anything else she has to tell me.

POV Faith

I feel like I have been waiting here for hours, oh wait, I have been, I'm telling you if I have to eat one more candy bar or drink one more cup of that shit they call coffee I'm gonna go nuts. OK, maybe not completely nuts, but I will sigh a lot, and fidget, and beat the crap out of this magazine and possibly the coffee machine.

Finally Xander comes back out into the waiting room, I just look at him and smile, the patch is all gone and he just looks at me with both those brown eyes. I never realized how much I liked both of Xander's eyes. I get up and walk over to him, "X-ray vision?" I ask as I hold out my arms away from me so he can check me out.

He looks me up and down and says, "Um, no."

"Too bad..." I wave my hand up and down my body and say, "Ahhh, you've seen this already anyway. Pretty standard issue..."

He looks me up and down again, "Standard issue? Um, Faith, there is nothing about your body that is standard..."

I grin because I like compliments, he laughs and I take his arm in mine, and we walk out of the office together, I say, "So, was the nurse hot? Did it hurt? Was it bad? Was the nurse hot? Did you get a guarantee? Can we eat now? Was the nurse hot?"

He ignores most of my questions, but does manage to focus on the important one. "Oh God yes, I'm so hungry."

On the way back we stop at McDonalds to scarf down some food. I forgot how good it all tastes, cause after all, it's been about four years since I last had McDonalds, but don't worry I made up for it. Everything was really cool until we parked outside the hotel and I felt a surge of rage that I haven't felt in years. I never wanted to feel that way again, but I know it's not me this time, its Buffy. What the hell could make her that angry?

POV Buffy

I threw on some of Faith's clothes cause I don't really have any of my own. I wonder if Giles would like to lend me some more money. I already owe him a small fortune, what's another couple of hundred, right? I finally manage to look less waif-like in Faith's clothes, she's only slightly taller than me, but her chest is a lot bigger than mine, but with some strategic tying of fabric, I look more presentable. Willow and I walk out of the room and we ran into Dawn, literally. She ran Willow and I down like a wayward truck, I swear that girl has way too much energy for a normal teenager. Which kinda makes sense when you consider she used to be a big ball of energy.

"Where the hell have you guys been? I've been looking for you all morning...Xander's gone...I went to check on him and he's gone. We gotta find him Buffy, what if something bad happened to him."

We try to re-assure Dawn, but she's right. He lost Anya and he has been acting really withdrawn, he didn't even eat any of the pizza we got last night. And there's the whole fact that our little group doesn't have a habit of dealing with death very well. So we grab Dawn and run downstairs to Angel's office, we just burst in without knocking, Giles, Wesley, Lorne and Angel all look at us in surprise and Dawn yells, "Xander's gone, he might do something bad..."

Angel speaks up, "No, Dawn it's ok, Xander's fine."

"How do you know?"

"He's just out with Faith, she just called me, they should be back here shortly."

Dawn gets all huffy with Angel, "You coulda told me that earlier..."

Angel looks totally confused, and I feel bad for him cause he's really not used to teenagers. "You didn't ask me..."

"Whatever..." Dawn just takes off out of the office in a huff, teenagers...ya gotta love them. One minute everything is bad and the next minute it's still bad but for a different reason.

I watch Dawn go as I try not to freak out too much that Xander and Faith are hanging out together, I have visions of dollar bills and girls wearing g-strings, hopefully that's all they're doing. There could be lap dances going on, Faith could be getting lap dances...damn, I really need to stop listening to Howard Stern cause I have way too much knowledge about strip clubs. I know there could be another perfectly good explanation for those two being out together. But seriously, where else could those two have gone? And Faith did say she wasn't doing anything illegal and some might refer to strip clubs as being immoral. Thankfully Giles interrupts my internal dialogue.

Giles stands up and offers me his chair and Lorne offers Willow his, Giles says, "Good thing you're both here, we need to discuss some things..."

I just sigh and take a seat, "If this is about another apocalypse I really shouldn't be held accountable for my actions..."

Wesley says, "It's not an apocalypse...an apocalypse might be easier to deal with..."

What does that mean? If this isn't about an apocalypse then why do they look so upset, unless...maybe something happened with Cordelia. I focus on Angel, "What's going on here Angel?"

"It's about Faith..."

Uh-oh, I hope to God they are not about to give me a lecture about dating Faith, I decide it's best to play it cool. "What about her?"

It's Giles who continues, "We, uh...we found out some rather disturbing news about Faith...um...it seems the, uh, Watcher's Council kidnapped Faith, they took her from her family. They...they took her, they performed, uh, experiments...spells..."

Lorne says angrily, "More like they tortured her..."

Angel looks really angry as well, he interrupts Lorne, "They also put spells on all of us in Sunnydale...they didn't want us to get close to her."

I cannot believe what I am hearing, I am so pissed, so beyond any anger I have ever felt in my life. I practically growl at them, "WHY?"

Wesley starts, to his credit; he seems shaken up by this news. "It seems they tried to make a slayer they could control, they used memory spells, brain-washing techniques. They had done that with Kendra and had some promising results, so they tried the same thing with Faith. When Kendra died, they decided to take things even farther with Faith, apparently they didn't like the influence you had over Kendra and wanted to avoid that. So, they made it so Faith couldn't connect with people; they wanted her mistrustful and suspicious, so that she'd remain isolated and alone. They wanted her to kill vampires and demons without any thought or consideration."

"Why would they do that to them? To her?"

I look around the room, none of them will meet my gaze, none of them will tell me why. Although I'm starting to get it, starting to understand why. "Let me guess, I wasn't the Council's ideal version of a slayer, was I?"

Giles tries to offer some words of comfort, "Buffy...nobody here is blaming you..."

I'm trying really hard not to lose it completely, "And yet?"

Oh my God, this is all my fucking fault, everything... Instead of making me feel bad, I just feel anger. I am so freaking angry, at the Council, at myself, at everything and everyone. Everything Faith told me about herself last night; I suddenly wonder how much of that is really fucking true. And I guess I also know now why we never really helped Faith, we never helped her because the Council didn't want us to help her. The Council made sure we wouldn't even want to help her. I just wanna lash out at something; I feel this overwhelming need to hit something.

Wesley says, "We think there may be a way to correct the situation..."

I really want something to hit right now and lucky me; I've got a volunteer. I look at him in disbelief, "Correct the situation? HOW? You got a time machine Wes? How can you take back the last five years of her life? How do you correct the fact that she thinks she watched her step-dad murder her mother, by stabbing her over 28 times with a butcher knife? That she thinks she saw her watcher get raped and tortured to death. How can you even think for one second that it can be corrected."

I look at Wesley, he looks extremely upset, but instead of making me feel bad, it makes me even more angry, it makes me want to break his fucking neck. All my senses are just screaming at me, it's his fault, he fucked things up. My mind is screaming for me to control it, to not hurt him, but this rage I feel is nothing like I've ever experienced, I can feel my control slipping with every second. Nobody in the room dares to move I guess they can sense there is a slayer about to lose it.

I'm about to pounce on Wesley when I feel it, a drain on my power; I look down and see Willow is holding onto my arm, slowly draining away my power. I watch as my power courses through her, making her eyes that black lifeless color. I don't care, I feel the anger course through me and for a second I wanna hit her and I almost do. When she finishes completely draining my power, she finally lets go of my arm, and looks at me worriedly, "I can't let you be that angry with that much power, it's a dangerous combination... believe me I know."

I take big gulping breaths of air, trying to calm myself down, I'm still angry, still pumped with adrenaline, I just don't have the power to back it up. All of a sudden the door comes crashing in and Faith and Xander come running inside. She looks around and says, "I felt..." She stops herself, we discussed it, I don't wanna tell people about our combined feelings yet. So she settles for asking, "What's going on?" She comes over to me; I can feel how worried she is for me, and her concern is evident to everyone as she asks me, "Is everything ok?"

When I don't answer her, she squats down in front of me, gently slides her hand around my neck, and looks deep into my eyes. She softly says, "Hey...Whatever it is, let it go. It's not worth it. Nothing is worth losing yourself..."

I try to protest, cause she has no idea. She doesn't know what the Council did, she doesn't know that it's because of me. "But...you don't..."

"It doesn't matter. Let it go..."

She stays there, her eyes locked on mine, her hand so gently holding onto the back of my neck. Her thumb is softly swirling around behind my ear; it's all so comforting, she's so comforting. The rest of the anger dissipates as quickly as it came, she must feel it because she jokes, "If you fall apart, who's gonna keep me in line?"

She gives me this really goofy smile and it makes me laugh in spite of myself, in spite of everything. I joke back at her, "Does it always hafta be about you Faith?"

She laughs, "Of course...Who else would it be about? Who else could it be about? I'm the only thing that matters..."

I smile slightly, "I get that now..."

She smiles back, her hand slips down to my shoulder and she says quietly, "Look at Xander..."

I look up at him; I'm a little puzzled. Why does she want me to..."You're fixed!"

Xander answers, "Well, no...I'm not actually a dog so..."

Willow looks at me then at him; she jumps on him and gives him a big hug. Faith backs up to let me get up to hug him too. She's standing away from us, watching us, smiling. But I don't want her to feel like she's not included, so I grabbed her and pulled her into the hug too. I want this hug to go on forever, because I have no idea what's going to happen after. I can't help but wonder what Faith will do when she finds out.

Chapter Nine - Buckle your seat belt Dorothy

POV Rosemarie

I seriously wonder about my sanity right about now, Lilah told me a lot of things, things I really didn't want to know. I had no idea of anything, the very idea of the things she told me have me feeling completely unbalanced. It's not everyday you find out your daughter isn't dead, but alive, and a vampire slayer, and has no clue she has a family. And it's also not everyday you find out your daughter aligned herself with evil and tried to help demons, killed people, was in a coma, hired herself out as an assassin and then went to prison for Murder Two, and was sentenced to 25 years to life. Then again, she broke out to help save Angel and the world, so she can't be quite as bad as Lilah tried to make her sound.

I take a deep breath and head into the madness, and I must say, I am woefully unprepared for what is about to come.

I knock loudly on the damaged office door, the group of people hugging in front of me breaks apart and I'm staring into the face of my daughter. In that instant I know it's her, she looks at me like she doesn't know me because she doesn't know me. I wonder what happened to her, I want to rush forward, to hug her and never let her go, but there's something in her eyes which tells me that would be a very bad idea. A tall, dark-haired man comes over towards me and asks, "May I help you?"

"I hope so...I'm Faith's mother."

Faith looks at me with amused disbelief, he looks at me panicked, as do most of the others, she doesn't seem to notice though. She laughs slightly.

"Yeah right lady. I don't know what you are trying to sell, but believe me I ain't buying it. And for the record, I've already done the whole evil British watcher thing, and believe me that was much more convincing."

I have no idea what the hell she is talking about, but some of the others seem to know. The dark-haired man tries to usher me out the door, "If you'll just come with me, I'm sure we can straighten everything out."

His plans are thwarted as Lilah walks in the room behind me, she wanders into the middle of the room, turns to Angel with a wide grin, "Oh come on Angel, this could be really fun..." She turns towards Faith, "You want to know what's going on don't you?"

Faith rolls her eyes at Lilah and asks her, "Shouldn't you be burning in eternal hellfire about now?"

Lilah grins back, clearly enjoying causing turmoil. "Yeah, probably, but this is going to be a whole lot more fun."

"Oh yeah, why's that?"

She laughs, "Your friends are lying to you Faith, they don't want you to know that this woman really is your mother. The Watcher's Council stole you from your family...took your memories gave you new ones...really rather nice of them, giving you all those repulsive abusive memories...everybody knew about it...go ahead, ask Angel, maybe he'll tell you the truth now..."

Everyone seems to freeze. They all look back and forth at each other; Faith looks at them in disbelief. Her eyes rest on the blonde girl I saw her with yesterday, the girl looks worried and my daughter looks angry. The staring contest is broken up when Angel reaches out to Faith, she backs up a little so she's out of his reach. She looks at him not really wanting to believe he knew this, like she can't believe he would let her down. She shakes her head at him and then quickly walks out the door right past me. Angel just as quickly follows her out.

I turn and watch as Angel calls her, "Faith! Wait..."

She turns to him, upset and accusing, "For what? You knew?"

"Yes, I knew."

"That's just great...trust you, right?"

"Look...I just found out for sure this morning, we were meeting to discuss..."

"How to handle me? How about just telling me the truth? Is this the big thing you didn't want to tell me the other day? You know you talk a good game about trust..."

"Faith...I..."

Angel breaks eye contact and Faith sighs disgustedly, "Whatever..."

She walks up the stairs and out of sight, the blonde goes to follow and Angel grabs her arm, "Give her some space Buffy..."

All right, I've had enough of this, the last thing Faith needs is to be left alone right now. I start walking toward the stairs where Faith went and the vampire, and I guess Buffy move in front of me, blocking my way. I give them a stern look and they both back away slightly, if it had been another time I might have been amused, but instead I say, "That's my daughter, I'm going after her. Just try and stop me..."

Angel looks like he might still want to stop me, but the girl, Buffy, looks at me curiously for a moment. I can see the comprehension dawn on her face as she says, "You really are her mother aren't you?"

"Yes, I am, and if I know my daughter, she's probably up on the roof, so, I'm going..."

Buffy and Angel exchange a look, I can tell there is a lot of silent communication going on between these two. After a long moment, Buffy nods slightly and they both finally step aside to let me through. I walk right between them and up the stairs; Angel calls out directions to the roof as I keep walking.

I step out onto the roof, and I watch her, she is leaning against the ledge, staring off into the distance. I just want to go to her and hug her and tell her everything is going to be all right, but she's not five anymore. I seriously doubt she'd believe me nor would she let me get close enough to touch her. I want so much to hold her in my arms, to feel that she's really alive, but I know this cannot be about what I want, this has to be about her. I let the door slam shut to let her know somebody is up here with her. She spins around so fast, and she asks, "What do you want from me?"

I step as close to her as I dared, I don't want to cause her to run or God forbid, jump. I tell her, "I don't want anything from you, I just want to talk to you."

I can tell she wants so much to believe, she wants to believe I'm really her mother, but she's extremely upset and she practically whispers, "What do you want from me?" Her tone is less threatening; it's more timid and scared, she's afraid I'm going to hurt her. It's heartbreaking for me to see her so distressed. For the hundredth time in ten minutes I wonder what the hell has happened to my sweet little girl? I know it's silly to call her a little girl, she's 22 now, but forgive me, I'm a parent, to me she'll always be my little girl.

I indicate the picnic table and take a seat, "I assure you Faith, I want nothing from you, just to talk."

She watches me take a seat, she's still apprehensive, but her curiosity is getting the better of her. Even with everything she's been through, I guess some things can't be changed, like the kind of person she is, naturally curious. She was always the curious one, always wanting to figure things out; she really hated not knowing things. I remember we threw her a surprise party when she was thirteen, she was mad at me for weeks afterward. Normally a surprise party is a happy event, but not for Faith, she was extremely upset about it. She felt stupid that everyone knew about the party and she didn't. I tried to explain to her that's where the 'surprise' part came in which just caused her to be mad for another week.

She finally asks, "Is that even my real name?"

"Yes..."

She watches me warily for a few more moments before asking.

"Why'd you name me Faith?"

For a person who is so mistrusting, I can understand why she might ask that question. I smile slightly because I know what her reaction is going to be, like I said, some things can't be changed.

"I named you Faith because I thought it was a pretty name..."

She rolls her eyes at me, same negative reaction she gave me the first time she asked that question and I laugh, and she eyes me suspiciously.

"What's so fucking funny?"

My smile fades quickly when I look into her eyes, they are as cold as steel, I can see her body is tense, her hands are clenched into fists, one wrong move and I'm thinking I'll find out in a hurry about slayers. I make sure to keep my tone of voice calm, soothing, I need to keep her here as long as possible. I need her to know I'm not the enemy, I'm not going to hurt her.

"You reacted the same way the last time I told you, you were about ten years old at the time and thought your name wasn't...'cool enough'."

She watches me for a few more minutes and then cautiously takes a seat at the table, far enough away so she could make an escape if I made any sudden moves. I knew she'd need a little bit of reassurance, which is why I sat on the side furthest from the door.

"If I'm your kid, how come you never came to look for me? If you're so into being my mom, you wouldn't have given up on me..."

I want to lie, I want to tell her that I never gave up, I kept looking for her, but that would be mostly for my benefit, an attempt to alleviate my guilt. However, it doesn't matter what I feel or how I feel, it matters how she feels. "I didn't give up on you, at least at first..."

"I knew it. If you cared about me so fucking much, you would have found me. God, did you even fucking look..."

"Yes we did look, and if you'd let me finish, I'll tell you what happened."

"Fine...whatever...nobody's stopping you..."

"The morning you disappeared, we had been arguing, you wanted to go to college here in California..."

She laughs at this, but it's not a happy sound, it's angry and bitter, "Yeah, right...I wanted to go to college, lady I didn't even get to finish high school..."

I shake my head at her, voice calm, tell her the truth, always the truth. If she caught me in a lie it wouldn't help either one of us, so even though I might wish to present my information in such a way as to make myself look better I won't. For the last five years I've been beating myself up over everything that happened, over not calling the police sooner, over not knowing my daughter was into drugs. That really hurts the most, the lies I actually came to believe about my daughter, the things I knew weren't true, couldn't be true, but I had no alternative but to believe. I have always felt like I let her down, that I wasn't a good enough mother, oh, the things that go through your mind when you lose a child. All the mistakes you have ever made when dealing with them, all the times you lost your temper with them, all the times you yelled at them instead of hugging them seem like failure to you. You think that if you had only known how much time you had with them, you would have done things a lot differently.

"I don't know what you've been told, but it's completely inaccurate. You graduated from high school, unfortunately you did it early without telling us which was another thing I was upset about. I made you take some classes at BU; I didn't want you sitting home doing nothing until school started in the fall. You and I argued the morning you disappeared, you wanted California, and I wanted you a little closer to home. The last time I saw you, I dropped you off in front of the BU Bookstore, we were still pretty angry over the argument so we didn't even say goodbye. You were supposed to meet me later for lunch, but you never showed up, I called your father but you hadn't spoken to him either. I didn't think much of it, I thought you were still angry with me, so I didn't do anything. It wasn't until later that afternoon when Luke's school called and told me you hadn't picked him up that's when I knew something was really wrong. No matter how upset you might have been with me, you would never take it out on Luke."

"Who's Luke?"

"He's your younger brother."

She smiles a little at this and asks, "I have a little brother?"

"You have four brothers to be exact, three older, one younger."

"Four? What are they're names?"

"The oldest is Brian, he's 25, then Mark and Matthew, they're twins and 23, then you and then Luke, he's 15."

She frowns at me and asks, "What are you, some kind of bible freak or something?"

Bible freak? "Um...no, not especially, why would you think that?"

"Um, Matthew, Mark and Luke, and then you named your daughter Faith, gee I don't know why I thought it."

I laugh slightly, "I guess you have a point, although I never really gave it much thought."

She takes in the information and sits for a moment, "So, I didn't show up, doesn't really explain why you gave up..."

She's really not making this easy on me, is she? I continue the story where I left off. "I picked up Luke from school and went home and called the police. They weren't all that concerned, after all you were 17, they just figured you were out being a teenager. And once they found out we had an argument, they classified you as a runaway. I argued with them, told them you wouldn't run away, they just told me that parents were always the last to know what they're kids were up to. I was frantic, I just knew something had happened, so I called your brothers and Jessie but they hadn't heard from you. We all spent hours out looking for you, I called every single person you had ever hung out with or mentioned and then I went and spoke to him or her personally, but none of them knew where you were either. This horrible nightmare went on for the next few weeks and then the worst news came. The police thought they found you, I was so hopeful that it took a few moments to realize they meant they found a body."

I try hard not to cry, I can't quite pull it off, nothing is as upsetting as seeing your child, lying cold, and dead in the morgue. The inane comments the morgue attendants make trying to ease your pain, they have no idea. They don't know that the pain and anguish is just beginning or maybe they do and there isn't anything they can do about it. How empty the words are, how numb you feel when they are followed by words like suicide and drug overdose. Again, what a failure you feel like for not knowing your child was suffering so much as to take their own life and you knew nothing. You'd think it would make you realize to pay more attention to the other children in your life, to not let them feel the same way, but, it doesn't always work the way you think it should.

"Your father and I went to the morgue, and we thought it was you, she looked...exactly like you, right down to the tattoo on your right arm and the mole on your left hip."

That piece of information seems to have upset her again, "How do you know about that?"

I can't help but tease her a little, "I'm your mother, I gave birth to you, I changed your diapers...Would you like me to go on?"

She looks away rather embarrassed so much like her old self, yet so completely different. "No...please don't..."

I try to sneak in a question, "So, is Buffy your girlfriend?"

She looks a little taken aback but then smiles slightly and challenges me, "Yeah, you got a problem with that?"

I stare back at her, calling her bluff, "Not at all, I've known you liked girls since you were 15..."

She falters slightly, frowns at that piece of information. Then she gives me another challenging smile; "I was in prison..."

I smile back again, "I know..."

Again with the challenge, "I killed someone..."

OK, now I get what she's trying to do. She's trying to push me away, by telling me all the bad things she's done. Trying to see if those things will make me want to leave her, will make me love her any less. I just smile and say, "I know what you're trying to do Faith and it's not going to work. I know all those things about you and I still came here."

She thinks about it and then sighs, "It was an accident..."

"Well, of course it was."

Her eyes flash with anger as I said it, but almost as soon as I see it, the anger disappears. I wonder why that comment upset her so much? I don't dwell on it, probably best to keep the conversation going.

"It must have been hard having to own up to it, knowing it was an accident. Knowing you couldn't tell the police how it happened or what you were really doing at the time."

She looks a little distressed at this description of herself, so I continue quickly, "I know you are a...vampire slayer..." We might as well get that out into the open because I don't ever want my daughter to think she has to hide anything from me. I'm not quite sure of everything that being a vampire slayer entails, I'm sure there will be aspects of it that I will absolutely hate, but it's who she is, so I'll deal with it.

She looks a little proud to be called a vampire slayer. She smiles slightly, "Buffy is one too."

"Oh, that's great, two of you fighting is safer than one, right?"

She looks at me thoughtfully for a second, then says, "Yeah, well, there are about a thousand of them now so that has to be even safer."

She's nervously playing with the ring on her finger and I can tell there's something she really wants to know, but seems rather reluctant to bring it up. I sit patiently waiting for her to get up the courage to ask whatever it is she wants to know. This rather reminds me of other difficult conversations we've had, the whole 'coming out' conversation comes to mind, I hope I don't have to wait two hours for her to open up this time.

"So, my...my dad is still around?"

I try to decide how much information to give her about her father right now. These past five years haven't been easy on him, she was always 'daddy's little girl'. Four sons, and yet it was his daughter that shared his love of history, cars and sports. It's hard for me to remember how devastated he was, how much he cried. To me that is the most heartbreaking thing you can ever witness, a man crying. It's even worse when he's crying over the death of his daughter. "Yes...he...he misses you..."

She looks really distressed and asks quietly, "Is he a...a good man?"

"He's a great man...Why would you think he wasn't?"

Anger and bitterness seem to take over as she says, "I have memories of growing up, and believe me they don't include any good men...certainly not my father, not my mother's boyfriends, or my step-dad... And the mother I remember, was a fucking drunk who beat me on a daily basis...and she knew what they were doing to me and she didn't do a damn thing to stop it..."

I try not to act upset at the things she's just told me, although it's killing me on the inside. The utter disgust I feel at the people responsible, wondering what kind of people would make her think she had suffered like that, that she had been abused like that. I don't want her to think I pity her, or feel sorry for her. I have a feeling she won't take it well if I patronize her.

"I assure you Faith, the real childhood you had wasn't anything like you're describing. Nobody beat you, nobody touched you, nobody hurt you, your father and I love you and your brothers very much."

For a moment I think I might have finally gotten through to her, but I realize I'm wrong as I watch her go from nearly believing me back to being suspicious and angry. "Why now, huh? Why try to find me now if you thought I died five years ago?"

Again I want to lie, but I don't. "I wasn't trying to find you. I'm just here in LA for a literature conference over at UCLA, I just happened to look out the window and I saw you yesterday, with that girl Buffy. Since then, I've done nothing but go crazy worrying about you, trying to find you."

We sat there for a long while, every few minutes she'd ask me a question, while I tried to gain as much information as I could, which really wasn't easy. She always liked to answer questions with questions, she tried to see how many times she could get away with it in a single conversation. She liked being difficult at times.

We both turn as we hear the door open, a dark-haired young man steps outside, I recognize him from down in the office. He looks at us and asks, "Everything ok out here..."

Faith asks him, "Let me guess, you drew the short straw?"

He laughs, "Yeah, if anything bad was happening I was told to shriek like a girl."

She smiles a little at that, "Well, as I recall you are pretty good at it..."

"OK, as I told you before, it was more of a bellow, not a shriek, and there's heavy research mode going on, and I didn't get my eye fixed just so I could read through dusty books ya know."

"What are they researching?"

"Ways to reverse spells..."

"What if I don't want that?"

I try not to get upset at her words, I'm sure she doesn't really mean that. She's just searching for something she can control, since everything is seemingly out of control for her at the moment. The boy seems to be taken aback by her comment as well.

"Hey, I'm just the messenger...I'm not gonna be running back and forth relaying information."

"Actually Xander, that's usually what a messenger does."

"Well sure, if you want to get all technical about it..."

Xander looks back inside the door; then says, "Buffy wanted you to know if you want her to come up, she will..."

"She trying to get out of research too?"

"Yeah, she's trying to convince us she's retired from researching...she might still slay, but research is out of the question..."

A hand comes out from behind the door and smacks him in the head. He gives Faith a sheepish shrug as he rubs the back of his head.

He moves farther away from the door, out of arm's reach I'd suspect. "Ok...General Buffy is back and it's so much less pleasant than last time...and I honestly didn't think it was possible, but now she's committing acts of physical violence. So ya have to help us Faith, cause your girl is driving us nuts."

Faith laughs and shakes her head, "You do know she's gonna kick your ass for that right?"

He just nods. Faith turns towards me and asks, "Not that it matters but do you care if Buffy comes out?"

I would prefer if she didn't, I just want to keep this between us, but I'm pretty sure having Buffy around will make Faith more comfortable. "I don't have a problem with it."

She says to Xander, "Yeah, tell her she can come out..."

I take the opportunity to ask, "Have you and Buffy been dating long?"

I think I caught her off guard because she answered that question rather easily. "No, it's just been a few days..."

The boy goes back inside and there is a loud 'bellow', "Ow...that hurt..." I assume that is poor Xander getting hit for his comments. A second later, the door opens again, I can see Xander rubbing his arm as Buffy steps out onto the roof. She walks right over and sits down next to Faith, she keeps her eyes focused on me as she leans over to her and asks, "She hasn't tried to melt your brain yet, has she?"

"No, but she did get me to join a cult, but it's all good, cause when the next comet comes around I get to go to the moon..."

"Cool...when you get there, tell the moon men to stay there."

"Seriously?"

"Unfortunately..."

I just sit and watch the exchange; it's just as bizarre as the last exchange. Buffy extends her hand, "We haven't really met, I'm Buffy Summers..."

I shake the girl's hand and introduce myself, "I'm Rosemarie Christos..."

Faith interrupts, "I'm Greek?"

"No, you're Albanian and Danish..."

Faith rolls her eyes and looks at Buffy and says sarcastically, "Well that clears things up..."

Buffy looks confused; "You're not British?"

I laugh a little, I've had to answer this question a lot over the years, "Well, long story short, I was born here in America, then I was brought up over in London, mostly by nannies. Then I went to University here in the States, where I met my husband and I've lived here in America ever since."

"Nannies? What are you rich or something?"

"Quite...Your grandfather made a lot of money in the oil business."

Faith replied, "You really shoulda opened with that..."

"I'll have to remember that next time..."

Faith laughs slightly in spite of herself then adds, "So, what do you do, hang out at the Country Club all day, thinking of ways to exploit the poor, working class?"

"We usually only do that on the weekends, during the week I teach Literature and your father teaches History."

Buffy smiles and asks, "Oh...you're a teacher...where do you work?"

"My husband and I both work for Columbia University, in New York."

Faith looks really confused and asks, "You don't live in Boston?"

"No, we moved. After everything happened with you, we just couldn't stay there any more. Your brothers had a really hard time being in the house, constantly being reminded you weren't there. Luke took it the hardest, starting getting into trouble, hanging out with the wrong crowd. So after much family therapy we thought a change in location would be a good thing and we packed up and moved to New York."

Buffy turned to Faith and smiled, "You have brothers?"

"I guess...four of 'em..."

I reach into my bag and take out the picture I have of my sons and I hand it to the girls. I was about to tell Buffy their names when Faith did it; it was almost like she really remembered them. I'm not sure if it was her remembering or if she was just lucky because she named them all correctly even the twins without even missing a beat.

POV Faith

I look over at the woman claiming to be my mom, I'm still not sure what to believe and I'm trying hard not to think about the Council's involvement. I guess that's progress, a few years ago I woulda been on a plane to jolly ole England, ready to track down anyone who wasn't lucky enough to have exploded.

Buffy asked her, "What was Faith like growing up?"

Good question. What will this woman say about me? It should at least be interesting if not the truth. The woman replies, "She was a handful, always with an endless supply of energy, always running around trying to keep up with her brothers."

I'm a little shocked, it's like a light bulb just went off in my head, and I have to find out, "You used to call me..."

Before I get a chance to finish she smiles, "My little firecracker..."

I smile slightly because I remember her calling me that, not the poor excuse for a mother I have memories of, but this woman sitting right across from me. I remember it was summertime, we were at a park or something, and she was sitting on a bench talking to some other older woman. I heard her call me that as I running around laughing with some older boys. "I remember that..."

Wait a minute, I can't believe I was so stupid I didn't do this before, I reach out and grab her arm, I'm actually kinda stunned at first, cause she actually has an arm. Just as quickly I let go, suddenly I don't want to be here anymore. It's just too much; I need get away for a while. I get up quickly and walk toward the door; of course Buffy won't just let me leave and asks, "Faith? Where are you going?"

"I just...I can't...I need to be alone for a while..."

Chapter Ten - The Re-Appearance of Old Friends

POV Buffy

And there she goes. I want to follow her, be with her, I want to be the one to comfort her. And perhaps more importantly, I don't like being stuck up here with her mother, I look back at her and I wonder what I'm going to say to her. I've never had to answer for the things I did to Faith, the things we all did to Faith. Nobody in Sunnydale ever gave a shit that I tried to kill her, and feed her to Angel. Nobody even really minded the fact I was doing it to get revenge, not to save Angel. I wanted her gone. Nobody even tried to stop me, not even Giles, who you'd think would have said something. I guess the Watcher's Council spell worked like a charm because we just ignored her and treated her like she didn't matter, like it was ok to kill her because nobody gave a shit.

Her mother asks me, "What happened to my daughter?"

And I can't help it, I feel so guilty and miserable everything just comes pouring out of me. I told her about the Council and the spells, about stabbing her, about her helping us defeat the Mayor and completely ignoring her when she was in a coma, pretty much everything I did to her. Up to and including me punching her in the face when all she was trying to do was help me. I've never told anyone the things I told her, and when I'm done I'm completely shocked. She's not angry with me; she doesn't seem to hate me like she should. She gets up and sits next to me; then she does the most amazing thing, she hugs me. I'm reminded how much I still miss my mom and all that comes out too. I just completely break down and let everything go.

After a long while I just ask, "Why?" I can't help wondering why she would do this for me? Why would she care about the asshole that stabbed her daughter?

She brushes the tears from my face and says, "You looked like you needed a hug. You know, this isn't your fault Buffy. You both were just kids, things happened that neither of you could have ever been prepared for. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been, being so young and in charge of so much. It's almost too much for an adult to handle, and there you both were, barely 18, in charge of protecting the world. Given all that power and all that responsibility, it is no wonder things went so badly. Not to mention the fact that this Council seemed to be hell bent on pitting you against one another, the entire situation was they're doing. Thankfully you've forgiven each other, worked things out, and now...you're dating each other."

OK, complete panic, what should I say? Would Faith want her mother to know all this? Will her mother freak out and leave? I don't wanna be the one responsible for making Faith's mother leave, cause it would just completely devastate Faith. So much for nobody caring if Faith is gay or not. That theory just goes flying out the window, but I guess I'm really easy to read because she says, "It's fine, she already told me about the two of you before you came up. And we already knew she's gay and it's not a problem, we are completely accepting of it."

Wait a second, Faith is gay? But Faith slept with guys, lesbians aren't supposed to sleep with guys, right? Oh God, I almost feel sick, they tried to make her straight, I guess the Council would have frowned at having a gay slayer. Wouldn't want to tarnish their pristine operation, now would they. I'm so angry the First took out the Watcher's Council cause it would have been a pleasure to do it myself.

OK, where the fuck did that come from, I try to push those thoughts away; I wonder why I'm so angry, why my first thought is to kill? I'm really worried right now; I never used to feel like this before I... And the way I went after Anya, I didn't even give it one second of thought, and I sure wasn't broken up about it. Sure it's my job to defeat the bad, but it was Anya. And let's not forget I killed those first watchers, even though it was completely unnecessary, I had already gotten away from them. I wonder and not for the first time since coming back from the dead, what is wrong with me? What's happening to me?

Faith's mom gives me another hug as I try not to have a panic attack about these feelings. After a few minutes I got myself back under control, if you could call it that. We spent another little while talking, and then I brought her downstairs to talk to our resident experts, the last remains of the old Council. Giles and Wesley didn't have much to offer her but a promise of more information in the morning. She seemed reluctant to leave, but in the end she thought it would be best, she thought it would be better for Faith if she went back to her hotel. She didn't seem all that happy to be leaving Faith here with two ex-members of the Council, but I promised her Angel and I would look out for her and make sure she was ok.

POV Faith

I walk down the stairs, intent on going to my room, which would seem kinda weird to some people. You'd think I'd be trying to run as far away as possible, well, not if you knew me. If you knew me you'd know this is the thing I've been wanting for my entire life, a family. And a mother who actually cares about me, kinda makes me wonder if I wanted it because I've never had it or if I wanted it cause I missed it when it was taken away. I try not to think about it though, because thinking about this stuff has me thinking some really dark thoughts, thoughts a normal people wouldn't even consider.

I also couldn't leave Angel, cause yeah; I kinda owe the guy. He's always been there for me, the last three years anyway. I'm trying not to be upset that he didn't tell me about this whole family deal earlier, I suppose he had his reasons for not telling me. Maybe he didn't wanna get my hopes up without having proof, he's always looking out for me, like a brother is supposed to. Which is another thing, three older brothers, I wonder what that was like? Were we close, did they like me, did they... Ok we're not going there, I can't go there.

Back to the safer topic of Angel because I know what he's about. He's proven it to me again and again, he cares about me. And so he deserves my trust and respect, cause any time I needed him, he was there. It kinda felt good to repay him a little, got my ass beat but good trying to save him, but hey, I lived to tell the tale, so it couldn't have been that bad. I'm about to open my door when he jumps out at me, "Hey!"

After my heart starts beating again I yell at him, "You know, you'd think with a whole hotel full of antsy slayers you wouldn't be jumping out at one, mighta got staked."

He gives me a goofy look, if I had been in a better mood I might have laughed, then he says, "With what? You don't..."

Before he finishes he's got a stake pointed at his heart, he looks slightly nervous, but says rather calmly for a vamp in his predicament, "OK, so you do have a stake with you...good...really."

I just smirk as I put it away. He says in the same calm tone of voice, "Wanna talk about it?"

"Hmmm. Do I want to talk about it? Um...I'm gonna go with...NO!"

His turn to smirk as he grabs my jacket and pulls me back down the hallway, "Too bad..."

POV Angel

I know Faith doesn't want to talk about it, but she really needs to, otherwise she'll just sit around thinking about stuff she shouldn't be thinking about. Or she'll just go on and pretend everything is ok, and I know with everything that has happened today it would be impossible for her to be ok. I want to help her, I need to help her, and helping her helps me make amends. Amends to the dark-haired girl that I once loved with all my heart, my sister, Kathleen. The sister whom I left abandoned and all alone with people who didn't care about her at all, nice way to think about your parents huh? I was so stupid back then, I should have stayed home that night, I should have been the brother that she needed, that she loved. But no, I didn't, I was selfish, I left her and went out drinking again and got turned.

And as Angelus I killed everyone in my family...except for her, believe me it wasn't from lack of trying on Angelus' part. He wanted her dead in the worst possible way, but she bested him every single time. I'll never forget the last time I saw her; she had gotten away from Angelus for the last time. He couldn't waste any more time trying to kill her, he needed to leave town quickly, he was a wanted man. I remember how she looked at him from the safety of a neighbors house and said, 'In case Liam is still in there somewhere, I want him to know that I love him and I forgive him.'

That really pissed off Angelus, but him being him, he soon forgot about her. Of course I didn't think too much of it either for the next 247 years, it wasn't until Faith came and took Wesley. I was more than ready to give her what she wanted, what she was looking for, then out of nowhere I remembered my sister. I stood outside the door to the apartment where Faith had Wesley tied up and I remembered my sister saying that to me. Every horrible thing Angelus did to her wearing my face didn't matter, she forgave me, she still loved me. I killed our entire family, she most likely wound up a servant somewhere, or worse, but she forgave me.

I couldn't be there for my sister, but I could certainly be there for Faith. So everything she had done in her past was forgiven, her track record with me started fresh from that moment. And ever since that night, I have treated Faith as I would my sister Kathleen. Faith would probably tell you it's creepy, this sister fixation I have for her, but don't let her fool you, she loves every minute of it.

She sits down on one of the kitchen chairs with a loud exaggerated sigh, "What?"

"What is it you always asked me for? Every single time I came to visit..."

She just shrugs, playing it cool, I know she remembers, but I'll let it slide and answer for her, "Pancakes..."

Now she laughs slightly and gives me a look of disbelief, "You're gonna make me pancakes?"

I nod sincerely; I've been practicing making pancakes since she first went to prison. Wesley and Cordelia thought I'd lost my mind, not to mention the fact they wouldn't eat the first couple hundred, I'll admit they did look rather sad and completely inedible. After a few thousand I started to get the hang of it. I knew one day Faith would finally finish with her self-imposed imprisonment and I'd be there to make her pancakes. It didn't quite work out exactly the way I had hoped, but we're here now.

She looks skeptical, "A vampire making pancakes...no scratch that, a vampire making a vampire slayer pancakes..."

I nod again, giving her the super goofy grin, and she just shakes her head, "We're...not like other families..."

She watched me make the pancakes, it was almost funny the way she hesitantly took the first bite, as if they'd be horrible or something. When she finally realized they weren't horrible, she ate like 5 of them. I even ate one myself, although I can't taste it, nor do I need it, but it was nice to pretend if only for a moment that we were just brother and sister enjoying pancakes.

After we finish cleaning up, she knows it's time to talk, I know she's not looking forward to it. She's got that antsy look about her, like she could either fight or run away. I was about to start the conversation when she said, "Tell me something about you..."

Normally I would think that was a little strange coming from her, but I guess it makes sense, she saw some of my past while we were drugged, must have made her curious about me. But it's always interesting to hear her reasons so I still ask her, "Why?"

"Because we always talk about me, I'm always the topic of discussion. For once, I think you should take the hot seat, you should have to tell me something."

"I've told you plenty about me..."

"Yeah...I know all about 1750 Ireland, not that I'm not thrilled to have that information, really...I just...tell me something you saw that happened. Something I might actually know or have possibly heard about."

I wonder what I could tell her, what would Faith want to know about. She knows lots of stuff, she's not as uneducated as she pretends to be, but she likes to keep that quiet, she likes having an advantage. I knew she wasn't stupid, but I was completely thrown when the books Faith borrowed from Wirth were delivered to the hotel. No high school drop out I've ever met would be able to read them, nor would they want to, but that's my Faith, completely unpredictable.

I finally settle on a story I think Faith might actually enjoy, "Oh...um...ok...It was 1932 Chicago, Wrigley Field, it was the third game of the World Series, it was a bright and sunny day. I was safely hidden beneath the bleachers on the first base side..."

Her eyes get really big as she interrupts my story, "You saw the 'called shot'?"

I grin, cause I kinda figured she'd enjoy a baseball story. We've spent lots of time talking about sports, the Red Sox, the Patriots and Notre Dame football, and although her 'tommyboy' played for Michigan she still digs Notre Dame. I swear they shouldn't let immates watch daytime talk shows, especially the Rosie show, but that's another issue. "Yep, who's telling this story you or me?"

"All right...I'm sorry...It's just...WOW...Even though he like shoulda stayed with the Red Sox, and I fucking hate the New York Yankees, it's still kinda cool..."

I grin at her because Bostonites never change their tune, not once in 85 years. They're always bitter about Babe Ruth and the Yankees; I gotta hurry and start this story before she starts her rant about 'No, No Nanette'.

"OK, it was one out in the fifth inning, the score was tied 4 - 4, the Bambino steps to the plate, now he had already hit a home run earlier in the first, a three run shot off Charlie Root, so you really didn't think he'd do anything else. He takes a called strike on the first pitch, he kinda acknowledges it with a hand up, like he's saying, I got this. Then Root missed with the next two pitches. The fourth pitch again gets called for a strike, Ruth puts his hand up, again. By this time the entire crowd starts taunting him, it wasn't like today though, nobody threw stuff, they were all just yelling and screaming. They had plenty of ammunition cause he missed a catch in the previous inning. You cannot believe how loud it got, suddenly, Ruth takes his bat and points it at the centerfield wall."

I make the gesture with the spatula, she laughs and rolls her eyes at me.

"The gesture makes the crowd simmer down, everyone there knew he was calling his shot. Don't let the reports tell you anything different, I was there and I say he called his shot. I think Gehrig was the only one in the game to acknowledge it was a called shot, Ruth never said another thing about it. So, anyway, he points to the centerfield wall, he readys for the pitch, he takes a viscous swing, and blam, it arced toward center field and went over the wall near the base of the flagpole. It was amazing, and I've seen lots of things, but that was really...something. And as a short footnote, Gehrig came up and hit a home run too, but I think Root was just numb after seeing that, I mean, who wouldn't be. He just got called out in front of hundreds of people, of course he always denied it. He always said if he knew Ruth was calling his shot he woulda sat him on the next pitch."

She's smiling for the first time since her mother showed up, it's a great genuine smile complete with dimples, and I really like when I get one of them from her. "Dude! That is an awesome story, I can't believe you never told me that before. That's like...wow..."

"I know, it's really cool. Hey...did you like the poster?"

More smile, it must be my lucky day or something, "Yes...my tommyboy...I'd have his children if he'd just ask me..."

I roll my eyes, "Yes, I know Faith, you only told me like a hundred times, and you signed all your emails that way for a month before the Superbowl, and after..."

"I was hoping you could work that out for me..."

Her smile slowly fades and I believe she's ready to talk about it. There's the telltale hitch in her breathing, the playing with the ring on her finger, the looking directly at the floor and nowhere else. The way she fights her emotions, not wanting to cry but not being able to do anything else. "How can you make this better?"

I take a step closer to her, to remind her it's ok to let go with me, that I'll never leave her; I'll never hurt her. That gets her, she steps to me and lets me hug her. I know it's the only way. If she doesn't initiate the hug, I can't touch her. It's her past, the things she thinks happened to her, all the men who took advantage of a sweet, shy, little girl. Those things didn't really happen, I can't tell you how happy I am that they didn't occur. Hopefully those false memories will fade over time and won't cause her any more problems. I just hold her crying form and tell her, "That's the best part, I don't have to do anything, it already is better."

"H-how?"

"Because she came looking for you. If it was the mother you think you had, would she have come here, looking for you, looking to make things better?"

"N-no...She wouldn't put me out if I was on fire."

"Well, see...it's already better."

"What if...what if they did stuff...what if they..."

I just pull her tighter and tell her the only thing I can, because I don't know, "Then you'll deal with it. Just like you've dealt with all the other stuff, and you'll have people to support you. You'll have me, you'll have Buffy and the others, they all want to help you now. You won't be alone, I promise you."

We stayed like that for a few more minutes, her letting me hold her, letting me tell her it's all going to be all right. When she finally pulls away, I make a joke to lighten the moment, "Yeah, that's a good idea, don't want any slayers who might be your girlfriend to get the wrong impression, I might end up with a stake in my back."

"She wouldn't do that..."

I don't really want to bring it back to serious so soon, but maybe it's what she needs right now. Maybe some worry for somebody else will help her deal. "You sure about that?"

I let the question hang there, wait for Faith to acknowledge it. Of course I could be waiting for a really long time, this is Faith we're talking about. So I add, "You saw her this morning, and you've worked with her for a few weeks, don't tell me you don't see it..."

"No...I don't..."

I just look at her skeptically; "Sometimes you're a really bad liar Faith..."

"Fine, whatever, it doesn't matter, I'm not telling her. She has no fucking clue and I'm not going to be the one to take it from her. Don't you think I've hurt her enough? You know what, how about you tell her since you seem to know so much."

Although this isn't exactly what I meant and she knows it, we do need to address this too, so I'll let the other thing slide for now. "It's going to come out. She'll find out eventually, these things always have a way of being discovered. Don't you think she'd rather hear the truth from you instead of finding out some other way?"

"Oh yeah, these things always are discovered, huh? What about Connor? If things always get found out anyway, why'd you do it?"

I just sigh because this conversation isn't going where it needs to go. "I did it because I love him Faith. I did it because some day if he finds out he'll understand I did it for him, I was looking out for his best interests."

"Well, there ya go then. Ditto..."

Grrr... I love her dearly, but she can be so damn irritating sometimes; and she knows I hate it when she uses my life against me in an argument. I'll let it go for now, but I know I'm right about this, Buffy will find out. I just hope it doesn't go as badly as I think it will.

POV Buffy

After her mother left I went in search of Faith. Heh, heh! In search of faith cause it's like I'm not really looking for a person so much as a belief...um...my mind is very weird sometimes. She wasn't up in her room where I'd thought she'd be; instead I found her downstairs in the kitchen with Angel. I wonder what they were arguing about, whatever it is; Faith is really upset by it. Then again, with everything going on, it's really no wonder she's upset. I'm upset and nothing happened to me. They see me, they stop talking, Angel smiles at us and then makes a quick exit, I guess he knows about Faith and I. That's good, cause I didn't want to have to be the one to tell him about us. I walk further into the room; I look up at her and say, "Hey..."

"Hey yourself..." Our eyes meet briefly, I can tell she's been crying, I wish I could have been the one to offer her comfort, I wish I could be the one to make her feel better. "She left...she thought you'd be more comfortable if she went back to her hotel."

She just nods at that, but won't make eye contact. I come over closer to her, standing as close to her as I could without touching her. Being this close to her feels kinda dangerous right now. I feel her emotions, right now she's trying to decide, fight, flight, or...um...fuck, which one will it be? I try to hedge my bet; I gently tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, letting my finger slowly trace down her jaw as I say more quietly, "Hey..."

All of a sudden I'm pressed up against the kitchen counter, her mouth is on mine, her tongue slides into my mouth. I groan deep in my throat at the sudden contact, which just seems to spurn her on. She moves quickly to my neck, I give her all the access she needs; her mouth and tongue are so hot against my skin. I'm so not used to feeling warmth in kisses; I forgot how good warm feels. I barley notice her hands between us working the buttons on my shirt, she kisses me again, our tongues dueling as her hands slide along the newly exposed skin. Her touch is fleeting, gentle, her hands move up over my ribs, then she slides her thumbs over my nipples through my bra, oh god...that feels so good. I want her so bad.

The floor beneath us starts to shake, and all I can think is, 'how is she doing that?' After she takes a step away from me and looks around, I finally realize it wasn't her, it's an earthquake. Have I mentioned how much I hate my life as a slayer? Well too bad, I'm going to say it again, "I really fucking hate this job."

We both go to take off toward the main hall; she stops me before we reach the door.

"Um...might wanna button up your, uh, shirt..."

I quickly re-button it as she gives me a sheepish shrug and a little embarrassed smile; I laugh slightly at how cute she looks right now and off we go, ready to fight the forces of darkness yet again. I know she's just as keyed up as I am, I feel sorry for anything evil that might want to attack right now, cause it's gonna meet two very pissed off slayers. Hopefully we can dispatch it quickly and get back to what we were doing.

When we reach the main hall, we follow everyone's gaze toward the back wall of the hotel where a shimmering portal is starting to form. The floor and the walls are still shaking and I hear Angel say, "Not again." I guess this type of thing happens a lot here. A huge flash of light has us all shielding our eyes, Faith and I are at full slayer alert, both wondering what the hell we are about to be fighting, cause only bad things come out of portals like this, and I shudder at how right I am.

A voice we all recognize says, "You guys don't look upset. Hello! I died! I died fighting your stupid battle, the least you people could do is look upset."

Xander is the first to speak, "Anya?"

Faith is the first to react though, she takes her arm and pushes Anya slightly, I guess she's checking to make sure it's not the First. I can't help but laugh at that; she shoots me a look.

"Yeah, first time I don't check, you watch, it'll be the First and you'll be wishing I had checked."

After we all get over the shock of having one of our own back, even if it is Anya. We sit down to find out the how's and why's. I seriously hope she's not a demon again because I'd hate to have to try to kill her again. It is nice to see Xander happy though, God I really hope she's not a demon. And thanks to Faith we at least know she's not the First, so yay! Go team.

Chapter Eleven - Explanations

POV Dawn

Anya's back...wow. I wonder how long Buffy will let me stay here, she sometimes sends me away within five minutes of Anya being around. I guess it's because of all the sex talk, but I already know about it. She acts like I'm still a little kid, like I'm not supposed to know about sex. Hello...I'm in high school, I've heard worse in the locker room; I've heard worse stories from Johnny Morgan. The guy I had to sit next to in Geometry, he always had some wild story about his weekend. Usually involving hookers and/or strippers, I knew they weren't true, but he kept telling them anyway. I guess he just wanted people to pay attention to him, and hey, I can relate to that.

It's not easy being around Buffy and her friends; they either treat me like I'm ten or ignore me altogether. Out of all of them, there was only one person who never did that to me and that was Faith. She always talked to me like I was an equal, not some stupid little kid who didn't know anything. If she thought I was doing something wrong, she never yelled at me or lost her temper; she'd just give me something else to do. Like when I questioned Buffy about Xander's state of mind, it must have really been bothering Buffy cause Faith asked me to check in with Giles. She did it quietly and quickly without bringing attention to whatever stupid thing I said or did.

I'm really glad she's back, well I wasn't so happy at first, but I'm really happy now, I missed her a lot. We really understand each other, I guess it's because we both know what it's like to be ignored by Buffy and her friends.

I remember the night I kicked Buffy out of the house, the night I told her she had to leave. The night started out really great, going to the Bronze, having fun, hanging with Faith then everything went downhill very rapidly. I felt horrible at what I had done to Buffy, telling her to leave, I know I only did it for her own good, but still. I remember after everyone went to bed, I still felt bad, I needed to talk to somebody. Everyone was busy doing his or her own thing, so I went to the only person I knew would listen to me.

Flashback of the night in question...

Oh god, what did I do? I shouldn't have sent Buffy away. This guilt is making my stomach all upset, feel like I'm going to be sick. If anything happens to her because I sent her away...I can't even finish the thought. I need to talk to somebody, somebody who can do something; I need to talk to Faith. We need to check up on Buffy, make sure she's ok. As I come down the hallway I see Robin close the door to Buffy's room, crap... Now what am I going to do? You know what I don't care, I need Faith and it's my house so I knock on the door.

The door opens just a fraction and Robin asks, "What?"

"I need to talk to Faith..."

"Well, she's a little busy, and shouldn't you be in bed anyway. You can talk to her in the morning."

Suddenly the door opens wider and Faith says to Robin, "Don't you dare talk to her like that, this is her fucking house. As a matter of fact, I think you should be leaving, perhaps it's past your bedtime."

Robin says, "But..."

Faith gives me a wink and turns back to him, "Bu, Bu, BYE!"

For a moment I swear it looked like Robin wanted to hurt us, and at that moment I had no doubt that he could. Faith doesn't seem to notice or maybe she's just not worried. Although that might be a bluff cause he looks damn scary at the moment, but he doesn't do anything, he doesn't say a word, he just walks past me and goes down the stairs. He's got to be pretty angry, hope he won't be my principal after the apocalypse, cause I might be in some trouble if he is.

Faith walks us out on the back porch, she lights up the tiki torches Xander stole from one of the neighbors, which is good cause it's pretty dark out here. We probably shouldn't be outside with everything that's going on, but I just wanna be outside, there are way too many people inside. Also, I don't want them to hear me talking about Buffy, they won't understand. I watch Faith as she lights up a cigarette takes a long drag off it then asks, "What's on your mind, kiddo?"

"I...well...um...I hope I didn't interrupt you and Princi...um...Robin..."

She laughs a little, "No of course not, he's really not my type..."

I look at her in disbelief, "Yeah I can see how you might say that, he's smart, funny, attractive..."

"And totally creepy..."

I laugh slightly cause he is kinda creepy. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so, Buffy seems to think he's ok, even though when we researched him we found out nothing. It's like before Sunnydale, he didn't exist, I think that makes him highly suspicious. So his mom was a slayer, big deal it doesn't explain why he has basically no past. And I'm not buying that he didn't know what was in that box, everybody was busy worrying how to get Buffy back after she jumped into that time portal. But I was focused on him, he didn't seem surprised there was a portal, nor that a demon had switched places with her. Yet, nobody wanted to listen to me when I told them all this, you know just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know anything.

"Yeah, he is totally creepy." I can't help but laugh a little as I add, "Buffy went out on a date with him..."

Faith smiled, "See, reeeeally not my type then...So come on...spill...what's the problem?"

"I'm worried about Buffy..."

She sighs and takes a seat next to me, "Yeah...me too..."

I can't help but cry, "What if...what if something bad happens to her, it'll be all my fault..."

She quietly put her arm around me, rested her head against mine, "Nothing bad is gonna happen. She'll be ok; big Sis is quite capable of taking care of herself. And by now, I'm sure Spike is with her, he'll be there to make sure she stays ok...And don't worry in a couple of days she'll be back. Hell, she'll probably wake up tomorrow and realize she left me in charge and come running right back."

I just nod slowly; I'm really not too convinced. Faith gives me another quick squeeze before letting me go. "I'll tell you what, once it's daylight, we'll have Willow try and track her so we can make sure she's ok. How's that?"

I guess that's ok, daylight is only a couple of hours away, and Faith is right, Buffy can take care of herself, and I'm sure Spike is with her, although I'm not sure that's a good idea. Buffy has been acting really wacky when it comes to Spike lately, and Spike has always been wacky when it comes to Buffy. But what do I know, I'm just a kid, right? I look over at Faith and she still seems distracted by something, I know she's just as worried about Buffy as I am, which isn't as weird as it sounds. Although I'm certain Buffy is responsible for that bruise on Faith's cheek, and yet Faith is still worried about her, I wonder what that means.

Seeing the bruise makes me ask, "Does your face hurt?"

Typical Faith pretends it doesn't bother her, "Nah...it's fine..."

I can't help but grin as I say, "Well it's killing me..."

I knew I shouldn't have said that, I knew that would be a big mistake, in a second she's on me, tickling me, "Why you little..."

I remember how Faith and I spent the rest of the night talking and joking around about stuff. Well, ok...mostly it was me talking and Faith just sat there smiling, listening, making funny comments. She made me forget how bad everything was, at least for a little while. I look over at Buffy and Faith, I see they are sitting really close together, their legs are touching, they keep exchanging nervous little glances with each other. I watch them for a few minutes and I blurt out, "OH MY GOD, Buffy and Faith are dating? Oh wow, that is so cool..."

OK now everyone is staring at them, opps...I can't believe I just said that outloud. Giles just spurted tea out of his nose, wow that was cool too. Willow and Xander are grinning at them and Buffy and Faith are both turning red. WOW, I never saw Faith blush before...that's kinda funny.

Then Anya turns to them, "Yes, and don't forget Buffy, give her lots and lots of orgasms so she'll stay away from my Xander."

Again more blushing from Buffy who tries to look toward Faith for support, boy, that's a mistake cause Faith grins, "Lots and lots..."

Faith gets a punch in the arm for not helping her, but she's still laughing as she rubs her arm. So is everyone else, even Angel seems to find this funny. Apparently Buffy doesn't think it's so funny, she glares at everyone until they stop. "Ok, yes, fine...Faith and I are dating, anybody got a problem with that? Anybody else want to comment on my sex life...Anybody?" She looks at everyone pointedly and when nobody says anything, "GOOD! Anya why are you back?"

POV Faith

I can't believe we got outed by the pipsqueak. It seems to have gone pretty well, nobody seems to object. Other than the rather large bruise starting to form on my arm, things are looking pretty good. Although Wesley's shirt has seen better days, thanks to Giles and his tea. I'm still a little freaked about all this me and Buffy stuff, but she takes my hand and gives me a wink, let's me know she's got no problems. Which is all that matters, as long as she's cool with it I could give a rat's ass what everyone else thought, well, except for the kid, I'm glad she's ok with it.

It seems Anya is finally ready to explain how she's back here among the living, "Oh...I'm back because the Powers made me an offer I couldn't refuse..."

She looks around at all of us like she's waiting for something, then sighs, "Pop culture reference...and I even used it correctly..."

Xander gives her a big smile, like it was an accomplishment or something, that chick is really weird, she just might actually be the perfect woman for Xander.

"Ah...yes...very nice Anya, we, uh, are all sure to be proud, can you tell us the offer?"

Thank you Giles for getting vengeance chick back on topic or we could be here all day, cause she's sure to start on her ode to Xander in about...oh five seconds. I'm sure that will inevitably end with me getting more bruises, which I'd like to avoid if at all possible.

"They told me I could spend the rest of eternity in Hell or I could come back and help. Make some amends, try to make up for a thousand years of vengeance. Of course I jumped at the chance, the chance to do something for myself and I get to be with Xander."

They exchange a smile, and I'm kinda happy for them, and I don't begrudge anyone trying to make amends. Again it's Giles who gets her to focus, "What is it that you will be doing, uh, exactly."

"I'm supposed to help, supposed to relay information from them. Wait...I have a list of the things I'm supposed to tell you..."

She pulls out a notebook, flips it open, she turns a couple of pages, seemingly reading it to herself instead of telling us stuff. I wonder how long that list is, I wonder how long this is going to take cause I'd prefer to get Buffy alone in my room. I have some unfinished business with her and I'd like to get back to it. I so wanna..."Ow..." Buffy just hit me on my bruised arm.

All right, that's it, this reading of emotions thing officially sucks right about now. Those feelings are supposed to be private and not get me hit. I think I'm going to sit somewhere else, somewhere out of arm's reach. I look around for another open seat, but her grip tightens on my hand and I realize I'm outta luck, guess I'm going to have to behave myself.

"Anya...could you perhaps read them outloud?"

"Wait a minute Giles, I'm trying to get organized."

She flips a couple of more pages, "Oh, here's some interesting facts, Buffy and Faith are soul mates...their souls are connected. Oh...and Dawn is part of both of them, and..."

OK, what!? "Um...what?"

Dawn asks, "I have two mommies?"

Anya nods, "Yes...Buffy already knew this..."

Everyone turns to look at Buffy as do I, I just cross my arms and I give her a look like 'you've got some splaining to do'. "Whoa...hold on...Buffy didn't know this. Buffy is just as shocked as everyone else..."

They all go back to staring at crazy chick, like they're watching some sort of tennis match, but I keep looking at Buffy. She's trying really hard not to look at me right now, too bad that doesn't really matter cause I already know she's lying. From the shocked looks on the other's faces, I'm guessing she didn't tell them the truth either. Then again, I can kinda understand why she didn't, it's kinda unbelievable, actually it's totally unbelievable. I'm sure if she had told me, there is no way I woulda believed it.

"But the monk told you...oh, no, wait...I see here, I wrote that the monk should have told you...opps..."

I just roll my eyes at Anya. Dawn makes her feelings known, "Wait...so now, not only am I related to one slayer, I'm related to both of them? Damn...there goes my social life...not just one overprotective slayer, now I got two...life is so not fair. All I know is one of you better get a good job cause I'm definitely gonna need therapy."

Buffy nods at her thoughtfully, "Maybe we can get a family discount, or maybe they offer group rates."

"Wait...so when the monks took a part of Buffy's soul to make Dawn, they also took a part of Faith's soul. I guess that explains why it looked like Dawn might be a potential. Being the product of two slayers, I can see how some of that energy would come over." Willow explains a little further since Anya doesn't seem to be paying any attention to us right now, too busy giving Xander crude sexual hand gestures. Goddamn that chick is horny, she takes horny to a whole new level of horniness, a level that even I have yet to achieve.

Dawn continues to complain, "Meanwhile, my social life is on the critical list..."

I can't help but tease her a little, "Cheer up kid, there are lots of people who don't date until they're 40..."

Giles has his glasses off, and is rubbing his temple like he's got a massive headache. With this group, I'm sure he's had lots of headaches over the years. "Is there anything else Anya?"

"Yes, the Powers have decided to back a new champion." She looks over at Angel, "Sorry Angel, they can't support you while you are the CEO of Wolfram & Hart, they know you will continue to fight for them, but they can't provide you with help. Your connection to them has been severed."

I look over at him, wondering how he's going to take that news. Knowing his connection to them was Cordy, I wonder what that means for her. We're on the same wave length cause he asks, "What does that mean for Cordelia? She helped them and now what? They're just gonna let her die..."

"She's negotiating her own deal with them, I don't really know much about it."

Apparently not wanting to dwell on the whole Cordy subject because that could lead to some questions he probably doesn't want to answer. He asks, "So the Powers are gonna back Buffy now?"

"No, they aren't going to be backing Buffy, the Powers chose Faith. And wherever Faith goes, I have to go. I'm her connection to the Powers."

Huh? What? The Powers chose me? Wait a second...did she just say...Fuck! I really don't wanna be stuck with Anya for any amount of time, "Whoa...wait a freaking minute...don't I get a say? A vote? Something?"

Buffy snickers at my new predicament, while Anya just glares at me as she scoots closer to Xander. Ok, this whole Xander thing is seriously starting to get on my nerves.

"I don't like it any better than you do Faith, believe me. But the Powers seem to think you deserve this or something, they really like the way you manage to save the other champions. The way you were so willing to sacrifice your life for Angel's..."

Uh-oh, I quickly try to change the subject and I cringe at my lame attempt, "So, uh...did ya meet Elvis?"

Anya won't be deterred, she's like some unstoppable force, she just won't shut the fuck up. "They like that you managed to save Angel, yourself and fight the Beast. Of course they think you're a little crazy, a slayer going up against the Beast, that was just...crazy. No slayer would ever be able to defeat the Beast especially the way you went about it, but they admire the fact you tried anyway."

Ok, maybe she won't mention anything else. Maybe she's done giving out the information, maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

"They also liked how you saved Buffy..."

OK, it is possible that Anya only knows about the last time I saved Buffy...

Everyone looks confused, Buffy smiles at me slightly, takes my hand again and says, "Yeah...Faith saved me when we were fighting the First..."

Anya shakes her head, "I wasn't talking about that, although she did save you there too. I meant..."

Oh fuck...why can't I ever catch a fucking break. I know I have to do something to stop her; this is not how Buffy should find out. "Anya!"

She stops and looks at me weirdly, but I don't care, at least she stopped. I know everyone is staring at me, Buffy included, I try not to look at any of them. But the damage has already been done because Buffy asks, "What are you talking about Anya? When else did Faith save me?"

Anya looks back and forth between me and Buffy, I just shake my head no, but Buffy is persistent not to mention angry, "Don't fucking listen to her, I think I have a right to know."

I try to reason with her, "Buffy don't..."

She gives me an angry look, which stops me in mid-sentence. I understand completely, she wants to know, and she's angry with me for not telling her myself. I know she won't be dissuaded, so it's useless to argue. Slayers really don't like to be kept in the dark; it goes against our nature or something.

"Faith saved you from Hell, your soul was really stuck inside a Hell dimension. You contacted Faith in a dream and she saved you. Well, she didn't personally save you, the rest of us did that, but she convinced Tara you needed saving, and Tara put the idea in Willow's head, and five months later, we brought you back from Hell. I don't know why you thought you were in heaven, those two places couldn't be any more different from each other."

Angel and I exchange a look, I really hate how right he was, he knew she'd find out. Although he couldn't have imagined it would happen so soon, I know I didn't. I look at her, her hand has slipped from mine, and she's confused, I can feel it. She gets up and walks around for a minute, I stand too, not knowing how this is going to play out.

Somebody calls out to her, "Buffy?"

She's not paying attention to anything; I feel flashes of terror, and pain. She's remembering, and it's not going to be pleasant. I know because I remember what happened to her there, it fucked me up, and I wasn't the one who was physically in Hell. She's pacing, faster and faster, images of her suffering, her torment are coming back to her, her emotions are coming faster and faster, I can hardly keep up with them all. Pain, horror, anguish, misery, all those horrible emotions just keep building and building, and then nothing, poof, all her emotions just vanished. It's like she's completely gone, I don't feel her at all right now, I don't feel her emotions, I don't feel our slayer connection, I feel nothing, I feel empty, if I wasn't staring right at her, I'd think she was...dead.

She turns toward me, the look in her eyes, it's pure hatred, and I really can't stand that it's directed right at me. I had hoped never to be on the receiving end of one of Buffy's hate filled stares ever again. But I know it's not really her, I get that she's not in control right now and truthfully, I'm not all that surprised. I kinda knew that she had something in her that wasn't supposed to be there, and now it's decided to come out and play. I was lying before when I said I didn't see it, I've seen it since the moment I came back to Sunnydale. The first time I looked into her eyes, I knew something was wrong, she was...wrong. But she was getting better ever since the Hellmouth imploded, she'd be so close to being her old self I'd think I had imagined it, then she'd do something to remind me, but I guess there's no denying it now. I had hoped there'd be another way to fix this--that it could be done without her even knowing about it. I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Fight it Buffy..."

"Sorry...Buffy's not in any condition to fight right now." She...it...laughed at us, "I just need a little more. So? Who wants to be first?"

I see Willow starting to move, ready to do something. I don't know how I know, but I know whatever she's planning would be a grave mistake. I practically growl at her, "Don't do it! Whatever you were thinking, just fucking stop..."

I don't want to sound like my old self, I never wanted to be her again, but right now, I think it's my only option, the only way to do what I know I have to do.

"Aw...Faithie...let the little witch play...she's a more formidable enemy anyway...you're kinda like nothing. And say, isn't that what your mother used to say about you...you're nothing..."

"Oh...pulling out the mother jokes now are we? Seems a little elementary school doesn't it?"

"Don't act like it doesn't bother you Faith...you forget I know, I know what you told her. I know how you're feeling about it; you can't hide that from me. I know you're pathetic, I know you let your mother die, you let your watcher die and now you can watch Buffy die too..."

I push back all the guilt I feel about those things, all the hurt and pain those words bring me. I try to remember that those things probably didn't really happen, those memories aren't real.

"You won't get whatever it is you need...I won't allow it, so how about you just give up. Let her go..."

"See, that's your problem Faith, always so fucking overconfident, always thinking you knew everything. Kinda how you managed to stake a human, isn't it? You are nothing but a screw up, you can't do anything right, and as Daddy used to tell you, there's only one thing you're good for."

Everything I ever learned in therapy goes down the drain as I feel myself slipping back into the girl I used to be, because it's easier, it's what I know, it's how I deal. I just keep repeating 'I don't care' over and over again, cause I know if I say it enough, I'll start to believe it.

"Nice walls you're trying to build up, too bad they won't help you, I'll find a way to get through them. I'll just keep this body and feed off you...Or maybe killing you is the way to go..."

The thing occupying Buffy's body, strikes out at me, hits me in the face; I fall back a little from the force. I hit her back with as much force, knock her back a little. I gotta let the instinct take over or I'm done, it'll win, it'll get what it needs and I can't let that happen.

It stops and stares at me, trying to gauge my abilities, it knows I can move just like it can. It decides to go after someone weaker first and it lunges toward Dawn, I lunge at it. There is a flurry of activity now as the fight is on in earnest. I'm on it now, trying to pin it down, trying to get it to stop, it roll's us over and it's on me, it's hands...her hands wrapping around my throat, so willing to kill me. It brings back all those memories from the rooftop, her wanting me dead, and me hoping she'd choose me over Angel for once. Making her decide: slayer or vampire, the killer in me or the killer in him. I struggle to remove her hands; her grip is too tight, I know I have to do something quick before she chokes me to death. I try to punch her, but it doesn't faze her, I don't have enough momentum to make a dent.

Angel jumps in and kicks her off of me. She's up in an instant and has moved onto him next, she punches him and knocks him back, I take the opportunity to take her legs out. She goes down hard, Angel grabs her and throws her toward the wall, I wince when I hear the thud of her head hitting the wall. She gets to her feet slowly, shaking slightly, seemingly out of it and he goes after her again and I know it's a mistake, it's what she wants. I see the stake come from behind her back, I see the grin spreading across her face, I know he doesn't see the stake, he has no fucking idea. Why is he moving so slowly?

I push him out of the way and get the stake that would have dusted him, in the shoulder. Good thing he's taller than me, if we were the same height, I'd be dying just like Allan Finch. Wouldn't that have been some more poetic justice for me, huh? She slams me hard into the wall, my shoulder throbs as she pulls the stake back out, fucking A that really hurts, why does it always hurt more on the way out? That makes me angry, I embrace that anger and use it to kick her back from me, then I punch her with as much force as I can muster. It knocks her away from me and onto the floor, the stake goes flying out of her hand and slides across the floor, Xander grabs it and backs away. She's up in a flash, she looks towards Xander, thinking about it, but she knows what I know I can't keep this up much longer, not with a shoulder that's bleeding this badly. My blood is running down my arm, dripping onto the floor. I know Angel is trying hard not to lose it, slayer blood running freely has to be driving him nuts. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wesley with the tranq gun, thankfully it's still here and loaded for bear. I circle around her, make her move so her back is to Wesley, cause I don't want her to see it coming.

I sincerely hope Wesley has better luck hitting Buffy than we did trying to hit Angelus. The first shot hits her high on the shoulder, it doesn't stop her, she doesn't even know she's been hit. She punches me hard in the face, I punch her back, just trying to buy some time and she keeps coming. The second shot hits her in the back of the thigh, still not stopping her. She punches me again and this time I lose my balance, damn, I'm slipping on my own fucking blood. Somehow that seems really wrong to me. She kicks me hard in the ribs knocking all the wind out of me, and jumps on top of me; I guess third times the charm because it hits her in the ass and she finally just slumps on top of me. A few seconds later Wes and Gunn are pulling her off of me, and help me to my feet, I look at them.

"Shackle her and put her in the cage downstairs until we figure out what we're dealing with..."

They just nod and start to move her, Angel is already gathering the shackles, I guess I'm slayer in charge again, lucky me.

Chapter Twelve - Breaking the Girl

POV Faith

Buffy's gone...Buffy's gone...every beat of my heart is saying the same thing over and over again. Why does everything always have to get fucked up? We were doing so good, things were going so well. I sit there watching the monitors, watching Angel chain her up, feeling that sense of déjà vu all over again. I remember the last time I watched Angel chain her up...I try not to think about it.

I wince as Wesley pulls another splinter out of my new stab wound; another stab wound courtesy of Buffy. I embrace the physical pain though; it's easier to deal with than the emotional pain I feel right now. I watch Fred on the monitor taking her blood, guess she's gonna run it through the lab at Wolfram & Hart. I watch Buffy lying there, looking so much like she's just sleeping, so much like everything is fine. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever get to hold her again, or if I'll ever get to tell her how much I love her, how much I need her.

The Sunnydale gang is all sitting quietly, trying to comprehend what has just happened to their chosen one. I look over at Dawn; she's calmer now, letting Willow and Xander offer her what little comfort they can. She kinda freaked out, I guess that's understandable, Buffy did just try to attack her. I guess this sort of thing has happened before, poor kid, I wish she didn't have to see all this crap. Sure the monks might have kept her safe by sending her to the slayer for protection, but this is no kind of life for her. She should be living it up, having fun, thinking about boys and stuff, hanging out at the mall; she shouldn't be worrying about people trying to kill her, or the world ending. I think about it and wonder if this is what being a parent feels like, to want something better for your kid. Is that even what Dawn is to me? My kid?

After he's done cleaning and bandaging my shoulder, Wesley steers me toward the couch, I look back at the monitor, he whispers to me, "It's ok, Angel will stay with her."

I just nod and take a seat, I know I've got some explaining to do. I know they have lots of questions, I have a couple myself too, mainly as to why Giles has been glaring at me for a while now. I can tell he's about to say something so I quickly take a deep breath and begin cause I'm not ready for whatever he's gonna say. And I'm in no mood to play 20 fucking questions, so I'm gonna tell this story from the very beginning. Hopefully, it'll provide some clues to help Buffy, but at the very least it'll help clear the air between all of us, which is long overdue.

"I felt Buffy die, I was sitting in my cell, and I felt it. I felt this sense of falling, this really painful surge of electricity, a ripping sensation and then a brief surge of adrenaline. I knew at that moment, I was the only slayer, and she was gone. I was awake for hours that night wondering what it all meant, wondering how it happened, wondering if I had been there, would things have ended the same way. At some point I must have fallen asleep, cause I dreamt it. We had shared dreams before, twice, I think. I was a little sketchy on the details cause I was kinda unconscious at the time."

I take another deep breath, try to will myself not to cry. Breaking down is a luxury I can't afford right now. Buffy needs me to be strong, needs me to be tough, she needs me to save her again.

"The first dream wasn't a shared one, at least I don't think so. I saw her, on the tower, saw her talking to Dawn, it was confusing because I didn't know who Dawn was, I had never seen her before. I don't know if this is important or not, but I don't have any memories of Dawn, I don't know why."

I see the confusion and hurt on poor Dawn's face, it's pretty obvious that she remembers me. She so doesn't need any more crap right now so I try to explain it away.

"Maybe there's a limit on how many made up memories a person can have."

I know that explanation totally sucks but I'm not quite up to par at the moment. I look over at Dawn; she gives me a slight nod so I continue.

"The only reason I know about Dawn is because Buffy told me, but that came later, during one of the shared dreams. Anyway, she's on the tower, the portal had already opened, I heard the things she said to Dawn and then I watched as she jumped. I felt the whole thing over again, the surge of electricity when she hit the portal, her body continuing to fall. Then I felt the ripping sensation as I saw something like a light being pulled from her inside the portal. I'm thinking it must have been her soul that got sucked into the portal as it closed up. Or maybe the soul is what closed the portal, I don't really know."

"Um...she was stuck and I knew it. I tried to contact Angel, but I couldn't track him down. I tried calling Sunnydale, but I couldn't reach any of you either, I left a message. I'm guessing the message is what caused you to visit me, huh Will?"

I look over at her, and she looks down, I would have liked to keep her out of it, but she's got a part in all this and it's way past time to get everything out in the open. Xander prods her, "You went to ask Faith if she would come back with you, right? Faith said no that's what you told us. You came back and said that Faith refused to help us."

Willow finally looks in my direction, tears sliding down her cheeks. I wish there was another way, but she needs to tell them, she needs to admit her part in all of this, so she can move on.

"I'm so sorry Faith." I just nod, I know this already. "I-I went there as we all had discussed, to ask for her help. To bring the slayer back to Sunnydale, but when I saw her...I couldn't do it. I just snapped, I..."

"What did you do?"

Xander's tone is angry, accusing, and totally not needed right now, "Hey...take it down a notch or two..."

He shoots me an angry look, then gets it, this really isn't about blame. He looks a little contrite as he quietly says, "Sorry Will..."

He gives her a weak smile and she continues sobbing slightly, "I went off on Faith, told her it was all her fault, told her it should have been her. I told her we wouldn't accept her help, she wasn't wanted. That even though she was the Slayer we didn't need or want her around. Then I came back to Sunnydale and told you guys she refused to help us. Told you she laughed when I told her Buffy was gone...oh God...I'm so sorry..."

I know she's sorry, we hashed out all of our issues on the way from LA to Sunnydale. We talked about her slide to the dark side that started with her refusal to help me way back when, her sheer delight at thinking I was caught by the Council. Not at all concerned the Council was just going to kill me, God how she hated me, at the time I really didn't understand it, but I think I'm starting to get it now. Maybe Willow would have hated me anyway, maybe she would went down the same path, maybe it had nothing to do with the spell the Council put on her and the rest of them, and maybe, just maybe, the Pope ain't Catholic. Willow's dark side just continued to grow, and grow until she murdered two people in cold blood to exact her revenge.

I know the people Willow and I killed were scumbags, and something needed to be done to stop them. Nobody is really crying that these men are gone, but even killing the bad guys leads to some dark scary places. It makes you take a long hard look at yourself, makes you doubt everything you've ever thought about yourself. We've kinda agreed to work it like the alcoholics do, by sponsoring each other. If at any point we ever feel like we're losing it, we've agreed to talk to each other, help each other. I give Willow a quick smile, letting her know we're still good, no hard feelings. The past is the past. And not to mention she's pretty powerful now and I really don't wanna spend the rest of my life as a newt.

I pick up the story from there. "OK, so I knew I wouldn't be able to get help from you guys by asking directly, kinda figured Willow would have told you some stories. I figured nobody would believe me, and I didn't have any real proof, just that dream and a general feeling her soul was where it didn't belong. I even thought that maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, thinking I could somehow make things up to her, so I tried to forget about it. Then the shared dreams started, and they were brutal. I saw everything she went through, I felt everything she went through. Every night for five months we shared dreams. Sometimes she'd just beg me to save her, sometimes she'd yell and scream because she thought I wouldn't help her, other times she'd just show me things."

"I decided there was only one option left, one person who I might actually be able to convince. The one person I hardly knew, and who hardly knew me, well, she knew I was an asshole who made fun of her, but I hoped she didn't really know much else. She was scary talented when it came to all things witchy, no offense Will."

She nods, smiles a little, she knows I'm talking about her girl, Tara. I'm glad Willow and I had a chance to talk about Tara. I needed to tell Willow who was really responsible for her death. I had told Tara how hard it was to do the right thing when the one person you wanted to notice the most doesn't seem to care. I couldn't mind my own fucking business and wound up talking Tara into being in the place where she was shot and killed. Even while in prison I still managed to wreck people's lives. I still feel bad about it, even though Willow told me that if it wasn't for me, they might not of had that night together, she might have died before they made up. I didn't really buy it until she told me Tara's death was inevitable, if it wasn't the bullet from Warren's gun; it would have been the aneurysm they didn't see until the autopsy. Life really fucking has a way of sucking sometimes don't it?

"It took a lot of fast talking to get Tara to agree to see me, she really didn't want to do it. She really didn't like the fact she couldn't tell anyone about it, but she finally agreed. I told her the things that were going on, she was skeptical to say the least. She knew what Willow had told her, she wanted to believe I was the liar. After about twenty minutes she finally agreed to help, she said my aura told her I wasn't lying. I told her it didn't matter what Willow had said about me, she had her reasons for not wanting me around, and the only thing that mattered was to save Buffy. Of course when Buffy came back and started talking about being in heaven, I got another visit from Tara. This one was far less pleasant, I seriously had her pegged wrong cause that chick was wicked scary..."

"Anyway...she'd e-mail me once a week to let me know how the plans were progressing, and to find out if anything had changed. By the time the summer was over I was in pretty bad shape, sent to the hospital for a little while. When you brought her back, I felt it, sorta lived it for a few minutes, then I woke up, got in touch with Angel, and I told him she was back, I also had to tell him my part in it. As to what is wrong with Buffy right now, I don't know. Angel kinda thought she might have brought something back with her, I'm inclined to believe that also."

"Buffy had thought something was wrong with her ever since she came back, she knew her behavior wasn't...'normal', after a few months she finally asked Tara to look into the spell. Tara looked but couldn't find anything wrong, although she only really looked into the spell; she didn't have a chance to look into any other possibilities. I kinda thought that was the end of it, and my help wasn't really helping, so I didn't pursue it anymore. But now we know, perhaps my new connection to the powers can find out some more information, yeah?"

I look over at her and she just stares back blankly. I wait a few seconds for her to realize I was talking to her. "OH..." She flips through her notebook again, I really need to get that book away from her if I ever want to know what's going on.

She writes down some information on the Hell dimension Buffy was in. She hands the info to Giles who confers with Wesley. She looks over at me, knows I wanted a little more on the information front and gives me an annoyed sigh.

"Fine, I'll go ask the Powers...try not to do anything terribly interesting while I'm gone."

She kissed Xander goodbye and with a poof, she was gone, off to confer with the Powers, or maybe she was just off to take a really long hot bath. Doesn't really matter, as long as she's not here being a distraction. Also, it's a good thing Cordy ain't around to see that, I got a feeling she'd be plenty pissed she had to deal with migraines while Anya gets to actually poof herself back and forth. Yeah, here's a little tidbit of information nobody knows, not even Angel, Cordy actually came to visit me, although before she'd really talk to me, I did have to let her try to give me a black eye first, cause payback is a bitch and so is Cordelia, her words, not mine. But don't get me wrong, Cordy and I weren't like best buds or anything, but we did swap emails every once in a while.

Xander shakes his head and asks, "Here is something I don't get...and I know this is slightly off topic, but how is it that you and Buffy move so fast now?"

I wonder what the hell Xander is talking about as Giles finally stops glaring and starts asking rather angrily, "Ah...yes, Faith...how did you manage that?"

"Huh? What are you guys talking about?"

"The fact that you moved so fast we could hardly see it..."

I'm really fucking confused until Giles finally asks a direct question. "How about you tell us what happened in the Hellmouth? What did YOU do, exactly?"

Oh shit, I think I know where this is heading, I guess feeling each other's emotions isn't the only thing we got from the scythe. Goddamn it I knew we should have told them before this, freaking Buffy leaves me alone holding the bag yet again. I knew this was going to wind up being entirely my fault, that I'd be the one to get all the blame. You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but it still shocks me sometimes. Might as well get it over with. "We...uh... we held the scythe at the same time..."

I flinch, cause damn, Giles is pretty fucking pissed at me, "WHY!? Why would you do something you were specifically told not to do? These are serious magics we invoked, Faith, who knows what consequences it could have...you're still the same irresponsible..."

Fuck that shit, fuck him. I just yell back, "She was dying Giles...she held it out to me...what the fuck was I suppose to do? Tell her to drop it. Just turn around and let her die. Just leave her there like everything she's ever done doesn't fucking matter? We took a chance..."

He scoffs at me so I continue angrily, "You know what, you weren't fucking there, you have no fucking clue..."

He's still so angry he just won't let it go. "No, Faith, you have NO fucking clue... whatever is happening to Buffy now could be a direct result of that..."

Hey...Giles cursed...he cursed at me. That can't be a good thing. I try to calm down a bit and wind up being a bit nastier than I had intended. "No, it's not. Whatever is going on with Buffy was happening long before the First came along. Perhaps if you weren't so busy running off to England, abandoning her when she needed you the most, you would have seen it, just like Angel saw it and just like I saw it."

He just glares angrily at me, apparently he doesn't like being called out, especially by someone who wasn't even there at the time. I never would have done it to him if he had just backed off a little. I glare right back at him, and I cannot help being a bitch. "How about you start doing some research, try to solve the problem instead of just looking to lay blame?"

Everyone is quiet, trying not to look at Giles or me as we stare each other down. I'm not really all that upset with Giles, I get that this wasn't really personal, he's just really worried about Buffy, but I'm through taking shit from these people. He finally sighs, clears his throat, "Faith's right, we...uh...should really...get to work."

He gives Willow a list of things she should look up on the net, and then he and Wesley go to look through the research material here. I hope we have more luck fixing this then they had while trying to sort of my little family issues, which are officially on the back burner. If that woman really is my mother, then she'll understand and if not...oh well, I don't have time to worry about it. I'm used to having no family so you can't miss what you never had.

There's a lot of stuff Giles wants Willow to look up, so I run upstairs to grab my laptop cause I need to do something. When I come back down, Xander and Dawn are busy reading through some seriously large texts. Willow just stops and stares when I open the laptop and start tapping away. I give her a wink; "I've got layers..."

After about three hours with nothing to show for it, Xander decided we needed food and took Dawn with him, the ex-Watcher's decided they needed more books and went over to Wes' new office, meanwhile, Willow and I kept looking on the net, we weren't having much luck though. She knew a lot of places to look, I knew only a few, Internet research really isn't my thing. Oh, I know how and where to download illegal movies and music, I know how to email and google, but that's about it. She pointed me in the right direction though; found a ton of stuff I really didn't need to know. Like how liquefied eye of newt will help the Christmas cactus to flower, so I filed that under useless shit that is going to take up valuable space in my brain.

"This computer is too freaking slow...it's making me cranky..."

I push my computer toward her, "Here, use this one, it's way faster, and I seriously need a break."

She switches seats, and immediately starts working again, I just sit there and stare across at the monitor, Buffy is sleeping again. Not much excitement going on down there at the moment, an hour ago, she got up and threw herself at the bars and wouldn't stop. She threatened Angel, yelled more shit out about me, which was great cause I sure wanted everyone to know what my father did to me in graphic detail. Then she screamed all sorts of obscenities, ones that would even make a sailor blush, until he finally shot her again, and this time he used stronger tranquilizers, hopefully that will keep her out for a long time.

So far we've complied a list of over 200 things that can travel transdimensionally, although only about 5 of them take over their hosts, and none of them would be able to stay fairly undetected for a long period of time. Mostly they get inside you and grow and grow until they kill you, then eat their way out. Hey...don't look at me, I wasn't thrilled to have that information either, and the pictures were completely unnecessary.

After a few minutes of awkward silence I ask, "So, uh, how's Ken?"

"Oh...um...she's good. Sorta glad to be back to New York...although she's not happy to be back in school."

"Yeah, it is kinda hard to focus on school after fighting to save the world..."

"Yeah..." I can feel her eyes on me, "Um...how are you holding up?"

I'm kinda at a loss for words. I'm holding up, for now. Who knows how long that will last? "Um...I'm..."

"Faith?"

"I'm fine...just fix her and I'll be fine..."

I get up and start pacing around; I feel so fucking useless right now. There is nothing at all I can do to fix this situation, there are no demons to beat up or threaten within in inch of their lives. I step closer to the monitor, I watch her for a few moments, I put my hand on the monitor wishing things were different. I don't know how long I stood there before Willow finally called out to me.

"I think I've found it."

I came back over to her, "What? You found something..."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure this is the one. Ascariasis, it's a highly opportunistic parasitic organism, usually latches on to a host when a host crosses over dimensions. It gets inside and it feeds off the misery and suffering of its host. It doesn't really grow much in size; it uses the suffering until it gains enough power so that it can take over its host. In most cases it doesn't normally manage to get strong enough to take over a human host, but in some rare cases its managed it..."

"I'm guessing memories of Hell were a seven course meal, huh?"

"Yeah...more than likely. It can alter a persons memories, create false environments..."

She just stops and I wonder what's wrong, "Will?"

"Huh? Oh...sorry, it's just...it did that to Buffy... It made her think that she was crazy and that Sunnydale wasn't real, it was just some weird world she made up. We researched and I really thought it was something else. I gave her the cure...then she tried to kill us and I just thought she hadn't been given enough of it. I didn't realize..."

She just trailed off, I could see she was blaming herself for not seeing it sooner, for not knowing Buffy wasn't quite right. None of this is really her fault; Buffy hasn't always been Ms. Open and Honest about her life, and yes, I realize pot, kettle, black and all that. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I rub her back slightly and tell her, "It's ok, Will, don't beat yourself up...you didn't have all the information. It's kinda hard to find out the solution when you don't really know what the problem is, but we do now..."

She gives me an odd look, damn...I'm really not good at this shit, and what kinda lame crap was that... I just shrug at her; "I'm kinda bad at the whole comfort thing..."

She shook her head at me; "No...you're not bad at it. It was good, really..." She smiled at me, "Thanks Faith..."

I just nod along like a retard and mumble out, "No problem..." I hate that I always feel like an idiot in these situations, I never really know what I'm supposed to do or say. Thankfully, she just goes back to reading the screen.

"Um...it usually dies way before it gets strong enough to do much of anything."

"What kills it?"

"Normally, just plain alcohol..."

Well that makes sense; usually unhappy people tend to drink a lot. "OK, so we just get Buffy drunk..."

"I wish it were that easy, but once it's taken over, there's not a whole lot of things that can be done. Plain alcohol is too weak and most other things will give it permanent residence, so we definitely can't use magic directly."

"Don't fucking tell me it's hopeless Will..."

She looks up at me, now it's her trying to reassure me. "No, it's not hopeless...there's lots of hope, hope a plenty. We'll get her back, don't worry. There's a cure, although it's not pleasant. It's a combination of a pint of blood from a Strom demon, a pint of wood alcohol, and some magical enchantments..."

"Um...I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but isn't wood alcohol like extremely poisonous...don't they like use that stuff to make like...formaldehyde."

She looks over at me with a confused little smirk, "When did you become knowledge girl?"

I just give her a non-amused look and a shrug, Willow smiles slightly, "Um...anyway... normally, yes, it's fatal, but with the added ingredients, it's only...slightly toxic."

"Slightly toxic? Is that in any way like slightly pregnant?"

She ignores me and continues, "It kills the parasite, then when it starts to burn the stomach lining, the host becomes violently ill, and in all cases the dead organism is ejected, along with everything else. Eww..."

"What?"

Willow doesn't say anything just stares at the screen, I prompt her again, "What?"

She turns the screen toward me, my stomach lurches slightly, "I sure hope Xander ain't bringing back pizza..."

"Yeah...seriously..."

Within a half an hour everyone has reconvened, all except Anya, I swear if I find out she was hanging out at a coffee shop somewhere, I'll send her back to the Powers personally. It's been decided that Angel and Xander will go after the Strom demon, get him to donate a pint of his blood. And since we don't necessarily need him dead, I'm gonna sit that one out. Angel didn't seem too thrilled to have to work with Xander, especially when Xander called him 'Dead Boy' again. Xander looked over at me, I pointed at my eye, a gentle reminder to him that it was Angel that arranged and paid to have his eye fixed, so he should really play nice. He rolled his eyes at me but nodded that he understood.

Wes is on his way to England, he found out his Dad had some involvement with the Council's special project. Fucking special project, like I wasn't a real person, that I was only some sort of tool for them-fucking bastards. I don't even want to think about it right now. I really would have preferred if he hadn't left, I want everyone working on helping Buffy, I could give a rat's ass about me right now. But, Angel assures me he's not really needed, and wouldn't call him back even if I asked him to, so I didn't.

Gunn is keeping watch on Buffy, making sure she doesn't cause any more problems, hopefully the sedatives will keep her out of it. Giles, Fred and Willow are going over the other ingredients, which leaves the kid and me with nothing to do but worry.

She's just sitting there, staring at the monitor; so I take a seat next to her. She's trying so hard not to lose it again, to not just start crying. She looks at me and doesn't say a word, just puts her head in my lap, and I just gently stroke her hair. It's kinda weird me doing this, I'm not what you would call maternal by nature. At least that's what I've been led to believe, but sitting here with her, I really feel it now. I feel this strong connection with her, kinda along the same lines as my connection to Buffy. It's not exactly the same, it's a little different, because it's like she's a part of both of us, and she really is, she's mine and Buffy's. Wow, that should feel more weird shouldn't it, I hardly know this kid, and I've spent zero time with her since I came back yet there is a connection here that I can't deny. One that I didn't feel yesterday or even this afternoon, I mean sure, I liked the kid, she's Buffy's sister, I kinda had to like her, but now I...I feel like...I love her. Like I said, just plain weird.

I don't know how long we sat there but I must have dosed off because I had a nightmare. That's really not unusual for me though, I've always had them, just not so much in recent weeks. I had thought I was done with them, but apparently not.

I was back in my old apartment back in Boston, and even though I've been told this didn't really happen, it doesn't seem to make this any easier to take. My mom and Ronnie drinking and getting high--fucking heroin, I fucking hate drugs. I sneak out of my room and into the kitchen, I'm so fucking thirsty, I just want a fucking glass of water. How many times had I done that, had a glass of fucking water with no fucking problems, had I known the shit that was gonna happen I woulda stayed locked in my room feeling thirsty. I didn't even fucking hear him coming, I had thought they passed out, but here he comes, putting his arms around me from behind. Pressing me up against the sink, running his hands in places I really didn't want them, but had no choice, he was bigger than me, stronger than me, he'd win, like he always did. Didn't mean I stopped fighting him though, I dropped the glass and it broke, I tried to grab one of the shards of glass, but I wasn't fast enough.

He grabbed my arm and jerked it behind my back, he kept pulling it up and up, the pain was unbearable, I did the only thing I could do, I slammed the back of my head into his face, broke his nose. He pushed off of me and backed up, I turned and kicked him in the balls as hard as I could. I'm sure the expression on my face was just as surprised as his, I had never really hurt him before. Seeing him howling in pain kinda made me smile, until he grabbed the knife off the counter. We stared at each other for a moment, and then she came in, she always did have bad timing.

She looked over at him, surprise on her face too, she had gotten some beat downs from him too over the years, guess she liked seeing him bleeding for a change, cause she smiled at him.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"Your little cunt of a daughter..."

She turned to look at me, disbelief etched her face, and then she turned back to look at him, blood dripping down his face, his one hand holding onto the jewels for dear life and just started laughing. She laughed at him, was she crazy, or just too high to notice the knife in his other hand, I'll never fucking know. Everything happened so fast that I wasn't sure he'd actually stabbed her, until he said, "Think that's funny?"

And she didn't answer him, she just kinda gurgled, then he really started stabbing her, over and over again, screaming at her, "Still fucking funny? You ain't fucking laughing now are you bitch?"

I just stood there, I couldn't move, I was frozen to my spot. After what seemed like hours of him kneeling over her body, slicing away, he turned his eyes on me. He looked right at me and said, "What? What the fuck are you gonna do?"

I was too scared to say anything; I just kept looking down at all the blood on the floor, and back to his eyes. There was a blood stream on the floor; it kept inching it's way closer and closer to me. I didn't want it to touch me, didn't want her blood getting on me, I thought something really bad would happen if it touched me. Like seeing your crazy stepfather kill your mother wasn't bad enough. Of course I didn't realize it at the time and wouldn't for a few more hours, I already had her blood all over me, kinda got sprayed in the frenzy, and yeah, I freaked the fuck out when I realized it.

I heard the sirens in the background, the cops were coming, hopefully they were coming here, hopefully Ms. Diaz called them again. I looked back up at Ronnie, he was covered in her blood, he wiped his hand over his face, spreading it all around, I wanted to throw up right there. "You want a piece of me now? You wanna kill me?"

He tossed the knife over toward me and I jumped back as it skittered across the cheap linoleum, I looked at it, and looked back at him and he said, "Go ahead...take the knife...kill me. Just remember...you kill me, you become me..."

I felt someone shaking me and I awoke with a start, I couldn't see anything through the tears in my eyes. Thinking it was her blood all over me I frantically wiped my eyes, screaming, "Get it off me, get it off me..."

I felt strong hands grabbing at me and I whimpered, "no..." Then I heard him, I heard Angel talking me, soothing me, trying to get me to calm down, to bring me back to reality. I finally focused my attention on the here and now, Giles, Willow, Xander and Dawn looking worried and confused. Angel just looking at me with concern, I finally managed to speak, "I'm ok..."

I heard Buffy's laughter through the monitor, "I knew I'd get through Faithie, I told you I would..."

She was on her feet looking directly at the camera, Gunn must have tried to shoot her cause she grabbed at something and held the dart up for all of us to see. "Opps...guess you forgot about slayer speed...sorry Charlie..." She threw the dart back and we heard Gunn yell, "Oh...fuck!"

Guess she hit her target. She immediately started pulling apart the rest of the shackles and Angel ran for the basement door, with me following closely behind. By the time we got down there she was out of the shackles and starting to push apart the bars, god damn she's really strong, wonder if I'm that strong. Angel grabbed the tranq gun and tried to shoot her again, but once again she caught it, she grinned and threw it back at Angel and I tried to grab for it and was shocked to see it grasped in my hand. Shit...I didn't even see me grab it...that is so cool.

I was about to hit her with it when I was dropped to the ground by another memory. My father doing things to me no father should ever do to his daughter, I pushed it away, reminding myself it wasn't real, it didn't happen, my real dad's a good man. I threw the dart at her and hit her, she looked down, "Oh fuc..." before she collapsed onto the floor.

I blew out a long breath and looked up the stairs, "How long until that cure is ready cause I really don't wanna go down memory lane again?"

Willow nods, "It should take about 20 or 30 minutes...we'll...get started..."

I nodded as Willow started pushing everyone else up the stairs; I slumped heavily to the floor. Angel is right there with me, "You ok?"

"Peachy..."

He laughs slightly as do I, then I say, "I thought you said this redemption shit was easy..."

He just says, "Piece of cake..."

Chapter Thirteen - The Remedy

POV Faith

After a few minutes of recuperation time, I helped Angel get Gunn back upstairs in the main lobby; we laid him down on one of the couches to sleep it off. I was about to go and check in with Willow when Giles called me over to the side.

"Uh...Faith, might I have a word?"

I just nod and follow him, hopefully this won't lead to another screaming match cause the last one kinda took it out of me. I don't wanna go off on Giles again, cause it's not really productive and it makes me feel bad. I don't know why, its not really like Giles has done anything for me, although he did tell me I was doing a good job back in Sunnydale. The weird part was I think he actually meant it at the time.

"Uh...I just wanted to...uh...say I'm..."

"Yeah...I know."

"Faith..."

"Look Giles, it's cool, you're worried about Buffy, I get it. So don't worry, no hard feelings...k?"

He looks like he's about to say something else so I just keep talking. People apologizing to me makes me uneasy, so I try to avoid them if possible. And truthfully he didn't really say anything that upset me all that much, although that 'irresponsible' comment he made kinda stung a little bit.

"Look...I didn't mean it, you didn't mean it, let's just chalk it up to the heat of the moment and move on. We'll get this remedy thing together and bring our girl back..."

He gives me a slight smile, and a small nod. "I'll...uh...see if Willow needs any help."

Ok, so here's the deal, Angel and I have the cure; we even have it in a squeezable bottle so as to shoot it right down her throat. Kinda thinking the parasite won't wanna willingly swallow something that's gonna kill it.

The whole situation is kinda bizarre. We need Buffy to be awake for this, but we don't know how long she's gonna stay out this time. Also, we don't want to have to wrestle her when she does wake up, so... I straddle Buffy's waist, making sure to keep her arms firmly at her sides with my legs, and Angel is sitting behind me, right on her legs so she won't be able to move them either, like I said...bizarre. I mean, I know I've wanted to be in this position with Buffy pretty much since the first moment I saw her, but I never imagined it would be with clothes on and with her ex sitting right behind me.

I'm pretty sure it looks at bad as I was thinking cause I heard the gasp from the onlookers as we got into position. Ah...the things you do for love...maybe that's why I haven't done the whole love thing before. Or...at least I don't think I've done it before, I might have... Kinda makes me wonder what my life was like before. Who was I? What was I like? Did I have friends? Did people like me? I guess I could ask my...mom. Ah...who am I kidding? She won't be stupid enough to come back for me again; she's probably halfway back to New York by now. And who would blame her for it?

After a while of waiting for sleeping beauty to wake up, my legs are cramping up, and I'm feeling really restless as my mind continues wandering, thinking about all the bad shit I've been through, the things that were done to me, the things I've done. I'm really starting to feel like shit when I realize what's happening, the parasite is trying to get into my head. It want's me to feel miserable, to feel sorry for myself, it's trying to feed off my emotions, which means she's waking up.

She's still lying there with her eyes closed, playing possum, but she can't keep the smirk off her face. I look down at her until she finally opens her eyes. I move fast, don't want to give her any opportunity to escape, I put my hand over her nose, pinch it shut and just wait cause sooner or later she'll need to breathe, and she'll open her mouth. She's struggling against us big time, I feel like I'm in some sort of crazy rodeo. She's trying to throw us off of her or to at least get my hand off of her nose, but I don't give in, finally she takes a big gasp for air and I squirt all the liquid into her mouth, then quickly cover it over. She continues to struggle, but finally has no choice but to swallow the liquid. She looks at me wide-eyed for a moment, our slayer connection hits me like a sledgehammer, a second later I feel her emotions again, uh-oh...

I quickly jump over her head, turn and lift her up a little, unfortunately for my buddy, he doesn't move as fast as us, he is only just starting to get an idea as to what's about to happen. I'd really like to save him from his fate, but then I'd get it and I don't want that to happen. I don't have much more time to worry about it cause there she blows.

Yep...that's right...she puked all over Angel, and then promptly passed out. I really have to suppress a laugh, cause the look on his face is really fucking funny. I don't think I've ever seen a vampire look quite as disgusted as he looks right now.

I try really hard not to laugh or at least not do it out loud, but I realize he can probably see my shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. I look up at him, biting my lip so I don't laugh in his face. He glares at me as he gets to his feet, he walks out of the cage and up the stairs and I can hear him muttering, "That's really fucking mature..."

It's not like I did it on purpose, well, not exactly. I can't help it, I start laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes, I know I'm gonna hafta apologize profusely later, but I just can't stop it. It didn't take long after Angel left before the others started laughing as well.

Giles and Xander came down and carried Buffy upstairs and into one of the other rooms; they picked the first door on the right. I told them we shouldn't be using that room, it wasn't right, but they didn't listen to me. Poor Angel came out of the shower in time to see her puke all over his bed and the rug in his room, I haven't really seen Angel really pissed and I know now why everyone was so afraid of him. Damn that's a scary look, although it does kinda lose something when he's standing there in just a towel. I let tweedle dee and tweedle dum remove Buffy quickly and onto yet another room, my room, they better have a bucket close by cause Homey don't play that.

I try to calm him down a little with an offer of help. "I'll help ya clean up. Got any more towels?"

I try to look as helpful as I possibly can, and not laugh at him but it's hard. He lets out an angry sigh, "Yeah...just give me a minute."

He goes back into the bathroom to change, I just look around the room and try not to breathe, hope he doesn't take to long. When he finally comes out he reaches around my shoulder to wipe his wet hand on my cheek as he says, "Ran out of toilet paper..."

Gross! "Ewww....GROSS!..."

Now he's laughing at me, I smile along and nod at the joke, cause that's comedy gold right there. When he's done laughing, I tell him, "Since you're in a better mood, I guess you won't be needing me..."

In a flash I was out of his room and down the hall. Heh! Gotta love this new speed thing. And seriously, it's not like he has to breathe like the rest of us, cleaning it up won't be such a chore to him, like it would be to us.

I come into my room as Willow is asking the group, "Do ya think it worked? M-maybe it's not the best idea to leave her unshackled..."

"It worked, she's back."

They all look at me quizzically wondering how I can be so sure; so I sigh, might as well tell them the rest of it.

"I can feel her..."

They look even more confused and I laugh slightly, "Her emotions...I can feel her emotions, scythe side effect. And also, I can feel our slayer connection. It was gone before, but now its back so..."

Finally they all nod and now it's my turn to ask the questions, "How come she's not awake yet? That a side effect of the magic potion?"

I see the nervous glances back and forth and I'm starting to get a little freaked out, "What?"

Willow starts, "Well...um...yeah...it-it's probably the..."

"Probably!"

Giles jumps in, "There's no need to panic or...or get upset...magic...uh...isn't always exact, and there, uh, is the fact that she's a slayer...and, uh..."

"Oh...so you're saying you just don't know, she could wake up any minute or she could be out of it for a while?"

They all nod nervously, why are they so nervous? Do they think I might go all psycho on them? "Hey guys...what's going on here? What aren't you telling me?"

I look to Giles, but it's Willow who answers me, "We really aren't sure why she's not awake right now. It could just be from everything that happened..."

"Or?"

"Well...finding out about being in Hell might make her not want to wake up. The last time something really traumatic happened she kinda...hid inside her head for a while. I literally had to go in and drag her back out again."

"Oh...well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see...I don't think it'll come to that, but it's good to know it can be done."

We all sat around the room and watched Buffy for signs of her waking up, but she wasn't having any of it. Things took a turn for the worse when Anya came back; she gave us all the information we already knew. I was starting to feel bad I had thought she wasn't really helping Buffy until Willow told her we already found the cure. She got all sorts of mad and started yelling at us. Then she grabbed Xander and announced her intentions, poor Xander, I don't think I've ever seen that shade of red on a person before. Dumbass shoulda ran while he had the chance.

Giles and Willow left a few minutes later leaving just the kid and me to keep watch.

We've been sitting here for hours; Dawn has been dozing in and out for most of the night. I knew she wouldn't want to leave so I wrapped a blanket around her and just let her sleep. It was really early the next morning when Buffy finally opened her eyes and looked around.

I could feel how terrified she was, she didn't know where she was, and I'm not quite sure she even knew who she was at that moment. I slowly came over to her and knelt down next to the bed. It took a few attempts before she actually let me touch her arm, a couple of more before she let me stroke her hair gently. All the while I kept trying to re-assure her, let her know she was safe, nothing was going to hurt her.

After a while she had calmed down enough to talk, but only a single word. "Hurts..."

Still speaking softly, "Yeah...it's gonna...for a little while, but it'll get better. I promise."

She nodded slightly, managed a small weak smile. After a few more minutes she asked, "Water?"

I got up and poured some water for her, as she struggled to sit upright, she's kinda weak from all the puking, fighting and remembering. I handed her the water and she started drinking it way too fast, and I do have strict rules about puking in my room.

"Hey slow down on the water, your stomach's kinda..."

She nodded and I went to move away from the bed and she grabbed my arm, she looked completely freaked out, "...d-don't leave me..."

That phrase brings back a flood of memories. I remember how many times she said that to me, how many times she'd beg me not to go, not to leave her. But it wasn't like I had a choice, I was in prison, it wasn't like I could choose to sleep in and stay. I did try to stay with her as long as possible, for months I'd be woken up by either the guards or by the prison doctor, once I even woke up in the hospital, and by the time August was over, I just stopped waking up all together. I stayed with her, I didn't leave her side, which meant we were both stuck in hell until the gang pulled her out and I finally woke up again.

I sat back down on the bed, "I won't leave...I'm right here...Wanna talk about it?"

"No..."

Kinda what I was thinking she'd say. Not that it matters cause I really can't help her with this. There is one person here who can help her, the same person who helped me deal with all that Hell shit. Angel can help her cause he's been there himself, he's the only other person to have been to hell and back...literally.

"Well...you're gonna have to at some point, cause a thing like this...is too big to bury, too big to try and forget, it needs to be dealt with Buffy."

I can see how upset she is at the prospect of dealing with all that shit, I can feel it, I can also feel her trying to distance herself emotionally. I know how dangerous that is, and I wish a thousand times over she didn't ever have to deal with any of this bad stuff, but she does, there just ain't no way around it.

"It's ok baby. I'm not saying you have to do it right this second, or that you should even do it with me, but at some point you'll need to deal, and I'm pretty sure you know who can help you. So when the time comes, let him help you."

She won't look at me; she's looking everywhere else but at me. It's kinda funny how much alike we are, how much we'll both hide from our emotions, from our feelings for as long as possible. It's like pulling off a Band-Aid, you know if you do it quickly it won't hurt as much, but there's just something inside us that makes us wanna drag it out hoping it won't have to hurt at all.

We just try to ignore it, until it eventually goes away. That works for a little bit, but after a while things start piling up, and piling up, until you just can't deal with anything anymore. The good news for us is that we can feel each other's emotions, we can hide it from everyone else, but there is no more hiding from each other.

After a few moments, she reached out slowly and touched my shoulder; her eyes were wet with tears.

"It's fine, it's all healed...good as new. And hey, better me than Angel, right?"

I smiled at her, trying to show her it was ok, we weren't gonna be going 20 rounds over it. But she wasn't looking at me. She slid her hand down my arm and then reached out to touch my stomach. I didn't mean to do it, I really would have liked to play it cool, but I couldn't help it, I flinched when she tried to touch me. It's not like she was going to hurt me, not like she had a knife this time.

She caught the flinch and started to cry, "I'm so sorry..."

"I know baby, I know...but it's ok...I forgive you..."

This moment is way too intense for me; I have to do something to break up the tension. I reach up and wipe her tears away, "Besides, if you start bawling, then I'll start, and I think it would be really bad for our images...us slayers with wicked cool new superpowers can't be sitting around bawling like a coupla crybabies, now can we?"

I'm worried that my attempt at humor wouldn't be appreciated when she laughed slightly, and I really wanted to hear that laugh again, so I continued joking, "Although I have to ask, you do know I'm not really a pincushion right?"

She laughed a little more this time; then shook her head at me, "You're an ass..."

I give her a big smile, "Ya think?"

She smiles back at me and asks, "New superpowers?"

I really can't help being all excited about the prospect of having new powers, which is really the coolest part of this gig. It's like being a superhero without the dorky alter ego thing. "Oh hell yeah...Dude...we're like twice as fast as we used to be..."

"Really?"

Deep down I know Buffy digs that part too, although she might never admit it. But she doesn't really have to anymore; I can feel it, and right now she's curious about these powers, curious and more than a little apprehensive at the same time. "Yep, and I'm guessing we also heal faster than we used to...explains why my shoulder healed in a few hours, also explains why getting run through with a sword didn't stop you from kicking some major ass back in Sunnydale."

Her smile fades a little as she thinks about these new powers and what they mean. They mean she's not as done as she thought she was, that even though there are lots of new slayers, they don't have near the capabilities that we do now. Her and I are still the last defense against all the bad shit, the everyday demons and vamps probably won't be our concern anymore, but those damn apocalypses will still be our problem.

I wonder how she is going to deal with all this, she's never been happy about being a slayer, she's never really accepted it. Don't get me wrong, she did the job, she did it better than any other, but she was never happy about it. Now me on the other hand, was always happy about being a slayer, it could even be said that I was a little too enthusiastic about it. But, in my head, this was always my chance to be something, my chance to not be as useless as everyone in my life told me I was, or more importantly as the Council led me to believe. Of course, I have no idea how I'll react if I ever get my memories back; maybe I'll suddenly hate it, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when and if I get to it.

She looks up at me with that half little smile that I love so much, "I guess the forces of evil better get their asses to Defcon One, cause the Chosen Two are back in business."

Although I know she's not as happy as she's pretending to be right now I just grin back at her. We both know she's lying, but we've got plenty of time to deal with her issues later; right now she just needs a break. I just can't wait to see how mad the newbies will be, I wonder how pissed Kennedy will be when she finds out Buffy and I can still kick her ass, I can't wait to see her face, cause that's gonna be lots of fun. I know she was seriously pissing Buffy off when she kept talking about how she could kick our asses now, how we were going to have to listen to her in the future. That girl has got lots of balls, huh? I kinda like it though, she'll make life really interesting or annoying, depending on which day of the week it is.

I was just about to remind her of the fun we'll have when Kennedy finds out, when she suddenly got up quickly and ran for the bathroom, I think she's puking again, I'm gonna try not to take that personally. A few minutes later I heard the flush, heard her brush her teeth, then turn on the shower; and I realized she didn't have any clean clothes in there. Not to mention the fact that there wasn't any towels in there either, I got up and picked out some stuff for her to wear, I guess I figured out what Lorne did yesterday, cause there are actually clothes for her in my closet. I also grabbed a towel and laid them inside the bathroom on the edge of the sink. I picked up her old clothes and held them at arm's length as I carried them out of the bathroom and dropped them into the garbage. I quickly realized that wouldn't be enough, I tied up the bag and tossed it out the window to the garbage cans below. I took a seat on the bed and waited for her to finish up in the bathroom.

I was just starting to doze when she came out of the bathroom. She looks a thousand times better; I can sense she's feeling a little better as well. Although there is that underlying current of uneasiness running through her, but I'm content to let her pretend for a little while longer. She has been through a lot in a short period of time, I think she deserves some kind of reprieve. She smiles at me, "Thanks for the clothes...and the towel..."

"No problem...I think Lorne and Angel deserve most of the credit though..."

She nods and then smirks at me; "Did ya peek?"

Interesting question isn't it? I don't have the heart to remind her there was no need to peek; I'd already seen the goodies, sorta sampled them as well, although that was a few years ago. And I did have a different perspective at the time. Yeah, it's probably best not to bring that up, nothing good can come from that. "Nope..."

She looks skeptical, so I hold up two fingers; "Scouts honor..."

She laughs, "Um...that's the boy scouts sign, I believe the girl scouts was actually three fingers..."

She holds up three fingers, and I nod, "Oh...I thought that was read between the lines..."

She frowns, looks at her fingers, and realizes what I meant then promptly shakes her head, "You're impossible...and I know you peeked..."

I give her a wink, "Just a little bit, cause you know this being good thing is a work in progress right?"

She smiles, "Uh-huh..." She looks down at Dawn still sleeping peacefully, "I can't believe she hasn't woken up yet, I swear she could sleep through anything..."

She comes closer and sits on the bed, looks a little serious, "I kinda lied..."

"I know."

"You feel it now, don't you?"

"Yeah, it's kinda...freaky. The only other person I've ever felt that connected to..."

"Was me?"

I look away from her; "I had a funny way of showing it didn't I?"

"Stop it, I'm fairly certain we're gonna find out that most of the things you did were a direct result of the Council's interference. They are completely responsible for everything."

"But..."

She puts her finger on my lips to stop me from continuing, "No buts, if they hadn't interfered, if you woulda had your family, you wouldn't have done the things you did."

I want to tell her she's wrong, I'm a fuck up, it's what I do, I really don't see how having a family woulda made a difference. Only woulda been more people for me to hurt is all. But she kept her finger on my lips as she continued, "And...you're looking at everything all wrong. You're failing to see the big picture Faith...."

I just shake my head at her because I've got no clue what she's talking about. I pull her hand away and say, "What big picture? I fucked over the only person I've ever felt close to, the only person I ever had a connection with..." Before I can even process where my mind is going, I ask softly, "How can you forgive me?"

I'm worried I just fucked things up, worried that my questioning her about it will make her question herself. I'm so very scared this will cause her to leave me. But Buffy doesn't even hesitate one second, she immediately says, "I can because you never let me down..."

I just look at her like she's nuts, and add sarcastically, "Did ya hit your fucking head?"

She looks at me slightly annoyed, "No, I didn't hit my head. Except that I actually did hit my head...but that's beside the point. The point is...I forgive you because you never let me down." I was about to seriously deny that, when she put her finger on my lips again as she continued, "...not when it counted. After everything that we did to each other, after I nearly stabbed you to death, you still helped me defeat the Mayor. I get it now, I understand how hard that was for you to do, how hard it was for you to betray the person who cared about you, who believed in you."

I don't want to cry at that; I don't want to cry because I know I did the right thing by betraying him. I did what needed to be done, but it doesn't really make it easier to take. He was nice to me; he genuinely cared about me, in his own weird and crazy way. But none of that changed the facts; he was trying to become a demon, and needed to be put down.

"When I was stuck...where I was stuck...you stayed with me; you risked your life to stay with me. And just a few weeks ago, I needed your help and you came back, you came back...for me, to help me. I'm sure Sunnydale was the last place on earth you wanted to come back to, but you did. And you stayed and showed remarkable restraint by not hitting me back, although I really would have deserved it."

Before I can interrupt, she continues, "And in the Hellmouth, I held the scythe out to you, and you took it, both of us knowing it was the only shot I had to survive that battle. You took it without a moment's hesitation; you understood exactly what I was asking by holding it out to you. And you took it knowing that it might not work, knowing there could be serious consequences afterwards. You saved me yet again Faith..."

I won't look at her cause I still don't think I've done anything to make up for the shit I put her through. Mostly because I didn't do any those things to make it up, I did those things because they were the right things to do. Also, going back to Sunnydale wasn't that big a deal cause I had inside information. Of course to get that information I had to make certain sacrifices, I had to sing, which wasn't nearly as embarrassing for me as it was for Angel cause at least I didn't have to do it in a bar with everyone staring at me.

"And if you need any more convincing that you deserve my forgiveness, just look at Dawn over there, she's someone you helped to create. She's a part of you and a part of me; she's...ours. How could I not forgive you when you're a part of the best gift I've ever received..."

Buffy leaned in and gave me the softest, sweetest kiss anybody has ever given me. She pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear, "We're a family now...you, me and Dawn..."

I can't believe I'm so fucking pathetic that I'm actually crying. Crying because she wants me to be a part of her life, a part of her and Dawn's life. And just when I thought this moment couldn't get any more intense, she whispers in my ear again, "I love you Faith..."

Ok, so I'm not gonna stop crying for a while now, because she just gave me the one thing I never thought I'd be lucky enough to ever receive...her love. It's kinda frightening that the First was actually right, because I have always wanted her to love me.

I'm not sure when the moment ended and the kissing began, but I'm not complaining, not even complaining that we got interrupted...again.

Dawn called out from the chair, "Buffy?"

She jumped off the chair and launched herself at Buffy and I, giving us both a great big hug, then proceeded to start babbling away at a hundred miles an hour. I'm thinking that must be from Buffy's genes, cause I certainly don't babble.

POV Buffy

As I sat on the bed for awhile talking and joking with Dawn and Faith, I thought about how badly I have treated both Dawn and Faith in the past. Actually, it wasn't just me treating them that way, all of us did, Willow, Xander, and Giles too. I guess the spell the Council put on us to ignore Faith affected Dawn too. Kinda obvious when you consider she is half Faith, and half me. Guess that means we only ignored her half as much.

I'm interrupted from my thoughts by a pillow striking me about the head. I look up to see that Faith is the guilty party here, Dawn and I exchange a knowing look and go about launching a counterattack. It was a lot of fun, until they teamed up against me.

"Hey...no fair...two against one..."

Faith stopped and quirked a eyebrow at me, "I didn't hear you yelling that when it was you two against me, now did I Princess..."

Oh my god, she found a nickname I despise even more than B, I surely didn't think it was possible. I ask sharply, "Princess?"

Faith just smirks and says, "Yep...deal with it..."

Dawn started laughing at me, "Ha! Princess..."

Faith turned to her, "What are you laughing at...Squeaks?"

Dawn's face was a mixture of shock and horror, she squeaked at Faith, "Squeaks?"

I look at Faith still smiling, and rub my ear, "I really think you nailed that one..."

"Thank you..."

"Oh no...you guys are so not gonna call me Squeaks, it's not happening..."

Faith and I moved as a team, she held her down and I tickled her until she finally agreed, "Ok, ok, I'm Squeaks...I'm Squeaks..."

I'm thoroughly enjoying hanging out with Dawn and Faith. Dawn is back to talking a mile a minute, loving having both mine and Faith's full attention. She's talking so fast I had to ask her to repeat what she just said, and of course she just can't help doing the fake sign language thing as she repeats slowly. See? That must be from Faith's genes. "I said...Buffy? Did Faith tell you what she did to Robin?"

I looked over at Faith more than a little shocked, and asked, "You told her?"

Faith looked back at me totally confused as Dawn continued, "She didn't have to tell me anything, I was there, I had a front row seat."

Uh, ok, I'd like to wake up now please...

The look of horror on my face prompts Faith to interject, "Whoa! Hold on...I don't think she's talking about what you think she's talking about. And I seriously can't believe you'd actually think I did that..."

Uh-oh, Faith looks really hurt, way to go Buffy that's the way to fuck everything in a matter of seconds. Of course I don't really think she would have done that.

Dawn interrupts, "Wait, what are you guys talking about?"

Both of us turn to her and say at the same time, "Nothing..."

After our little synchronized parenting, we just looked at each other and laughed slightly, it was kind of funny, it's almost like we're real parents. Finally somebody asks a sensible question, "What are you talking about kiddo?"

Dawn looks curiously at us for a moment then says, "I think I'd rather know what you guys are talking about."

"Dawn..."

She rolls her eyes at me, but she does explain what she was talking about. "I was talking about how Faith defended me to Robin. I cannot tell you guys how glad I am he's not gonna be my principal any more, he was a jerk."

I can see the confusion on Faith's face, she doesn't know what Dawn is talking about and I'm feeling that sinking sensation again. "Dawn...what exactly happened and when did it happen?"

She looks back and forth at both of us for a moment, "It was the night I kicked you out of the house, and have I mentioned how sorry I am for that..."

I just nod cause I know she's sorry, but I also know I needed to not be there. I needed time alone to regroup and get a good night's sleep.

"I was kinda freaking out and everyone was doing their own thing and I needed someone to talk to, and Faith was the only person to ever take me seriously although she doesn't even remember any of that..."

I look over at Faith as that realization hits me, I had just assumed everyone had memories of Dawn. And Faith acted like she knew her when I brought her back to the house; she even referred to Dawn as brat like she used to. It's also weird cause I remember Dawn meeting Faith, I remember being jealous that Dawn liked Faith better than me, how she was completely in awe of Faith. That's just kinda weird.

"Anyway, I went to your room and as I was walking down the hallway I saw Robin close the door, and I was just gonna forget about it but I was really upset. So I knocked anyway cause it was your room, and our house and I needed Faith. He opened the door and he was really mean to me and then Faith opened the door even wider and told him off. Then he left, and Faith hung out with me on the back porch until the sun came up and then I made something to eat and Faith went to take a shower."

I'm still trying to process everything, but apparently Faith has already figured things out. I can feel how upset she is as she asks, "Just the high school principal huh? Who the fuck is he?"

Chapter Fourteen - Sex, Lies and Photographs

POV Buffy

That is indeed the million-dollar question now isn't it? Who the fuck is Robin Wood? In my bid to stay as far away from Faith as possible back in Sunnydale, I had only mentioned he was the new high school principal, I hadn't mentioned his mother the slayer, or him being raised by a Watcher. I hadn't mentioned anything that might have put Faith on alert to Robin nor had anyone else apparently, cause if she knew about him being raised by a Watcher I'm certain she would have avoided being around him.

I turn to Dawn and ask, "Dawn, can you go get Willow and Giles?"

She nodded and left quickly. I turned to Faith wondering what I was going to say to her, I'm sure telling her I'm sorry again isn't going to help, cause after a while it kinda loses its meaning. I told her about Robin and she just sat there taking it all in, not commenting, not criticizing, just listening.

I'm actually rather surprised she's not yelling and screaming at me for not telling her about him. She's much calmer about the whole situation than I would have thought, she asks, "You think Robin or maybe his Mom's Watcher was involved in what the Council did to me?"

I just shrug, "I don't know, but they'd have to be, wouldn't they? It's a little too much of a coincidence for him not to be connected somehow."

"Why though? Why would he do that to me? What could he possibly gain from that?"

It's a good question, a great question actually; it's a question that deserves some serious attention. Unfortunately, it's a question that doesn't have an answer at the moment, "I don't know..."

Her forehead is all scrunched up; I wonder what she's thinking. I don't have to wonder long because she says, "Although I have to admit, I'm kinda glad it didn't happen..."

"Well yeah..." I realize how that might sound to her, it might make her think I was pissed about it, and I wasn't, I'm not, and even if I was it doesn't matter because it didn't happen anyway. "Um...you were saying?"

"I was just saying that I'm glad it didn't happen. You have no idea how pissed I've been at myself for doing that. You know...I've worked so hard these past three years to get better, to get my shit together, and the first minute I'm alone with some guy, I'm just wanting to jump all over him. Kinda pissed me off to think that those three years were wasted, like...I didn't change one fucking bit..."

OK, this is gonna sound weird coming from me, especially since this is exactly opposite of how all these conversations have gone in the past. "It really wasn't that big a deal Faith. As you told me just a few days ago, people have sex its not..."

She interrupts me; "It is a big deal...it's a big deal because I knew..."

Now I'm a little confused, "You knew what?"

"I knew I was going to get a chance with you."

"What do you mean you knew?"

"I mean...Lorne told me some things that were gonna happen, or would happen if I stayed on the 'path', and I didn't necessarily believe him...and it seriously would have been helpful if he coulda told me about this part..."

I'm starting to understand a few things, starting to get that Faith had some help deciding to come back to me. Can I even be upset about that? End result is she came back, we kicked ass, we got together...well almost together. One of these times we're actually going to get to the sex and...OK, I guess I'm not upset about it, still thinking about having sex with her, that's gotta be a good sign, right? I wonder how much Faith knew before coming back? I wonder how much she wanted to kick Lorne's ass when she found out about Spike and me or maybe he told her about that, but then how would he have known?

"Earth to Buffy...want some audience participation or do ya got it all covered?"

I look at Faith thoughtfully for a moment, I'm really curious to know what exactly Lorne told her and how he knew about it because Angel told me the only way Lorne can read people is by hearing them...oh my God...Faith must have sang for him. This I have to know, I can't help grinning at her, "What did you sing?"

She's quite a little embarrassed at the moment and now I know I really need to hear about it. Unfortunately, I don't get the chance to give her the third degree about it now because Dawn has come back with Willow and Giles in tow. But you can bet I'm not going to forget about it, guess it'll just have to wait until later.

Once they were settled and stopped asking me how I was doing, we relayed the information we discovered about Robin and what he did to Faith. Or didn't do, as the case may be. Giles didn't say anything, he was a mixture of embarrassment and thoughtfulness, like he was trying to piece together something while not thinking about the sex stuff. Willow wasn't so quiet though; she had some interesting information to add.

Willow glanced at Faith, who was busy counting carpet fibers I assume, and then she asked me, "Wait a minute...what night was this?"

"It was the night I was...uh...I wasn't there..."

No sense dragging up bad memories right? No need to talk about the night I almost made a gigantic mistake and if it wasn't for the fact that my friends love me enough to stand up to me and tell me 'no'... Yep, don't wanna bring that up.

"The next morning I saw Robin going into Faith's...um...your bedroom as I was going into the bathroom to take a quick shower, when I came out a few minutes later, he was coming out of the room. It was odd because when he saw me, he stopped for a moment and then he starting walking towards me and for a second I was actually kinda...afraid of him..."

Dawn nods her head vigorously and jumps in; "Did it seem like he was going to attack you? Cause I thought he was going to attack after Faith went off on him..."

Willow looks thoughtful for a moment, "Well...he seemed a little...I don't know...strange, but then Kennedy came out of the room and he just turned around and went back downstairs without saying a word."

OK, well, I've heard enough, time to go and talk to the man himself, perhaps give him a sound thrashing for messing with my girl. "Well that settles it, Faith and I will go up and have a chat with him."

"Buffy...I don't think that's really the best idea."

What? Not this again, why is Giles still fighting with me over this stuff? Um, hello, slayer in charge being all...um...chargeful or something. "Look, Giles...we need some answers and he's got them..."

"I wasn't suggesting that we wait, what I was going to suggest was..."

"What? Call Andrew? Let him know we're coming but tell him to keep it a secret? You really think that..."

I'm cut off in mid-rant when Faith taps me on the shoulder, I just look at her, "What?"

"Can you let Giles finish? I'm fairly certain he's on the same page I am..."

Same page she's on? What page is that? Is she referring to the Slayer Handbook again? How come I'm not on that page? Oh wait, I know...because Giles never gave it to me.

"I was merely going to mention, if Robin can perform memory spells he's a bit more than a beginner. Also, if he thought about going to go up against Willow, he'd either have to be remarkably stupid, or he would need to be at least as powerful as she."

Oh...that page...yeah, that makes sense, Willow is pretty dangerous herself. And even though she wasn't actively pursing magic at the time, if she was pushed there is no doubt in my mind she woulda pushed back.

Willow piped up, "And let's not forget we looked up Robin on the net and basically found out nothing..."

Huh? Wait a minute, "You researched him?"

Willow looked down nervously, "Well...um...kinda."

"Why?"

"Um...because you went out with him, and you thought he...um...might have possibly been evil?"

She looked up apologetically, as Faith jumped in, "So...let me get this straight, you thought he might be evil, and you found out nothing about him when you researched him...but you guys let him in on everything anyway?"

Willow wasn't helping me at all by adding, "And he did plot to kill Spike..."

Faith stood there with her arms folded, waiting for an explanation; I blew out the breath I was holding cause this isn't going to be easy to explain. Not to mention that in light of all these facts, Robin should have at least been treated cautiously. Then again, we were in the middle of an apocalypse, what did these people want from me? A guarantee? I'm not perfect. And I don't mean to sound so defensive and angry, but I can't help it. "I fucked up ok? Is that what you want to hear?" I turned away from Faith and looked at the others, "In the middle of an apocalypse I trusted somebody I shouldn't have...I'm sorry I let you all down...I..."

Then Faith did something I totally didn't expect; she came up behind me, and put her arms around me, which effectively stopped me in mid-rant. It also stopped the tears from coming; which is good because I hate crying in front of other people even if they are my friends. "You didn't let anyone down, I wasn't blaming you, I was just...um...clarifying. But I was out of line...you're right, it was an apocalypse and he did appear to be helping. And it's obvious you didn't know about the research...and his mother was a slayer, which I would assume is correct?"

She looked toward Giles, "Um...well...yes...Nikki Wood was a slayer who had a son named Robin and he was raised by her Watcher, Bernard Crowley after she died. Unfortunately, by the time Robin introduced himself, the Council had already been blown up, so there was no way to verify that Robin was indeed who he said he was. Nor was there any other way to find out about him, but there were other priorities at the time. However since we have the time now, I'll see if Wesley can find out any information about Robin from the Council's backup files."

Faith gave me a final little squeeze before letting me go, and I swear I don't know how I ever lived without her, I just know I don't wanna ever do it again. Who else would have known that was just the right amount of comforting for me? It was the perfect gesture at the perfect time, no other person I dated would have been able to pull that off without making me cringe inside.

I suppose now is probably a good time to try to get myself back in good with Giles, I smile at him hopefully. "Ah...ok, so, Giles...what do you suggest we do about Robin?"

He doesn't acknowledge my hopeful look, and I'm about to find out why. "I would suggest Willow should probably go with you, she could at least bind him from doing magic, and that along with your new powers, which we will be discussing at some point in the very near future, should be enough to gain some information."

Oh damn, he's mad at me. I hate when Giles is mad at me; and he has every right to be, I shoulda told him about Faith and I and holding the scythe. I don't do guilt all that well. And being a slayer, I should probably be embarrassed that I'm afraid to face an angry Giles alone, not to mention it is kinda throwing my girlfriend under the bus, but...

"You, Faith and I?"

"Yes Buffy, the three of us need to discuss these new powers and what it might mean."

I'm guessing that means its going to be a long guilt-racked speech about my scared duty...opps...our sacred duty. Gotta remember I'm not the only chosen one, I'm half of the chosen two. I glanced over to see if I managed to piss Faith off when I shamelessly got her involved in that future conversation, but she's clearly not paying any attention to me or Giles. She's busy slipping weapons into every available pocket in her jacket, making sure she's ready to go. As I watched her hide those various weapons, I wondered when Faith ever went anywhere prepared. Cause she always borrowed mine, even in the cemetery with Spike... Hey....I bet she didn't really need my stake at all, she just used that opportunity to cop a feel of my thigh. Well, this is Faith I'm talking about, so I guess anything is possible, and I shouldn't forget the fact that I actually enjoyed it.

Willow seemed to be willing to participate, "All right, I guess I'm in. Give me 15 minutes to shower and change and I'll be ready to go."

Faith and I are waiting outside in the car, as Willow's fifteen minutes are slowly but surely turning into twenty minutes and counting. Giles is probably making sure she knows whatever spells might be helpful in dealing with Robin. But that does leave Faith and I sitting out here with nothing to do. Hmmm...what to do while we wait? Oh yeah, gorgeous slayer sitting next to me, I look over at her and after a few seconds she looks at me, "What?"

"Nothing...it's just that you got this..."

I motion her closer, that's right Faithie...come closer, a little more, ok, right...there. Mmmm...I love kissing this girl. She laughs into the kiss cause she knows I maneuvered her to be right where I wanted her. It doesn't take long before this little make out session needs to be kicked up a notch. I gently slide my hand inside her jacket, running my hand along her side, I feel her tremble slightly as I touch her. Oh yeah, she wants this just as much as I do, so I continue to move slowly, teasing her a bit. I'm moving my hand ever so slowly up her side, running it up and over...running my fingertips across her breast, she moans softly as I add more pressure, she's so freaking sexy right now...

KNOCK, KNOCK!!!!

Damn it... I turn to look out the window and Willow is standing outside the car with a big grin on her face, dang witch has really rotten timing. I open the door to let her inside and she says, "Oh, don't let me interrupt...that was kinda hot..."

OK, now she's done it, I'm blushing furiously as Faith laughs and grins at Willow. Oh no, these two ganging up on me is not gonna be fun, wait a sec, since when do Willow and Faith do anything together?

"All right, let's go...fasten your seatbelts ladies..."

I had thought Faith was just joking, but seatbelts seem like a really good idea while we are going mock 10 toward the 101 North. I don't know where Faith the safe driver is at the moment; hopefully she'll be back soon. Jeez, at this rate we'll probably arrive at the hospital before we left the hotel. When we got to the 101 North we saw all the traffic snarled on the highway, you know California really sucks sometimes. We look at all the food places we are about to leave behind and everybody's stomach is growling for some food, so we decide to stop.

Faith is halfway to the door of the restaurant before she realizes we aren't with her, she comes trudging back and gives me an expectant look. I can't believe how much her and Dawn's mannerisms are the same, I never noticed that before, that's really funny. We slowly get out of the car and I tell her the problem, "Um...I don't know about you, but Will and I are kinda...broke..."

Faith grins at us, "Broke ass bitches..."

"Come on, seriously, what are we gonna do?"

Faith pulls out a wad of cash and says, "I suppose...I could treat..."

Some nuns come out of the restaurant and walk by us, they stare at the wad of cash, then us, then the cash again, I guess they suspect we got this money illegally or something. I just know this isn't going to be good as one of them is about to say something to us, probably about following Jesus or we need to change our wicked ways. Faith just turns to them, gives them a wink, and a cheeky grin, "Saw my pimp today...and hey if any of you girls are interested, I'm sure he could find a spot for ya..."

They gasped at Faith and decided our souls aren't worth it and quickly got into their station wagon, and drove away. I frowned at Faith and I was about to give her a hard time about harassing innocent nuns, when Willow interrupted me, "You really DO need to find the fun, B..."

They both started laughing slightly like little kids who know they shouldn't be laughing but just can't help it. I gave them each an exasperated look, shake my head again and I walked toward the door. That's when they really started laughing, and here I thought that those two not getting along was going to be a problem. I'm not really all that upset, it was kinda funny and I'm happy Faith and Willow are bonding. Although I seriously wish they weren't bonding by making fun of me, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made.

We got our food without further incident, and got back into the car to continue our journey northward. We had a lot of laughs on the drive; Faith was regaling us with tales from prison. As usual with Faith you don't know whether she's making them up as she goes along or if those things actually happened. I don't know how she managed to make prison sound like nothing more than summer camp, but she did, and I don't know how she got me wishing I had been there with her, although, prison had to be a lot more fun than my life these past three years.

Two hours later, we arrived at the Pismo Beach hospital. As we were about to go inside Faith stopped us and said, "Look, whatever happens in there, just follow my lead, ok?"

I was a little apprehensive about Faith taking the lead here, usually whenever we went on slayer missions; I was the one in charge. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't trust her, or don't think she can do it, I just don't have a lot of experience in following. It's one thing to let her be in charge when I'm not around, but when I gotta follow orders it becomes something else entirely. You know, this just might be the hardest part about being with Faith, learning how to take a lesser role and not be bitter about it or second-guess her all the time.

Willow and I nod our consent, and follow her inside. I sure hope she's better at undercover work than I am, otherwise we could be in a bit of trouble. We had decided that sneaking inside was our best option, we didn't wanna alert Robin we were there, or get turned away. If it was up to me I would have opted for sneaking in through the back, by the kitchen or basement. I'm wondering why we are going in the main entrance, cause usually front entrances don't lend themselves to sneaking. If we get turned away it's only gonna make sneaking in that much harder, maybe I should...OK, I need to relax, I need to sit back and see what she's gonna do, I at least need to give her a chance.

Faith walked up to the reception desk with purpose and looked at the two old women sitting at the front desk. She smiled a little uncertainly at them and said, "I've got an appointment in Radiology...the first of many..." Faith's smile grew a little more uncertain and the women looked at Willow and I and Faith added, "They're with me...moral support..."

One of the women looked up at Faith and patted her hand in sympathy, calling her 'dear' when she asked Faith to sign in, which Faith did without question or hesitation. I cannot believe these old ladies are actually buying this shit, especially when I see the name she used to sign in, 'Jen Lindley'. I almost started laughing but then remembered I'm supposed to be 'moral support girl', but I couldn't help but go along with the joke as I signed 'Joey Potter'. Willow rolled her eyes at us, but played along too by signing in as 'Dana Scully', Faith raised an eyebrow and Willow just pointed to her red hair. The women told us to just follow the green dots, and wished Faith well, to which she thanked them with a small, sad smile.

We walked away solemnly following the green dots, after we got out of their eyesight we quickly ducked into the stairwell.

I just look at Faith, and I have to say I'm a little impressed. Not to mention rather thrilled that sneaking didn't mean cutting through the kitchen or the dirty boiler room. "I can't believe those women actually bought that. How'd you know that would work? What if they had asked for ID or something?

She waved me off. "Ah...those women are just there to hand out the patient visiting passes they really don't care about anything else. Basically the just wanna get out of the house and find out what their neighbors are doing. Also Radiology is pretty much always a separate department, they make their own appointments..."

"How do you know all this stuff?"

Faith just shrugged, "Um...I watch ER?"

I seriously don't buy that's the reason she knows this stuff and I look to Willow to see if she was buying into this, when she said, "Ohhh, did you see the episode where Dr. Romano got too close to the helicopter?"

Faith nodded along smiling, "Yeah, that was crazy. One minutes he's just..."

I clear my throat to get their attention, "Um...can you guys come back to reality, this is real life, not some stupid TV show."

They both gave me an apologetic look, and Faith re-focused, "Um...right...ok, all we need to do is locate Room 212...Now remember you guys, act like you belong. Nobody ever thinks to question people who look like they belong."

She started up the stairs and Willow and I quickly followed. We found Room 212 with relative ease, unfortunately the room was completely unoccupied. A check of the surrounding rooms found some patients but no Robin, and there was no Andrew around either which had us feeling a little apprehensive. Andrew had volunteered to stay at the hospital with Robin, making sure to keep us updated on Robin's status. He had mumbled something about trying to do something useful with his life, I tried to tell him he didn't have to stay, he was more than welcome to join us at Angel's, but he seemed like he really wanted to stay. I didn't really think much about it at the time, somebody needed to stay and he volunteered so we left him here. I'm seriously hoping that there is some reasonable explanation for all this, that there is a perfectly good reason why both Robin and Andrew seem to be missing from this hospital.

Faith, Willow and I re-convened in the stairwell to plot our next move.

Willow volunteered to help, "I can use the old Jedi mind trick again, get the nurse to just give us the information we want, like I did with the Sunnydale police."

Faith asked, "A thing like that takes a lot of energy from you though, doesn't it?"

Willow nodded although she looked a little confused so I explained, "We'd prefer to keep our Willow weapon fully charged."

She smiled and nodded her understanding, I turned to ask Faith what we should do but she was already halfway down the hallway and to the nurse's station. I couldn't really make out exactly what she was saying, I caught enough to figure out Faith was making up some story to get the information we needed. In less than fifteen minutes, she was back with all the information the hospital had on Robin. I'm seriously floored at the relative ease Faith has with getting people to buy into whatever she's told them.

As Faith relayed the information, the mystery of Robin deepened. It turns out there is a record of Robin being in this hospital, but not in the emergency room on the day we dropped him off. He was here yesterday, apparently he didn't have surgery to repair the damage he sustained in the battle with the First, his records show he was admitted to ambulatory surgery to remove some pre-cancerous moles from his back. Willow and I both cried, "Ewww..." when she told us how many moles were supposed to be removed. I bet Faith is even happier she didn't really sleep with Moleboy now. Seriously, his whole back must have been covered with them, oh God that is totally gross. I mean one or two is fine, but whole clusters? I can't believe I actually went out on a date with him, I can't believe I was actually that close to all those moles. Ugh, I feel so skeevy right now. Ok, really need to focus on something other than Moleboy.

We managed to catch a break, the nurse was sympathetic to Faith's cause, whatever that may have been, because she gave us the name of the pharmacy where they called in Robin's pain medication prescription. Hopefully the pharmacy has another address for Robin because the hospital listed him as living in Sunnydale and covered under the high school's insurance plan. Something was seriously not right here; who the hell takes time to make an appointment to remove moles when there is an apocalypse going on. Did he just have a lot of confidence in me or did he have some kind of inside information or was he just plain crazy?

A half-hour later, we were casing the pharmacy, the pharmacist on duty was a young guy, in his middle twenties, early thirties maybe. While we watched him he was giving an old lady a hard time about picking up her prescription without proper identification. He flat out refused to hand over her pills because and I quote, "It's against our company policy." That guy really needs to lighten up, she's a cute little old lady for chrissakes. It's not like she's Pablo Escobar trying to start up her own drug syndicate, I mean really. This positively sucks cause I'm thinking getting any kind of personal information about Robin from this guy is going to be impossible.

I asked Faith, "What are you gonna do? I don't think this guy is gonna wanna willingly give up any information."

"Ah...don't worry, this guy's gonna be easy...all I have to do is ask him."

I looked at her skeptically and I couldn't help but ask, "What makes you think you can just walk up there and get him to look up personal information and give just it to you?"

She looked back at me with a smirk; "They're called boobs, Buffy."

With that she handed me her jacket, pulled down the front of her shirt, pushed up said boobs and sauntered over to the pharmacist. Meanwhile, as Willow and I stood there and watched I was the picture of calm even though the guy kept his focus on Faith's breasts and didn't look up from there once. OK, that's a lie, Willow had to threatened to use magic on me to stop me from pouncing on the guy. Apparently I have some jealousy issues I have to work through.

Ten minutes later we were walking out with an address for Robin, which was located right here in beautiful downtown Pismo Beach. It seems Mr. Stick-in-the-Ass Pharmacist made Robin give him an address that wasn't at the bottom of the pit that used to be Sunnydale. Meanwhile, Faith walked out of there with Todd's phone number, do you believe that's actually his name? I seriously didn't think it was funny when she put the number in her pants pocket. Although, Faith seemed to be enjoying herself when I pushed her up against the car and retrieved the number from her pocket, and ok, I might have lingered there for a moment, all right, a long moment, at least until Willow told us to get a room.

We got back into the car and found the address easily enough; the house was larger and much nicer than we thought it should be, much nicer than a high school principal could afford. Especially when you consider he had an apartment in Sunnydale too. We got out of the car and walked 'like we belonged' up to the front door, a ring of the doorbell produced no results, nor did a check of the mailbox.

Faith tried the doorknob and found it to be unlocked, which made us a little nervous, but we continued on inside the house anyway. The house was sparsely furnished in the living room, the kitchen had some dishes in the drain board, and the refrigerator had some beer, a half-finished gallon of milk, and a wilted piece of lettuce. The rest of the downstairs area had nothing else of interest; neither did the first bedroom we checked nor the bathroom. It wasn't until we hit the master bedroom that we discovered this had indeed been Robin's house.

Willow and I followed Faith inside the master bedroom, the bed was made, there weren't any clothes on the floor, we hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary then we heard Faith mutter the word, "Fucker..."

Willow and I looked up and noticed the closet door was actually one of those mirror doors, designed to make the room look bigger than it was, the part that pissed off Faith was that Robin had spray painted one single solitary word across it.

SURPRISE

I don't know why that word upset Faith so much, but one second we're looking at the door and the next we are watching as the shards of the mirror rained down onto the carpet. Yep, Faith punched the doors.

I frowned at her and added sarcastically, "That's talented..."

Although it wasn't so much sarcastic as true, because I looked back at the closet and I realized it wasn't a closet after all, but another room all together. Faith was the first to walk inside, with me following closely behind her. There was a string hanging from a light fixture attached to the ceiling. Faith was about to pull the string and asked me, "Did you ever see the movie The Longest Yard?"

"Um...no...why?"

"Oh, well then you won't find this amusing...nevermind..."

I heard her mumble, 'where's Xander when I need him', she hesitated a moment before she reached out and pulled it, illuminating the small room.

What we saw made us both gasp...The entire room was covered in pictures of Faith and I, sometimes we were together in the pictures, but mostly the were pictures of us separately. I saw pictures of me with my mom outside our house, at the mall, at the gallery, in front of the Expresso Pump, there were also pictures of me with Willow and Xander, there were even pictures of me with Tara and Willow. It would seem that Robin has been following us both around for a long while.

I turned to see how Faith was reacting to all this, she was over in the corner staring at photos of her with her family. I guess it's one thing to be told you have a family, but it's another when there are pictures proving it to be true. I went over to her and stood next to her and looked at the pictures. Some were of her and her brothers, some with her and her mom and dad, there was even one where Faith had her arms wrapped around some hot girl who looked an awful lot like Jennifer Anniston. They were both smiling big stupid cheesy grins for the camera, the thing that stood out about the picture to me was that they were both sporting identical tattoos, Faith's tattoo was on her right arm, and this girl's tat was on the left. How fucking cute is that? I panicked slightly, wondering if tattoo girl was Faith's girlfriend back in Boston. I wondered if that girl had moved on with her life, wondered if Faith would wanna go back to her, would that girl take her back? What would happen to me if they did wanna get back together?

Willow walked in and said, "What the f...?

For Willow, that's as close as you got to hearing her curse. I'm guessing she was more than a little freaked out at seeing all these pictures of Faith and I. I pointed over at the wall and Willow walked over and saw pictures of her, Tara and I. She stood there not moving for a moment, then she starting pulling out the pushpins. I thought it was odd until I remembered all the pictures she had of her and Tara were destroyed when the Hellmouth imploded. It also occurred to me that all the pictures I had of my mom were long gone too, it didn't take long before Willow and I were going nuts collecting the pictures. After a few minutes, I spared a glance over to where Faith had been standing, I noticed she was no longer there, and neither were the pictures of her family. She hadn't taken any other photos but those. I started to worry about her when I saw her sitting on the edge of the bed looking at her pictures. She looked so sad and lost; I just didn't know what to do. Willow turned and watched my gaze, "Go on Buffy, go to her, I'll get the rest of the pictures."

I just nodded and walked over to her, and sat down on the bed next to her. She spoke so softly I almost didn't hear her. "I was happy..."

She flipped through the pictures showing me her smiling face in every single one of the photos she had taken from inside the room. She looked so happy, so innocent, so completely opposite of the girl who first showed up in Sunnydale. She just looked like a regular teenager who hadn't a clue of how fucked up life could be, which just completely emphasizes how much the Council took away from her. I didn't know what to do for her; all I wanted to do was to take the pain away. It was breaking my heart to see her so sad, to feel how much pain seeing these pictures brought her.

I wanted to make her feel better, so I handed her the one picture I still had in my hand. It was one she hadn't noticed because it was on the opposite side of the room. It's a picture of her and I with our arms around Dawn in front of the Christmas tree. Robin must have stolen that picture from my room cause the last time I saw that picture it had been in a frame in my top dresser drawer. I'd be really pissed about that but if he hadn't taken it, it would be amongst the rubble of Sunnydale.

The picture hadn't originally included Dawn because she wasn't really there then; it had just been of the two of us. Faith had just arrived at the house and before we could do anything; my mom made us take that picture in front of the tree. I remember thinking that Faith would never go for the corny, in front of the tree picture, but she just smiled and happily complied. I was completely flustered afterward, being all hugged up next to Faith had me thinking all sorts of things, which is when I went up to my room and found Angel there and that was the end of that. By the time I came home the next afternoon, Faith had already left, my mom was seriously pissed at me and I was well on my way to breaking my promise to tell Faith everything. Faith took the picture from me and looked at it, she smiled slightly, and since I knew Faith didn't have any memories of that Christmas with Dawn being there, I proceeded to tell her what I remember and what Dawn had told me.

"You had said you weren't coming and Dawn was so mad at me, she told me the reason you said no was because I must not have sounded sincere when I invited you over. Which was pretty accurate, wasn't it?"

I coughed slightly, then continued, "Um...She wouldn't talk to me the entire time we set up the Christmas tree, and then you showed up. You really saved my ass there too, because let me just say that Dawn not talking to you is way worse than Dawn non-stop talking to you. She was so thrilled that you showed up, she was jumping up and down, demanding that we take a picture with her in front of the tree. And then I went to help Angel, and you stayed there, hung out with her, you watched TV with her, and played monopoly all night, and then it snowed and you showed her how to make a proper snowball, and a mini snow man. I'm not quite sure why it had to be a mini snow man, there was enough snow to make a big snow man."

Faith shrugged, "No gloves, no winter coat, I suppose."

"Yeah well who would have expected snow in Sunnydale..."

She stared at the picture for a few more minutes, then asked, "Can I keep this?"

I nodded, "Sure..."

She put that picture along with another one in her jacket pocket, there was no need to ask, I already had a feeling what other picture made it into her pocket. I didn't say anything about the other picture, what would be the point, right? She doesn't remember who that girl is or why she was important to her, of course the identical tattoos say they were at the very least friends, I'm seriously hoping that's all they were to each other. Although permanent ink would suggest they were more than friends, right? But Faith and I are soul mates that has to count for something right? She wouldn't just choose some bimbo from five years ago over me, would she?

Faith interrupted my dark thoughts, with a quick kiss; "She'll never be able to replace you, so it doesn't really matter who or what she was to me."

Said the girl who couldn't remember. I just nodded and tried not to think about it. She gave me a more serious kiss, and said, "We should probably help Willow take down the rest of the pictures, see if there's anything else of interest in there."

With the three of us working together, we quickly took down the rest of the pictures, went through the desk and filing cabinet. We found more photos, some spell books with lots of information about memory spells, several notebooks detailing the memories Faith was given, and a laptop which Willow will go through. The only thing we didn't find was a note telling us everything we needed to know, but I guess that would have been too easy now wouldn't it.

Chapter Fifteen - A Council Story

POV Buffy

The next few hours seemed to have flown by, as soon as we got back to the hotel we assembled the troops for some heavy-duty research. Even Faith's mother helped out on the research front, to which Faith seemed utterly indifferent, on the outside. On the inside however, she seemed happy and more than a little shocked her mother was actually here and was willing to help with the research. Did she really think her mother wouldn't come back for her?

Of course she did, family loyalty isn't something Faith knows a lot about at the moment. It still really pisses me off to think that the good guys did this to her, they were supposed to be working on our side. They were supposed to help the slayer save the world, not treat her like she was an inanimate object, like a sword you could use to behead a demon. A sword that you'd just put away and forget about until the next time you needed a demon taken out. It's no wonder slayers never lived that long, they didn't want to. Spike had told me that it's because all slayers have a death wish, they are so obsessed with death and dying that eventually they just give into it. As per usual, Spike was sorta right and mostly wrong. It's not because we're obsessed with death or because we love death; it has more to do with how we are treated. I believe it's because they got tired of being used, tired of not having a life, of never being allowed to actually live.

After a while of just existing like that, it is very easy to lose sight of what you are fighting to save, of who you are fighting to save and most importantly why you are fighting to begin with. And that is the reason Faith took the potentials to the Bronze, it wasn't because she was being irresponsible, it's because she knew what could happen if they were just kept cooped up, constantly being reminded they were going to have to fight, or more than likely die trying. Making them live like that with no reprieve, fuck if I wasn't exactly like the Council.

I also stopped getting close to them because they were more than likely gonna die and there wasn't anything I could really do to prevent it, and I couldn't deal with losing somebody else I cared about. Maybe that's how it happened with the Council too, maybe they just got too close too many times, yeah right, naïve much Buffy. At least I've realized that no matter how much it hurts to lose a potential or how much it will hurt to lose one of the new slayers, it would hurt that girl even more if we didn't get to know her. Faith understood this more than I did, but I guess she would considering the fact that she was once the new slayer who nobody wanted to take the time to get to know. I swear that won't ever happen again cause Faith and I are going to work together, and with our past experiences, we won't let ourselves ever be like the old Council. Unfortunately all the plans we've come up with cost money we don't have right now. Hopefully, Wesley can help us track down the Council's funds, and whatever organization they have left.

We still aren't sure where or what we are gonna be doing, thankfully Giles was just joking about there being a hellmouth in Cleveland. I'm definitely leaning toward New York, cause I'm fairly certain that's where Faith is going to want to go. I'm actually kinda excited about it, New York is really awesome, I've always wanted to go there and hey it's a city so nice they named it twice. Yeah, I'm a dork, whatever. I also know that Willow already has plans to relocate to New York, although she hasn't told me about yet, but I heard her and Kennedy talking about it. And Xander will go where Anya goes, and Anya has to go where Faith goes, so he'll be with us. And if Giles goes back to London, it's a shorter flight from New York than California so he'll be closer, but I am hoping he's going to stay with us. I also think moving will be good for Faith and I too, we can go into a new town with a fresh start, it won't be like Sunnydale. It won't be she's in my town, or I'm in her town, we'll both be in our town.

As we researched I felt really bad for Faith because a lot of the research centered on the memories in her head, none of which were pleasant, happy memories. This really must be her worst nightmare, having everyone find out about her past, complete with all the gory details, and let me just say that whoever came up with these scenarios is one sick and demented bastard. And sure Faith has been told none of those memories are real, but in her head it's still very real, it's still very much a part of her, it still affects her deeply. Everyone in this room has read some of the memories she was given. It certainly didn't help that whenever anybody read those transcripts they would just look over at Faith in absolute shock and horror, which made Faith shift uncomfortably in her seat, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, even me. I could feel how upset she was about it, the depression, the shame, and the utter disgust she felt toward herself about those memories. I just wanted to wrap her up and take her far away from here, far from those awful memories in her head.

I also felt bad for her mother, I can't imagine how hard this is for her, seeing how upset her daughter is and not being able to go to her or comfort her, or just show her that she cares. Even though Faith is happy her mother is here, she is still completely untrusting and suspicious of her, which meant she wouldn't let Rose touch her at all or even get near her. It's like Faith doesn't want to get her hopes up about her mom only to be completely disappointed, so she's keeping her distance. I can certainly understand that because if my father was ever inclined to show up, wanting to participate in Dawn's life, or mine I know I would be acting the same way. But it's not like that's ever likely to happen, he's got a new family now, he doesn't need or care about me at all. And he apparently never even showed up to my funeral, imagine that, my own father couldn't be bothered to even show up then. My friends and Dawn have been really good at keeping that little fact from me, but Spike was only too happy to share that piece of information.

It was getting late, and I had read the same freaking paragraph over like fifty times and still had no idea what it said. Faith had gone up to the room a few minutes before to use the bathroom and hadn't returned yet. I was wondering what was taking her so long when Rose got up and announced she was gonna take off for the night.

Since research wasn't working for me, and I wanted to know why she wasn't waiting for Faith to come back downstairs so she could say goodnight to her, I got up too. I walked her outside, and as we stepped out into the cool night air, I had to ask, "Are you sure you don't wanna wait for Faith to come back down before you leave?"

She chuckled slightly and looked amused, "Faith isn't coming back down...at least not tonight..."

What the hell does that mean? I decide to be a little less confrontational so I ask, "What do you mean?"

"I'm sure she's asleep..."

I must have looked confused because she explained further, "My daughter always has a lot of energy, but when that energy runs out, she's done, she'll fall asleep as soon as she stops moving. She's always been that way, when she was little naptime and bedtime were always a problem; her brothers were so much easier. Faith never wanted to sleep; there was always something else she just had to do. Usually she'd just sit quietly and play with her toys for a few minutes and then she'd just fall asleep. My husband and I used to joke that she must have narcolepsy or something because one minute she'd be playing and the next she'd just fall over asleep."

I laughed at that, "Awwww..."

Rose smiled a little as she continued, "I guarantee she's sprawled out on her bed, with her jacket and shoes still on, fast asleep. She probably figured she lay down and just close her eyes for five minutes, and get up again."

Rose paused for a moment losing her smile before she continued, "I'm really worried about her, about how she's gonna handle everything if she gets her memories back. Our family isn't the same as it was five years ago; a lot of things have changed since she's been gone. I just don't know what she'll do when she finds out about..."

She didn't get a chance to finish because Gunn came out and asked, "You ready?"

She smiled at him and replied, "I'm all set..."

I looked at her not understanding why she and Gunn were going anywhere together; she must have caught my confused look because she chuckled again. It was so weird to hear that chuckle come from somebody other than Faith, she and her mother don't look a lot alike, but the eyes are the same, and obviously the chuckle. But it was the eyes that had made me realize she was indeed Faith's mother, of that fact I was absolutely certain. Rose explained about her and Gunn leaving together, "Angel seems to think I need a body guard, and since finding out about what goes bump in the night, I have to say, I'm more than happy to accept his offer."

Oh, that makes a lot of sense actually, thank God at least Angel was thinking clearly, it certainly would be fucked up if Rose were to be attacked by vampires cause Faith and I forgot to make sure she got back to her hotel in one piece. I gave her a hug goodbye, partly for her benefit because I'm sure she missed being able to hug her daughter, and partly for mine cause I really missed getting motherly hugs. Somehow I don't think my mom would mind me getting them elsewhere, she'd probably be happy somebody could do it while she couldn't. Rose reminded me to look out for Faith while she was gone. Unfortunately that reminder was about five years too late, and after last night I can't believe she's still trusting me to do that but I pushed the thought aside and promised her I would look after her daughter. I stood and watched Gunn's truck as it drove down the street until I could no longer make it out and then made my way back inside.

I told the gang I was done with research and was gonna head to bed, they all looked at me with smirks, knowing Faith had already gone upstairs and hadn't returned. Xander had to kiss Anya so she wouldn't say out loud what everybody else was thinking. Even Angel was making with the smirk, you'd think he'd be a little jealous or something cause back in Sunnydale he practically had a kitten when he smelled I had been with Spike. And I can't believe I just thought that cause the whole smelling thing is really gross... I just shook my head and continued up the stairs, ignoring all of them and their smirkiness.

I opened the door to our room, yes that's right, our room. As in Faith and I were sharing a room, sharing a bed, sharing...all right I gotta stop being a dork even if it is only in my head. Rose was absolutely right, Faith was sprawled out on her side of the bed, jacket and boots still on. She looked so beautiful lying there asleep I just had to stop and watch her.

After a few minutes, I stepped over to the bed; I wanted to at least take off Faith's boots, mainly cause I didn't wanna get accidentally kicked by one as I slept next to her. I got the first one off no problem, but as I was just getting the second one off, she started whimpering in her sleep. I wasn't sure if I should wake her up, so I just sat down next to her and caressed her arm gently, speaking soft soothing words, trying to calm her down instead which seemed to work until I got up and then it started up all over again.

She kept whimpering and then she started crying, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, please stop...please don't do this...I'll be good..."

I stood there for a moment watching, not being able to move, in her restlessness she had rolled onto her side, begging whatever images she had in her mind not to hurt her anymore. I finally broke out my frozen state, I slide onto the bed behind her and put my arm around her and pulled her body close to mine, the crying and whimpering stopped as soon as I laid down. A few minutes later, she slid her arm around mine, keeping me wrapped firmly around her. This so wasn't how I saw this relationship working, whenever I would imagine Faith and I sleeping together, I never imagined that I'd be the one holding her, I always kinda thought she'd be the one to hold me. Not that I'm complaining cause either way there's some holding going on.

The last thing I thought before I drifted off to sleep was that I had forgotten to turn off the light and I was wondering if I'd be able to sleep with it on. I woke up sometime during the night to realize she wasn't in bed with me, she wasn't even in the room and the light had been turned off. I got up slowly, stretching slightly, I noticed the CD player was missing and it didn't take me long to figure out where Faith most likely was...the roof. What is that girl's obsession with rooftops?

I slowly made my way up to the roof, I opened the door and stepped outside, and she wasn't very hard to spot. She had on headphones and the music could be heard blaring out of them as she danced around on the roof, lost in her own little world. I made a mental note not to tap her on the shoulder, remembering what happened last time I did that, I rubbed my jaw absently as I continued to watch her.

I was mesmerized watching her, watching the way she moved her body; the way her movements seemed to just blend with the music. I was so into watching her, thinking thoughts that are probably illegal in about ten different states, I hadn't noticed the vampire that had snuck up behind me. I'm really falling off my game cause he scared the crap out of me when he said, "Hey..."

I nearly fell down as I tried to back away from him, he gently grabbed me to stop me from falling and he joked, "Are you really that afraid to talk to me?"

I quickly disengaged myself from him; I was afraid Faith would turn around and see me hugging Angel. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea I didn't want her to think I still wanted to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I love Angel, I probably always will, but I'm no longer 'in love' with him. I'm not sure that I ever really was 'in love' with him, oh sure I loved the idea of being in love. It was all very much like those trashy romance novels my mom used to read, all star-crossed lovers, and heaving bosoms, which doesn't even grab my attention on soap operas anymore. And truthfully, I cried more over Faith joining the Mayor than I did over Angel leaving, now if that doesn't tell me something, nothing ever will. It felt really awkward all of a sudden and I had to say something, "No...I...uh... guess I didn't hear you come outside..."

"Um, I didn't just come outside, I've been standing next to you for a few minutes now..."

I just look around nervously cause that meant he saw me watching Faith dance, "Oh..."

I got even more nervous when he looked at me seriously and said, "We need to talk Buffy..."

I figured here comes the speech, a thousand reasons why Faith and I will never work out as a couple and how we're crazy to even try it, "Angel...uh...if this is about Faith..."

"We don't need to talk about Faith, she's fine, for now. And just so you know, I don't have a problem with you and Faith getting together, I'm really happy for both of you Buffy, and I know you two will be good for each other. I think you know what we need to talk about. The fact you were in..."

Before he can finish I interrupt because I really don't wanna hear it; I don't wanna be reminded where I was and what happened there. "Look, I'm fine, there's no need to talk about anything...ok?"

I tried to hold his gaze, tried to convey I was really all right and didn't need to talk about anything, but I had to look away. I'm really not good with the whole lying thing.

"Tomorrow morning, 8 am, in the back garden, we'll talk, work out...it will get better Buffy..."

Yeah, of course it will get better cause we're not gonna be talking about anything. "I'm fine Angel, really...I don't need..."

He didn't seem to take 'no' as an answer, he just looked right at me and said, "Please don't make me come looking for you..."

He was seriously starting to piss me off, "I don't need anything...I'm fine. I can handle everything on my own, I don't need anybody..."

He interrupted me, "Yeah, I can see you're all...5 x 5..."

OK, that was low, telling me that I'm acting like Faith, although it does give me an idea, "You know what Angel, I don't think Faith would be too happy about me spending all that time with you..."

>From across the roof, a voice said matter-of-factly, "Faith doesn't have a problem with it."

Huh? Uh...how'd she hear that? The music is still blaring out of the headphones, so I have no clue how she heard me. I have no clue how much she heard, and I also wonder if this whole rooftop thing was a set-up. Yeah, I'm a little paranoid, and you know just because you're paranoid doesn't necessarily mean nobody's after you.

Ah crap! I sighed in defeat cause I know this is just hopeless, they'll never give up, I'll never win this argument. Plus I'm sure the rest of the gang would be in full agreement with them so I gave up trying to argue. Of course that didn't mean I was actually gonna cooperate, maybe I could pull off this lying thing after all, "OK, fine...whatever..."

Faith shut the music off and the rooftop became eerily quiet; the only sound that could be heard was Faith sitting down on the picnic table, lighting up a cigarette. Again, I wonder if this is all an elaborate set up, I know it's not, but I do know they've been discussing me, I know they decided Angel should help me. I just don't get why it's him helping me and not her. The smell of the cigarette got to me and even though I had quit, a cigarette seemed like a good idea about now, so I quietly took the pack and the lighter from her as I sat down on the picnic table next to her.

If either one of them were shocked by my lighting up, they didn't say anything about it to me. I had quit smoking, and Spike at the same time, which was only fair cause I started them at the same time. I probably should have done the whole drowning my sorrows thing instead, because maybe that woulda prevented the other two from happening at all, not to mention it would have killed my little hitchhiker buddy. OK, probably shouldn't bring that up again, before I bring dinner up again, cause just thinking about it makes me wanna puke. And I'm sure Angel will not appreciate that, Willow told me that I puked all over him, his bed, and his carpet, I'm actually surprised he's still speaking to me.

I was, at the very least, expecting a lecture about smoking from Angel, but there was none, although maybe that will happen tomorrow, or today in a couple of hours. Or maybe they just realize I'm stressed nearly out of my mind, and I seriously need the distraction. The only thing Angel said was, "Wesley called a little while ago."

Faith asked him, "What did he find out?"

I was still a little freaked out thinking about everything, so Faith quietly started rubbing small circles on my back, which did make me feel a little better. The gesture was not lost on Angel but he didn't say anything, he just smiled at us. God my life just keeps getting weirder and weirder doesn't it? I mean, the three of us sitting here having a civilized conversation? Not to mention the fact, I've dated one of them and am currently dating the other and at the moment she's rubbing my back right in front of him. You'd think there would be some serious hurt feelings going on here, but nope, Angel seems to be genuinely fine with the whole me and Faith thing. It's just really...comfortable, and since when is my life comfortable?

As Angel began his story, Faith and I tried to keep our interruptions to a minimum, no need to drag this story out any more than it needs to be. "It seems the Council went through some serious political upheavals right around the time Buffy became the slayer. It seemed there was a power struggle when the previous head of the Council died abruptly, the struggle ended with Quentin Travers being appointed as head of the Council. Wesley's father, Roger, had also been in the running, and he wasn't so happy with the new leadership. Roger and his cronies thought the Council should revert back to it's older traditional ways, mainly treating the slayer like she wasn't anything more than a convenient tool to be used to fight evil as the Council saw fit. He also believed that if a slayer didn't perform up to par, they should be allowed to 'euthanize' them, he also thought that a slayer shouldn't be allowed family, or friends as they would get in the way of the slaying duties. While his ideas were a bit too radical for most Council members, there were some that seemed to buy into his ideas. When the second slayer was activated, the demands for stricter Council control became too much and Quentin caved. He didn't wanna lose the top spot at the Council, so he threw the second slayer to the wolves to protect his job."

I wasn't really too shocked at Quentin actions, he didn't strike me as the stand up type of guy when I met him, either time. I'm kinda surprised the Council never really came after me, then again, they would have had to deal with my Mom, and she could be downright scary at times. Also, Willow, Xander and Giles could be equally scary if I had been threatened in a serious way. I had thought that Wesley's ominous words about not turning my back on the Council, about me not knowing what I was doing was just him trying to save his job. But I guess that was one time Wesley knew more than I did, after all that fucking moron Roger Wyndam-Pryce raised him, believe me when I say if I ever meet that man, it's gonna be hard not to 'euthanize' him.

"Roger didn't oversee the project himself, he appointed, Bernard Crowley and his adopted son, Robin Wood to the project."

At hearing his name, Faith and I exchanged a glance but didn't interrupt as Angel continued, "The only guidelines they were given was to make Kendra into the perfect fighting weapon by any means necessary. They used memory spells, brainwashing techniques, their training methods consisted of putting her in a cage with a vampire or demon and making her fight for her life. As if all that wasn't bad enough, they found a way to locate the next slayer, which of course was Faith. They kidnapped her like they had done with other slayers through the years, but when it seemed her disappearance was going to make national news, Roger didn't want to risk getting found out, so he sent the Council's special team to Boston. Where they found a girl about Faith's age, height and weight, and used a glamour to make her look like Faith and then pumped her full of enough heroin to kill her and left her to die."

Oh God, I can't believe they would just kill some poor girl to cover their tracks. How could they do that? I wonder how they picked that girl; I wonder who she was, or how her family must feel horrible wondering what happened to her. I also wonder why Faith isn't shocked the Council would kill, then again, the Council had been willing to kill her so maybe that's why she's not shocked.

Faith looked up at Angel and quietly asked, "Do you know who she was?"

Angel nodded and added, "I had some people from Wolfram & Hart notify the Boston Police of her identity and where to find her. They also managed to arrange it so the police don't need to talk to you about your disappearance or why this girl was buried under your name. Oh, and I used the firm to have your death certificate removed, and insert copies of income tax statements for you for the last five years, as well as a history of withdrawals from your account. If anyone ever asks, you spent the last five years on the island of St. John in the Caribbean living off your trust fund."

Faith asked curiously, "Trust fund?"

"Yeah, your mother has all the information about it when you're ready to deal with all that."

Faith nodded slightly but didn't say anything, so I asked the question instead, "What about the people responsible for murdering that girl? Are they all dead?"

"Everyone involved is now dead, except for this Robin guy and Wesley's dad, but there is absolutely no evidence to connect either of them to the kidnapping nor the murder."

Faith quietly asked, "How's Wes? Finding out all this stuff must be rough on him..."

"He's...pretty upset about it but he's dealing. This whole thing might actually be good for him, he's always kinda been under his dad's control, and finding out about this stuff has enabled him to stand up to him. Especially when Roger announced his intentions on reorganizing the Council, Wesley told him there was no way in hell that would ever happen. He told them that the Council's funds had already been turned over to Giles, you, and Buffy. Roger was told you both know about the memory spells, and if he wanted to discuss any future Council business he'd have to go through you and Buffy, so I don't think he's gonna be a problem anymore."

Faith and I just nodded, I wouldn't have minded putting Roger straight on a few issues personally, but at least Wesley did it. Angel continued telling us about the Council, which I almost would prefer he didn't cause I'm sure we won't like what we hear.

"After they took Faith, they readjusted her memories, and then they stopped Kendra's heart long enough to activate Faith as a slayer. A couple of months later when Kendra died, there was another shake up at the Council when Quentin found out what Roger had done and he used that to oust him from the Council altogether. But Quentin didn't put an end to the project; he kept both Bernard and Robin on board and let them continue their work. Although, he didn't like the fact of two men being the only people around a young slayer, so he sent a female watcher, his own daughter, to be part of the team, and to keep an eye on the situation."

"Everything went well throughout the summer, Faith was making a big dent in the demon/vampire population of St. Louis, and then September came, along with Faith's 18th birthday, when all hell broke loose. Kakistos had been captured by a team from the Watcher's Council and was to be used for Faith's test. Unfortunately, they didn't take into account his crew would be looking to get him back, which they did, and while they were at it they took Faith, Anna and Bernard with them, Robin supposedly barely managed to escape using magic. By the time he notified the Council and they assembled their team, Bernard and Anna were already dead and Faith was on the run with Kakistos following close behind."

"Quentin became irrationally angry at Faith because his daughter died, so he didn't send anyone from the Council to help Faith. Two weeks later when she showed up in Sunnydale, and Kakistos was history, he sent Robin there to continue keeping track of her. He ordered Robin to make sure Faith stayed isolated, and alone, and to put spells on us to make us keep our distance, it seems Quentin wanted Faith to suffer because of Anna. And this is where the Council's records and Robin's records deviate from each other, and from what actually happened."

"Even though Quentin was acting irrationally, he and the others became suspicious of Robin when Gwendolyn Post showed up in Sunnydale. They knew Robin was in Sunnydale, and he knew that Gwendolyn Post wasn't a real Watcher, but he didn't notify them. Then later with the whole Finch situation, Robin never notified the Council then either, Wesley notified them instead, and with Wirth, same thing, Wesley let them know about that too. There is only one thing that happened in Sunnydale that is the same in both accounts. The Council ordered Faith to shoot me with the poisoned arrow, she had no choice in the matter, Robin made her do it. Wesley finally confessed that he knew that fact all along. When he had called the Council about getting the cure, they told him they wouldn't help stop something they had ordered. He was told if he kept quiet about it he might get to keep his job, so he didn't mention it, then he got fired and left town. And by the time he started working for me there really was no reason to mention it. And well, later he was sorta angry at Faith so he didn't mention it then either. It wasn't until he found out about the memory spells that he felt the need to tell me about it."

Faith and I just sat there in stunned silence, I don't know if Wesley mentioning it would have made a difference, it might have but it might not have, cause I remember how angry I was when Faith casually asked if Angel was dead yet. Telling me the Mayor gave her the poison, and I know without a doubt she didn't know about the cure cause she faltered slightly when I casually mentioned it. I never gave a thought about why the Mayor, who cared so much about Faith, would do that to her. And if he could do that to her, then why was he so upset that Faith was hurt, shouldn't he have been expecting that phone call? I'd like to solve the puzzle please; the answer is because it wasn't him.

The Council ordered the use of a poison that only a slayer's blood could cure. What were they playing at? They had to know finding out that fact would make me go after her, was that their plan? To make us fight until there was only one of us left standing. I remember how she wasn't fighting hard, she was holding back, but how she won in spite of that fact, how she held me at the edge of the roof and hesitated. Did she hesitate because they wanted her to? Because that's not how it was supposed to go, I was supposed to win and she was supposed to die.

The small circles have started up again on my back, how is it possible she could care about me after being reminded I tried to kill her? I look up at her and our eyes meet and I have my answer, she cares about me because she loves me. It's kinda scary to look at someone and realize that no matter what you do to them they'll always love you. I could abuse her a thousand different ways and she'd never stop loving me. Having that much power over somebody is thoroughly frightening, and the only reason I could live with it is because she has just as much power over me. My eyes are saying the same things as hers, it doesn't matter what you do to me, I'm always going to love you.

Of course my eyes haven't always said that, cause mostly I tried to pretend my feelings for her didn't exist. How upsetting must that have been? In all her memories, everybody she has tried to love has used that love against her, and abused her with it. And there she was again stuck wanting to love somebody who acted like they could care less, all I can do now is just swear never to let her feel that way again.

It is right at this moment I realize why it's so important that I talk about everything, I can't keep all that pain inside because sooner or later it'll find it's way out. And who will bear the brunt of all that pain inside me, Faith will, and she'll put up with it because she loves me. I also realize why it has to be Angel helping me and not Faith. It's because she won't force me to deal with it, she'd try to protect me from it, and wind up being the target. So I guess it's time for me to step up to the plate, deal with everything now, so I won't hurt her later.

I wanted to kiss her so badly right then, but I didn't wanna do it right in front of Angel, but I noticed he had turned his back to us, so I kissed her, slowly, reassuringly. Trying to convey we were gonna be ok, neither one of us would use our love to make the other suffer. And she kissed me back with just as much tenderness and affection, which is something that I wouldn't have thought her capable of just a few weeks ago. When we broke apart she had the softest, sweetest smile on her face and I just wanted to see that over and over again. I gave her my best smile to match hers, and we stayed like that for a few minutes, just sitting and smiling at each other.

Then she called out to Angel, "Ok, you can turn around now, all activities that might cause you to lose your soul have ceased for the moment."

Angel laughed in spite of himself as he turned around to face us again. He shook his head at Faith in a 'what am I gonna do with you' gesture, Faith just shrugged as if to say 'what did I do?'

Angel continued his story, "Anyway, after Faith ended up in a coma, Robin was ordered to report back to Council headquarters, but he failed to show up. So they declared him a rogue and have been looking for him ever since then. And since they had no idea what he had done to Faith, they decided they couldn't trust her so they sent a team to the Sunnydale hospital to take her out, but they weren't able to enter her room in the hospital."

Faith asked, "What do you mean? Who stopped them?"

"Magic stopped them, there was a spell on your room. They couldn't physically get inside the room, they tried to pay off several orderlies to do it, but then the orderlies weren't able to enter the room anymore. The Council assumed Robin had done it, but I don't think so. I think the Mayor was more than likely responsible for that, he would have tried to protect her while she couldn't protect herself. That's pretty much everything the Council had on Faith, once she turned herself in, they stopped trying to kill her, but they monitored her progress carefully, paying off one of the guards to gain information about her. When the First persisted in killing off the potentials, the Council had planned to send a team to the prison to enlist Faith's help and then respond directly to the Hellmouth. But then the entire headquarters blew up, as well as several of their field offices, so they never got the chance to do it."

"Oh, and here's something that's interesting, not sure if it is important, but it is interesting. Throughout it's existence, the Watcher's Council was never able to determine who the next slayer would be, they could only find her after she was activated."

I had to jump in because I knew that information was inaccurate, "What a second that's not true. The Council pointed Giles in the direction of a lot of potentials..."

"That's where the interesting part comes in. It seems that once they activated Faith, the Council tried the re-use the spell so that they could find out who the next slayer would be, but when they used the spell they couldn't see the next slayer. They could see hundreds of potential slayers, but they had no idea which one would be the next slayer or even if there would be a new slayer. Quentin and the rest of them believed that by using the spell to find Faith and then activating her they way they did compromised the entire slayer line, and allowed a lot of bad things to happen, like allowing the First gain access to this dimension."

I had to ask, "Huh? I thought the First got into our dimension because I died..."

"It wasn't your death, it was Kendra's because she didn't die in the 'line of duty' like you did, they purposely stopped her heart to activate Faith."

Faith couldn't help adding, "So the Council not only doesn't help us do our job, but they allowed the First to get into our dimension...boy I'm sure gonna miss those guys."

Angel smiled at that and said, "There was even some speculation that Faith might have been the last slayer, although they couldn't actually find that out cause Faith is really hard to kill."

Faith grinned at that, "Yeah, great...you can put that on my headstone. Oh hey, maybe I'm like immortal or something."

Angel added, "Yeah, we could start calling you 'The Immortal', or not cause that name is already taken...

I couldn't help grinning either, "Well I don't know about immortal but she is pretty durable for a slayer, maybe she could teach me that skill..."

"I don't know, the Immortal doesn't tell just anyone, you'd have to be worthy. And well with you dying at the drop of a hat all the time, we'll have to wait and see. Maybe if you go five years without dying again, I'll think about it."

God she's a pain in the ass, but she is a funny pain in the ass, so I just mock scowl at her.

She ignores my scowl and continues, "But seriously, can you both do me a favor?"

She paused and waited to make sure she had our full attention before continuing, "Can you two please hold onto your souls for awhile, cause I'm really getting tired of having to track them down for you guys all the time..."

Angel and I exchanged a look, and we both starting walking toward the door, Faith didn't take the hint and kept right on talking. "Immortal people have got lots of important things to do ya know, can't always be following you two around, trying to save your souls all the time...."

Chapter Sixteen - Sorting Things Out

POV Faith

The next morning Buffy and I got up in time for her to meet with Angel, to say that she wasn't looking forward to talking with him was an understatement. You'd have thought she was going off to face a Mexican death squad with the way she looked this morning. It's understandable though, I know exactly how she feels, I wasn't all that thrilled to talk about my life either, but at the time I really needed to, just like she does now. I have to admit it was a lot easier getting her to go than I thought it would be, and maybe it would have been more difficult if we hadn't had that little moment of understanding last night.

At least now she knows why it's so important for her to talk about it, to try to put her past behind her and move on. She's got a lot of issues to work through, father issues, slayer issues, general life issues. She's been blaming everything on being a slayer, even though things were pretty fucked up before she became the slayer. And then on top of all that, there's the fact she literally went to Hell.

It's kinda hard to explain what Hell was really like; you can't describe the magnitude of it to somebody who hasn't been there. The closest explanation is how JK Rowling describes the Dementors in Harry Potter, how they suck everything good out of you; all the peace, happiness and good feelings are replaced by utter darkness and despair. But even that sounds like a picnic compared to what it's really like.

The good news is the longer you are out of there, the more time that passes, the less you remember about it. Angel said that after a while the only thing he remembers about it is he was there and he never wants to go back again.

But enough about that fucked up shit, it's time to get moving, I got some things to do before Buffy finishes with Angel. I want us to do something fun, to get her mind off everything for a little while, so I'm taking her somewhere she hasn't been to in a really long time. Angel took her once, I was a little leery of going there because of that, and because I don't wanna look like an idiot. But a simple phone call should let me know about the idiot part, plus Willow and Dawn thought it was a great idea, so there ya go. And I made sure the others would be joining us at some point during the afternoon, cause they want to spend time with her too.

I made my way downstairs to Angel's office, I didn't think anybody would be using it, seeing as he was outside with Buffy. And even though I wanted to check up on them, to see if everything was going ok, I didn't cause it's probably best if I keep out of it. I also didn't want to see anything that would upset me, I'm kinda working off the principle if I don't see it, I can't get upset about it. I want to trust both of them, but trust doesn't come easy for me, it never really has, so I'll just stick to ignorance and avoidance.

Unfortunately Giles was in the office going through some paperwork, and he was kinda the last person I wanted to run into. Word around the hotel, and by that I mean Anya and Xander told me, he was looking to talk to me. I think I really need to work on my stealth skills cause he caught me as I was trying to casually make a break for it.

"Oh...hello Faith...I was hoping we could talk about a few things..."

I decided to play it cool, get him out of the office in the hopes I could make a quick getaway after. "Um...ok. But do you think I could use the phone real quick first, I kinda gotta make a call."

He looked like he didn't want to leave, not sure if he was just worried I'd mess up his paperwork or if he was afraid I wouldn't be here when he got back. But he finally gave in, "Sure, I'll just, uh, go get some more tea, would you like me to bring you back anything?"

I wasn't expecting that, but I quickly covered, "Uh, no...I'm good. Thanks..."

Yep, that's right Giles, you just go to the kitchen, don't you worry about me. I tried to look sincere, even smiled at him as he made his way out of the door.

I closed the door behind him, I was nervous enough about calling; I didn't need an audience. I quickly sat down at the desk and took the number out of my pocket and dialed.

"Good morning, thank you for calling the Century Wilshire Hotel and Suites, my name is Russ, how may I help you?"

"Room 312."

"Thank you, please hold."

Oh great, the muzak version of the 'Light My Fire' by the Doors, could this morning get any worse?

"Hello?"

"Hey...um...Mom?"

I could hear her laugh slightly on the other end of the phone, "You can question it all you want to Faith, it won't change the facts."

"Oh great...sarcasm, do you really think that's the way to go?"

She laughed again, but this time so did I, at least this mother has a sense of humor and hasn't once sent me to fetch her a beer, so go me.

"I assume you're calling because you need something..."

OK, are mothers always this scary with their intuition? "No...I...you know I could just be calling to say good morning to my dear sweet mother..."

"Well that settles it, now I'm even more convinced you need something."

"Ok, Ok, you're right, I am calling because I need to ask you something..."

"No, you can't get a tattoo..."

I seriously wasn't expecting that and laughed, "Yeah, you're a little too late on that one. And how did I get a tattoo anyway? Seriously, what kind of mother lets her underage daughter get a tattoo? That's gonna cost you valuable good parenting points ya know..."

I was worried that perhaps I went too far, I know I meant it as a joke, but maybe she doesn't. But it doesn't seem to bother her as she answers me.

"Well, first of all, I wouldn't use the word 'let'. Second of all, it wasn't just you, you and your older brothers all came back from a 'road trip' to New York City with them, and before you ask, no, none of you had permission for that either."

"Now that sounds like an interesting story."

"Yes it was, and so was the two month punishment you got for it."

"Two months? That's kinda harsh don't ya think?"

She laughed again, "You said that then too. So what was it you wanted to know?"

"Oh...um...I know this might sound weird, than again it's not nearly as weird as you telling me I'm gay, but...um do I know how to ice skate?"

"Yes, you do know how to ice skate, as a matter of fact you actually took figure skating lessons."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

I took figure skating lessons? What kinda geek girl was I? Great, now I want to kick my own ass. "Oh, that's...good cause I'm taking Buffy ice-skating this afternoon. I kinda wanted to make sure I wouldn't look stupid or something."

"Ah...now I understand. So is this like the first date?"

I don't know why I felt so comfortable with her on the phone, especially when it feels like anything but comfortable in person. But it did feel really comfortable, so I kept talking to her, forgetting about trying to get away from Giles for the moment. "Yeah kinda, I guess it could be considered our first official date."

"Are you nervous?"

"Extremely...I think the butterflies in my stomach had kittens or something, kinda crazy huh?"

"No, it's just...it's normal Faith, everybody gets nervous before a first date. I bet Buffy is nervous too."

"No, she's not. She doesn't know about it yet, it's kinda like a surprise date, she's having a rough time lately so I thought it would be cool to surprise her with it. And then everybody else is gonna meet up with us around 3:30, if you wanted to...um stop by, we're...uh going to the Culver Ice Rink."

Now I'm even more nervous, not sure if I want her to say yes or no here. God, I'm so freaking retarded, of course she's gonna say no, it was stupid to even ask her. I'm sure she's got better things to do than to hang out and watch us ice skate. I'm such a freaking idiot sometimes I even surprise myself.

"Sure, I'd love to stop by."

Huh? What happened? "Ok, so...I guess I'll see you then?"

"Yes...have fun sweetheart, I'm sure you'll be fine..."

Again I say, huh? "O-Ok...bye..."

After I hung up the phone I just sat there, I'm kinda stunned she called me 'sweetheart', even more stunned she said she'd love to stop by. Great now what am I gonna do? She's gonna be bored out of her mind, sitting there all alone with nobody to talk to cause we'll all be skating, or trying to. The soft knock on the door gives me an idea; and since I'm gonna be stuck talking to him anyway, might as well use the opportunity to rope him into coming with us. It will be good; they can sit and chat about, uh, whatever British types chat about, maybe they can compare notes about tea brands or something.

I take a deep breath as he opens the door slowly and sees me sitting behind the desk, "Oh...you are still here..."

Gotta give Giles some credit there, he knew I was planning on ditching the chat session. He looks almost confused until he notices the large smile on my face and he says, "I should be worried shouldn't I?"

I continue smiling, "Very..."

He closes the door behind him and comes all the way over to the desk, setting his tea down before taking off his glasses to clean them in the trademark Giles way. "Ok?"

Guess that's my cue, "Well, ya see, I'm kinda taking Buffy out this afternoon ice skating and, everybody else is gonna join us later and I sorta invited my mom, I don't know why I did that but I did and she said she'd come but I don't want her sitting there all by herself bored out of her mind so I was wondering if you'd come too cause that way she has somebody to talk to, and..."

I finally make myself stop so I can catch my breath, where the hell did all that come from. Maybe hanging out with Buffy and Willow isn't such a good idea, cause since when do I babble? Giles looks like he'd rather face a horde of horny demons than come with us. Horny as in they have horns not the other one, or actually I'm sure he wouldn't want to face a horde of either one now that I think about.

Giles isn't saying anything, just vigorously cleaning his glasses, I'm a little worried he'll say no, so I ask as sweetly as I possibly can, "Please Giles?"

"Oh all right, I'll be there this afternoon, but only if you agree to sit and talk with me now..."

I was about to agree, but he held up his hand to stop me and added, "However, no topic is off limits..."

I wonder about all the topics I would consider off limits, there are quite a few of them, but I'm thinking this off limits stuff is most likely about Buffy. It might be a good thing to get it all out in the open, get that conversation over with. I can also work the no off limits clause to my advantage as well.

"OK, deal cause I want to talk to you about stuff too and the no off limits stuff might come in handy."

"Good...I...uh...what?"

I just give him a take it or leave it look and he sighs, "Fine...fine..."

I take a moment to think about how to word this without coming off like well...me. "You're gonna come with us right? This new organization for the newbies, you're gonna be a part of it right?"

"I...uh...well, I haven't really given it a lot of thought."

Yeah, sure he hasn't, I know he's got some sort of idea what he's gonna do, he's not one to live all spur of the moment is he? I give him a look that clearly says 'I don't believe this bullshit.'

"All right, yes, I have given it some thought, I'm probably not going to be involved."

"So you're just gonna go running back to England?"

He sighs again, "Faith...I'm not running anywhere. I-I've got a life in England and I would like to get back to it, and..."

"Oh please Giles, I'm not buying it. What did you do in England? Sit around reading books, drinking tea, feeling lonely?"

He doesn't make eye contact and sighs and I know I was right, he had no life back in England, he missed them just as much as they missed him. Man these people really do need me, they need me to cut through all the bullshit and find the happy. There will be no moping while I'm around.

"You should be where you're needed, and you're needed right there with them. Don't you get it Giles, you are the only positive father figure those four have ever had, they look up to you, they need you. Buffy needs you..."

"Buffy doesn't need me..."

"Yes, she does Giles. Don't buy into all the bullshit she was spewing back in Sunnydale, she wants you to stick around. She'd never ask you to stay, but believe me she wants you to. Like it or not Giles, you're like a father to her, much better than her own who couldn't even be bothered to come to her funeral."

He looks shocked, "She...how do you know about that?"

"I know because she told me, she's known for a long time..."

"How? Who would have..."

"I'll give you one guess..."

He says the name with disdain, "Spike...of course. I should have known he wouldn't keep quiet about it. If he wasn't..."

"Yeah, well, if he wasn't dead already, I'd be looking to stake his sorry ass too...if ya know one of the others hadn't already."

He laughed slightly, I'm not sure if he knows how much truth was in my last statement. Some of the girls really did have plans to stake him after everything was over. Ok, most of them probably wouldn't have done it, but there was one in particular who I believe would have, and that girl just might share her name with a famous family from Massachusetts. But I ain't one to gossip so you didn't hear that from me.

"And you know, Willow might be impressive with the magics and the books and stuff, but she's not you. She doesn't have the experience nor the training that you do, so get over yourself and just come with us."

"Faith it's not that easy..."

"Yes, it is, you just get on the same plane we do, you find a place to live around where we do and you show up everyday and be the young, cute ex-librarian we all know and love."

He blushed and smiled, I knew that would get him. He's still a sucker for the young and cute line.

"Ok...I'll come with everyone for a little while, help get things up and running, but I'm not promising I'm going to stay."

"That's good enough for now."

He turned a little more serious, "You...really care about her?"

I nod and add, "I more than care about her. You know...I...It won't be like before, I won't..."

"I know you won't Faith. But I am curious to know why you stayed in prison after you found out the man you were convicted of murdering was alive and well?"

Damn, my turn on the hot seat. "I...I stayed for a couple of reasons, I needed to get over the things that happened to me. I just...I couldn't handle slaying anymore. And there was no way I could afford all the help I needed, and I needed to be where I couldn't go out slaying. Angel said that I could stay with him, but if I was with him, I woulda helped him and that wouldn't have helped me. It just...it was the best option available to me at that time and after I was inside it was just easier to stay there. So I tried to get everything out of it that I could and basically for the last few months I've just been hiding in there. Angel had been bugging me to admit that I was done, I was ready to move on but I still wasn't convinced until Wesley told me Angelus was back and I knew ready or not I had to help him."

He smiled warmly at me, "That's pretty much what Angel told me, but I wanted to hear it from you. You have a lot to be proud of Faith, and I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that. I know you may not want to hear it right now, but I am truly sorry I wasn't a better Watcher to you. If it hadn't been for that spell I'd like to think I would have done a better job. And if I had known any of the things the Council was doing to you I would have done my utmost to put a stop to it."

There are a lot of things I thought about saying to him, but I settled on just saying, "Thanks...

He nodded in acknowledgement but changed the subject. "I also wanted to let you know that between Willow, Fred and I, we have managed to design a spell that will unlock your memories. It's fairly innocuous; there might be some mild dizziness, but that's it. So now it's up to you, when do you want to do it?"

I can feel the panic starting already; I'm not ready for this. I know my mother seems like a nice person, but I don't know. I mean I know it's something that I should really want, but actually doing it? And the whole magic thing kinda freaks me a little, not the actual magic, just the part that gets all fucked up and comes out wrong. What if it doesn't work, what if I don't remember anything? Then again, what if I do, and it's bad? And what do I do when memories I think are made up turn out to be real? I hate hearing the panic in my voice as I answer him; "I don't want to do it, I-I'm just not ready..."

He didn't seem surprised; he didn't even argue about it, which kinda surprised me. He just asked, "When do you think you'll be ready?"

"I don't...I don't know Giles, next week? Next year? Maybe never? I don't..."

"It's ok, Faith. Nobody is going to force you to do something you don't want to do. When you're ready, just let me know."

I really want to get away; I feel so very trapped right now. God I wish Angel was here doing this and not Giles; cause Angel understands me, he gets me. He always knows exactly what to say to me, he could make this seem like no big deal.

I'm hoping Giles is all talked out, "Is that it?"

"Um...no, not quite, I also wanted to talk to you about Anna Travers..."

And the hits just keep on coming. "It's ancient history..."

"Nothing off limits..."

I just sigh cause I knew he was gonna say that, and then he says, "I just...I knew her..."

Oh shit, here we go. "I'm sorry Giles..."

"Don't be...she was a real...bitch."

I never heard Giles talk about somebody like that, but I thought he was testing me, so I didn't take the bait. "Yeah, she had her moments..."

"Quentin never should have sent her to anyone, she failed the entrance examination into the Watcher's program several times. I didn't know she was your watcher until last night, they never told me her name, now I understand why. Do you still blame yourself for her death?"

Swing and a miss for the watcher...guess I should just explain this and get it over with, "I don't blame myself for her death, I never did."

Now Giles looks confused. I guess he thought he had me all figured out, he's not the first person to get it twisted. Everybody always assumes I loved my watcher, they assumed I would blame myself for what happened to her, like she was something I didn't want to lose. But she was really nasty and mean, and those were her most likeable personality traits.

"I hated her Giles. I wanna her gone in the worst possible way, of course that doesn't mean I wouldn't have saved her if I could have, and it didn't mean I wanted her to suffer like she did, but I didn't mourn that loss. I think that's what upset me the most about it was that she died, I watched it all and a part of me didn't care. I wanted to, I thought I should have cared but I just couldn't get past the things she said and did to me."

He prompts me quietly, "What did she do to you?"

"Are we really going to do this now, after all this time? Look Giles, I don't need to talk about her; all my issues with her are long since over. It's a dead issue...literally."

I looked up at Giles and he didn't seem to be buying it, I could tell he was three seconds away from reminding me again how I agreed to a 'nothing off limits' discussion with him, so I kept talking. "I wanted to finish high school, I wasn't aware I had already graduated, but I asked her if I could go back. I thought I only had like 5 credits left to get, but she just laughed at me. Told me I wasn't going to live long enough for a high school diploma to make a difference. She followed that up by telling me I probably wasn't smart enough to finish anyway. And for the finale she told me it was strictly prohibited for a slayer to attend school anyway. Imagine my surprise when I got to Sunnydale and saw Buffy still attending school, kinda pissed me off."

"I can imagine how difficult that must have been..."

"Yeah, thanks..."

I let out a long sigh, I know I could just get up and walk out, he wouldn't stop me, he'd let me leave. I even know he'd still show up this afternoon. But I did agree to this so I'll stay and answer his questions. I understand he's not doing this for his benefit, he's doing it for mine. I'm mostly over this stuff, but going through it is just...really painful; I know now that I had no control over the situation. There was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened to Michael. I sorta lied to Buffy, telling her I never had any friends or buddies, I did have one, I had Mikey, of course in the end, he wound up hating me, wishing he had never met me. I'm thinking that negates the whole being friends thing, which means I didn't really lie all that much.

I had met him in St. Louis, every night I'd blow off an hour or two of patrolling time to hang out at this club, The Complex. Yeah, some things are the same no matter where you go, but I wanted to be around kids my own age. I just wanted to fit in somewhere, I always feel like such an outsider to everything, I was never like other kids. Nobody ever taught me to ride a bike, or to play board games, or read to me, or well you get the idea. I'd go and hang out and while I hardly talked to any of them, for a little while I could pretend that I knew them all, that I was just like them.

Then came Mikeyboy, he was totally gay, but a really good dancer, after a few nights of dancing together we kinda started talking, starting hanging out. He felt like an outsider too, although he told me it didn't bother him one bit, he liked being different. We hung out for weeks at the club, he eventually followed me, he got tired of my whole 'I'm mysterious, don't ask a lot of questions' bit and wound up needing to be saved from some vamps. After that he wanted to come patrolling with me. I didn't really see the harm, he told me he was gonna be following me anyhow so I figured I might as well enjoy his company ya know. Also if he was with me I could keep an eye on him, make sure the vamps didn't get to him. He was just 14, but he seemed a lot older sometimes. Guess he got that from being on the run from his family, he had to learn to take care of himself. He told me the reason he left was because his stepfather pulled a gun on him and pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed and he was able to get away.

Unfortunately, Anna somehow found out about us hanging out, and since friends are strictly prohibited for slayers who aren't named Buffy Summers, the bitch called the cops who immediately picked him up and called his family. By the time I found out he was already in custody, but they let me talk to him for a few minutes and I really wish they hadn't because he was pissed at me. He blamed me for getting caught, apparently they told him I ratted on him. He told me his stepfather was going to kill him and it would be my fault. And he wasn't kidding either because Michael never made it out of St. Louis alive. His step-dad came to pick him up and when they got outside he fucking shot him. Anna was only too happy to let me know about it, after that I stopped giving a shit because it hurt too much. It wasn't like I stopped caring all at once, everything that happened cause me to lose another part of myself, until one day I looked in the mirror and I had no idea who I was anymore.

I was lost in my own thoughts, I almost missed it when Giles prompted me, "Faith?"

I wiped away the tears quickly, not really caring if he saw them or not, "Sorry...I was just...thinking about this kid I used to know..."

"He didn't exist Faith."

"Huh?"

"Your friend, Michael, he didn't exist. He's just a memory they gave you."

Suddenly I understand the reason for this whole conversation, Giles didn't give up on the spell, he just wanted me to realize on my own why I should want to do it. I can't believe I let Giles play me like that, I can't believe I've spent the last five years remembering shit that didn't happen. What a fucking joke...I got therapy for shit that never happened. Boy I'm really glad I didn't actually pay for it because then I'd be pissed.

I might not be all that enthusiastic about the family issues, but I can't keep wondering which memory is real and which isn't. I have to put my reservations about it aside and just do it, after all fortune favors the brave.

I take a deep breath and tell him exactly what he wants to hear. "How soon will the spell be ready?"

"We'll probably have it all ready to go sometime this afternoon."

"Fine. We can do it tomorrow."

I got up and walked out of the office, whether we were done talking or not, I had enough for now. I wanted some time to deal with all that shit, I really wanted to talk to Angel but he was with Buffy and she needed him more than I did. In the lobby both Dawn and Willow were waiting for me. I was going to tell them to go without me, but Dawn looked so excited to be going to the mall with me, I just couldn't do it, I didn't wanna break my promise to her. She's had enough disappointment in her short life I couldn't bear to add to it. So I pushed all that crap to the back of my mind, put on a happy face and went shopping.

In search of ice skates for Buffy cause apparently she wants a special kind of ice skate. Yeah, of course the princess needs some sort of special skates. I swear one of these days I'm gonna put a pea under the mattress just to check and see if she can feel it. I'd bet the trust fund, she'd at least be uncomfortable.

I'm not really upset with Buffy, and I shouldn't take it out on her, she didn't do anything wrong, it's just because I really wanted to talk to Angel. But come on, she really does act like a princess sometimes, doesn't she?

After the whole mall thing, Willow and Dawn took off for the Starbucks down the street, mumbling something about Iced Caramel Macchiatos, whatever the fuck that is, I'm guessing it's something loaded with sugar and coffee so I jumped all over that. Unfortunately, I had to play the mommy and dole out some more cash to buy Macchiatos for the kid, Willow, me and surprise surprise the princess.

As I walked inside the hotel still grumbling about her being a princess, I saw Buffy walking down the stairs. She must have just finished taking a shower cause she looked all clean and shiny with her hair up in a ponytail. I took one look at her and stopped in my tracks because she looked very much like every princess in every fairy tale I ever heard about or read. When she noticed me standing at the bottom of the stairs she gave me this really huge smile, it's kinda weird to realize that smile is just for me. She's happy to see me, damn I feel like I've waited forever for her to look at me that way.

But I'm way too cool to tell her everything going through my mind whenever I look at her. "Hey baby..."

She stopped a few mere inches away from me, still smiling, "I think you owe me something?"

I almost forgot I had to promise her lots of hugs in return for her talking to Angel. Did I mention she's a really bad negotiator? I gave her a hug and a long, lingering kiss, then promptly said, "Mmm...I really love the smell of Pantene."

Her eyes widened in fake surprise, "What a coincidence, so do I. And it's been like forever since I've been able to use it. Do you have any idea how much a house full of teenagers costs to feed? I was never so relived when the owner's of the grocery store left town and the grocery store became free. Of course by the time I got there all the Pantene was gone as well as most of the other good stuff. And you know I think the Bringer's stole all the Häagen-Dazs and that's just plain evil."

I just smile at her; I could listen to her talk about nothing all fucking day. Anybody else I'd be like, I gotta go, but her, she's so freaking cute sometimes. I'm glad she's feeling better now, she's not as disjointed as she has been since finding out about being in Hell.

She realizes she was in full on babble mode, stops, looks a little embarrassed, "So, uh, anyway, where were you coming from?"

"I can't tell you. That information is classified, top secret. As are the plans I have for us this afternoon."

She smiles really big again as she asks, "Plans? There's plans?"

I just nod in confirmation and she says, "Would that plan include some kind of caramel macchiato?"

"No...and what is the obsession with this macchiato thing anyway? What the fuck is it?"

"The Carmel Macchiato is only the best thing like ever. It's espresso shots and caramel in a bath of cool comforting milk which all fuse together to create a cup of absolute deliciousness."

"What do you work for Starbucks now?"

"No, I just go there..." I give her a look, and she admits, "um...a lot. You never had one?"

"Oh, of course I did, didn't I tell you about Macchiato Thursdays at the prison?"

She looks at me with confusion, "They have macchiato's in prison?"

I sigh, shake my head and say, "You're a real blonde aren't you?"

She gives me a scowl, "Hey!!! You know what, keep it up and you ain't getting any..."

Have I mentioned how much I like this girl? Trying to cut me off before I've even gotten any, isn't she just the cutest. "I ain't getting any now."

"Well that's not my fault sleepyhead."

I figured that was my cue, cause I ain't sleepy now so I started pushing her back up the stairs, making sure to kiss her with every step we take up the stairway. Then the Macchiato's arrived, I almost ended up in a heap on the stairs as she ducked out of my arms and took off down the stairs. Damn...tossed over for iced espresso shots, I don't know if my ego can handle that.

I came back down the stairs and she came bouncing back over to me, yes, she was literally bouncing, telling me to drink up.

I took a sip and could feel the rush of the caffeine and sugar hit my system, "Holy shit! This is gonna keep me awake for like a week."

Buffy gave me a wicked grin as her eyes traveled up and down my body, "That's what I'm hoping..."

I was momentarily stunned, she doesn't usually make comments like that, that's usually my job, and where'd she learn to look like that. I think I now know how gazelle's feel right before the hungry lions pounce them on. I'm really not used to feeling like the prey, usually I'm the predator, but the thought doesn't freak me like it would if that look would have come from anybody else. I don't have time to make any additional comments cause she just kept right on going, "So, what are the plans? Where are we going? When do we leave? Can we go now? Tell me, tell me, tell me..."

She's all giddy and shit and I don't think it's possible for me not to love this girl. I took her by the hand and starting walking us toward the door. We both yelled our good-byes as we stepped outside.

Chapter Seventeen - Up in Smoke

POV Buffy

How is it possible that I could have one of the greatest days of my life yesterday and feel like total crap today?

We were hanging around waiting for the finishing touches on the spell they were about to do on Faith. I'm not sure what they were doing but why does magic always involve burning something that smells really bad? It's like a rule or something, if it stinks, then it's probably magical.

Faith was completely tense and anxious, and I was too, but my fear was more about losing her then about the spell. It's probably irrational to feel that way; she's done so much to prove her love for me. The girl freaking saved my soul for chrissakes, how does a person say thank you for that? I'm pretty sure it's not by doubting them, I really should have more confidence in her. She is turning out to be more than I ever thought she could be, which kinda scares me a little.

Sure I know I should just be happy, she's everything I ever wanted, she could give me everything I need in life, but what if she leaves? What if she doesn't need or want me as much as I need and want her? I know she wants me now, but there might come a day when she doesn't feel that way anymore, and where would I be then? I'm trying hard not to be that way, not to think that way, but I don't know it's like I can't stop it. None of my relationships ever work out so what makes me think this will be any different? I know it's stupid, I hate my brain sometimes, it doesn't know when to shut up.

And Faith gave me such a wonderful day yesterday; I hadn't been ice skating in like six years. I made her promise to take me skating in Rockefeller Center when the Christmas tree is there. I've always wanted to do that ever since I can remember.

I really missed ice-skating, and I had wanted to start skating regularly again, but money was really tight. I was barely able to afford to keep the freaking house, and any left over money was spent either paying Giles back or fixing the house from the latest demon disaster that struck. And of course there were things that Dawn needed to have, needless to say that meant a lot of economizing and me learning to do without the things I wanted.

Like the last time Dawn and I were at the mall, she needed a new pair of sneakers and I saw the ice skate display, I really wanted to buy a new pair, mine were ruined from being in the basement. They kinda got soaked when the basement got flooded then came the mold and a trip to the garbage can.

Dawn kept telling me I should buy them, she said she didn't really need new sneakers but I think she was just trying to get out of going to gym class. Actually that's not true, she was saying it because she wanted me to have something I wanted for a change, have I mentioned what a great kid she is? Probably not. But she is a great kid, she loves me so much and all I seem to do is mess things up. I've tried so hard to be there for her, to be somebody she can rely on, but I always screw things up when it comes to her. I've made so many mistakes, there were so many times when I just wasn't there. The only person since Mom who was really there for her was Tara and then to have her taken away too, it's too much. But maybe now that Faith is here...maybe together we can give her everything she needs and deserves.

Anyway, I bought her the sneakers and forgot all about the skates, but apparently Dawn didn't. And when Faith mentioned she was thinking of taking me skating, Dawn told her about the skates I had wanted and Faith bought them for me. How sweet is that? Dawn and Faith teaming up to buy me stuff. I think I could get used to that kind of attention.

But back to yesterday, it was so much fun, we skated, and Faith is really good at it. I didn't understand why until later when her mom let it slip she took figure skating lessons; Faith looked completely horrified that information got out which was pretty funny. The only person who didn't know how to ice skate was Anya, which was also funny. It didn't start out that way, Anya tried skating for all of five minutes and when she fell down for the tenth time she started complaining and telling Xander they had to leave. And Xander was about to cave in to her wishes as usual, but then Faith intervened, she kept pulling Xander back out on the ice and kept flirting with him, which pissed off Anya to no end. I have to admit it wasn't making me too happy either, but Willow and Dawn pointed out that Faith was only flirting for the greater good and I didn't wanna be all crazy jealous like some people.

Anya chased after them, forgetting all about the ice and the skates and before you knew it, Anya was skating around pretty good for a beginner; she even managed to stop glaring at Faith after a while. And Rose managed to harass Giles into skating as well, it was just really great to have everyone together without there being a world ending event, or something demon or vamp-related to spoil everything.

Even my talk with Angel yesterday made me feel really good, we don't have a lot of time to discuss everything, but he wanted to get me started. He told me that Giles had arranged to have an old friend of his come to work with us. Giles thought it would be a good idea to have a licensed therapist available for the new slayers, as well as Faith and I, and even Willow. I was seriously considering talking to her; although I hadn't had a lot of good experiences with therapists in the past. The high school psychologist seemed like he could have helped me but then he got killed. But this woman would be different, she knows all about slayers, and magic and stuff, we could be free to talk about it without worrying about being sent away to the nut hut.

But for as good as I felt yesterday, today I felt really bad. Some of the bad feelings were because of the spell, but a lot of it had to do with my conversation with Angel this morning. It stirred up a lot of things I would have preferred to keep buried. Today we talked a lot about my father and how my fucked up relationship with him is the cause of most of my problems.

Angel told me about his father and how those issues don't go away by themselves, no matter how long you've been alive. I think his dad and mine probably have a lot in common. It was hard to admit to him that my dad abused me, not like how Faith thought she was abused, thank God, but there was a fair amount of psychological abuse. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him, and he never held back on letting me know it. Whenever something wasn't to his liking, he'd just look at me with such disappointment in his eyes, like I had let him down. And I would try so hard to please him, just once it would have been nice for him to say it didn't matter, that he loved me anyway.

And then came all the slayer related bullshit and I know that being a slayer didn't cause all my problems, but it definitely didn't help. A lot of things happened in LA and I just couldn't handle it. My Watcher was killed, my friends stopped talking to me, I got kicked out of school and my parents were fighting like all the time. One night I just had enough, I went into the bathroom and sliced up the length of both my arms with a razor blade. My mom didn't even know I was home, she walked in and there I was on the floor covered in blood, needless to say she freaked out and had me taken to the hospital. The psychologist at the hospital labeled it a 'cry for help' not an actual suicide attempt because by the time I got to the hospital my arms were mostly healed, it didn't even leave a scar.

I was only supposed to stay in the hospital for a few days, but when I tried to tell them everything, I soon found out I would be there for a lot longer. After a month I finally convinced them that I no longer believed vampires were out to 'get' me. And I had very nearly convinced myself too until I got to Sunnydale.

This was also when my relationship with my father changed dramatically, he finally stopped telling me everything I did was wrong. His solution was to just stop talking to me altogether, I guess he figured if he ignored the problem I would go away. He never once came to see me in the hospital; my mom was the only person to ever visit me there. When I got out of the hospital I found out my parents were getting a divorce and we were going to have to move.

The last time I saw my dad, it was my 17th birthday and he took me to the Ice Capades as usual, but it was horrible because he spent the entire time we were together on his cell phone, stopping every few seconds to check his watch impatiently. I felt so horrible, like such a burden I told him I was sick and wanted to go home after only an hour. And my next birthday he didn't even bother to show up or even call, he did send me a card with money in it about a month after my birthday and that was pretty much the last time I had any contact with him.

A couple of months ago I found out he remarried and I now have two half brothers that I've never met and most likely won't ever meet. I'm sure they know nothing about me or Dawn for that matter. It doesn't seem to bother Dawn all that much, she had told Tara and Willow that she doesn't care about him, she says she refuses to feel bad about being ignored by somebody she's never really met.

I guess I should pay attention, seems like we're finally about ready to start. Faith asked me to wish her luck and I did, I gave her a kiss and told her to stop worrying everything would be fine. When they were ready to perform the spell, they put Faith under some sort of light hypnosis, once the spell was over she'd wake up and she'd remember everything. Sounds a little too easy right? That's because nothing ever works out like it should and this was no exception.

Everything seemed to be going well, until Faith woke back up, at first she seemed fine. She told us she didn't remember anything, but she felt ok, a little thirsty but otherwise good. She got up and I handed her a bottle of water, she drank most of the water in one shot and then all hell broke loose. Not literally of course, cause that I could have actually dealt with. She suddenly dropped the water and fell on the floor clutching her head in pain. I can't imagine how much it hurt her because even I felt it. The pain was so bad in my head, I almost fell to the floor as well, I watched Angel immediately go to her, trying to help her. He hadn't even looked in my direction, he was solely focused on helping Faith. When the pain finally subsided, I was able to walk over to them as Faith tried to sit up; she looked at Angel, then at me. I felt panic and fear go through her as she scrambled back away from us quickly, saying, "Get away...don't touch me..."

I was stunned at first, not understanding what was wrong, so I walked toward her, she had literally backed herself into the corner and when she realized it, her eyes went wide with alarm, and she was shaking as she looked back and forth from my hand to my face. She started crying and begging me, "Please don't kill me..."

The utter panic and absolute fear in her eyes made me feel like I had been punched in the stomach. I felt like I couldn't breathe, she was terrified that I was going to hurt her. A flash of memory went through my head. I'm showing her the knife telling her she's about to get it back. She kept staring at my hand like it still held the knife from that awful night four years ago. It was ironic the reason we fought that night was the very person who was desperately trying to reach her now.

Angel moved closer and tried to calm her down, it took a moment for her to realize he was there. She looked at him and she whispered, "I'm sorry...I-I didn't mean..."

He held her stare, reaching out to touch her as he whispered, "Shh...it's ok, I forgive you Faith, remember?"

She shook her head, "No...I'm just...I'm sorry..." She started crying, "I don't want to die, please..."

She started sobbing harder as she practically begged him, "Help me?"

Before he could answer her another bolt of pain went through her and she fell back onto the floor crying out in pain as she was writhing around on the floor. The pain in my head was so intense, as were all the emotions I was feeling from her, it was so bad I fell back onto the couch. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't move, every time I tried the pain in my head would stop me. Angel moved her out of the corner so she wouldn't hurt herself; he started rubbing her arm, telling her he wouldn't let anybody hurt her.

Her mother picked that exact moment to show up. She breezed into the room quickly, apologizing, "Sorry I'm late, I got stuck at the conference and..."

The pain had hit us quickly and left the same way. Her mother saw Faith on the ground, Angel trying to help her sit up now that the pain had passed, Rose looked around the room, taking in the fact that I was just sitting on the couch and Willow and Giles were there with me. Angel was the only one currently doing anything to help her daughter, I swear I think I saw a flash of anger in her eyes as she looked at me before she turned her attention to Faith. I'm sure it must have looked bad from her point of view, I'm sure it looked like nobody but Angel cared about what was happening to Faith.

Rose slowly made her way closer to her daughter and called her name. "Faith?"

Faith didn't answer her; I don't know if she even heard her. She was breathing raggedly, struggling to catch her breath from the latest bought with the pain. Angel was right there with her, talking softly, telling her she was going to be ok. He nodded for Rose to come closer and she knelt down next to her, put her hand on her arm and called her name again, "Faith?"

Faith finally seemed to notice somebody else was there, she looked up at her mother, comprehension slowly dawning on her and she asked softly, "Mom?"

"That's right sweetheart..."

"Oh God..."

She totally lost it again and just starting crying and her mother put her arms around her and held her. They were both crying now and I wanted to feel happy that Faith remembered her mother, but all I felt was bitter disappointment. Faith wouldn't let me near her; she was scared I was going to hurt her again. All the doubts and insecurities I ever had about Faith and I came rushing back to me, nagging me, pointing out that all I ever do is hurt the people who love me. It reminded me how I killed Angel, stabbed Faith, just plain ignored Riley and sent Spike to his death in the Hellmouth.

I watched as her mother quietly whispered to her, "It's ok, I'm here, you're ok..."

I heard Faith say between sobs, "I-I wanna go home..."

"Ok, honey, we'll go home soon, I promise..."

Her mother looked over at Angel and didn't ask, she told him, "I'm taking her with me."

I wanted Angel to argue with her, to tell her no she couldn't take Faith with her, Faith had to stay here, but he just nodded in agreement. I figured I would have to be the one to say something to stop this, but I had only opened my mouth to speak when her mother continued, "She needs to be with me right now."

I just closed my mouth and didn't try to say anything else. For a brief moment I wondered if letting her go would be the best thing I could do for her, just let her go before I could hurt her anymore. Angel got up and looked over at Gunn who had come in after Rose, Angel didn't even ask, Gunn just nodded, "I can take them."

Angel helped Rose and Faith up off the floor and walked them out of the room. I just sat there like a jerk, not saying anything while her mother took her away. Faith had stopped crying but she didn't look at any of us, she didn't say anything, and neither did her mother, they just left without a word or a second glance.

Willow and Giles tried to talk to me, they tried to make the situation seem bearable, but I wasn't even listening. I walked out without a word and went straight to my old room; I didn't want my friends, or Dawn or Angel, I just wanted to be alone. I had a lot of things to think about.

Chapter Eighteen - Memories

POV Faith

I feel like the world is spinning out of control, not the whole world, just my world. Every thought, every memory is flooding back to me at an alarming rate, all the while my head is pounding and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. The first thing I remembered was when the Council came for me. You always think you know how you would react in certain situations. You think if anyone ever tried to kidnap me I would fight, I would get away, no way they would take me without a fight. But the reality is that you just don't know until it happens to you. Everything happened so fast I didn't even get a chance to think, I was zapped and thrown into the back of a van and driven away. Away from everything I had ever known, away from my life, my family, my friends, from everyone who loved me.

"Faith, are you ok? Do you want to lay down?" my mom's voice brings me out of the memories running through my head. I finally notice where I am, in her hotel room, fuck...suite, it's so fucking huge, as I look around she mentions there are two bedrooms here and did I want to see my room. I nod and let her lead me into the bedroom, hopefully I can get some sleep and stop these memories of my life that are constantly running through my mind.

I sit down on the bed and look up at her, it feels like I've been here before and then it occurs to me this is like the time Angel helped me all those years ago. But unlike then, I say, "I'm cold..."

I don't know why I always feel so cold, it's like I can never get warm. She wraps a blanket around me and I lie down. I know I don't want to be alone, but I can't find the words to ask her to stay. My mom gently sits on the bed next to me and reaches out to push my hair back out of my eyes and says, "You rest...I'll be right here when you wake up, ok?"

I nod slowly and close my eyes and I think I fall almost instantly asleep. Unfortunately I don't get a restful sleep, instead I got to relive my last day in Boston.

It was February 16, 1998, and it was a frigid 9 degrees that morning and it was only going up to 17 degrees for the day. I had lent my nice warm leather bomber jacket to Jessica this morning cause she forgot hers and we didn't have time to stop at her apartment. Unfortunately, the only other things I could find was my old ski jacket which was kinda old and dirty and a light jean jacket and yeah, I was freezing my fucking ass off, but at least I looked good. The ten minute walk from the BU Bookstore to the Espresso Royale had seemed like an eternity on the frozen tundra.

I got a cup a coffee and snagged the semi-private booth towards the back part of the shop, I had hoped that the semi-private part might save me some embarrassment when I broke the news to Christine that it was over. Hopefully she wouldn't cause a scene, but that was highly doubtful as she wasn't the most understanding person to put it mildly. Then again my relationships usually end in a huge embarrassing affair so why should this be different. I tried to put the bad break up with Ashley out of my mind cause that was totally different, this time wouldn't be like that time. I wouldn't be finding my girlfriend fucking some loser beefstick jock at a party that nearly the entire high school was attending. Oh yeah, my pain on display for the entire school, what a great night that was, but this time I was the one in control, I was the one breaking things off. And besides, it was off hours at the shop, not a lot of other students around and if things got really ugly I could just never come back here. There are plenty of other overpriced coffee shops around campus, losing one wouldn't make a whole lot of difference in my life.

I had barely put my ass in the seat before my cell phone was chirping away at me, I frowned when I saw the number, Christine. I knew it couldn't be good news as she was supposed to be here shortly. I just kept reminding myself that I had to get her out of her apartment cause if we were alone together my thoughts wouldn't be on breaking up, it would be on getting some and that's what caused all the problems to begin with. I seriously have to learn to just say no sometimes, cause if I had I wouldn't be here right now.

I answered the phone, "Hey Chris...where are you?"

"I'm home, still trying to get the kids ready for school..." I could hear her telling Stephen to put his cereal bowl in the sink and to go brush his teeth. "Look Faith, why don't we just meet up here, I gotta drop Stephen off at school and Nicole is staying home sick today so I'm dropping her off at Steve's and then I can be all yours all day..."

The last part of the sentence dropped off into something that might have turned me on a few weeks ago, but now it made me cringe. What was supposed to just be some really good sex with a really hot woman, turned into a relationship that I was not prepared for, nor did I want. The only reason I hadn't broken it off sooner was because I was feeling guilty, guilty that Chris lost her job because of me and I felt that I owed her something. But after much whining to Jessica about everything, I finally made my decision to get out. OK...Jess actually threatened and badgered me until I admitted I wasn't happy, and I was in way over my head and couldn't figure out how to get out of it. Yeah I really screwed up royally and I was trying to get out from under everything all the while trying to keep my parents in the dark about it. I mean how the fuck do you tell your parents you nearly got expelled from school cause you got caught fucking a teacher on school property when you were supposed to be in class. And the only reason I wasn't expelled is because my best friend talked to the Principle and got my expulsion turned into a diploma. I have no idea what she could of said or done to get that accomplished and she's not likely gonna tell me anytime soon either, but I am grateful for it. Anyway...the point is, the more my parents don't know the better it is for everyone concerned.

So here I am, poised to dump my so-called girlfriend in person rather than over the phone. I had suggested a tasteful email but Jess quickly pointed out that an email or a phone call break up would most likely result in Chris coming to my house and telling my parents everything, so hence the coffee house. And although this didn't guarantee she wouldn't do that anyway, at least I might have a clue ahead of time and could tell them myself, or you know I could grab a plane to Tahiti.

"I'm kinda without a car still so I'd hafta bus it all the way over, and then it's a really long walk to yours, could ya pick me up at Dunkin Donuts, at say around 10ish? We could still grab some breakfast..."

OK, I'm desperate to stay out of her apartment, and I'm pretty determined to finish this today because I just can't deal with this shit anymore.

"Your uncle still isn't finished with your car...what the fuck is taking so long?"

I sighed, I was so tired of her constantly bitching at me and everything I did. Nothing I did and nothing my family did was ever good enough for her, she always finds something negative to say about it. I just wanna tell her to shut the fuck up, but I'm trying not to push her to far over the edge. Sometimes I really envy her husband because he actually got away from her. "I told you...the rotors need to be cut, that takes time."

"The rotors can be cut in less than a hour, he's had the car for over a week, what the hell is he doing? You should really take it somewhere else..."

"I'm sure he's just taking care of his paying customers..."

"Whatever...you're his niece, he should take care of your car first. Or he shouldn't have volunteered to fix it. And what the hell is wrong with your brother...he shouldn't have let the car get so bad, why didn't he get it fixed?"

"I'm sure B was just studying and didn't have time to get it worked on and then he probably forgot."

She scoffed, but I ignored her and continued, "It doesn't matter, it's fine, I don't mind waiting for the car, I'm not in a rush. He'll get to it...but forget about that, can you meet me or not?"

She sighed like she was annoyed at me, ignored my attempt to hurry this conversation along and moved on to her next favorite subject, "You know, you should sell that crap car and the Mustang and buy something more practical for winter. I mean having a sports car is nice, but it's impractical, you can't drive it for four months out of the year. And since you're staying on the East Coast an SUV makes more sense. And with the kids and everything, the Ford Expedition we looked at would be better for you."

Better for me? Yeah right...like that's what she's worried about. I never should have let her drag me to the Ford dealership cause now she won't let it go. "I'm not selling my Mustang..."

No fucking way would I ever sell that car. It's beautiful, and fast, and shiny and MINE, there's no way I'm gonna sell my baby. I fucking love that car.

"Well. We'll see...maybe you could just buy the SUV too, it's not like you don't have the money..." And that ladies and gentlemen is what it all boils down to with her, the money. I'm not fucking stupid, I get that she's more interested in my trust fund than me. OK, I am kinda stupid cause it was Jessica that pointed this out to me. And Jess is right, I don't think I can recall one conversation with Christine after she got fired that didn't involve money one way or another. I just can't believe how much she's changed since then, she used to be really nice to me. Jess told me that it doesn't matter how people act at first, they never show you their real face until it's way too late, so best not to trust people. I really don't want to believe that's true about all people, but it seems to fit this situation. The stupidest thing about all this is that I don't have the money. My brothers and I won't be seeing a dime of that money until we're 21, and if my mom gets her way, we won't see it until we're 25. Before I could say anything Christine quickly moved onto yet another topic, "So, did you tell your mom you've decided to enroll full-time at BU?"

Uh...no...cause I'm not..."Uh...we were just discussing colleges this morning actually..."

OK, that's not technically a lie cause we were discussing it, of course I'm not gonna mention I was telling my mom I wanted to go to UCLA. Nor would I mention that my mom was not happy about it or that we fought about it the whole way to school that morning. Probably best not to give Chris any more ammunition to use against me.

Christine continued, "That's great, she should be really happy about that. And I think in a couple of weeks we can finally tell her about us, I'm sure she will appreciate the way I've gotten you in line."

I rolled my eyes at the phone, she got me in line? She got herself fired and nearly got me expelled from school because she just had to do it in the teacher's lounge. And also, she's way off base about my mother. My mom will mostly likely blow a gasket, finding out I'm dating one of my high school teachers, not to mention the fact she's 13 years older than me and has two kids and is only separated from her husband. My mother is not stupid, there's is no way she'd believe all this happened after I finished high school. Suddenly everything would make sense to my mom and she'd go ballistic. Christine would be lucky if any other schools in this area would hire her to be crossing guard by the time my mom was through with her. And I'd probably be lucky to be off punishment for my 40th birthday. I didn't have a chance to answer Chris because my other line buzzed and she was less than thrilled when I told her Jessica was on the other line.

"I don't know what you see in that girl, she's nothing but trouble Faith. Her whole family is nothing but trouble, and that mother of hers..."

I really didn't want to hear the rant against Jessica again so I interrupted, "Look Chris, I gotta go, see you at Dunkin Donuts around 10 ok?"

She huffed, "Fine...but we aren't done discussing this..."

I rolled my eyes again and hung up on her, and clicked over to Jessica.

"Hey Jess..."

"Did ya dump the bitch yet?"

I laughed slightly at that. Jessica and I have been best friends since kindergarten, since the very first day when I was nervous to be all alone without my parents or my brothers. My mom and Jessica like to tell people I was crying and begging my mom to take me back home, I deny that ever happened of course, but anyway, Jessica came over and said she'd be my friend so I wouldn't be all by myself. Ever since then we've been pretty much inseparable, I couldn't possibly imagine not having her around. She might be a little rough around the edges, but deep down she's a really a good person. Which is pretty amazing considering her mother pretty much sucks, but there's really nothing we can do about it. If we reported her mother they might send Jessica far away and into a worse situation, so we kinda sorta unofficially adopted her. We consider her part of the family cause she practically lives with us, and I can't remember a dinner or holiday or vacation where she wasn't with us.

"Um...not quite yet...but I'm working on it. Slight change in plans, I'm meeting her over at the Dunkin Donuts on Auburn by the bus stop."

"Don't back down, you need to tell her to fuck off. Or I could tell her..."

"I don't think that will be necessary." That's Jessica, always ready to kick someone's ass for me, she's quite chivalrous isn't she? "Hey, why aren't you in class right now?"

"I'm blowing off gym so I can meet with Todd..."

Blowing off gym was not unusual for Jess and I, we had our male gym teachers completely in our pocket. Not really difficult when you're a girl, you just mention cramps and you get a free pass to the library. Although god forbid if you had the female gym teachers, there was no getting out of that one. Fortunately we were both lucky to have avoided that all four years. "Todd? What happened to Bobby?"

"Uh...he's still around...for now..."

Jess went through guys like some people go through tissues, so sometimes it was hard to keep track. Although she had kept this Bobby guy around for the last few weeks, so maybe she was changing her ways. "When do I get to meet the infamous Bobby?"

She hesitated a moment and I wondered why she wouldn't want me to meet her newest boytoy, it's not like I'd want him. "Um...maybe this weekend..."

"Cool. So...who's Todd then?"

"Todd is going to help me finish my Trig homework since we didn't get to it last night because of the whole "I'm miserable, help me dump my girlfriend" convo. So did your mom stop giving you shit about UCLA after I got out of the car?"

"No...that bad conversation lasted all the way to school, and then she got mad at me cause I refused to go to see Brown this weekend, it doesn't seem to matter to her that I don't wanna go to Brown. She just keeps on pushing it and the more she pushes the more I push and we just wind up pissing each other off."

"Well don't worry about it, I'm sure she'll come around."

"Yeah I guess..."

"Aww...sweetie...what's wrong?"

"I don't know...I'm just...I guess I'm just tired. I haven't been sleeping well lately..."

"The nightmares are back huh?"

"Yeah..."

"You should really tell your mom they're back..."

"No...cause then she's gonna make a big deal about it like she did last time and I don't wanna deal with all that. So sometimes I don't sleep very well, it's really not that big a deal."

She laughed slightly, "I think you are more afraid if the nightmares go away so will your dream girl...am I right?"

"No..."

"Liar..."

"Whatever..."

"This girl must be something special huh?"

I smiled for the first time that day, thinking about my dream girl always made me smile. "Oh yeah, she is..."

I call her my dream girl cause that's where we meet, in my dreams. I know it sounds totally bizarre and corny, but ever since I was 8 years old I've dreamt of this girl. I don't know her name, but I know she has blonde hair and green eyes and lives in California, and had a whole Dorothy Hamill obsession when she was a kid. Hence the wanting to attend UCLA, I'm hoping I'll go to class and wind up sitting next to her and then everything will just fall into place.

The first time I met her was a few weeks after the nightmares started. And they started because I had almost drowned when I was showing off in front of my brothers and their friends down at the quarry. For weeks afterwards I had this dream about being drowned by a vampire, until one day I dreamt of her. She told me the vamp wouldn't be coming after me, he would be coming after her, but it was ok because she'd win and it would guarantee we would meet in person. And that together we would change the world.

Believe me, I get that it sounds like something a crazy person would tell you, especially the vampire part but it feels so real. It's kinda hard to explain, but those dreams are always more intense, they feel real, like I'm actually there. Sometimes in these dreams we're fighting vampires together, and sometimes when I dream of her we're having sex. Those are some 5 alarm dreams I'll tell you, if the sex is half as good in person it will be un-fucking-believable.

"Damn girl...you got it bad huh?"

"Oh yeah...kinda crazy huh?"

"Just a little. I'm telling you, when you find her, Blondie better take good care of you or I'm gonna kick her ass."

"I don't think you need to worry about that..."

"Well good, we won't have any problems then, now will we?"

"Nope...no problems... And speaking of problems, how are you doing? Anything you want to talk about?"

"Smooth FJ, real smooth...nope I'm fine, I'm 5 x 5..."

"You're loud and clear? You do realize that phrase makes absolutely no sense..."

"Yeah, yeah...you're just mad you didn't think to use it first..."

"Whatever... Seriously though, you can tell me anything..."

She didn't say anything for a few seconds and I thought she might finally be ready to tell me why she was acting so weird lately, but instead she said rather icily, "I told you I'm fine, now let it go already."

Opps...pushed too hard. I knew Jess would tell me eventually, but she didn't like to be pushed, so I backed off. "Alright, ok, I'll let it go... I just wanted you to know..."

"I know...thanks Faith..."

"Welcome. Should I pick you up when I get Luke?"

"No, it's ok...I got some stuff to do, but I'll be home for dinner."

"What kinda stuff?"

She paused, "Uh...just got some stuff to do... Hey FJ what bus were you planning on getting?"

"The 9:36 why?"

She laughed, "Yeah, it's 9:40...you might want to buy a watch that actually works..."

I looked at my watch and sure enough it's still said 9:15, "Shit...that means I gotta wait for the 10:36, damn it I don't have time for this..."

"If you run across the bridge, you can get the 9:59 Cambridge bus back here."

"Yeah...good idea...I'll do that...See ya laters Jess..."

"Yep bye...oh...and FJ?"

"Yeah?"

"If you can't be good, be bad baby..."

I chuckled as I hung up with her, Jessica and her fifty million catchphrases. I swear I don't know where that girl hears some of these things. As I made my way outside, I thought that if I took the bike path by the Charles it would be faster than having to walk all the way around to get on the bridge.

I didn't give a thought to the fact that the bike path would be completely deserted on this very cold day in February, which was just the opportunity the Council was waiting for.

I made my way along the bike path, mostly thinking about how cold I was and how long it would take for my numb toes to get warm. I hadn't really paid attention to the van coming the other way, it didn't seem all that strange to me. We had a really bad ice storm a few weeks ago and repairs were still going on all around the area so I didn't even think about it. It wasn't until one of them started walking toward me that I noticed he wasn't wearing any kind of uniform, then my eyes zeroed in on his hands which had big black leather gloves on them. A wave of fear ran over me at the sight of those gloves, they looked a lot like...well...the kind of gloves a serial killer might wear. Suddenly pain exploded in my left shoulder and I fell face first into the snow and my only thought at that moment was "fuck that's cold". Panic set in immediately when I realized I couldn't move at all, there was nothing I could do. Two of the men picked me up as a third opened the back door to the van and they literally threw me into the back of the van. I landed hard on my shoulder and head, which brought a whole lot more pain as I tried not to pass out.

"By the order of the Watcher's Council of Britain..."

By order of the who of what...I didn't really hear the rest of what he said as the doors where slammed shut and the engine started up and we were moving to God knows where. The thing that was really scaring me about these guys is that they weren't wearing masks of any kind, and I knew that didn't mean good news for me. I would know what they looked like, so most likely they had already decided I wasn't going to get out of this alive. Whatever they wanted from me, they'd probably take and then kill me. Images of my parents and brothers went through my mind as I thought of the possibility of never seeing them all again. I tried not to cry at the thought of dying, but the thing is I'm only 17, it's not supposed to be this way. I have things to do, I have to pick up my little brother from school, this can't be happening, can it? Is this really how my life ends? And would death be the worst thing they could do to me? The man in the back with me pulled out a syringe and came towards me, I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as I watched him pull out my arm, jab the needle in it and release whatever drugs they were using into my system.

As he pulled the needle back out he said, "Nighty night slayer..."

Huh? What did he...

That was my last thought as everything faded into blackness.

Chapter Nineteen – Memories Part Deux

POV Faith

I woke up to realize I was alone in the van, the only sound that could be heard was the pinging noises of the engine cooling. I sat up slowly trying not to aggravate my head anymore than I had to, I gently felt around my shoulder trying to assess the damage to it. Thankfully it was only bruised and not dislocated. My clothes were still damp from falling in the snow, I was beyond cold now.

I had no idea where my captors had gone, nor any idea who they were, I did, however, remember they said something about Britain. Therefore I was pretty sure this had something to do with my grandparents but fuck if I knew what. The safe bet was on they wanted money and thought my grandparents would give it to them. That thought did make me stop and pause, would my grandparents part with money for my safe return. I’m sure you’re thinking they would, but I really wasn’t too sure, I wasn’t their favorite grandchild.

OK Faith, let’s start trying to get out of this mess. Who really cares why, time to focus on the important thing, getting the fuck out of here. I looked around the van looking for something I could use as a weapon should they come back while I was trying to leave. I didn’t know if I’d have the guts to use it when it came time, hopefully I just wouldn’t see them again. There really wasn’t anything in here on the weapon front, but I did spy a package that had a medical insignia on it. I grabbed it and inside I discovered three needles filled with a yellowish liquid and one suspiciously empty. Didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this is what they used on me. Thinking it would probably be best to dump the drugs just in case they caught me again. I wouldn’t be able to try to get away if I was drugged. I emptied two of the syringes but decided to hang onto the last one thinking that maybe I could use against them if I had to. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have time to inject all three of them, this little trick would most likely only work once. Although with my luck, I’ll probably wind up injecting myself.

I quietly opened the back door to the van and freaked out when the light popped on, it was dark outside and that light seemed as bright as the sun, I hurriedly got out and closed the door as fast as I could, hoping nobody had noticed. I looked around, we seemed to be at a rest stop, unfortunately it was completely deserted. I could see the headlights of the traffic on the highway, thinking I’d be able to flag someone down I started in that direction.

I took three steps when I heard him, “Going somewhere?”

I stopped dead in my tracks at the sound of the voice, I turned around and noticed it was just one of them. So far luck was working for me. I tried not to panic, trying to be more like Jessie than me. Jess always seemed to know what exactly to do in any given situation. The man was a lot bigger than me, it fucking figured the one who would come back would be the biggest one of the three. He held up his hand and showed me what was in it, a taser gun, I’m guessing that’s what got me in the shoulder earlier. He flicked it on and fired it up, I could see his face in the white electric light of the machine. As nervous as I was about being shot with that thing again, I was more worried by the look on the man’s face, it disgusted me and frightened me at the same time. It was the way his eyes looked me over, combined with the way he licked his lips, there was no question what he wanted to do to me. And I was certain there wouldn’t be a damn thing I could do about it either.

I felt the adrenaline start pumping through my veins, suddenly remembering it was the sympathetic nervous system in action. Reacting to the danger, telling me to fight or run. Pretty weird to be thinking about science class at a time like this, and yet… I was sure my body was telling me to run in this particular case, but my mind understood that my chances of outrunning him were slim to none since my knee was still fucked up, my MCL wasn’t 100% yet. I thought of Jess again and tried to calm myself down. I took a deep breath, never taking my eyes off of him as I slowly slid the cap off the needle with my thumb. I needed him off guard so I said quietly, but with the desperation I really felt, “Please…just let me go…”

He laughed slightly and kept advancing on me, every few seconds he’d press the button on the taser, showing me how much he was going to enjoy using it on me again. It took every ounce of strength I had to not back away and run as he closed the distance between us. He reached his hand out and touched my cheek and said, “You and me…we’re gonna have some fun…”

I looked back at him, forced a smile and said, “Sure…let’s get it on…”

Faster than I thought possible, I jabbed the needle into his neck and depressed the plunger, and forced out the liquid. Surprise and alarm etch his face as he said, “You little fucking…”

I didn’t get to hear what he was planning on calling me as he collapsed onto the pavement. I reached down and grabbed the taser and chucked it as far as I could, I watched as it hit the pavement and broke into a thousand pieces. I took off towards the woods, suddenly hiding seemed like a much better idea then trying to flag down cars. I didn’t wanna end up in an even worse situation.

And then I don’t know what happened. One minute I was running, the next minute I felt unbelievable pain in my nose, and I saw stars as I fell backwards onto the pavement. I felt a whole bunch of warmth as blood gushed out of my nose, onto my hands and all over my shirt and jeans. I looked up at the other two in confusion when I heard the familiar click slide of a bullet entering the chamber of a 9 millimeter hand gun. From the sound of it I was guessing it was a Sig Sauer 9, but I may have been mistaken. The reason I would have any clue is because my uncle was a big gun nut, he had thousands, he used to take my brothers and I to the shooting range all the time.

I started shaking as much from the temperature and sudden blood loss as from fear, I kept looking between his eyes and the hand holding the gun. I’d never really seen the view from this side before, and I can tell you, I was not enjoying it. I tried not to cry but my body just wasn’t cooperating with me. Tears slid down my cheeks as I begged for my life, “Please don’t kill me…I’m sorry…I didn’t…”

The one with the gun said to me, “Shut your mouth…” He looked over toward the van and asked the other guy, “Check on Nigel, make sure he’s not dead.”

As the guy went to check on Nigel, I said to the guy with the gun, “I’m just…I’m sorry…”

He looked at me without an ounce of compassion, “I told you to shut the fuck up…I’d have no problems shooting you and burying you in the woods.”

I sat on the ground trying not to move, or speak or even breathe too loudly, as we waited for the other guy to come back. He was extremely angry and agitated, “She shot him up and dumped the rest of the drugs…”

I knew what was coming a second before I felt the hard kick in the kidneys and I tumbled a few feet away, I started crying harder as he kept kicking and punching me over and over again. I tried to pull myself into a ball, hoping to avoid the worst of the blows. Finally the man with the gun fired off a shot in the air, “Trevor! That’s enough…Let’s not have a repeat of the last time shall we? We can’t afford to lose this one.”

My mind was reeling in pain, I felt a rough hand on my arm as the guy said, “Get up…”

I struggled to stand up but was finding it very hard, my legs wouldn’t support me, Trevor, grabbed my other arm and together they dragged me back to the van. Once again they threw me inside, I crawled up into a ball silently praying for the pain to stop.

I must have dozed off, I’m not sure how long I’ve been sleeping. I feel really achy, like I’m getting the flu or something. I was trying to remember what happened when I felt a hand slide across my stomach and smiled as I thought I must of fucked up and gone to Chris’ house and one thing lead to another.

It wasn’t until I heard his voice in my ear that I remembered everything that was going on. He said, “I hear you don’t like boys...maybe you just haven’t met the right one…”

He started unbuttoning my pants and I didn’t do anything. I was in such pain, I was hurting so bad, all I could do was lay there and cry. I hoped it wouldn’t last too long or hurt too much. He was in the middle of pulling my pants down when I heard someone say, “Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing…”

Nigel stopped what he was doing and turned to look out of the van, “Hey…Robbie…be a good boy and go away and maybe when I’m done you can have a go…”

I struggled to look out the door to see who was speaking, hoping whoever it was would prevent this from happening. I didn’t see anyone but a flash of bright light that hurt my head really bad, the van lurched slightly and I heard a body hitting the floor and sliding away. I’m really hoping that was Nigel and not my would be hero. The same voice said again, “Didn’t I tell you to stop calling me that?”

“Aye…” came the groaned response from Nigel.

The smooth calm voice continued, “Now, I suggest you leave before I really get angry…”

I didn’t hear any response but footsteps running away from the van. I felt instant relief that Nigel had left without getting what he wanted. I had hoped I would never, ever see him again.

Of course I wasn’t that lucky, the next time I saw him nobody came to my rescue, nobody was there to stop it from happening. I remember what Quentin Travers said before he left me alone with that monster…”make her suffer, like Anna, but don’t kill her...”

The guy came closer to the van and gasped a little, “Oh god, what did they do to you Faith?”

The calm and concern in his voice caused me to remember home and my mom which made me just start crying all over again. I briefly wondered when I became such a cry baby. Some tough girl from Boston I am, huh?

The voice came again, “I’m so sorry…They weren’t supposed to hurt you. Let’s get you out of the van, ok.”

I finally looked up at him and I noticed he wasn’t as old as the other guys, maybe somewhere in his mid to late 20’s, black, with a shaved head and an earring. His eyes held a look of concern and caring, but I was wary of his slight British accent, so I backed further away.

He came inside and I couldn’t back any further away, he crouched down next to me, “Hey…it’s ok, I’m not gonna hurt you Faith. My name is Robin and I’m here to help you ok?”

I had no idea how or why he knew my name, nor why he was being so nice to me. I still wasn’t convinced he was on my side as he continued, “Come on, let’s get you out of this van and cleaned up a little and then we can call your parents. They must be really worried about you…”

I felt so tired, so overwhelmed with everything, I really wanted to believe him, and all I really wanted at that moment was to talk to my mom. She could make it all better, cause that’s what mom’s do.

“Help me?”

He nodded and helped me out of the van which took awhile cause every move seem to bring about more pain, but he just kept talking to me, telling me everything was going to be ok. He walked me out of the garage and into a long corridor, I’m not really sure how long we walked before he steered me through another doorway. The room was a bedroom, and the second we walked in I started freaking out, but he calmly spoke to me, “I’m not going to be doing anything like you’re thinking. I just thought we could get you some warmer clothes.”

The room had two twin beds set on either side of the room, one side was decorated slightly, a tri-colored Bob Marley poster was on the wall, and a small brown teddy bear on the bed. He walked me over to the bed without the bear and I sat down, and he went rummaging through the drawers and finally handed me a fresh set of clothes. I looked up at him, still a little freaked and he smiled, “Oh..of course…you change, I’ll go grab a first aid kit and we’ll fix you up a little and then we can call home, ok?”

I nodded and he turned to go out and I called out to him, “Robin?”

He turned to me and he looked so sincere, and I really believed he was going to help me so I said, “T-t-thank you…”

He smiled, nodded and closed the door. I looked around the room, I looked into the mirror on the wall and it took me a moment to realize it was reflecting me. I looked really bad, I had cuts and bruises and dried blood all over my face. After a few seconds I finally looked away and started changing, a shower might not have been a bad idea, I was all sticky with blood, but maybe I could shower after I talked to my mom, or got home.

I was surprised to find that the clothes were exactly my size, but didn’t really think about it. I put the clothes I took off into a pile, all except my jacket. It was rather dirty now, but I suddenly didn’t want to be without it. Wearing it made me feel a little closer to home, so I put it on and waited for Robin.

He knocked softly and I told him he could come in. He gave me a big smile, “Hey…while I was looking for the first aid kit, look what I found…it’s weird right?”

In his hand he held something about the size of a softball, but it was kinda glowing. He tossed it over to me, “Here have a look…”

I stupidly caught it and that was the moment Faith Christos died and Faith LeHane was born.

The dream quickly broke apart, but I didn’t wake up. I just kinda drifted there, thinking of the things that had happened to me. Realizing that I had spent a lot of time with Kendra, the slayer who I thought I never met. We shared that room until she left for Sunnydale and never came back. And then the whole Robin thing, so weird to realize that we actually knew each other before Sunnydale. Although it’s hard for me to actually remember what happened there in St. Louis, those memories have been manipulated so many times I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. There are so many different versions of the things that happened I’ll probably never be able to sort it all out.

Soon another dream beings to form, but it’s not like the other one. I know before it even starts it’s a slayer dream, but it’s just mine, Buffy isn’t here to share it.

I’m in total darkness, there is no light whatsoever, I’m fairly freaked out, I don’t really like the dark especially this darkness, it feels different. I have a deep sense of dread, like something bad is about to happen. I reach out with my mind, letting my slayer senses work. Over the last few years I’ve learned to use them to their full potential, partly because prison life is boring, but mostly because I never wanted to make the same mistake again.

I’m not sure if the dream has changed or if my senses have pointed out that it’s not completely dark, there is a small sliver of light, so I start walking toward it. I’m walking for just a short while when I hear a noise, it’s the sound of a dog crying and whining. Like it’s hurt and needs help, so I take off running toward it. I’m running at full slayer speed now, but I don’t seem to be getting any closer to the light nor the dog or anything for that matter. I try to push myself even more, every muscle in my legs is straining to move faster, my lungs are burning and still I’m not getting any closer.

I’m nowhere near the light when suddenly I’m outside, I’m in the woods. I know exactly where I am, I’m in the woods behind our house in Boston. If I take the path to the right I’ll end up in our backyard, but if I take the left path it will lead me to the rock quarry. I looked around, this place has so many memories of growing up and that should make me feel comfortable, but it doesn’t. It feels different here, colder, darker than I ever remember it being. I heard the dog again, this time it actually barked, I realize it’s not just any dog…it’s my dog…Max. Part of me wanted to go immediately and see what was making her sound like that, but another part, a deep down part told me I shouldn’t go, that I didn’t want to see. The feeling of dread kept getting stronger by the minute.

Of course I didn’t listen to that feeling, I’m a slayer, I can handle whatever is doing this so I took off for the quarry. I came out of the woods by the slope that ran down towards the water. I scanned the perimeter, I saw the dog, and my little brother, Luke. They were directly across from me, on the 40 foot ledge where I had made my infamous leap so many years ago. I call out to Luke but of course he didn’t hear me for some reason. I let out a sigh, fucking dreams, nothing is ever easy in them is it?

I run towards them, in reality, there is a path that runs along the top of the quarry, but in this dream it isn’t there. I have to run through the underbrush, pushing branches out of my way as I go, and again it’s like I’m running through snow, I just can’t seem to get there fast enough. I finally break through the brush into the little clearing. It’s like somebody just hit me in the stomach, all the air goes out of my lungs, all sounds seemed to have stopped and I immediately fall to my knees in shock and horror, I feel such pain, my heart feels like it’s just been broken into a million pieces and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to put it all back together.

I just take one look at her and I know it’s too late…nothing can help her now…she’s gone. I wanna try to pretend it’s not happening, that I’m wrong, I just want to think that she’s just sleeping but her eyes are open and vacant, there’s nothing behind them anymore, they stare out lifeless and empty.

I can’t stop staring at her, even in death she’s still so pretty… I can’t believe this is happening to me…to us. We had plans…we were going to California, certain we’d be discovered by some talent agent in a Starbucks and then we’d be famous.

This is perhaps the cruelest joke of all, to finally get my life back, to finally remember her, and to find out she’s dead. I know without a doubt this is all real, this is exactly what happened after the Council took me. I also know that this isn’t even all that happened, there’s more…so much more that happened.

The longer I stay here, the more I see, there’s a needle is still in her arm, a nearly empty bottle of tequila lies at her feet. Why? Why did she do this?

The sounds come rushing back to me, like somebody just turned off the mute button. I see now that the dog, Max is running back and forth between Jessie’s body and Luke. Oh God…Luke, he shouldn’t have had to see this. He’s just sitting there not moving, not blinking, if I didn’t see the steady rising and falling of his chest I’d be worried he was dead too. He’s just a little boy, he never should have seen this. None of this should have happened, this…this is…this is fucked up.

Luke looks over at me and says in a voice that sounds so cold, so distant, so seething with hate and anger that I never would have thought he could be like this. The part that scares me worse than anything is that he sounds exactly like I did back in Sunnydale, back when everything was bad. “I fucking hate you, FJ. Everything that has happened…EVERYTHING…is you’re fault…YOU did this…I’ll never fucking forgive you…”

I can’t take it, I have to get away and I start running, I have no idea where I’m going, or what I’m going to do. I’m stuck, the woods seem to be closing in on me, the tree branches seem to be reaching out trying to stop me. I can’t stop hearing Luke’s voice in my head, telling me this is my fault. I’m responsible for all of this bad stuff. But it’s not true…it can’t be true…this isn’t my fault...I didn’t do anything wrong…

The branches are grabbing at me, trying to hurt me, I try to push them off of me, to back away from them. It doesn’t seem to be working, I can’t get away, tears of hurt, and frustration sting my eyes, I start panicking. Suddenly I feel like I’m falling, and I land with a hard thump on the ground. Everything is getting worse, the branches are crowding me I feel like I can’t breathe…

“Faith!”

I woke up on the floor of the hotel room, my mom was there holding onto me, trying to calm me down. She’s telling me it was just a dream, I was tangled in the blanket and fell off the bed. I look up at her and say, “Jessica…”

I watch the pain flash across her features, that confirms what I already learned in the dream. She looks at me with tears in her eyes, “We need to talk.”

Chapter Twenty - Aftermath

POV Rosemarie

She’s finally calmer now, laying here on the couch with me, Casablanca is playing on the television.  It was one of her favorites.  We used to do this all the time when she was growing up, she’d have bad dreams, and we’d sit up for awhile just watching old movies on television, just the two of us.  I’m trying to get her to remember some of the good things from her life, things that will remind her she is loved, that she’s not alone anymore.

I hadn’t wanted to tell her everything right away; I had wanted to wait for a few days at least.  Angel and Giles seemed to think waiting was a good idea, that she’d have enough just dealing with remembering everything.  So we thought it would be better to wait, but when she woke up, I realized I didn’t have a choice, I had to tell her.  She somehow already knew something had happened, so I told her everything.

I’m not sure if I did the right thing, I know a few days without knowing about it all would have been better for her.  But there is no sense worrying about it now, it’s all out there, she knows everything.

I’m very worried about her; she’s having a really hard time dealing with everything right now.  In the middle of finding out everything, her father called and wanted to talk to her, but she wouldn’t take the phone.  She completely panicked at the thought of talking to him.  And after spending days on the phone arguing with me that he should be out here with us, I think he finally understands why it wasn’t a good idea.  Faith couldn’t have handled having him here, and I know that he definitely couldn’t have handled hearing about some of the things Faith went through since she was taken from us.

I’m also worried about the fact that it has been hours since we left the other hotel and Buffy has yet to call or show up.  Everyone else has at least called and inquired about Faith, and Angel is coming over soon, hopefully he can get Buffy to come with him.

The movie ended and she got up off the couch and put on her jacket, “Where are you going?”

She didn’t look at me, but answered, “Need a cigarette…”

I just nodded, biting my tongue; she didn’t need to hear the anti-smoking speech right now, besides it hadn’t yet worked on Brian, so it probably wouldn’t make Faith stop either.

She went to walk past me and I reached out and took her hand and looked up at her, “Love you…”

She hesitated for a moment, reluctantly looking at me, I gave her a small smile, gave her hand a squeeze and she smiled slightly, “Love you too mom…”

I let her go and she went out on the balcony.  I didn’t really want to watch the movie over again so I changed the channel and picked up the laptop.  I really didn’t want to work right now either, but I had to give this paper the day after tomorrow and I wasn’t completely done writing it yet.

I’m not sure how long I was working before I heard the knock at the door, I looked toward the balcony, but Faith wasn’t making any effort to get up, so I answered the door myself.

It was Angel, unfortunately it was just Angel, Buffy didn’t seem to be anywhere around.  I invited him in and couldn’t help but ask immediately, “Where’s Buffy?”

He looked down and sighed, “I don’t know…Fred saw her leave this afternoon, but Buffy wouldn’t say where she was going or when she’d be back.  I had hoped she was coming over here, but I guess not.”

I shook my head no; suddenly worrying she had left for good, wondering what that would do to Faith.  She’s already dealing with so much; she really didn’t need her girlfriend leaving her as well.  And I knew Buffy was dealing with some issues herself and I was worried for her too.  How long would she last being separated from her friends and family?  And then there’s Dawn, what happens to her if Buffy leaves?  “Do you think she’s gone for good?”

“No, I…” he sighed, “I really hope not…”

I just nodded, Angel looked as upset as I felt about it, we both knew it was the last thing either girl needed.  I could see how relaxed the girls were around each other, that there is an inherent trust between them, that just being around each other is good for them.  I have no idea how things could have ever been bad between them to see them these last few days.  And I’ve heard all the stories of what happened between them, but it is just so hard to fathom it.

I can see how good they are together, so can everyone else, but life is strange sometimes, things don’t always work out like they should.  It is possible to love someone, to feel that close to someone and still not be with them, to still have distance between them.  Nick and I were proof of that, we had been the perfect couple, had everything going for us and when things went bad, we just drifted apart and before we knew it, we were talking about divorce.  It wasn’t until this latest incident with Luke that we really started trying to work things out between us.

POV Angel

Rose seemed to lose herself for a moment there, and I tried to be respectful and wait for her to come back.  I have to admit I’m a little unsure how to act here, it’s not like I have a whole lot of experience talking to someone’s mother.  We seemed to get along pretty well, but then again, I’m close with Faith, Rose had to go through me to get to her.  But now that Faith has her memories back, I’m not really needed any more, so I’m really unsure how to act.  The only other experience I’ve had with someone’s mother was the one brief conversation I had with Joyce that didn’t really go as well as I wanted.  But then again, Joyce was telling me to stop dating her daughter and leave town.  Conversations like that rarely go very well, but in the end I knew she was right, I had to leave.  But Rose on the other hand didn’t seem to have a problem with me; she seemed relieved I was here.

“She knows everything, I told her…”

Ah shit.  Faith really didn’t need anymore to deal with right now, and with Buffy seemingly missing, what condition would Faith be in?  And now I’m about to add even more stress, but it’s not like I have a choice.

“Before you go to her I just wanted to talk to you…”

She paused and I got nervous, I figured here’s where the conversation goes badly, she’s gonna say something about not trusting me with her, or about not really wanting me here or…

“I wanted to thank you; these past five years have been horrible for my daughter.  It pains me to think that she spent all this time thinking that nobody cared about her, that nobody loved her, that she was all alone in the world.”

I was going to say something but she held up her hand to stop me, “So, thank you for being there for her when nobody else could or would do it.  If you hadn’t she might have ended up dead, thinking she was unloved and uncared for and I cannot imagine anything worse than that, so thank you.”

I shifted uncomfortably, for as many times as I’ve heard it these past few years; I’m still not used to receiving thanks.  Also no thanks is necessary, especially since it had been a pleasure being there for Faith.  It didn’t take much time or effort to get past her defenses, she let me in quickly, which made me a little suspicious.  Until it occurred to me it wasn’t me Faith trusted it was the fact that Buffy trusted me and Faith trusted Buffy.  And of course that lead to other questions, and me being odd man out.  I didn’t really react all that well to that information, went a little dark, scary Angel for awhile.  I fired Cordy, Gunn and Wes, acted like a class A jerk.  I took out my frustrations on everyone except Faith, I never blamed her for any of it.  I knew it wasn’t her fault, knew that she was struggling to come to terms with it on her own.  So I took it out on everyone else around me, and in the end, it was something Faith said to me that helped to bring me back.  She’s helped me just as much as I helped her.

“She’s out on the balcony, let me know if you need anything…”

With that her mother sat back down on the couch and picked up the laptop, I took that as my cue to head outside.

I stepped out onto the balcony and took a seat in the chair next to Faith.  While I don’t know exactly how she’s feeling right now, I can imagine it.  Her situation is not unlike mine, getting my soul back, remembering everything I did without it, remembering everything I did before I lost it.  Knowing that I wasn’t the person I was before I became a vampire, and I was no longer Angelus, but just who the hell was I?  And that is exactly where Faith is now, she isn’t the girl who was taken from Boston, she isn’t the Faith that tried to kill me and went to prison, she isn’t even the Faith who left here for Sunnydale barely 4 weeks ago.  And then there’s all the stuff that happened to her family after she was taken, so much to deal with, and five years away is a long time.

And then there’s Buffy, who has all but disappeared.  I have a feeling she hasn’t left the LA area yet, but she could at any moment.  I didn’t realize that making Buffy face her past was the wrong thing to do, I was just trying to help her.  I hadn’t realized there are things in her past that have been hidden from even her, things the Council never wanted her to know about, to even think about.  I know now why talking about Hell was so hard for her, she’s been programmed not to talk about anything.  She’s been fed this bullshit that being a slayer means never letting anyone in, it means being all alone, it means never getting to be truly happy.

We hadn’t realized the depth of the Council’s mind control program when we found out about Faith, we didn’t know how long they had been doing it.  Thanks to Wesley and his research, we’ve discovered that their mind control program dates back to the early 1970’s, in all, there were eighteen slayers and about twenty-three potentials affected.  It wasn’t used on all slayers, but on the slayers and potentials they deemed to be problems.  Buffy caught their attention when she cut herself and ended up in the hospital, and the Council was worried about the things she could tell the doctors.  They didn’t like that she was going to be transferred to a mental health hospital for a few months, and they especially didn’t like that she was trying to come to terms with her sexuality.  They decided the best way to deal with Buffy was to take her back to England with them.  They didn’t quite get away with that, but they did manage to get close enough to cause damage.

Faith’s voice threw me for a second, I was so lost in my thoughts I had forgotten she was even here.

“Where is she?  Why isn’t she here with me?”

I wondered how best to answer the question, I hadn’t a clue where Buffy was nor when or if she’d be coming back.  Looking for her hadn’t worked out for me, hopefully the location spell Willow was working on would help us find her.  “Um…she…”

Faith interrupted, “How am I supposed to take that?  How am I supposed to feel about it?  I need her and as usual she’s nowhere around.”

“Faith…”

“No, don’t…don’t you dare defend her…not this time.”

“I wasn’t defending her, but…”

“If I was important to her, if I really meant something to her…she’d fucking be here.  Apparently she meant more to me than I ever meant to her and…”

“It’s not her fault she doesn’t remember you.”

That sentence stopped her cold, but she still asked me, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

I took out the folder I had in my jacket and held it out to her, from the look on her face you’d think I was trying to hand her a box of snakes.  She sighed and finally took the folder; she lit up a cigarette and began to read.

I watched her as she read, feeling bad that I was adding yet more crap to the long list of things she was dealing with, but there was little choice in the matter.  When she finished, she looked at me and asked, “And she knows fuck all about this?”

I shook my head, “She doesn’t have a clue about any of it, just like you.”

She sat there quietly for a long time, and I sat there next to her, waiting for her to come to the same conclusions Giles and I already arrived at this afternoon.  “This” she pointed down at the file still on her lap, “is going to hurt her a lot.”  I nodded and she half sighed, half laughed, “And now you want me to help you find her?”

I nodded again.

“You know she’s gonna freak the fuck out when she finds this out, probably beat the crap outta whoever tells her this shit, and I cannot stress enough how much I don’t want to be that person.”

“Who would you suggest then?  Me?  Giles?  We can’t match her strength and speed, you know that.  Faith, it has to be you, there’s just no other way.”

Faith looked like she was about to blow, I worried that I just might have added the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.  But instead she closed her eyes for a minute, steadied her breathing and just sat there for a long while.  She didn’t speak or move unless it was to light up yet another cigarette.  I wanted to shake her and demand she come to some sort of a decision, but I knew it was useless to push her; I just had to wait until she either came up with a better plan, or agreed to help me find her.

After what seemed like an hour she finally turned to me and started explaining her plan for helping Buffy and more importantly, my part in the plan for helping Buffy.  I didn’t wholeheartedly agree with the plan, waiting for Buffy to come back on her own seemed a bit risky.  Actually it seemed like one of the worst possible ideas ever, and I had no intention of stopping my search for Buffy.  I even went so far as to question Faith’s motivation for not helping me, and I wasn’t all that nice about it either.

But Faith didn’t get angry or upset at being second guessed, she gave me an understanding smile and said, “If it makes you feel better to look, then by all means Angel, continue looking, but you won’t find her.”

We didn’t speak any more about it, what would have been the point; Faith had already made up her mind.  So I left shortly thereafter, continuing my search for Buffy, even though I knew Faith was right, I wouldn’t find her.

The next day…

POV Faith

After everything I’ve been through these past few weeks, being at the mall feels kinda…surreal.  And I’m not just talking about everything that happened with me, I’m just talking about the world nearly ending yet again.  But looking around this place, at all these clueless people, you’d have never thought the world was ever in peril.  Life goes on as if nothing ever happened.

So what am I doing here, sitting at the mall?  Currently I am waiting for Dawn and my mom to finish shopping, trying not to think about anything, which is nearly impossible.  I really hadn’t planned on doing anything today, still trying to wrap my head around everything, but Dawn called this morning and she seemed really upset about Buffy and before you knew it I was inviting her out for an afternoon to take her mind off things.  It’s not her fault Buffy and I are fucked up, she shouldn’t have to suffer because of it.  And I know my mom really wants to spend time with Dawn, it was only a matter of time before she started bugging me about it, so I figured I can make two people happy by doing something I despise.  Yes, it’s true, I despise shopping at the mall, and Jessie told me many times, it’s like totally un-American to not like shopping at the mall.  And I’d say to her…

Ah fuck…Jessie…I won’t be saying anything to her anymore, now will I?  And that’s just completely fucked up.  You know the more I think about it, the less I understand.  I’m still stuck on why, as in why the fuck would she do it, just why, why, why?  Jessica’s death is not something I’m likely to get over anytime soon.  Never in a million years would I have ever thought she would kill herself.  I just don’t understand what she was thinking; I don’t get how she could do it.  I guess I’ll never really know all the reasons behind it, the only person who knows why is Jessica herself and she’s way past being able to tell me about it, and it’s way past me being able to do anything about it.

I just can’t believe she’s been gone for five years, and I feel like she just died yesterday.  I just keep thinking about all the stuff we used to do together, how she was like always there you know.  I remember how she was the first person I ever admitted to that I liked girls.  She didn’t bat an eyelash, she gave me a hug and proceeded to grill me on which girls in our class I liked.  And now she’s gone, just like that, I’ll never see her again.  I’ll never talk to her again.

I found out she had been dating Brian for a couple of months before everything went bad.  Neither one of them had said anything, they just both thought everyone would think it was weird, seeing as how we all grew up together.  I don’t know why she thought I’d be upset about it, I woulda been happy for them.

This whole situation has me on an emotional roller coaster, one minute I’m so fucking sad she’s gone, sad I’ll never get to talk to her again.  Then the next I’m mad at her for doing it, for letting my little brother see all that, because that really fucked him up.  I’m mad for her hurting Brian, because after she died he just basically gave up, and now he spends his time with the other two.  I’d be mad at her for the way Mark and Matt are turning out, dropping out of college, just playing video games and drinking their nights and weekends away.  To be fair though, they’d probably be this way no matter what.  And actually that doesn’t sound half-bad, it actually sounds like a lot of fun right about now.  Pretty much anything that doesn’t require a whole lot of thought is very appealing right now.

I’m also mad at her for leaving me.  Although technically I guess it was me who left her, but it’s not like I choose to leave.  And even though I had no control over the situation, it doesn’t stop me from feeling like a failure, from feeling like I let her down, like I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.

And on top of all that stuff, Buffy is MIA, I was pretty bitter about it at first, thinking like I have in the past, that I just never mattered to her as much as she mattered to me.  I was so angry and upset about everything that I actually thought about not going after her at all.  Just letting her go and trying to move on with my life.  And I’m not even really sure how I’d go about moving on with my life, I don’t know who I am anymore.  I just want so much to step back into my old life, but five years away is a long fucking time.  And not even five good years, five really long fucked up years.  I can’t even talk to my dad on the phone without freaking out.  I just keep seeing these fucked up images and I know that my dad never did anything like that, but it still freaks me out.

And just when I think my life can’t get any more fucked up, Angel lays all this Council bullshit on me.  I swear it’s a god thing they are all gone, cause man…what I wouldn’t do to them.  I know I’m supposed to be all reformed and stuff, but they screwed up my life beyond all recognition, and now I find out they fucked with Buffy too, not to mention all the others.  Oh yeah payback would definitely be called for, and I’m not sure I’d be able to stop myself from going after them and that really scares me.

At least I know that Buffy is still around, not even all that far away because I can still feel her presence.  I can still feel what she’s feeling, she’s all conflicted and angry and bitter too.  If she feels that way now I cannot imagine how bad it’s gonna be when she finds out that it wasn’t just the Council’s doing, her dad played a big part in it all too.  It’s really no bullshit, coming out of the closet is like the hardest thing you can do, I mean my parents were the coolest parents, but I was still freaked out about telling them.  Jesus, they had gay friends, my fucking uncle was gay too, but I was still freaked.  And poor Buffy finally gets up the courage to admit it only to be shoved right back in the closet by those Council assholes.  I shudder to think what would have happened had the Council actually succeeded in taking Buffy back to England with them.

Although, I have to admit that reading it did make me sorta happy.  No, I’m not happy they fucked with Buffy, I’m happy that at least I’m not crazy; we really did have something going there.  I mean she did tell her mom she thought she was in love with me, that has to mean something right?  I can’t just let her go now, not when we are so close to finally getting together.

POV Willow

A trip to six different magic shops in the LA area and I finally got all the ingredients I need to do the location spell.  It seems our little group is split on the best way to deal with Buffy.  Faith and Xander seem to think it’s best to wait for Buffy to come back on her own.  Giles, Angel and I seem to want to do everything we can to find her immediately.  And Anya could care less what we do, I swear I don’t know what planet she came from, but if I ever find it, it’s gonna be hard for me not to send her back.

Xander and I were stunned to learn what the Council had done to Buffy and the others, not that we weren’t stunned they had done it to Faith.  But with Buffy it’s different, we’ve known her for years, we’ve pretty much just accepted that Buffy pulling away from us was just something she did cause she was the slayer, or cause she was trying to protect us.  And yeah, at times her attitude towards us wears a little thin, like back in Sunnydale dealing with the First.  But we just assumed that it was something about Buffy that we just needed to accept, we never thought it was because it was something the Council had implanted in her.

The thing with mind control is that it only affects the conscious brain, the subconscious isn’t as easily manipulated, it knows that something was done, that something isn’t quite computing.  So when the subconscious takes over, while we sleep, some of those memories or thoughts and feelings from those memories seep into our dreams.  I know this because this was how Tara caught me that time I did it to her.  When Tara found the Lethe's Bramble, she immediately knew what I did.  Of course it wasn’t that easy in this case, the Council was much more adept at it than I was, but it does explain some things.  I think that explains why Buffy and Faith sharing that dream about how to beat the Mayor seemed so bizarre to Buffy.  She had told me about it, how they had fought so hard to kill each other, and yet in this dream they felt entirely comfortable with each other.  Like the real world was the fake one and the dream world was how it should be.  Back then I scoffed at it cause I hated Faith so much, but now, it seems to make sense.  In essence the real world was fake to them.

Dang it…I must have done something wrong, the stupid spell has her sitting right where I am, and that can’t be right.  I mean if Buffy were right on top of me I’d kinda notice wouldn’t I?  Be hard to miss a slayer being all right on top of you.  Heh.  I really miss Kennedy.

Oh…duh…  This is a hotel, with lots of floors, Buffy can be right on top of me without me noticing.  She must be upstairs, and since she came back on her own I’m thinking this is a good sign.

I went upstairs, and I could hear somebody moving around in one of the rooms, the door to the room was half open, and I could see that Buffy was indeed back.  The first two things that hit me when I went inside is the fact that she’s packing a suitcase and smoking a cigarette.

“Hey Buffy…”

She doesn’t even look up as she stubs out the cigarette quickly she says, “Hey…”

“Um…What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?  I’m packing…”

I laugh slightly and shake my head, I’m quite confused, I also trying very hard to ignore the fact she’s got major attitude.  “Um…we aren’t leaving for New York for a few days, not that you can’t pack early, cause being prepared is good and…”

“I’m not going to New York.”

Her words caught me completely off guard, “W-what?”

“You heard me…”

OK, the attitude is getting harder to ignore, and the fact that she hasn’t looked at me once since I came in and the fact that she keeps on putting stuff into her bags.  I’m starting to feel a little angry, I know I should try to calm down, getting angry at her isn’t going to help matters.  And I know this attitude of hers isn’t really all her doing, but I don’t seem to be able to stop myself from getting angry.  I think what Buffy is about to throw away, and I just can’t help being anything other than livid.  She has the opportunity to have what I lost, a chance to be with her soul mate.  What I wouldn’t give to have that chance again, what I wouldn’t give to see Tara one more time.  To tell her how much I love her still, how much I miss her…

I was so worked up and angry and feeling slightly guilty because I have Kennedy to consider now that I couldn’t help myself, before I knew it Buffy was bouncing off the wall and her clothes were strewn all over the room.

She’s up off the floor and in my face in a flash, a normal person would be scared out of their wits at the quickness of her movement and that look on her face.  But I’m not a normal person now am I, so I don’t move a muscle.

“What the FUCK is your problem Willow?”

“My problem?  My problem is you acting like a…a fucking idiot.”

For a brief moment she looks surprised at my language, yeah that’s right Buffy, little Willow knows bad words too.

Her surprise fades back into anger, her jaw is clenched tight and her voice is low and mean, “You attacked me…”

POV Angel

No sooner then I get back to the hotel, I hear a lot of commotion going on upstairs.  Doesn’t take long to find the source of the problem, it seems while I was out looking for Buffy she decided to come back.  And now she and Willow are fighting, they’re screaming at each other, something about who needs to have every square inch of their ass kicked and by whom.  Xander is trying to push Willow out of the room, and Giles is trying to keep Buffy in the room so that they don’t start exchanging blows.  When I walk in Giles helps Xander get Willow out of the room, leaving me alone to deal with a pissed off slayer.  You know what?  Some days it really doesn’t pay to get out of bed.

Once Willow is out of the room, I close the door gently behind them, Buffy is muttering to herself as she picks up the empty duffel bag and her clothes that are strewn all over the room.

“Just who the fuck does she think she is?  She really is full of herself; she needs to be taken down a notch or two, thinking she can take on me?  Me?  And would you look at this mess, I just packed all this stuff too, now I gotta re-pack.  That’s just great, like I have time for this…”

While I could listen to her mutter all day long, I chose to interrupt, “Um…what’s going on here Buffy?”

Buffy stops her rant, looks a little self conscious and then gives me her best fake smile, “Oh…Angel, glad you’re here, I, uh, I need a favor…several actually…”

I sigh and take a seat cause this is probably gonna take awhile.

“First, I need you to have Faith appointed as Dawn’s guardian.  I’m really not sure where I’m going or what I’ll be doing, but I can’t take care of her while I’m doing it.  And Faith is Dawn’s other…parent I guess.  And look, I know Faith and her family will take good care of her, probably a lot better than I ever could.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Angel…what I said in Sunnydale…it’s true, I’m not…ready.  I just can’t…  So I’m gonna go.  It would be helpful if you could lend me some cash, and maybe give me a ride to the airport.”

There are a lot of things I want to say to her right now, but pushing her will only make her run farther faster.  So I continue to play along, keep her talking, get her to think I’m on her side without raising her suspicions.  So I ask, “Where are you gonna go?”

“Wherever the first plane I can get onto is going…the where part doesn’t matter…”

“As long as it’s away from Faith?”

“Look Angel…trust me, it’ll be better for Faith to have me gone.  She doesn’t need me…”

“Are you kidding me?  Faith needs you now more than ever, she’s dealing with a lot right now…

“No, Angel, she doesn’t need me, she’s got it all now.  She’s got everything she’s ever wanted.  She’s got the life now, the family, the destiny, it’s all hers now, and I got nothing.  Everything I’ve ever worked for, fought for, and the Powers give her everything and me a big fat nothing…”

“Is that what this is about?  The Powers picked Faith not you so now you are gonna leave?  And correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this what you always wanted?  To get out of being THE slayer.”

“Whatever…it doesn’t matter…I’m leaving.”

“So you’re just gonna leave town tonight and you aren’t even going to speak to her?

“Believe me a clean break is what is best for everyone.”

“Buffy…don’t do this to her, she deserves better than this.”

“Oh wait, that’s right…I forgot…apart from everything else she’s got, she’s got you too.”

Huh?  “Buffy…that’s not fair.  Faith is my friend…”

Buffy turns away in disgust and mumbles, “Yeah I bet…what are friends for?”

Again I say, huh?  “What?  Buffy…Faith and I never even came close to that, not even…”

“Not even when the Mayor wanted to steal your soul?  When you were pretending to be all Angelus, you mean to tell me you didn’t even kiss her?”

Whoa…how’d we get on this topic?  It is true, Faith and I did kiss each other, but it wasn’t…good, neither one of us really enjoyed it.  And for a girl who supposedly wanted to get it on with me, she certainly made sure we weren’t alone long enough to even think about doing it.  “Well…I”

“I fucking knew it.  Look…are you gonna help me or not?”

Wow…was Buffy always this hard to deal with?  Oh wait, I get it now.  She’s deflecting me away from the real topic, onto something she knows makes me uncomfortable.  “Look Buffy, just stay here tonight and sleep on this.  If you still feel the same way in the morning I’ll help you do whatever it is you want to do.”

Uh oh, she looks suspicious, wondering why I want her to stay here, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned sleep.  “No, I’m leaving tonight, with or without your help.”

Shit…, “Alright, fine, I’ll help you.”

“Great…thanks…”

I wait until Buffy goes back to picking up her stuff, so she’s only half paying attention to what I’m doing.  I make like I’m gonna leave, but I say, “Oh just one more thing Buffy…”

I know I only have one shot at this, she’s a lot quicker than me now.  She looks up at me just in time to see my fist as it connects with her face.  Unfortunately for her, it’s just a second too late and she falls back onto the floor.

“No, no…I insist…stay the night…”

Chapter Twenty-One – Sudden Realizations

POV Buffy

I woke up, quickly realizing I'm not really awake, I'm having a dream. I'm in my bedroom back in Sunnydale, I get out of bed, walk toward the window, I look out at the backyard that no longer exists. Yet another thing to be sad about. No more backyard, no more house, no more town, nowhere left to call home.

I can feel her presence immediately, if I were to turn around, I know she'll be in the doorway, motioning me to follow her. I'm fairly certain she's here for a reason, but I don't turn around, I'm not ready for her yet. I had thought I was done with all this, I had even thought that with all the new slayers she'd have been busy trying to "teach" them. A line from one of the Godfather movies drifted through my mind, 'just when I thought I was out…they pulled me back in'.

I'm reminded of the last dream I had, it was a shared dream, Faith was there, and it was the night before the big battle in Sunnydale, when I still held out hope that things could be different between us. I had sought her out, seeking solace from the only person I'd accept it from, looking for approval from the only other person worthy to give it. In that dream we were in my dorm room of all places; the sun was shining so brightly in the room, reminding us of better days. Although back then, I was the only one with the better days, I had everything then, and she had nothing. And deep down, I think a part of me liked it that way.

Flashback of the dream - the night before Sunnydale fell

I held the door open and motioned for Faith to come inside, "Come into my parlor…"

Faith raises her eyebrow at me an answers, "Said the spider to the fly?"

Do our dreams always have to be like this, in riddles and rhymes, I had hoped we could have a real conversation, I need answers and she's the only one who can give them to me. I roll my eyes and sigh, "Great… riddles…"
She smirks that trademark smirk of hers and says, "There once was a man from Nantucket whose co…"

"Uh…I think that's actually a limerick…"

She appears to ponder that for a moment, then says, "Is there a difference?" Without waiting for an answer she continues, "So, what's the what B? You know I need my sleep, it's important I look my best tomorrow in case we die and I have to offer sexual favors to get into heaven."

The image of pearly white gates and angels, and Faith propositioning St. Peter went through my mind and it made me laugh. Not the repressed laugh I've had these past few months, but a real, honest to God chuckle.

I look at her and she's smiling too, complete with dimples and everything. And right at this moment everything seems just perfect, like two old friends just sharing a laugh. But is that what we are? I'm really not too sure; lotta of things have happened between us, badness on both sides, past and present. And now she's back. And we're…what exactly? Friends? Associates? Partners? Co-workers? Something entirely different? I really have no idea, but that question is so very complicated, and it isn't why we're here.

Our smiles soon fade, reality creeping back into our minds. I turn toward the window, looking out at the campus, watching students running back and forth, making their way to wherever it was they were going, oblivious to everything. Not so oblivious now though, the First forced people to notice the strange happenings, the high death rate, and everyone left as fast as they could. Everyone gone but us, my friends, my family, and all the potentials still here. I keep hoping I'll be able to save them all, but I know that I won't be able to, not this time. I just know that this time, any victory celebration will be tainted with the memory of the people who didn't make it. A part of me hopes I'll be on the didn't make it list, cause that would be a hell of a lot easier to deal with then being on the survivors list. And I wonder if it will be permanent this time, or will my friends try to "save" me again. I turn toward Faith, which list would she want to be on?

Time continues to tick ever onward, so it's probably best to get to the reason I'm here. I'm feeling anxious about the plan, I'm not all that certain it's gonna work, and if it does, is it even the right thing to do? I mean, wasn't I forcing girls into a life that I have loathed these past 8 years? Doesn't that put me in the same league as the Watcher's Council? Am I a horrible person for leading these people, my friends and family, into battle when I know that for some of them, it will be the last thing they ever do? And how can I look them, any of them, in the eye tomorrow morning, knowing that I am potentially sending them to their deaths? And is it ok for me to feel so fucking scared, so fucking overwhelmed that all I want to do is curl up under my covers and pretend it's not happening?

I had been so sure of myself and the plan this morning and even this afternoon when I gave yet another speech to get everyone on board, but as nightfall came, and the zero hour approaches, the more unsure I've become. Everyone has told me what a great idea it is, everyone has told me how great I am for coming up with it, everyone but the one person whose opinion actually counts for something. The one person who's been through it all, who's a slayer just like me. The only other person on this planet that might have even the slightest clue as to what I'm feeling right now.

Suddenly, needing answers only she could give, I whip around fast and I think I startle her, but I just blurt out, "Do you think we're doing the right thing?"

Faith looks confused for a moment; pointing to herself she asks me, "You're asking me?"

"Well you kinda are the only one here…"

She frowns at my sarcasm, and then looks thoughtful for a moment; she blows out a long sigh. "I don't know…right or wrong, good or bad…we're out of options B. You and me, although we are quite amazing," she pauses briefly to give me a wink and a grin, then continues, "we don't stand a chance of winning this on our own. Fuck, even with all the potential's becoming slayers I'm still not sure we'll be enough to beat it. But at least it gives us a chance, a better chance then we'd have without them. And if we fail…the world will be full of slayers, and maybe they can succeed where we've failed."

"And thinking all that you're still here? Still ready to fight?"

I didn't mean for it to sound like I'm questioning her motives or that it even crossed my mind that she'd bail on us. But it doesn't seem like she took my question badly, and if she did, she didn't show it. She half-laughed, half-sighed, "Well, you know me…"certainty of death, small chance of success, what are we waiting for?"

I smile slightly at her quote from Lord of the Rings, but my mind won't let it go. "So you don't think it's wrong that we're enslaving these girls…"

She quickly interrupts me, "Whoa! We aren't enslaving anyone, Buffy. All that stuff was done long before our time, nothing we can do about that now. And we aren't enslaving them; we're empowering them, giving them a chance to protect themselves, to live up to their, pardon the pun, potential. And unlike us, they won't be alone; they'll all have each other. And with there being so many, they'll have the choice we never had, to fight, or not to fight."

I think about it and like it or not, she's kinda right. We are out of options, without activating the potentials we have zero chance of doing anything tomorrow or any other day for that matter. With activating them, we still might fail, but there will be others, lots of others, to take our place.

While I was thinking, Faith made herself comfortable on my bed; she laid there on her back, idly checking out the room while twirling Mr. Gordo around.

"So…college life huh?"

"Yeah, back when I actually went to college…"

"Well at least you got to go and you did last longer than I did."

"Yeah that's true."

Ah, now this is more like the slayer dreams I'm used to, cryptic phrases that seemingly have no meaning. The last few times we shared dreams I was never sure if it was really Faith who was there with me, or if it's all just in my head. But that little mystery is solved, I know it's really her, because we are really having a conversation, but I guess since it's still a dream, not everything has to make sense. Faith didn't go to college, I know this, she knows this, but neither one of us make any attempt to dispute what was just said.

It does however make me wonder…Did Faith ever want to go to college? Was there a time in her life when that would have mattered to her? She always seemed so anti-education; I never really gave it much thought before now. I'm about to ask her about her comments, but as the minutes of silence stretch, it seems like a better plan to let it go…for now anyway.

I swear that I'm definitely going to ask her about it later, after the whole First situation is settled, if we both survive that is. It seems very important that I not forget, that maybe asking those kinds of questions will finally help us put the past behind us and come to some sort of understanding, maybe even friendship.

Although honestly, it's not friendship that I want from Faith. I want love, I want romance, I want sex, I want a long-term relationship. And those thoughts have been wigging me out for weeks, but right this second, it doesn't wig me out, it seems like it's the most natural thing. But you know, I'm not stupid, I realize this is Faith I'm talking about, she's never once said she was looking for those things. In fact she's made it clear on more than one occasion she's looking for everything BUT that. Also there's the fact that she's never once admitted to being with another woman, or wanting to be with another woman. So if I finally got up the courage to say something, would she reject me? And if she didn't reject me, would she want me for more than just one night?

All these thoughts are making me feel a little dizzy, so I sat on the edge of Willow's bed just watching her with Mr. Gordo, flip, catch, twirl, flip, catch, twirl, flip, catch, twirl…

My mind continues its wandering; the conversation with Angel the other day comes to mind. When I told him that I thought the guy thing wasn't working out for me, he immediately thought it was because I'm the slayer. I had wanted to correct him, to tell him that, no, that wasn't really the reason. The reason the guy thing wasn't working is because I really don't like guys, him included. But I didn't want to hurt his feelings, didn't want him to feel bad, or maybe I just chickened out. It's taken me a really long time to even be able to admit this to myself, and maybe I just wasn't ready to share. But regardless, the truth of the matter is, I like women. And the really strange part is that I think…I think I always have.

This realization did not come to me easily, it happened rather suddenly and completely unexpectedly. It all started at the Expresso Pump, on a Saturday about 4 months or so ago. I had been going in there for weeks, and I would tell myself it was because I was tired and needed the caffeine to keep me going. And it was a very convenient place to get said caffeine on my way to and from work. Truthfully, Starbucks was even more convenient, but Starbucks didn't have Crystal, the flirty, hot little counter girl who worked at the Expresso Pump. Everyday I'd come in and we'd chit chat about this and that, she'd compliment me, I'd compliment her, it was kinda flirty, but still rather innocent or at least it was to me.

Until this Saturday 4 months ago, when Willow and I went there together. Everything happened as it normally did, Crystal and I chatted, and flirted, and when Willow took the coffees to the table and I was paying for them, it happened. Crystal asked me if Willow was single, and I was crushed, and I thoroughly embarrassed myself in front of both of them. This caused Willow to give me the "I'm gay" speech yet again. You know the one, I'm really gay, Tara wasn't a fluke, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, during the middle of that speech it became quite clear to me why I was so upset, why I acted like an idiot. It's because I was jealous, I wanted Crystal to ask ME out, and I'm not even sure if I actually would have gone out with her. I might have just run out of there and never gone back. But that's besides the point. The totally crazy, bizarre part of all this, the part that's had me completely freaked out ever since, Crystal was very pretty, with really dark, almost black hair, and brown eyes, and a slight Boston accent…ok, do I need to spell this out for anyone at home? Can we all say TRANSFERENCE?

Needless to say I was freaked out, for weeks I was in total denial. I even went so far as to go out on a date with Robin to try to prove to myself I wasn't gay and I most certainly wasn't gay for Faith. And then I got the phone call from Willow , guess who's at Angel's, guess who's back fighting for the good guys, guess who's willing to come back and help? I actually guessed Cordelia, and then Wesley before Willow finally sighed and said her name and asked the question I had been dreading, 'want me to bring her back with me?'

I'd been dreading that question ever since she went to jail, I always knew one day she'd be back, I just never thought one day she'd be back and I'd be in…love? Lust? Like? With her. And why do I always fall for the people that have tried to kill me? What is THAT about?

And she came back, and the first thing I did was hit her. I didn't hit her because of the past, I hit her because I had feelings for her, and I was mad and didn't know how to deal with them. I know…insane troll logic or maybe it's just 10 year old boy logic. There's a girl I like, hit her…

And just when I think I have Faith all figured out, just when I think I see a clear signal from her, a signal that says 'yeah B, I have those feelings too', she says something like 'I fucked Robin in your bed'. Ok, ok, she didn't actually say it that way, but she might as well have. So see? Mixed signals! She's the queen of mixed signals. But you know what? I've had enough of the skirting of the issue, enough of trying to decipher signals that confuse the hell out of me, I'm just gonna fucking ask her. Consequences be damned.

"Faith?"

She looks over at me "B?"

I get up and start pacing the room, "The other night…you said…you said that I don't know what you're feeling. And for the most part it's true; I haven't made much of an attempt to find out. But I'm asking now…what do you feel?"

Ok, so that's not exactly the most concise way to ask if she has feelings for me, but at least it's a start. And I think I see something in her facial expression, a deer caught in the headlights kind of look. She stands up quickly, she looks so nervous, and I have her, she has to answer me. Then she smiles that smile of hers, the one that says I know something you don't. My heart is pounding in my chest; she reaches out her hand to caress my check as she says, "To be continued…"

Somebody's shaking me, as a voice asks, "Buffy? Buffy, are you awake?"

Nooooooooo! Spike you fucking idiot. She was finally gonna answer me. I was finally going to get one of my questions answered. Where the hell did I put that stake?

That dream should make me happy, but it doesn't…it doesn't because none of that fucking matters now. She's got everything now, there's no reason she could ever want me, I have nothing to offer her. Has Faith spoken to tattoo girl yet? Is she on her way here? Have they decided to pick up their relationship where they left off? God, why do I even care? I'm leaving and Faith can do whatever and whomever she chooses.

Her voice seems to come from all around me, "Come."

She holds out her hand to me, and I just look at it, I so don't wanna take that hand, I don't wanna be here. I've had enough of this, this whole past year has just been one thing after another and I just want it to stop. I just…I can't deal with this shit anymore. I know she's here to show me something, but nothing she ever shows me is good, and she never answers my questions. I'm always left with more questions than answers. Giles says I'm supposed to learn from her, he thinks that's why the First Slayer keeps coming back to me. The only thing I seem to be able to learn from her is that poor hygiene is nobody's friend.

If it wasn't for fucking Angel I wouldn't even be here right now. I just hope when I wake up Faith isn't there, because I just can't see her right now. I know I'm wrong for doing this to her, I know I told her I loved her and we'd be a family, but, I just…I can't. It's too overwhelming, too many things can go wrong, and I really have no idea who she is anymore. She's got all these memories back, she's had this whole life and I know nothing about it. So it's just easier to do this now, because at least I'll always know it was my decision. I just can't bear the thought of her leaving me, I don't want to hear her bullshit excuses about knowing tattoo girl all her life, that they have so much in common, that I'm silly for believing that the two of us could ever be anything to each other.

I guess I'm taking too long for Slayer Girl, because she grabs my hand and pulls me with her.

"Ok, Ok, I get the hint, I can have my mini breakdown later cause you're in a hurry. Hopefully you're rushing to get to the mall before Bath and Body Works closes."

We suddenly stop and I hear a voice, "Watch."

I look around at the large office we're in, or well I suppose this is actually a conference room in what I suspect is an office building. I know immediately we're still in LA from the bright sun shining outside and the familiar LA landscape.

Just as I'm about to ask what we're doing here, the door opens and about six guys come in all dressed in various designer suits. They seem to be having a conversation about football, but I know they are really talking about soccer when they mention Manchester. Doesn't take me but a second to realize these guys are part of the Watcher's Council. Did I mention how much I don't want to be here? Do I really need to see them planning on stealing Faith's memories, and their retarded reasons for doing it.

Just to make sure I'm right, I ask my very talkative guide, "Council?"

She answers me with a "Shhhh…."

Um, ok, would it be wrong to give her toothpaste? Or maybe offer her a mint?

She gives me a dirty look, and points to the men again, "Listen."

The door opens again and an older man comes inside, his suit is a definite Armani, I don't know much about men's suits but I can recognize that one. The suit and the way the others are reacting to him tells me he's a big shot. But something doesn't quite add up, that guy has to be the head Council guy, but it's not Quentin Travers, and I don't believe this guy is Wesley's dad, so, uh…who is he?

Again I ask my guide even though I know I'm not likely to get an answer, "What the hell is going on here? When is this?"

The Armani suit pours himself a glass of water from the urn on the table, finishes rearranging his pen and notepad in front of him. Finally he looks around at the others, his gaze comes to rest on one of them, "Ok Bates, I'm finally here, I do hope you have some good news for me."

Bates nods to one of the younger men, who clears his throat, flips around some pages in the file folder he has open in front of him. Finally he starts talking, "As you are aware, I was charged with the investigation into the death of the slayer's Watcher, Merrick Jamison-Smythe."

Suddenly I don't feel so good, I turn toward my guide, "What the…he…he was my watcher, what is this?"

She still won't answer me, I'm starting to feel a little panicky and my head is starting to pound like I'm about to get the mother of all headaches. I want to turn away but I just can't.

"We were waiting for the slayer to start her evening patrol so we could observe her behavior, when an ambulance arrived outside of the home. It seems the slayer had attempted to take her own life, and her mother found her and rang for an ambulance. The slayer was taken to the hospital and the wounds were deemed to be non-life threatening. As is customary here in the states, the hospital then called for a psychological evaluation. Through our contacts in the LA office we were able to intercept the on-call psychologist and replace him with our own Bernard Crowley. After his initial meeting with the slayer we became increasingly concerned with her willingness to discuss all matter of demons and vampires, as well as other concerns…"

Armani interrupts, "Other concerns?"

The guy looks a little embarrassed but continues, "Um…in regards to… uh… sexual orientation." He clears his throat again, "As is written in our by-laws and the slayer handbook, the slayer is prohibited from having any type of romantic relationship, especially a relationship with someone of the same gender. When the slayer made mention of her desire to pursue a relationship with another female, it became obvious that she would need some rather intensive psychological manipulations before she would be ready to continue her slaying duties. As our facilities in London are much more sophisticated than here, we recommended and were granted authorization to have the slayer removed from her home and taken to our London facility."

"At this time, our agents contacted the slayer's father, Henry Summers. We met with Mr. Summers, briefly explained that we could help his daughter find a more socially acceptable lifestyle. After some brief discussions on monetary compensation, he quickly agreed to give us custody and he and the mother signed the transfer custody agreement in full."

"There has been only one minor complication that arose in the course of this business, when the slayer was told about the transfer to London, she became highly agitated and we feared that she might become violent or try to escape. Mr. Crowley performed some minor behavioral adjustments, and he will remain with the slayer in case any additional modifications need to be made between now and the flight on Friday."

The room started spinning it seemed, or that was just because of what I'd just witnessed, I'm stunned. The pounding in my head continues and it's so bad I feel very sick to my stomach, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I felt the tears burning down my cheeks, as the room around me changed.

It's a smaller room; inside of what I'm fairly certain is a hospital. Both my parents are in the room, the first thing I hear is my father saying, "It's done, Elizabeth is going to London, where she can get the help she needs."

I shudder at hearing him refer to me as Elizabeth, I can't believe I forgot he used to call me that, forgot how much I hated it, and how much I hated him for it. But that's my dad, no one can tell him what to do, he makes his own rules.

"Jesus Hank, her name is Buffy, everyone calls her Buffy, it's on her birth certificate for Pete's sake. I swear I don't understand why you insist on calling her Elizabeth all the time."

My dad shrugged, "Is that all you wanted to say?"

"No, it's not all. What are we doing here Hank, sending our daughter away, and for what, there are plenty of hospitals in this area that can help her. You know it's at least a ten hour flight away, which doesn't matter because they tell me we aren't allowed to visit her. They told me we won't be allowed to even speak to her on the phone for the first 90 days. This doesn't seem right to me Hank, how did you learn about this place. You know, we know nothing about these guys, how do we know they are telling the truth, they could be anybody…"

"Look, this place can help her; they'll get her thinking more clearly…"

"Oh, you mean, they'll try to make her not be gay? Do you not realize how very wrong that is…?"

"Oh so you'd be happy with a dyke for a daughter?" My father laughed bitterly, "Yeah, cause you're so liberal huh? Who was the one who got that fag teacher fired at Elizabeth's school? Wasn't me was it. Oh no, it was you, you and all of your little PTA friends. So don't you dare lecture me about how wrong I am because you don't like it any better than I do."

"That was different and you know it. And I'm not saying that I condone it, or that I even understand it…but she's our daughter Hank. And if that is who she is, then we'll deal with it. But sending her away…

He sighed, he was starting to lose his patience, "The paperwork is signed, she's going, end of discussion. I'm sorry you're upset but that's final."

He started walking toward the door, but stopped when my mom said, "Well then I'm sorry too Hank."

He turns back and looks confused, "You're sorry? For what?"

My mom doesn't say anything for a moment, like she's unsure of what to do, finally she says, "I want a divorce. And I fully intend to fight this custody transfer, you tricked me, you told me they were insurance forms. There's no way in hell I'm just going to stand by and let you send my daughter away from me."

Again my dad just shrugs, like he could care less and my mom continues, "My  lawyer says, I'll get half just for showing up, and once it's out about you and your secretary, he assures me I'll get a whole lot more than that."

My dad finally loses it, he quickly crosses the room and slams my mom back against the wall, for what it's worth, she doesn't seem at all surprised by this.

And suddenly I remember why, for a moment I see flashes of him screaming and hitting my mom and sometimes me. I'd forgotten how much my dad used to terrify me, and that he'd sometimes hit my mom when they fought. I hear him whisper menacingly to her, "I'll fucking kill you first."

The door opens fast and a security guard comes inside. "I heard some noise, is everything ok in here?"

My dad doesn‘t move away, "Nope, we were just…talking."

The guard ignores my dad completely, looks right at my mom and asks, "Do you need some help Ma'am?"

He slowly let go of my mom, while backing away, she turns to the guard, by the tone of her voice I can tell, she‘s really scared of my dad right now.  But she doesn‘t ask for help, she just says, "No, I'm ok, we…we were just talking."

Thankfully, the guard nods but doesn't seem convinced that nothing is going on, so he doesn't make a move to leave.

My dad is really pissed right now, "You can go now…"

The guard still doesn't move, and my dad continues, "Look pal, you heard the woman, we're just talking."

Ignoring both my dad’s angry attitude and the guard, my mom says, "Look Hank, I don't want your fucking money, or the house, or the cars, or anything else you have. I just want Buffy. You give me full custody her and you can keep everything else."

My dad looks at her, still seething in anger, but I could tell he was seriously considering it. My mom slowly picks up her purse; she pulls out a business card and lays it down on the counter. "Here's my lawyers card, give him a call."

Everything started spinning, and my mind is replaying everything that happened when I was in the hospital. Things are coming so fast that I can barely follow it all. I remember what happened, I remember why I cut myself.  My parents were yelling at me about setting that fire in the gym.  It wasn't me, I didn't do it, the freaking vampires did, but my friends told the cops I did it.  My dad was pissed about me nearly getting arrested, getting kicked out of school, about me getting bad grades, about me never doing anything right.  He just kept yelling at me, screaming what was wrong with me, and I just blurted it out. I told them everything, about vampires and demons and then I told them…I told them I was gay.

There was dead silence after my little confession.  When I finally got the courage to look at them. I could see that my mom was just stunned, but my dad, he had this look of utter disgust on his face.  He told me that I repulsed him, that the very thought of what I had just said made him sick and for me to get out of his sight.  And I left, I ran out of the house, feeling like my life was over.

I spent all night out walking around, I finally realized I had nowhere else to go, anyone that would have taken me in no longer wanted anything to do with me, so I went home.

Nobody was there, the house was empty, and I thought it was because they didn't care if I stayed or left.  I hadn't realized that my mom was out looking for me, and had been looking all night.  I went into the bathroom, I was just gonna take one of my mom's sleeping pills and try to get some sleep, but when I opened the medicine cabinet, a razorblade fell out and landed in the sink.  I remember thinking it was like meant to be, and I can see myself now, taking a handful of my mom's sleeping pills, getting into the tub, then slicing up my arms.  I woke up to my mom crying as I was being wheeled out to the ambulance.

My mind is reeling and all I can think about is how my dad doesn't love me, I disgusted him, that he gave me away to the fucking Watcher's Council.  And when that didn’t work, how he just gave me away so he could keep his money, the house and the cars.  How fucked up is that?  How much of a loser am I that my own dad couldn't even love me?  I meant nothing to him, less than nothing even.

POV Faith

The first second inside the dream I realize something is wrong, this isn't what’s suppose to happen.  I had thought that Willow doing the spell on Buffy while she was sleeping would be easier for her to deal with.  Less pain, less freaking out, but now I'm wondering if it’s a big mistake.

One look at Buffy and I know she knows.  I don’t know how, but she knows everything now and she's devastated.  She's fighting her emotions, desperately trying not to give in to them.  She's never been a crier, never been the emotional type.  I'm not saying she's a robot, and yes she has cried, but she always stays so tightly controlled, she never truly lets go.

I take a cautious step closer to her, she doesn't move, I'm not entirely sure she even knows I'm here.  I take another step and another until I'm finally standing in front of her.  She hasn't acknowledged me yet, too busy fighting herself for control.  I know what I have to do, and even though I know it’s gonna be bad, I still do it.  I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her, for a moment I think it might actually work, she just might let me hold her, but the moment ends and she pushes me away.

"Get away…"

"Buffy…look, just let me…

"NO!  Don't you fucking touch me…don't come near me…"

"Sweetie…baby…calm down…"

"NO!  Stop it!  Don't fucking call me that, not when you knew.  After everything the Council did to you and you didn‘t even have the decency to tell me.  You don’t love me…”

I take a chance, and I reach out to her and try to hug her again, "I do…I lo…"

And can we say….BIG MISTAKE.  I don't even get to finish what I was gonna say because she’s quite crazy now, she pushes me, then punches me hard in the face.  Fuck…she really needs to stop doing that, it's getting old now.  She pushes me down onto the ground, she straddles me, screaming, "Shut up! Shut the fuck up!"

After every word comes a punch, to the face, to the ribs, to anywhere she can reach on me.  Thankfully not all these punches connect with me, I manage to stop a few, but enough of them land and I know I'll be sporting many bruises and a major black eye for the better part of the day tomorrow.  I finally manage to grab her arms and I try to flip us so I can get on top of her and try to stop her.  She struggles with me, we wrestle each other for control, until she winds up sitting up and facing away from me, I immediately scoot closer to her and wrap myself around her, pinning her arms at her side.

She fights me all the way, screaming I don’t love her, I can’t love her, how she hates me.

"Buffy stop it.  Stop struggling.  You're gonna be ok…"

"Fuck you!  It's never gonna be ok…Never…You knew and you didn‘t tell me!"

She struggles some more, trying desperately to get away, all the while she keeps screaming, I calmly hold her, whispering to her, telling her I love her, I’ve always loved her, there’s nobody else in the world for me.  I tell her she’s gonna be alright, we’re gonna be alright, I’m here for her, I’ll never leave her.

Her outbursts pretty much stop, sadness engulfs her, she’s crying hard, partly due to this emotional hurt she’s dealing with, but also because of the physical pain of the memories coming back.

She's clutches onto me now, begging me not to leave her.  As if I ever fucking could.  I keep one arm wrapped firmly around her and with the other I start stroking her hair and rocking us back and forth.

After a long while she pulls away from me, her teary eyes meet mine, I’m not sure what she’s gonna do, or say.  I must say I’m very nervous, I don’t know what’s gonna happen now that everything is out in the open.

"I…I remember you…"

Chapter Twenty-Two - Bow Chicka Bow Bow

POV Buffy

When I woke up, Giles was in my room, he was reading a book next to my bed.  The memories had finally stopped but I was still feeling very uncertain of myself and everything.  Giles gave me a hug, and while he was hugging me, he leaned down and kissed the top of my head.  It was so sweet and kind, and so much more than my real father has ever done for me.

We talked for a long while, about everything.  He only slipped back into his Watcher role when we spoke about the dreams I’ve shared with Faith.  He seemed quite fascinated to find out Faith and I have shared dreams since we were kids, long before we were ever slayers.  He kept using words like curious, extraordinary, odd and astonishing, and how he couldn’t wait to begin researching it.  Funny the things people choose to get excited about, huh?  To each their own I suppose.

He encouraged me to go see her as soon as I felt up to it, he said I shouldn't waste any more time.  He told me life was precious and short and you never knew how much time you had left with the people you love.  I immediately knew he meant Ms. Calendar, a wave of guilt washed over me because I've always felt responsible for it.  And even though I didn’t know, I couldn’t possibly have known, I was still the one who let the monster out of his cage.  In some ways I think I feel even worse than Angel does about it if that’s at all possible.

For once we didn’t back away from the subject.  After all these years this is the first time we’ve ever really spoken about the things that happened back then.  I tried to apologize to him but he said he didn't want an apology from me.  There was no need for me to apologize, he never held me responsible for it, he told he had finally stopped holding Angel responsible for it.  And after a long while, he could even see, Jenny herself played a big part in her death, had she told us what she was planning, maybe things would have been different.  But now, after reading the files Wesley had sent over, all the files about me and what the Council did and tried to do, he now knows who was to blame.  The Watcher’s Council.

And it’s true, the fucking Council trampled over all of our lives and ruined them.  If the Council hadn’t messed with me, I never would have slept with Angel, he never would have become Angelus and Ms. Calendar would still be alive.  As soon as I had come to that conclusion, Giles said that I can't spend the rest of my life regretting the past, being afraid to live my future, and if Faith was someone I wanted and needed, I had better go and get her.

So here I am, sitting on the couch in Faith’s suite, watching TV, I'm leaning up against her and she has her arm around my stomach, my hand is on top, and my fingers are intertwined with hers.  I hear Rose coming back into the living room and I make an attempt to move away from Faith.  But she keeps her arm firmly around me so I can't move, and she leans down and kisses me on the side of my forehead.

I feel weird being this close to Faith with her mom around, I don't know, it seems…um, I don't know, disrespectful?  Maybe?  I don't know, but it doesn't seem to matter cause I didn't move and Rose doesn't seem to even notice us.  She's busy getting ready to go to her conference soon and believe me I'm REALLY nervous about that fact.  It's not that I don't want to do stuff with Faith, I mean we practically had sex up against the door when I first got here, only to be nearly caught by Rose.

Earlier that morning

Faith opens the door, I can barely make eye contact with her, I'm looking at her but not really looking at her.  I feel so completely nervous I just kinda give her a weak, "Hi."

With what I assume is a smile on her face, because I still haven't even made eye contact, "Hey!"

I start talking before I really know what to say, which we all know isn't a good thing, but I really didn’t think it was going to be this freaking hard, "I, uh, I'm sorry I wasn't here, I…"

"Doesn’t matter.  You’re here now."

I can't think of anything to add so I just nod.

Then she motions me inside and chuckles, "Why don't you come in from the entire lack of cold?"

Wow, déjà vu.  Seems like we've done this before.  Oh right we have, only it was her coming to me back then.

I barely step inside, Faith closes the door and turns and bumps right into me since I didn‘t move far.  I turn and I’m looking right into her eyes.  The first thing I notice and it hits me like a sledgehammer, her eye is puffy and discolored.  Then I remember, I hit her last night, I hit her a lot last night.  The bruise on her face, on her wrist, and who knows where else, I did that, and I realize that I’m just like my father.

She gently lifts my chin, waits until I make eye contact, "You're not him, Buffy."

My mind is all over the place, I can‘t think.  She’s so very close right now, she looks so completely different.  Mostly because she got her hair colored, it's a lighter brown color with some blonde highlights and my God she’s fucking hot.

Faith leans in and her lips touch mine.  The kiss is soft and sweet and it's followed quickly by another one, by the fourth kiss her tongue slips into my mouth as she pushes me back against the door.

The kiss has gone from soft and sweet to urgent and needy, her hands are roaming over my body, coming to rest on my breasts and I decide to get into the act as well, and I slide my hands around her waist and down over her ass and I squeeze.  Her ass is freaking fantastic.  Her hands immediately drop from my breasts, she pulls back a little and I think maybe I did something wrong until I feel her right hand slip between my legs, as she starts kissing and sucking on my neck.  She's rubbing me hard through my jeans and I can’t help but moan.

Everything is feeling so freaking good right now, her hand, her body, her mouth, everything.  She moves her hand up and I feel it under my shirt on my bare stomach, it makes me shiver and feel this tingling sensation rip through my body when she pops the button on my jeans and slides the zipper down.  A second later her hand is on my stomach again, slipping under the elastic of my panties…

Suddenly I’m staring at the Emergency Fire Procedures sign.  Huh?  What the hell?  Her mother comes out of the other room, "So what are you girls doing?"

Oh Shit!  Her mom, Oh my god!  Her mother is still here?!?  Fuck.  I suppose the answer she's looking for isn't, ‘I was just about to have sex with your daughter.’

So yeah, that was nearly a disaster.  Luckily Rose hadn't been looking at us when she asked the question, I woulda been mortified if Rose had caught me trying to re-button my pants.  I couldn't believe Faith was actually about to…um…anyway the point is, I was a little upset with her for putting us in that situation and I asked incredulously, "Your mother's still here?!?  You didn't think that was information you should share?"

Faith looked momentarily flustered, "I…uh," she shrugged sheepishly, "I forgot?"

"You forgot?  How do you forget you aren't alone?  How do you forget your mother is in the very next room?"

She looked a little thoughtful and apologetic, "I don’t know…I find it really hard to think whenever you’re around…"

She just looked so cute standing there, looking flustered.  And that was it.  That was the end of it.  How could I continue to be upset?  It was…after all…my fault.  Right?

We watched TV for a little while, had some breakfast delivered to the room.  Oh yeah, genuine room service, I've never in my life have gotten room service, I have to admit it was pretty freaking awesome.  While we were eating breakfast, it occurred to me just how very different we are from each other.  She musta read me because she quickly stated, "I didn't grow up like this Buffy.  Matter of fact, I thought we were quite poor.  For the first 10 years of my life I had no idea our house had hot running water."

Her mom laughed, and assured me it wasn't that dire, Faith was just exaggerating.  To which Faith rolled her eyes as her mom walked away, and Rose yelled back, "I saw that."

“You didn’t see nothing.”

Her mother stopped walking and turned back to Faith, “Anything.  It’s ‘you didn‘t see…ANYTHING.’”

Faith shrugged, “Yeah well, you didn’t see that either.”

Her mother walked off shaking her head.

Anyway, back to the present.  Sitting here with her I wonder, does it really matter Faith didn't grow up this way?  This is how she lives now, a life including room service, and big, humongous 5 star hotels complete with pseudo celebrities in the lobby, and snotty, snooty clerks who look at you like you don't belong.  I'm so out of my league here it's not even funny.

And to illustrate this point perfectly is the way Faith is dressed.  She's still wearing jeans, some things don't change right?  But the jeans aren't skin tight, they are slightly baggy on her and boy let me tell you, she looks incredible in them.  And she’s wearing a Donna Karan deep red silk shirt, which probably cost more than my entire outfit; if not my entire wardrobe at this point.  Her hair is up, I can see she has diamond studs in her ears, and around her neck, is a small cross embedded with diamonds and some other type of jewels I don't even know, but one thing is for certain, it has to be worth a fortune.

Oh but don't worry, I don’t have any plans on leaving her, there’s no way I can do it.  Not now at any rate.  Not after finally remembering her.  Remembering I've known Faith since I was 8 years old.

Growing up, I didn't really have a lot of friends, most of my time was spent with my cousin Celia, she was my bestest, best friend.  My Aunt Karen and Uncle Paul, her parents, lived next door to us, so Celia and I were almost always together, practically since birth.  We used to play in the park across the street from our house.  Everything was perfect, until the end of 2nd grade, when Celia got sick.  She had leukemia.  Another thing the Council fucked up on me, I couldn't remember why Celia died, for a while there I actually believed some kind of invisible demon had killed her right in front of me and I couldn't stop it.

How fucking stupid is that?  Anyway, she was better by 4th grade, she'd gone into remission and everyone thought it was over, everyone thought she had beaten it.  But then, I'll never forget, it was at my birthday party and her nose just started bleeding and wouldn’t stop and afterwards she had to go back to the hospital.  So see?  My birthdays have always held bad memories for me, even before I became a slayer and moved to Sunnydale.

I didn’t realize it at the time, I didn't know how very sick she was, I didn't know the cancer had come back with a vengeance and nothing could be done to save her.  I didn't freaking know then.  I hadn't a clue.  I knew when my mom took me to see her she was always so tired.  But again, I never thought anything of it which is why that day we went to the hospital and everyone was crying I didn't get it.  Everyone was always upset at the hospital, so I took off and went to Celia's room as I usually did.  I thought she was playing with me, I had thought she was hiding under the sheet to scare me.  I snuck so quietly over to the bed, intent on pulling back the sheet and scaring her, of course she still wound up scaring me because she was dead.  And boy howdy did I freak the fuck out.  Then again who wouldn't?

So long story even longer, I was distraught, I started having these really bad dreams.  Sometimes it would be Celia, screaming out for me to help her, like she was being attacked by something.  Other times I would dream of vampires and demons, sometimes they would be attacking these girls, mostly the girls were older, guess maybe those were past slayers.

And then I dreamt of this little brown-haired girl being drowned by a big ugly master vamp, THE Master, from Sunnydale.  She always looked so small and helpless, and so very scared.  After a few weeks, I finally figured out what to do, and I staked him, and he poofed.  I helped Faith out of the water and spoke to her, telling her everything was ok, someday I'd have to fight the Master, but not to worry, I would eventually win and it would guarantee we'd meet in person.

And ever since that night, I'd have really bad dreams, followed by dreams with the little dark-haired girl.  I didn't know her name, I knew she was from Massachusetts, I knew she had brothers, and she'd choose death over wearing anything pink.

So uh, where was I?  If I'd have known I'd be going on so long I woulda brought some water.  Heh.

It’s been said, Faith and I have a history, it's a lot longer than either of us realized back in Sunnydale.  Of course those dreams became something comfortable to me, she was someone I wanted to spend time with, someone I loved, in the best friend sort of way, or so I thought.  Imagine my surprise when I got older, and those dreams changed dramatically, from nice picnics and sunshine, to hot, steamy sexual encounters.  Talk about a wiggins.

Even worse was I had nobody I could talk to about it, none of my friends at the time would have understood, and well, my parents just weren't an option for obvious reasons.

Rose seems to be ready to leave; she comes over and gives Faith and I each a kiss goodbye.

Faith asks, "So you'll call when you're done, and we'll pick you up."

Rose scoffs, "You know I'm quite capable of taking care of myself…"

"Yeah, yeah Rosie, but you're still gonna call yeah?"

She huffs a little more but finally relents, "Fine, I'll call."

"Good.  Then we'll see you later, have fun, good luck.  It's a great paper I really like it."

And with that she left.  And now we’re all alone, just the two of us, and well, Spongebob Squarepants, but he doesn't count right?

It’s almost comical the way we both are hitching around, both of us knowing what we want, but neither one of us want to make the first move.  Perhaps we were still worried we'll reject the other, I don't know.

So here we are, hitching and moving, suddenly uncomfortable, where we had been perfectly comfortable for the past hour.  Finally we come face to face; I can feel her breath on my face.  Slowly our lips meet; she places these soft, gentle kisses against my lips.  I move so I'm sitting on her lap, her hands slide up into my hair as her tongue flicks out and touches my lips, a second or two later she does it again, only to find my tongue there.

The kisses are still soft, but they are incredibly intense.  I reach up and run my hands through her hair, as her hands slide down and around to caress my back as we kiss.

Its funny how good we are being right now, nobody is around and yet we haven't even attempted a move to second base.  Which is funny because earlier we had moved past second and were well on our way to third.

We make out for a few minutes until we need to take a break, resting our foreheads against one another while we catch our breath.

She pulls away slightly and looks me in the eye, running her hands up and down my arms, "How about we move this into the bedroom?"

We could move this to Mars for all I care, as long as we get to keep doing what we're doing.  I nod, and slide off her lap, she gets up and turns and holds out her hand to me.  I take it and she pulls me up and into her arms and she kisses me again.  Then she stops and I wonder why, she says, "One sec…"

She heads over to the door and holds up something, oh, ha ha ha, a do not disturb sign…good idea.  I laugh and smile at her and she turns to open the door, and suddenly I start feeling very insecure.  All this knowing what we are about to do, and the fact that I've never done it with another woman before, I'm all sorts of nervous.  I'm positive Faith has done this with other women, I'm sure she's had girlfriends; she'd been ‘out’ back in Boston so she must have.  And I can't help but think what if I don't compare?  What if I do something wrong?

It's a lot of pressure and I don't know, one second I'm standing by the couch, the next I launch myself at her.  She's rather surprised at this turn of events, but she catches me in her arms easily, and I immediately wrap my legs around her.  She stumbles backward slightly; her back hit's the door, she pushes off the door as her hands slide under my ass so I don't fall.

Soft kisses are no more, I'm kissing her wildly now, I just want to get this first time over with.  I know I'll be mad later, when I realize our first time came and went in a flash, but I'm just too nervous to do this slowly, not to mention I'm so turned on it almost hurts.  She doesn't seem to mind, she kisses me back just as wildly, with the same amount of zest and passion.  She starts walking back toward the bedroom and the closer we get the wilder I try to be.  Trying desperately to lose myself in this so I won't be nervous anymore, see?  ‘Tis a great plan.

I slide myself off of her when we reach the bed, and even though I have zero experience here I try to push her onto the bed quickly.  And this woulda worked if she wasn't a slayer too.  She stops us from falling onto the bed, she pulls her head back.  "Hey, hey, hey, where's the fire?  What's the hurry?  Slooooow…," she kisses me briefly, "is better."

I’m not quite sure what she means by slow, because she immediately pulls my shirt up and over my head and off my body.  She tosses it onto a chair behind her.  Her hands slid around to my back again as her lips found mine again.  So as not to be left all shirtless all by myself, I start tugging at hers, trying not to rip it because it really looks expensive.  If it didn’t look so expensive, and had I not just been told to go slow, I woulda just ripped it right off of her.

But I don’t, I only manage to get two buttons undone before she quickly takes it off and throws it on top of mine.  Her hands and mouth went right back to what they were doing just a second ago and now I slide my hands on her exposed skin, on her sides, and around to her back, God her skin is so smooth.

Right at this moment, I feel so comfortable with the whole being with another woman thing; there is nobody else I want to be doing this with, she‘s it, there will never be another.  She is going to be the last person I ever sleep with, and you know what, it’s perfectly fine with me.

Her one hand is at the small of my back and her other slides up my back and I swear she just touches my bra and suddenly it’s undone and discarded.  I have no idea how she did it, but I’m so impressed I just hafta ask, "Where did you learn to do that?"

She smiles sexily at me, winks, "I have mad skillz."

Before I have a chance to say anything else, she dips her head down and sucks my nipple into her mouth, whatever I had been going to say, just kinda comes out like, "Aaaaahhhhh."

And it's really loud too.  Like porno loud.  My cheeks flush with embarrassment and I can feel and hear Faith chuckling.  Before I can get mad or say anything else, she sucks rather hard and my hands are back in her hair and I'm moaning.

“Ohh Faith…”

Again with the really loud…oh my god what is wrong with me.  I’m way past the point of caring now, too lost in the feeling of her mouth on me.  She moves to my other breast, tongue swirling around the nipple, she bites down gently.

She moves upward trailing little kisses up to my neck.  I take this opportunity to try the old one handed bra removal technique I had just witnessed.  Turns out I don't have skills, mad or otherwise, and now I'm desperately trying to get the bra undone.  I’m totally frustrated, pulling at this stupid bra with two hands, poor Faith is getting jostled around while I struggle with it.  I’m about to say fuck it and just pull really, really hard, like slayer hard, but I don’t have to, she reaches around and again single-handedly defeats the offending garment.  She’s such a showoff, isn‘t she?

I'm more than a little mad at the bra, and embarrassed as well, but I don't care cause it's off now and I just toss it over my shoulder and all I can think is wow, when she pulls me closer and kisses me again.  Our bare skin feels incredible up against each other, her breasts pushing up against mine.  I pull away from her kiss, and follow her lead and lean down and put her nipple in my mouth.  WOW, I can’t believe I’m actually doing it, Faith lets out a little breathless groan and again I feel this tingle shoot through my body.  Her hands haven’t stopped working though, my pants are once again undone and she’s pushing them down over my ass.

She pushes me gently onto the bed, and pulls off my pants and panties in one move, she quickly undoes her pants as well.  I’m a little put off by the fact that I’m totally naked and yet she has kept her panties on.  I’m about about to protest when she lays down on top of me, her one knee falls between my legs so that she’s straddling my thigh, even with the panties on, I can tell she’s just as turned on as I am.  She leans down over me, she kisses me, I start to panic a little when she stops.

She stares into my eyes, her fingertips brush against my cheek, “God Buffy, you’re so beautiful…”

She looks almost confused as her eyes travel down the rest of my body, I start to feel a little self conscious.  She looks like she’s struggling to find the right words, and she just says, “So beautiful, and so…perfect.”

Her lips brush gently against mine, “I love you Buffy.”

And my heart just freaking melts, is she not like the perfect fucking girl herself or what?

She kisses me softly, sweetly at first, which quickly gives way to fervent and needy.  Her hand slides down over my breast, down across my stomach, and it’s still going down.  She touches my pussy for the very first time, I’m so freaking turned on, her finger slides up against my clit for all of two seconds and I come immediately.

Oh my God, I can’t believe I just did that.  She’s touched me for two freaking seconds, guys last longer than I just did.  I start to lose it, I’m panicking in my head, but she doesn’t seem upset.  She giggles into my neck and starts nibbling on my ear, her hot breath on my ear has me ready to go again in a matter of seconds.

She whispers in my ear, “I’m not done with you yet.”

She slides herself down my body, planting kisses along the way, I know exactly what she’s gonna do.  I spread my legs open for her, embarrassment is the furthest thing from my mind, I just want her mouth on my pussy, it is my only goal at the moment.  She doesn’t keep me waiting either, her tongue slides over my lips, against my clit.

Her mouth feels so good on me, her tongue swirls around my clit and I just can’t keep still, she grabs my hip with her one hand, trying to keep me where she wants me.  I swear I’m almost ready to come again.  I try desperately to hold out, but it’s really hard.  OMG the things this girl can do with her tongue would simply amaze you.  She seems really into too, like she enjoys doing this.

I’m so wet, so turned on, so close to the edge.  She must sense it too because she slides her fingers inside of me, gently starting to move them in and out, her tongue is alternating from flicking at my clit, to just circling it with her tongue.  I’m making so much freaking noise, but I just can’t help myself, everything she’s doing is just pushing me higher and higher.  Her fingers are moving incredibly fast, and I’m so freaking close, I want to tell her what to do to push me over the edge, but I don’t have to because she already knows.  She quickly grazes her teeth over my clit and that’s it, I’m done, I‘m crashing.  She doesn’t stop though, she keeps up her ministrations, dragging the orgasm out as long as possible before she finally stops and moves back up on the bed.

She kisses me sweetly for a few seconds, we break apart and she lays down on her side, with her head on my shoulder as I try to catch my breath, her fingers making small circles on my stomach.

Being a slayer certainly has it’s advantages because after only a few brief seconds of rest, I’m ready for my turn.  My turn to finally get at that body of hers.

I push her gently onto her back, my arms are on either side of her shoulders and I lower myself down to kiss her.  Our breasts slide against each other again, she half moans, half whimpers.  And I swear to god it’s the sexiest sound ever.

I move to kiss her neck, right under her ear, who knew those sex dreams would come in handy.  I know she exactly what she wants, what she likes and I’m gonna make sure I give it to her.  There will never be anything she wants that I won’t give her.

I trail wet kisses along her collar bone, her head rolls back and her breathing becomes more labored.  I finally get to do what I’ve been dying to do, and I take her nipple in my mouth, swirl my tongue around, bite down just slightly and she moans loudly, although not quite as loud as I did.  I cannot believe  I’m the loud one in this relationship.

“Ohh baby…”

While my attention wanders to her other breast, I move my hand over her other one, massaging it, squeezing it, pinching it.  Her hands roam all over me, my hair my shoulders, anywhere she can touch me.

I pull back, start tugging her panties down, she lifts up and I remove them quickly.  I turn back to look at her and my god she’s gorgeous.  If you thought Faith with clothes on was something to see, you should really see her without them.

Or..uh, not, because she’s mine.  And believe me, I do NOT like to share.

I go back to sucking on her tits, I could spend all day just doing that, but there’s more pressing things to attend to.

I kiss her between her breasts and start moving downward, I kiss her on her stomach trying very hard to not remember the bad stuff.  I keep going lower until I feel Faith stiffened up.

I look up at her, wondering what could have made her do that, she looks so serious, her forehead is all scrunched up.  Finally she says, “You…you don’t….you don’t have to…”

I’m very confused, why wouldn’t I want to?  But I ask, “Do…do you not…want me to?”

She looks away, kinda nervous and says, “W-well no, I…aaahhh fuck…”

I didn’t really wait for her answer, I just dipped down quickly and licked her.  Hehe.  I’d been a little apprehensive, which is probably why she said it, god she so sweet.  In more ways than one.  Wow, did I just think that?

I keep licking her, I slide my tongue over her clit and she groans her approval.  She puts her hand on my head, stroking my hair, and it’s giving me the tingles.

I must be doing something right cause she suddenly can’t keep still, she‘s moaning and breathing rapidly, “Yeah baby….”

Oh God, her voice sounds super sexy when she’s turned on, deeper, more raspy.  I can’t believe she’s nearly got me ready to go again, just from hearing her.

I slide my fingers inside of her, and it feels freaking amazing, I’ve never felt this close to anyone in my life.  I’m not quite sure where she ends and where I begin, it‘s just…incredible.

I move my fingers faster and faster, I hit the right spot cause she lets out a long moan, I make sure to keep hitting it.

“Oh god, right there baby…“

I know she‘s close to finishing, so I concentrate on licking her clit.  She’s squirming like crazy, I can’t believe it’s me doing this to her.

After a few minutes she came hard and fast, and what else would you expect from Faith right?  I make my way back up her body, very happy.  She grabs me and kisses me hard, a few seconds later she collapsed back on the bed, breathing heavily, eyes firmly closed.

A few minutes later, she opens her eyes and looks at me, shy little half smile on her face, she’s so freaking pretty.  Her hair is messy, there’s a strand of hair falling down by her eyes, she sits up slightly, reaches over for the cigarettes and ashtray on the nightstand.  She didn’t say a word as she lit up a cigarette and held it out to me.  I didn‘t take it, instead I put my lips on it and inhaled, no need for my own, we can share this one.

She gives me this sweet smile and says, “Wow…”

“Oh yeah….”

We both laugh slightly, she looks at me seriously for a moment and says, “Hey guess what?”

“What?”

She looks under the sheet at my naked body, then back up to my eyes and says very loudly, “You’re NAKED!”

I laugh, “Hey, you are too, yunno…”

“Yeah but I’m used to me being naked.”

“You’re an idiot.”

She wiggles her eyebrows at me and I laugh again, she‘s so cute.

“Dude!  Is this bed wicked comfortable or what?”

“Oh my God I know.”

“We’re so getting one of these for our bedroom.”

She pauses for a moment, “I mean…we are gonna live together right?  I mean I know I didn’t ask, I just assumed and…”

“Yes Faith, I’d really like that.  Although that might take awhile, kinda broke, and in need of a job.”

“Pffft…You don’t need a job and neither do I.  We already have a job…“

“Oh yeah, the slaying.  I don’t know what you’ve heard about that but it does not pay very well, actually it pays NOTHING.”

She smiles at my little joke, “We don’t really hafta worry about money Buffy, it’s cool.  I got that part covered.”

“We’ll live on love?”

“Um, no, I was thinking more like we’ll live off my trust fund.”

She smiles and it hits me, I’m dating a rich girl.  I regret asking as soon as the question leaves my mouth, it’s really none of my business, “Just how much is this trust fund?”

Faith doesn’t seem to mind the question and answers, “Around…25, give or take.”

I’m a tad confused, “25?  25 what?”  I say the first number that makes any kind of sense to me.  “25...thousand?”

Faith laughs, her eyes sparkling, “Um…no, baby.  It’s about 25…million.”

The number scares me a bit, actually it scares me a lot and I fall out of bed and land with a thud on the floor.  My wonderful girlfriend leans over the side casually, “Is this gonna be a problem?”

To nobody in particular I say, “A problem she asks?  25 million dollars a problem?”

She laughs and shakes her head.  Finally she offers me her hand and pulls me back up onto the bed.

“Seriously, you’re not freaked right?”

“It’ll be hard, but I think I’ll manage.”

“Well don’t get too excited, the money comes with many, many strings attached, and almost all of those strings lead straight back to the evil dragon lady.”

“The Evil Dragon Lady?”

“My grandmother.”

Oh…

The End